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I received the Christmas card/newsletter that everyone talks about.


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I, for one, don't have time to hand write 50 letters. Even if I did, it would only include the positive stuff for the year. People like you scare me into not sending Christmas cards at all.

 

*ETA: Not YOU in particular, but people on my list that might think I am perfect because I like to highlight the good stuff. It truly bothers me that people would think poorly of me for having a good year.

Not a knock against how you feel, if that makes sense.

Not taking it personally :) It does make sense. I think I take it better when it's someone that I'm close to, they are highlighting a few short points (my husband's godfather does this), etc. It's the rampantly LOOONGGG ones that almost seem exaggerated that drive me batty, kwim? Some people I'm close to, some I'm not. Some I see as well meaning, and others might make me feel like they are rubbing my nose in it. (there is a lot of history on how perfection is viewed in my mother's family...some of it too personal for here...remember the "mommy dearest" movie?)

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That's how I feel about the newsletters--I'm glad to hear from people no matter what. The one exception was a newsletter which the writer spoke noticably different about her twins. The rest I can handle but that really bothered me.

 

Some years are simply better than others around here. When my kids were rought I'd always try and include some of what would be hard for me but that I know others might see in a funny light. I'd tell things like the family record for knocking down the Christmas tree, now held by the cat, the stacks of laundry that reach unmeasurable heights, tales from The Really Bad Camping Trip, etc. Often those were the things people would comment on.

 

One year was truly bad here and I didn't have the heart to write the letter. Life went on and it got better.

Okay, you have letters I would ENJOY! :lol:

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Yep, especially the bolded. And I'm schlepping off to speech and debate tournaments instead of dog shows.:)

 

Honestly, I quit sending out the family Christmas letter a couple of years ago after reading on this very board how people see them. The last thing I ever wanted to do was make people feel bad or free to make fun of me.:001_huh:

 

Of course, this year, maybe I could make people happy by how my "perfect" family had a really crappy year with:

 

My dad died in September

My stepmom followed him just 33 days later

Our church went through a major issue

One kid was dx'ed with an eating disorder

One kid has some failing grades

One kid has anger management issues

One kid shows signs of depression

One kid hates me most of the time

I have lost motivation to do a lot during all of it

 

Maybe it would be just what people want to read.;)

 

:grouphug::grouphug: Yes, nothing brings glad tidings like regaling folks with a dreary recap of a truly craptastic year. :grouphug::grouphug:

 

Hugs, CAMOM!

astrid

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:lol::lol:

 

 

 

I hear ya.

 

I have one person in my life that always sends a doozy. I love her, and I love the family, but do I really need to hear that your son is qualifying for the junior olympics in track when my son was diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis and can't walk right? Or your daughter was valedictorian and heading to college on full scholarship when our oldest has dyslexia/LDs and can barely write a coherent sentence without accommodations (not for lack of trying or intelligence, mind you ;) ).

 

I don't think I could put together one of those letters if I scrounged our every day for the good stuff this year (or last, or the 10 before it, lol). We are VERY blessed, but it's not stuff that sounds good in a Christmas letter. More along the lines of your toilet happiness. :lol:

:grouphug: for your son. I'm sorry your son has rheumatoid arthritis, but I don't see why you can't be happy for the junior olympic. Maybe the letter was written in a way that was over the top, but if one of my cousin's kids qualified and I found out long after the fact, I'd wonder why I wasn't told. It seems to be the kind of accomplishment that should be shared, not a petty brag.

 

 

I tend to write letters that talk about where we are living now and what the kids are involved in/interested in in a way that our extended families will know something about their personalities even if they don't see them more than once every five years. It is an agonizing process trying to paint a picture of our lives in 5 sentences or less per person without the letter sounding like a whitewash. I don't feel the need to write the worst about my children, but I also don't feel free to write the best.

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My sil has many shortcomings, but her christmas letters are the best. her mailing list was so big (hundreds), she started doing e-mail ones to save on postage. Some people she only contacted via her christmas letter. she occasionallly has sent out "do you want to still be on my mailing list? yes? no?" that got a response. people will not give up her letter.

 

she has talked about the time her dd woke them up because there was a bat in her room and the ensuing chaos . . . . Reroofing the house because her dh refused to pay anyone else to do it (they could easily afford to), and her kids were singing songs about slavery from the "prince of egypt" because they were the ones he had working on it. (they are all adults, and hard workers. when they went out of state to stay with their daughter - she had a project of installing a watering system at her house all ready for them. ;)) then she'll usually try to have a more Christmasy thought to end it with.

 

anyway, tell people about the chaos of your real life (I have a HFASD child - I'd appreciate hearing about others) - you know how most people feel about the "perfect" families Christmas letters. (there is one person I've wanted to send a copy of sil's letter to as an example of how to *write* one people actually enjoy reading.)

 

Merry Christmas :D

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This conversation reminds of the scene from As Good As It Gets:

Carol: "OK, we all have these terrible stories to get over, and you---" Melvin: "It's not true. Some have great stories, pretty stories that take place at lakes with boats and friends and noodle salad. Just no one in this car. But, a lot of people, that's their story. Good times, noodle salad."

 

We have a pretty steady, happy life going here. But I hate braggy letters and would never send one. People hate them, mostly, and circumstances change all of the time.

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LOL.

 

My Christmas card would be similar to yours :glare:

 

Australians rarely send those types of letters.

 

I received one, once. I couldn't get half way through the super families accomplishments before I threw it in the bin :D

 

Bless their hearts :lol:

 

Yes. Exactly. This. I usually get one per year from the same family. Can't wait for this year's. :lol:

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I agree. Threads like this scare me off of writing letters. I would never want someone to hate me because I view my life as going relatively smoothly. Nothing is perfect, not even close. I get tired and worn out. The 2 year old refuses to poop on the potty and my husband works 14-16 hours a day. I prefer to write about the good things that have happened through the year rather than the difficult. I guess that makes me "one of those" people.

 

Don't let this stop you. Just be honest. Include the good and the bad. Because, after all, everyone knows that it's usually never just one or the other.

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Here is my take on it... I have been writing letters for 21 years. Sometimes they are perfect letters with perfect years. Other times not so much. I still write them. My ds passed away last year in a car accident and it was HARD to write that letter, but I did it. I shared the not so pretty side of being a bereaved parent. 8 years ago my sister-in-law (my best friend) was murdered. Again a pretty hard year - who would want to read a letter that is going to include some pretty sad stuff - lots of people. It gives them hope that they too can keep on going on. So, write a truthful letter with that hint of comedy I noticed in your post. You never know who you may be helping hang on and keep on going.

 

You have my deepest condolences.

 

 

 

and more general . . .

 

I know some pp have touched on it, but sometimes things can be so painful (e.g. wayward children), it is hard to be truthful (and being humorous requires energy). Things get glossed over for the more shiny things that go along with the forced smiles.

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Has anyone seen the episode of Everybody Loves Raymond where they are all sitting around on Christmas reading all of the Christmas letters they received over the season and laughing at them?

 

That's what I always picture happening to my Christmas letter now.;)

 

Thanks for the hugs, Astrid.:grouphug: I'm hoping for a "brag worthy" year in 2012 but I won't be writing about it in a Christmas letter next December.:)

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I honestly don't understand the negative backlash.

 

A child's accomplishment, be it getting accepted into Ivy League schools, or making the team deserve to be noticed. I don't understand ppl finding that objectionable at all.

 

Why shouldn't ppl focus on the positives in their lives, and choose to share that? :confused:

 

Be happy for them, or ignore it. Or ask to be taken off their list.

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I still don't get the letter thing. If one is not close enough to the receivers do they really want to know all that information? And if one is close enough to the receivers wouldn't they share the good and the bad throughout the year?

 

I suppose for me it's nice to read the Christmas letters from extended family members. My cousins I stayed with when visiting Denmark in my teens... Since my Mom has 9 siblings, and they all have kids, and with the exception of two of those they all have several kids. I just don't know who is doing what. But it's nice to sometimes here that my cousin is doing XYZ, or is planning a trip to Canada soon(ish). ...

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I suppose for me it's nice to read the Christmas letters from extended family members. My cousins I stayed with when visiting Denmark in my teens... Since my Mom has 9 siblings, and they all have kids, and with the exception of two of those they all have several kids. I just don't know who is doing what. But it's nice to sometimes here that my cousin is doing XYZ, or is planning a trip to Canada soon(ish). ...

I suppose with such a small extended family it isn't difficult for us to keep up with everyone throughout the year. I only have 5 first cousins and only two of them have children. Since we are so spread out over the country we email and send snail mail on a fairly regular basis. :001_smile:

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I like getting Christmas letters. I get only a few of them. I am thinking of writing one of my own. It will have ups and downs= but not really depressing downs. Our downs this year include having an unemployed adult child, and my youngest developing more allergies. Our ups include now having enough vehicles for all current drivers, moving and buying our house, finding a church we like very quickly, and middle dd's remarkable year. We didn't do a big vacation this year so nothing there.

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I suppose with such a small extended family it isn't difficult for us to keep up with everyone throughout the year. I only have 5 first cousins and only two of them have children. Since we are so spread out over the country we email and send snail mail on a fairly regular basis. :001_smile:

 

At last count. I have 13 aunts and uncles. If you include there spouses then 24. I have (I think ) 37 cousins. If you add up there kids - many are now adults starting then (I think) 108? Some of those are married and I think? (That's bad isn't it) have a kid or two.

 

So NO I don't keep up with them all.

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Not taking it personally :) It does make sense. I think I take it better when it's someone that I'm close to, they are highlighting a few short points (my husband's godfather does this), etc. It's the rampantly LOOONGGG ones that almost seem exaggerated that drive me batty, kwim? Some people I'm close to, some I'm not. Some I see as well meaning, and others might make me feel like they are rubbing my nose in it. (there is a lot of history on how perfection is viewed in my mother's family...some of it too personal for here...remember the "mommy dearest" movie?)

 

 

100% Gotcha!

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Don't let this stop you. Just be honest. Include the good and the bad. Because, after all, everyone knows that it's usually never just one or the other.

 

 

Well, I just got our Christmas photo cards in and there is a typo. A big fat typo. :glare: After much thought I am going to write a letter to go with it that says when you squeeze Christmas cards between homeschooling, potty training, 20 loads of laundry, mopping up muddy foot prints and pulling the 2 year old out of the tree, typos are what you get. :lol:

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A long-distance relative sent the card with pix of her dh, dc, and their gf and bf.

 

Everybody's great. 4.0 averages. Scholarship. Sorority. Ball team got the state title. Big raise at work. Fancy vacation. "Best kids in the world!"

 

I've quit writing ours. Seriously. After the year Mom died and ds was diagnosed with Asperger Syndrome and failed first grade and dd had scoliosis surgery and we had to pull older ds (also with AS) out of school because he was getting written up by his inclusion teachers nearly every day despite having an IEP . . . Wonder if my family and friends would like to hear my current letter about dd's physical therapy and anxiety therapy appts and ds's IEP meetings and meds and little dd's getting into trouble every day and missing out on honor roll because of her inability to stop talking. :glare: Oh, and middle ds didn't make the ball team, either.

 

I wouldn't want to mention dh's chronic health issues or financial stress or my CHAOS (can't have anyone over syndrome). And paying student loans while you're still in school because you've dropped below half-time status.

 

Maybe I could write about how we replaced the old toilets and now they don't get stopped up anymore. :D

 

Sigh.

 

There are a lot of good things in my life, things that I am thankful for. Nothing that I feel like sending in a Christmas card this year. :001_huh:

 

Whine over. It's all good, right? ;)

 

 

FWIW, I'd rather receive your Christmas letter. At least you'd probably have some funny, self-deprecating parts I could relate to. The "we are all so much more perfect than you will ever be, oh, and by the way Merry Christmas" letters are annoying. (And are also often filled with a lot of Big Fat Lies intended to impress people.)

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I still don't get the letter thing. If one is not close enough to the receivers do they really want to know all that information? And if one is close enough to the receivers wouldn't they share the good and the bad throughout the year?

I have 12 sets of aunts and uncles and over 30 cousins. I have people from college and previous moves that I like to touch base with occasionally even if I don't communicate with them regularly. I also enjoy seeing their pictures and reading updates about their family.

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I don't mind braggy cards. I am just glad someone is thinking of me enough to be included on their card list. Every family goes through trials. It just may not come out in a letter (and some things are just kept private). Anyways, if they are happy that is good for them. I am happy with our less than perfect life and that is all that really matters. To all that are hesitant to send letters out, please keep sending them. Many of us like to hear about accomplishments. There is so much bad news out there that hearing some good fortune is welcomed.

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I don't mind braggy cards. I am just glad someone is thinking of me enough to be included on their card list. Every family goes through trials. It just may not come out in a letter (and some things are just kept private). Anyways, if they are happy that is good for them. I am happy with our less than perfect life and that is all that really matters. To all that are hesitant to send letters out, please keep sending them. Many of us like to hear about accomplishments. There is so much bad news out there that hearing some good fortune is welcomed.

 

I look at it this way, when I send out updates on our family to friends family who aren't able to keep up with our goings on, I'm not going to sit there and relay the crappy stuff..Christmas is about the gift of the birth of Christ, I reflect back on the 'gifts' our family have shared in this past year, mine are short, less than a paragraph, just one sentence about each child and each parent, a few probably about the animals (sometimes their lives are more interesting! :))

 

But, if I have the time and am feeling creative I'll do funky top 10 lists...

Last year we did the Top Ten events of the year...5 were legitimate, and 5 were clearly tongue in cheek (running after 3 horses who escaped the pastures on a cold morning)...I love doing those, but it does take some time to be clever for me!

 

Next year, I think I'll start with the top sayings in the 12 months of 2012 (nice number repetition!)...My kids and husband and I'm sure me are all saying crazy things that aren't planned and they're inside jokes for us....it would be fun to memorialize those in a card and let people guess what they go to! :) On one side of the card I'd put the sayings and on the other I'd put in what context. That will probably give them a better snippet of our life! :)

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One other thing with Christmas Letters regarding my oldest. She has some (relatively) minor issues that are NOT minor when you are living with them. But I have to wonder, someday will she be angry that I shared any of those things with other people?

 

Anxiety therapy, pdd-nos, coordination issues, feeding issues, etc. And THIS is what my live revolves around right now.

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I get one funny letter and one clever letter each year (always from the same two people.) All the rest are of the super braggy variety. The worst are from my aunt and cousin. Cousin has six kids, but was herself an only, so both her letter and her mother's are pages and pages of brags about the same six kids. I haven't gotten Auntie's letter this year, and may not (because I told her off about something unrelated she emailed me). But last year's letter was so thick, it needed double postage.

 

We wrote a Christmas letter once ourselves, years ago, when we were first married. Two or three times, I've composed one, because I was so tired of hearing about everyone else's perfect kids, but then I've thought better of it and not sent it.

 

Yesterday's mail, though, delivered one letter more than I could take and I wrote one. I started it like this:

 

 

 

"Annual Christmas Brag Letter

 

 

 

Well, that's what they are, aren't they? Not only am I going to tell you all about what my wonderful, genius children are up to, but the very fact that I got it together enough to produce a letter this year is brag worthy in its own right."

 

 

Then I went on to brag on my kids in the typical manner. DH attached some funny, appropriate photos and turned into a PDF and I emailed it to every relative for whom I have an address.

 

I'm trying to feel at least slightly guilty, but the best I can muster is hoping that the relatives with whom we have a good relationship will like the pictures.

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Yesterday's mail, though, delivered one letter more than I could take and I wrote one. I started it like this:

 

 

 

"Annual Christmas Brag Letter

 

 

 

Well, that's what they are, aren't they? Not only am I going to tell you all about what my wonderful, genius children are up to, but the very fact that I got it together enough to produce a letter this year is brag worthy in its own right."

 

 

Then I went on to brag on my kids in the typical manner. DH attached some funny, appropriate photos and turned into a PDF and I emailed it to every relative for whom I have an address.

 

I'm trying to feel at least slightly guilty, but the best I can muster is hoping that the relatives with whom we have a good relationship will like the pictures.

 

 

Oh my word... That is AWESOME. :lol::lol::lol:

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Your post made me smile ... not for your trials but for the braggy letter.

 

A step-relative of mine developed a habit of sending what we call the annual "We're better than you " letter :001_smile:.

 

It actually became part of our Christmas tradition a few years for the familly to gather around while I read the letter. My husband was the comedic interpreter who would delve into the dark underbelly of the whitewashed depiction of a swimmingly perfect-as-TV suburban family.

 

We referred to them as Lord and Lady ______. Unwittingly they gave us a big gift of laughter.

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That's unfortunate, I think.

I have a good friend who only posts about the positive, blessed moments in her life.

Recently when I was having breakfast with her I commented that some folks on FB would never know how difficult a time she has actually had these past few years. She explained that she doesn't care to focus on the tragedies, the difficulties and the sad moments so she will not complain about her life in public.

I admire her for that, and I imagine many people have a similar philosophy even if their problems aren't quite as bad as hers.

 

 

:iagree:

 

I very rarely post bad things going on to my FB. I will write about my son because I miss him and I want to keep him in my life, but I don't write this thing stinks, etc. I really prefer the happy posts and pass over the whining and complaining posts.

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And I don't feel the need to be overly positive or negative.

 

So I leave out some of the worst and some of the best, and report what I think people would like to know about us. Some of that is the hard parts, some of that is the good parts. Not "we're better than you."

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