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Does anyone else struggle with this kind of strange thinking like I do? (cc)


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Ok, be gentle, because I know I'm about to sound crazy.

 

So right now in my life, I'm feeling very blessed. My marriage is good, I feel good physically, we are not wanting for any of our needs to be met. I just feel really happy and blessed by the Lord. I pray prayers of thankfulness frequently for all the blessings he has given me. I'm happy, content, and want for nothing, really.

 

And that all makes me have this HUGE feeling of guilt and dread. :001_huh:

 

Like there's this big horrible thing that for SURE is gonna happen because I'm so content and happy in this season of life right now. And that nagging feeling that I don't deserve to be so happy and content, that won't go away.

 

Go ahead, just tell me I'm crazy. :tongue_smilie: I can take it.

 

But seriously, my dh says it's because of my childhood, which was, uh, unpleasant to put it lightly. (Parents divorced when I was four, mom abandonded me with dad, stepmom and dad raised me, stepmom hated me, sisters and I were physically abused and mainly made to feel that our existence was an inconvience to the world.) But I don't know how to let go of it. Any scriptures that may help me? Anyone else ever dealt with this?

 

Man, I'm a little nervous to post this, so be nice, ok?

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I'm not Christian, but I also struggle with those sorts of feelings. I often worry that something horrific will happen to my dh, because he is so loving and perfect for me. I feel like I don't deserve such great kids, and in the back of my mind, I worry over every little fever and bump, because I'm terrified that any day now, The Bad will happen along to balance out the Good.

 

I also had a crappy, abuse-filled childhood, btw. I suppose that's why I feel like I don't deserve the happiness that I have.

 

((hugs)) to you. It's tough.

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Like there's this big horrible thing that for SURE is gonna happen because I'm so content and happy in this season of life right now. And that nagging feeling that I don't deserve to be so happy and content, that won't go away.

 

I don't think you're crazy :grouphug: you've been trained to expect the other shoe to fall, so that's what you're doing. Expecting, waiting ...

 

I've never been a Christian, so I can't help there, but I believe that even if something horrible DOES happen in the future ... you have every right to feel happy with where your life is now! To my mind, the two aren't mutually exclusive; can you work on separating them as being so in your mind?

 

It sounds like your childhood was rough, and emotionally exhaustive. That's part of who you are and who you've become; it's also in the past. To add a bad analogy, if you were driving down the road I'd advise you to train yourself to look less in your rearview mirror. Spend more time enjoying the view in front of you. It's hard to break old habits, but it's doable. It's work, but it's worthwhile. YOU are worth the hard work to break that old habit!

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Maybe a good counselor (Christian or otherwise) is in order. :grouphug:

 

I knew someone would suggest that Chucki, but I don't really know if it'd help. I mean, there's nothing 'wrong', really. Just, I dunno, I can't shake that feeling. I don't know if they'd be able to help me do that or not, you know? And it's not like it's impeeding my life or anything. I just was wondering if it's something anyone else has struggled with and overcome, and if so, how they dealt with it.

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There's a book by Rob Bell, although I can't remember the name of it just now and he's has some very liberal theology that may offend some folks, that speaks to this issue: that God is not going to "get" you. God wants the best for you and wants you to be happy. You might consider looking into some of his stuff.

 

 

Is it Love Wins?

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:grouphug: Maybe we are both crazy. :grouphug:

 

I am always waiting for a shoe to drop...and when it does...well, it does.

 

I think i inherited this from my mother, who was Mrs. Negative Worrywart.

 

I try really hard to relax...and enjoy my blessings...and I have so many....but there is always that little touch of dread and fear...which I know is sin...( no flames please) that I can't seem to shake.

:grouphug:'s some more. I will pray for you...please pray for me too.

 

Faithe

 

Eta: My dh helped me a lot with my mindset by reminding me to just think about right now...this minute. If I am ok..right now...this minute and my kids and husband are ok right now...this minute...then all is well with the world. I try to make that my meditation....I am ok...all is ok...it is all ok...

Edited by Mommyfaithe
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Yes I think that way -but that's because the bad things crop up in my life pretty often. Right now I'm going through some pretty tough stuff - and even when you are going through the bad stuff and you think it can't get any worse -it does.

 

You would think that the day you find out your DD has inherited a genetic disease from you would keep you safe from other bad stuff happening but no - it is also the week you find a lump in your breast :glare:

 

The best advice to take is just take one day at a time. If it's a great day then thank God that night in your prayers that you got that great one day KWIM.

 

Hmm this post was really not helpful :lol:

 

I guess what I was trying to say is that you are not crazy - I can relate and so can lots of other people. I don't think it is strange thinking - it is realistic. I think that knowing bad stuff COULD happen is what keeps us feeling grateful about the good stuff KWIM. If we had good stuff all the time we would forget to be grateful for it.

Edited by sewingmama
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I think contentment is something we learn to embrace, not necessarily something that just happens when the right factors fall into place. People are often content under conditions others would find horrific.

 

Maybe the lesson is simply that: contentment comes from within.

 

I also think worthiness is something most people need to learn to feel, whether they are overcoming an unfortunate childhood or not. Learning to feel equally worthy goes a long way to contentment. :)

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I feel this way, too. Life is great, and I worry that it's the calm before the storm. I look around me and so many people I know carry some very heavy crosses and I wonder why I have been so lucky and if my turn is coming.

 

I just keep praying and thank God everyday that I have been so lucky.

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You would think that the day you find out your DD has inherited a genetic disease from you would keep you safe from other bad stuff happening but no - it is also the week you find a lump in your breast :glare:

 

The best advice to take is just take one day at a time. If it's a great day then thank God that night in your prayers that you got that great one day KWIM.

 

Hmm this post was really not helpful :lol:

 

:grouphug:

 

OP, I actually think this is decently common among people who have experienced tragedy or serious things in their lives. Life just doesn't seem as rosy when you've seen how scary it can be. That said, I do think seeking safety someplace where you can work out those feelings (like with a counselor or a pastor or trusted family member) would be healthy.

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:grouphug: You are not alone and not crazy (unless I am too :tongue_smilie:).

 

I have a wonderful husband who is employed.

I have a healthy, lively, adorable son.

I get to stay at home with my son.

My parents are both alive and in good health.

 

Other than my 2 miscarriages (one's going on right now), I feel like I have not had to suffer any real hardship in my life.

 

I have friends suffering from cancer. Last week one of dh's coworkers suddenly died of a brain aneurism leaving a wife and 12-year-old son behind. I have friends who desperately want children but are infertile. Another friend's family just lost their 13-year-old in a car accident and her 18-year-old brother has brain damage that has destroyed his ability to empathize. I sometimes think, "So when's my turn?" "Why is my life so easy? I certainly don't deserve the good life I have."

 

I'm probably not much help because I still struggle with this, but all I can say at this point is I am just thankful for God's grace. I don't deserve my salvation either, but He chose to give me His grace. Others don't have that. Whatever His purposes, He has chosen to shield me from hardships at this point. I try not to worry about what might come down the road; I don't know when something bad might happen, so I try to enjoy my life as it is now. I trust that He can get me through it--I've seen amazing strength from the Holy Spirit in my Christian friends who have suffered.

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You know, I tend to feel this way when I'm putting my hope in things that aren't eternal. The fact is that we aren't promised a happy existence here on Earth. We are promised hardship and trials. The world is a sinful, fallen place. People will fail us. Illness comes along. Finances turn south unexpectedly. We will suffer. (How's that for being a Debbie Downer?)

 

Enjoy the good times, but don't put your hope and joy in them. Joy can only be found through Christ, so place your hope in him.

 

"Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything." (James 1:2-4).

 

I'm not sure if I'm making sense--I'm in bed early because I'm not feeling well.

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Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you, " declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and NOT TO HARM YOU, plans to give you HOPE and a future."

(emphasis mine)

 

Psalm 139 is great for feeling good about yourself. You are fearfully and wonderfully made, you know. The God of the entire universe thinks YOU are wonderful. That's a pretty amazing thought.

 

Hope these help. They have been a comfort to me from all my childhood baggage, too.

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There's a book by Rob Bell, although I can't remember the name of it just now and he's has some very liberal theology that may offend some folks, that speaks to this issue: that God is not going to "get" you. God wants the best for you and wants you to be happy. You might consider looking into some of his stuff.

 

 

I am going to look for this book, because I can get quite angry with God sometimes when I think he is making certain things happen, even if they are for "Good" I don't understand later.

 

As for the OP, I know that I am conditioned the same way. I feel guilty when things are going really well, and worry that I am tempting fate. I also do it the other way around sometimes. For example I have an unusual fear of sharks, and live half my life in and on the water. I half convince myself that my fear keeps me safe because it only happens to people who never worry about it. Same thing when I has a recent breast cancer scare. I was seriously annoyed since I give to Breast Cancer research and raise money through A Walk for the Cure. I know intellectually that none of that matters, but I can engage in some strange thinking in my head at times.

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So... everything is temporary... but that means the bad times are also temporary...

 

I had a rough childhood, too, but I see it from the other perspective... sort of like "I paid my dues..."

 

I'm really thankful for all the wonders that I have in my life... all the adventures and experiences I've been blessed to have had... my terrific husband and my kids...

 

No matter WHAT happens (and tough things do indeed happen), I always remind myself that my life isn't anywhere NEAR as awful as it was during the rough times in my childhood.

 

But then, I'm a glass-half-full kinda gal. :tongue_smilie:

Oooh. I know: read Pollyanna! I've always LOVED that book!

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I have had the same problem. I don't know about a particular scripture but a read a really good book that helped me called Eight Stone Gates. I loaned it to someone so I'm not sure about the author's name but I think it might be Dan Manningham. It's about controlling thoughts and although it didn't fix the problem totally it did help. The author has another book on worry & anxiety also.

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That is the scripture verse that helped me all through my teenage years and early adult years when my mom's health was precarious. It helped me again when she died.

 

I'm like you. Even when things go well, I'm waiting for the bad to happen. It is to be expected when you've grown up with trauma. Many people in that position have a sense of "If I let go of worrying then something will take me by surprise and I'll be unable to handle it". It's a battle of control in many ways. I agree with a pp that a Christian counselor may be a benefit to you. That feeling of dread, fear, and uneasy anticipation is no way to live.

 

My dh often reminds me, "God is good ALL the time." That scripture verse reminds us all things work together for the good to those who love Christ. ALL things, not just the good things.

 

I pray that you will find peace in knowing that God is in control. He loves you. His Holy Spirit will attend to you. I say this knowing how difficult it may seem: REST in His peace.

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oh my gosh! I thought I was TOTALLY abnormal!!!!!! When I first had ds19, I was so happy, so crazy in love, so over the top bubbling with happiness and love, and I was SO scared that he and dh would be taken from me!!! Then when we bought this house, our dream house, I was waiting for it to be taken away from me!!!

 

While I'm not that strong in my thoughts anymore, I do oftentimes worry that the happiness, peace and joy I'm currently experiencing will come to a crashing halt. You know what? It always does. Tonight was NOT a good night and I am weary, but because of the horrendous turmoil dh and I have suffered these past 6 years or so, I know we will be able to handle it. I'm scared, I'm worried, but I do believe it will work out. It always does, but it's just so hard while the fires are burning.

 

I was shopping today and getting annoyed by all those cutesie signs with sayings like, "Instead of dreading the storms that come, learn to dance in the rain," or what ever it says. I used to like those sayings. Today I said, "NOPE! I don't WANT to dance in the rain. I want to enjoy the sunshine."

 

:001_smile:

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I don't have any Scripture to help you, but I do understand. Sometimes, when people have had a "tense" upbringing (for lack of a better way of describing it), they are always on guard, waiting for the other shoe to drop. Personally, I think it is a coping/survival mechanism. You are not alone in feeling that way. Just don't let it get to you or take over your happiness.

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I've briefly mentioned that I feel this way on this board. I am always waiting for tragedy to strike. I'm terrified that I'm going to lose my dh or my kids. Those awful thoughts always find a way to creep into my mind, and can ruin a happy moment or cause me to lose sleep.

 

My mother takes meds for depression/anxiety and tells me I need the same. I'm afraid to go there.

 

 

Interesting about a possible connection with an abusive childhood. My childhood was not always so rosy. My mom was not always very nice to put it mildly. Now that's she's on meds she is an entirely different person. However, I can't go back and change my childhood.

 

My dh seems to not have my problem. He doesn't understand why I don't just "think of something else." Easier said than done. He had a Waltons' family life growing up.

 

I wonder if women tend to have more problems with this.

 

I wish I knew the answer how to stop the anxiety. I didn't used to feel like this. It wasn't until my second child that it began.

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Yes I think that way -but that's because the bad things crop up in my life pretty often. Right now I'm going through some pretty tough stuff - and even when you are going through the bad stuff and you think it can't get any worse -it does.

 

 

This is me too. I feel like I have had more than a lifetime of "hits" in my life. I think because I've faced the horrible I know it can and does happen and also I'm afraid to relax because the hurt is worse when you don't see it coming.

 

That said:

You know, I tend to feel this way when I'm putting my hope in things that aren't eternal. The fact is that we aren't promised a happy existence here on Earth. We are promised hardship and trials. The world is a sinful, fallen place. People will fail us. Illness comes along. Finances turn south unexpectedly. We will suffer. (How's that for being a Debbie Downer?)

 

Enjoy the good times, but don't put your hope and joy in them. Joy can only be found through Christ, so place your hope in him.

 

"Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything." (James 1:2-4).

 

This made sense to me. God works for the good...yes...our spiritual good and not earthly. I really liked the book "Christian's Secret to the Happy Life" in many respects. It reminds me to keep focused on the eternal. That said, she's got a chapter about God's control and consciously allowing things or disallowing and I'm not at all sure that's how it happens. I tend to think the rain falls on the evil and the good...it just falls sometimes (by chance or sin of another for example) and if I'm there I get the same downpour. Still, I found the book helpful. Another one was How People Change. But these are helpful in living, even seeking contentment, in the yuck. They don't help me stop "bracing" for the next thing.

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I knew someone would suggest that Chucki, but I don't really know if it'd help. I mean, there's nothing 'wrong', really. Just, I dunno, I can't shake that feeling. I don't know if they'd be able to help me do that or not, you know? And it's not like it's impeeding my life or anything. I just was wondering if it's something anyone else has struggled with and overcome, and if so, how they dealt with it.

 

 

You are perfectly normal to have those thoughts! For me to work out those, I remember the scripture that says a time for all things, time to laugh, cry etc (Ecclesiastes 3:4)...so just take stock that this is a time to be content! I also find that when these times are happening, God calls me to serve others in a special way...the calmness of your spirit is a gift in itself for those in conflict or need!

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Yes, I can relate! It is hard to give it all over to God. Things are going well and I am anxiously awaiting that huge trial. :glare:

 

The verse I think of often is:

The Lord is at hand; do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

(Philippians 4:5-7 ESV)

 

Two books I recommend (I only have briefly skimmed them but they are on my reading list!) and just stink at using the hyperlink thing:

 

http://www.amazon.com/Calm-My-Anxious-Heart-Contentment/dp/1576830470

 

and

http://www.amazon.com/Overcoming-Fear-Worry-Anxiety-Confidence/dp/0736905898/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1323839852&sr=1-1

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I had, what I consider, a fabulous childhood, and I still felt like that. Even worse. For a long time. So bad I suffered horrible anxiety attacks. I've had all kinds of counselling, tried many medications, nothing seemed to work.

 

What made it stop? Well, I still suffer from some anxiety, but I have learned how to handle that with changing my internal dialog and sharing my fears with someone who knows what I've gone through. And let me tell you, I have some crazy fears go through my head. Telling someone about them gets them out of my head and doesn't give them power to mess with my emotions anymore.

 

The other thing, and I think the biggest thing, is coming to an incredible, undeniable understanding of just how saved I am. I mean, a really bone marrow deep knowledge of what Jesus did for me and that nothing, NOTHING, can take me from Him. That I am whole, complete, and alive in Him.

 

I don't have a verse or two for you. No, I love Colossians, Ephesians, and Galatians. Those are my go-to scriptures for when I am feeling anxious.

 

Yes, bad things are going to happen to us. That's just life. But, we don't have to let fear take our joy from us.

 

I feel like I have rambled at you. Sorry! I hope you find something from that that is helpful. :D

Many :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:, and I will keep you in my prayers.

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You're not crazy. You are a child of the Almighty God. And so the Enemy will do everything he can to make you feel worthless, afraid, paranoid, etc. But you don't HAVE to take it! Approach the Throne of Grace with confidence, sister, and ask the King of Kings to make the Enemy leave you alone!

 

And read Ephesians 6:10-20. I have to do that. Often. Daily.

 

I'll be praying for you!

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Ok, be gentle, because I know I'm about to sound crazy.

 

So right now in my life, I'm feeling very blessed. My marriage is good, I feel good physically, we are not wanting for any of our needs to be met. I just feel really happy and blessed by the Lord. I pray prayers of thankfulness frequently for all the blessings he has given me. I'm happy, content, and want for nothing, really.

 

And that all makes me have this HUGE feeling of guilt and dread. :001_huh:

 

Like there's this big horrible thing that for SURE is gonna happen because I'm so content and happy in this season of life right now. And that nagging feeling that I don't deserve to be so happy and content, that won't go away.

 

Go ahead, just tell me I'm crazy. :tongue_smilie: I can take it.

 

But seriously, my dh says it's because of my childhood, which was, uh, unpleasant to put it lightly. (Parents divorced when I was four, mom abandonded me with dad, stepmom and dad raised me, stepmom hated me, sisters and I were physically abused and mainly made to feel that our existence was an inconvience to the world.) But I don't know how to let go of it. Any scriptures that may help me? Anyone else ever dealt with this?

 

Man, I'm a little nervous to post this, so be nice, ok?

 

Yep, I think it is a children of narcissists/ children from families with wacky dynamics side effect. Along with the nagging feeling that I don't deserve to be happy, I also start emotionally preparing for the start of a crisis if the happiness has lasted a while. Crises usually show up. In my younger years, I definitely created some of them myself. :D

 

I have been in therapy, and it helped so much (with this and PTSD). Prayer also helps, especially when I start feeling guilty. My priest also told me that I shouldn't sabotage God's plan for my life by feeling guilty rather than grateful. That made me feel guilty some more, but the comment actually helped me enjoy life more in the long run.

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:grouphug:

 

OP, I actually think this is decently common among people who have experienced tragedy or serious things in their lives. Life just doesn't seem as rosy when you've seen how scary it can be. That said, I do think seeking safety someplace where you can work out those feelings (like with a counselor or a pastor or trusted family member) would be healthy.

I am atheist and I still feel like this. Actually my early experience was pretty much what nailed the non existence of god for me. My parents died when I was relatively young, 19 and 23. My Dad had cancer for the previous 10 years. Then my best friend and maid of honor died, then DHs best friend and best man died.

 

I have 3 healthy children and a DH who has outlived my Dad with barely a glitch in his health. How blessed am I! And how terrified the ball is going to drop any minute!!

 

My 17yo was recently diagnosed with a heart condition. I held my breath that day, wondering if this was IT. But it wasn't, 2 months later and he has just come home from hospital having had it fixed. How blessed am I!!

 

So I'm still holding my breath, wondering when the big bad thing is going to happen to us. But meantime I try to enjoy the life I have with the family I have. Because I understand life is fleeting, I try to make the most of it.

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I didn't read any responses.

 

I think it is okay to think that you don't deserve to be blessed with health, money and family. Jesus told some people to sell their things, leave their family and follow him. His followers were persecuted, just like he said they would be. Think of what happened to Stephen and Paul. Jesus, himself, was beaten and killed. How can we think we are entitled to health and wealth? I interpret the book of Job as saying that God has His reasons for allowing bad things to happen to good people, and who are we to question Him?

 

When you are blessed, enjoy it. It is a bad idea to not enjoy your blessings because they might be taken away. If bad times come will you be sorry you enjoyed the good times? Will you think, "Gosh, if only I had worried and been unhappy when I had blessings, things would be easier now?"

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Ok, you didn't specify, but I'm wondering if this might be hormone related. I do have my "sense of impending doom" that hangs over me for a while each month. Everything could be great, smooth sailing and I will have a terror/sick to my stomach feeling that something is going to go wrong.

 

Being able to pinpoint it to a particular time in my cycle - I can feel it starting, ramping up, and waning now has given me a tremendous feeling of control over it.

 

I'm sure experiences caused the physical symptoms to manifest that way, but realizing it was a physical symptom made me feel so much better, KWIM?

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Ok, you didn't specify, but I'm wondering if this might be hormone related. I do have my "sense of impending doom" that hangs over me for a while each month. Everything could be great, smooth sailing and I will have a terror/sick to my stomach feeling that something is going to go wrong.

 

Being able to pinpoint it to a particular time in my cycle - I can feel it starting, ramping up, and waning now has given me a tremendous feeling of control over it.

 

I'm sure experiences caused the physical symptoms to manifest that way, but realizing it was a physical symptom made me feel so much better, KWIM?

 

 

:iagree:I know that at a certain time in my cycle I am always more emotional and things upset me easier. So,if I start crying because the tree is blowing in the wind, I have to think where I am I in my cycle. Have you found something that helps with that?

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Stepmom hated me.

 

:grouphug: Wow, no wonder you are waiting for the sky to fall. :grouphug: I can't imagine being raised by a woman who "loved" my father, but hated me. :confused: Why did she marry him if she was going to hate his children? :banghead:

 

Anyway, about the dread:

 

I had this same sense of dread when I had been married only a few years and our beautiful daughters were born (1 + twins). My life was "too good" to be my life, KWIM? But then God asked me, "Why? Why is it too good to be what I give you?" Think about your life from God's perspective. He made you. He loves you.

 

Regret is feeling there is a loss in the past (a "should have"), while dread is feeling there will be a loss in the future (an "it could happen"). Let Jesus be the Lord of both your past and your future. Your life is in his hands.

 

"Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good." Romans 12:21

 

"Let this mind be in you, which also was in Christ Jesus." I know I'm taking this verse out of context (Philippians 2), but do you think that Jesus dreads the future? Does he dread your future? If he does not dread your future, then the idea to dread it isn't coming from him. KWIM? It's a mindset/spiritual attack of the accusing one -- the devil -- and you need to resist him.

 

"Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil and he will flee from you." James 4:7

 

"But thou, O LORD, art a shield for me;

." Psalm 3:3

 

"When my father and mother forsake me, then the LORD will take me up." Psalm 27:10

 

You may have been your earthly father's "burden," but you are your Heavenly Father's delight.

 

I am baking Christmas cookies with the girls today, but I'll be praying while we bake. ;) I am praying for you, Bethany. :grouphug:

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:iagree:I know that at a certain time in my cycle I am always more emotional and things upset me easier. So,if I start crying because the tree is blowing in the wind, I have to think where I am I in my cycle. Have you found something that helps with that?

 

I have started taking magnesium and Vit. D and haven't had the stay-up-all-night-worried-because-something-bad-is-coming feeling in a while. I do still get tense or have the feeling in passing, but it isn't overwhelming like it was. I seriously used to stay up for hours going over every situation in my life (school, finances, my relationship with dh, kids, family, car repair, pet health, etc) to see what I could do to prevent something from happening even though I *knew* we were ok. Dh (who is OCD) even made fun of me because it was so irrational.

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First of all you are definitively not alone in this.

 

I will say there was a time when I struggled with this for different reasons. I could not have admitted to myself, but deep down I believed that many of the blessings I had were direct gifts from God....as a result of some good, God pleasing, choices I had made. I saw them as rewards. This produced and internal conflict, because I also knew that many people suffered things they in no way deserved. This meant that I could not protect myself from tragedy, but on the other hand I believed that God would protect me and take care of me.

 

Well, tragedy did happen. The emotional havoc was worse than the actual experience. You see deep down I did feel that "I" must have done something to deserve what was happening to me. Why didn't God protect? Why did God allow? What had I done wrong? I was devoted and serving Him, how could he stand by and let that happen?

 

To know that I had not somehow caused God to allow those (bad) things to happen, meant I had to come to terms with the fact that I also had no control over the good things. (I am not talking about wise choices in living vs. risky behavior life style choices)

 

There is a silver lining. When I embraced that rain and sunshine fall on the just and unjust, I realized that tragedy, trials, difficulties no longer held shame. They could have pain, but I no longer feared them as some sort of evidence or judgment on my person.

 

I hope that made sense! :grouphug:

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Ok, be gentle, because I know I'm about to sound crazy.

 

So right now in my life, I'm feeling very blessed. My marriage is good, I feel good physically, we are not wanting for any of our needs to be met. I just feel really happy and blessed by the Lord. I pray prayers of thankfulness frequently for all the blessings he has given me. I'm happy, content, and want for nothing, really.

 

And that all makes me have this HUGE feeling of guilt and dread. :001_huh:

 

Like there's this big horrible thing that for SURE is gonna happen because I'm so content and happy in this season of life right now. And that nagging feeling that I don't deserve to be so happy and content, that won't go away.

 

Go ahead, just tell me I'm crazy. :tongue_smilie: I can take it.

 

But seriously, my dh says it's because of my childhood, which was, uh, unpleasant to put it lightly. (Parents divorced when I was four, mom abandonded me with dad, stepmom and dad raised me, stepmom hated me, sisters and I were physically abused and mainly made to feel that our existence was an inconvience to the world.) But I don't know how to let go of it. Any scriptures that may help me? Anyone else ever dealt with this?

 

Man, I'm a little nervous to post this, so be nice, ok?

 

Well my feeling of foreboding comes from watching the business news about Europe, and the fact that their ailing economies are shortly going to affect the whole world. Not meaning to hijack your thread at all, but just to make the point that yes our blessings may be fleeting, enjoy your holidays, and who knows what 2012 will bring. I hold onto my faith no matter what the scenario is.

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I feel the same way sometimes. I also had a bad childhood, so maybe that is a good reason!

 

For me, I feel insanely blessed to have found my religion. My guilt comes from those I know who seem to be struggling so much in their own faith. A part of me just wants to grab them and tell them to join me...but I can't do that without looking like a psychopath. :)

 

I just pray on it and hope that everyone will come to a decision that brings them peace and love.

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Well my feeling of foreboding comes from watching the business news about Europe, and the fact that their ailing economies are shortly going to affect the whole world. Not meaning to hijack your thread at all, but just to make the point that yes our blessings may be fleeting, enjoy your holidays, and who knows what 2012 will bring. I hold onto my faith no matter what the scenario is.

 

I've lived through many loved ones dying. I have also struggled through depression from it. I have come to the point that if I cannot do anything about an impending (or not) situation then I refuse to worry about it.

 

Whenever my dh brings up something from the news that makes me want to build a bomb shelter in the backyard I ask him what can we do to change this or make a difference. If it is nothing then I relax and enjoy my day.

 

Bad things will happen to us. We will get sick and die, or loved ones will get sick and die. It is guaranteed. I cannot live my life to the fullest by constantly worrying about the inevitable.

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