MFW writing assignment on Beowulf

[jamajo]

Your feedback on my DD14 first "major" paper using MFW WHL would be greatly appreciated. I desperately want to measure my own thoughts against what others have to say. She is a 9th grader and the assignment is to prove that the author of Beowulf had a knowledge of God. Thanks!

*constructive criticism is good*

 

 

 

“How the Almighty had made the earth a gleaming plain girdled with waters; in his splendour He set the sun and the moon to be earth’s lamplight,….and filled the broad lap of the world with branches and leaves; and quickened life in every other thing that moved.†Beowulf is a gory, intense masterpiece made by an unknown author between the seventh and tenth century. Despite the fact that this intense novel is saturated with legends and violence, Beowulf also contains traces of the knowledge of God. This fact includes the statement of Grendel being a descendant of Cain, Beowulf calling on God in battle, and the book’s overall references to God and the Bible.

 

Grendel is described as a banished, God-cursed monster who feasted on raw flesh and lived in an underwater lair. He is a gruesome murderer and is acknowledged as one of Cain’s descendants, the first murderer of the Bible. The hated creature is known as a “fiend out of hell.†During one of his bloody raids at Hrothgar’s palace, Grendel encounters Beowulf, a fierce warrior, and is forced to battle with him until his death. When Grendel is defeated and killed the author included the statement, “…then he who harrowed the hearts of men…..and had given offence also to God found that his bodily powers had failed him.†The author proves that he has an awareness of God.

 

Beowulf is a brave warrior and the prince of the Danes. He fights in many challenging battles and defeats his pathetic enemies. Before and during his battles he calls on the Lord and relies on him for victory and also respects the Lord’s choice for defeat. Hints and proof of Beowulf’s trust and faith in God is proven throughout the book. When awaiting Grendel’s next attack at the palace Beowulf stated, “may the Divine Lord in His wisdom grant the glory of victory to whichever side He sees fit.†He respects the fact that he might lose the epic battle. When Grendel did attack he is defeated mercilessly at the hand of Beowulf, and Hrothgar’s kingdom rejoices and is relieved. As the author puts it, “The truth is clear: Almighty God rules over mankind and always has.†This situation also proves that the unknown author had a familiarity of God.

 

Throughout Beowulf there are many obvious references to Christianity. Some are of heaven, some are of God, and many other topics. The most significantly mentioned references are of God and his works. For example, “The heavenly Shepherd can work His wonders always and everywhere,†and the statement “The Lord in his wisdom sent you those words and they came from the heart.†The author even had a few details and points about the Great Flood and why it happened - “They suffered a terrible severance from the Lord; the Almighty made the waters rise.†Similarly, the details of God’s power in Beowulf also prove that the author had a significant amount of understanding of the knowledge of God.

 

The story of Beowulf was written by an author with a fair amount of knowledge of God. The descriptive portrayal of Grendel and the interpretation of his ancestry as “of Cain’s clan,†illustrates this knowledge. The prince Beowulf continuously called on the Lord and trusted him during his battles. Lastly, the author added in pieces of information from the Bible for relevance throughout the book. Perhaps his knowledge of God and Christianity was recent; which explains his use of legends and myths intermingled with Christian truths.

[jamajo]

Regentrude's daughter is obviously a good writer. So can someone please spend some time over here? :001_smile:

 

Don't we need more help and suggestions?:D

 

On second read.....this sounds a little harsh .....I don't mean it to be, I hope no one takes it that way. Sometimes I forget that intent, tone, etc. does not come across in writing as it does in person. Sorry.

Edited December 13, 2011 by jamajo

[Ester Maria]

Beowulf is a gory, intense masterpiece made by an unknown author

Written.

Despite the fact that this intense novel

Beowulf is not a novel.

This fact includes the statement of Grendel being a descendant of Cain, Beowulf calling on God in battle, and the book’s overall references to God and the Bible.

A bit of an awkward wording; perhaps better: "This can be observed in (...)" or something along the lines.

When Grendel is defeated and killed the author included

(i) Use tenses as consistently as possible.

Therefore, either "When Grendel is defeated, the author includes" or "When Grendel was defeated, the author included", since starting off with present and then switching to past sounds off.

 

(ii) Differentiate historical writing from fiction - reflect in the sentence that the author does not include anything as a result of any real action, but that the action itself is the product of his imagination. A better sentence would be something like, "After having described ... the author included" or "As a part of the description of... the author included".

 

(iii) I am not sure whether the point was to textually prove there is a knowledge of God:

a) in the AUTHOR, as in, historical person who wrote the text (which is hardly applicable here as we can only speculate about the exact genesis of the text);

b) in the 'AUTHOR', as in the narrative voice / a function of the implicit author of the text, NOT to be confused with the historical person who writes.

 

Make sure she knows what exactly she wants to say, these are very different arguments which require very different approaches and very different argumentations as a result. She seems to be attempting a), even though b) would actually be a better / easier / more "literary analysis" rather than "historical analysis" kind of approach.

 

ETA: on the second thought, disregard (iii).

Hints and proof of Beowulf’s trust and faith in God is proven throughout the book.

Awkward wording. "Proofs proven" is an unnecessary repetition - and how do you prove a hint? It is better to talk about the presence of hints, allusions or even definite proofs in the text.

The most significantly mentioned references

The most significant references maybe.

are of God and his works.

Too general. Previously it had been stated that there are references of God, heaven, etc. - and now it is stated that the most significant references are of God and his works. The passage from a general mention of references to the isolation of significant ones is not 'drastic' enough and thus sounds somewhat odd. One sentence needs to be fixed to read well.

Similarly, the details of God’s power in Beowulf also prove that the author had a significant amount of understanding of the knowledge of God.

 

The story of Beowulf was written by an author with a fair amount of knowledge of God.

Repetitive, do not begin a paragraph with virtually the same idea or wording you used to conclude the previous paragraph.

Lastly, the author added in pieces of information from the Bible for relevance throughout the book.

It is generally a bad idea to make guesses on author's supposed "intentions", especially in cases of vague and unclear authorship.

Perhaps his knowledge of God and Christianity was recent; which explains his use of legends and myths intermingled with Christian truths.

I can see where she is going, but the reasoning is not quite sound. The mixing of several worlds of associations (e.g. pagan & Christian) within a single work is more of a commonplace in literature than an exception and it typically has nothing to do with how recent is that knowledge. I would suggest ending on a different note.

Edited December 13, 2011 by Ester Maria

[cbollin]

I was looking at the Writer's Inc rubric for this assignment. (We're in WHL.) I have a quick moment to share a few things I noticed.

 

*on the structure in rubric...

She needs to work on transitions from paragraph to paragraph.

topic sentence in paragraph - the structure taught for early part is topic sentence at beginning to help with tie in to thesis statement.

The thesis in the opening paragraph needs some work. due to chaos over here, I don't have specifics to share right now. sorry.....

 

*word choices... agreeing with Ester that some parts are not necessarily "proof" the author had knowledge of God. I think the intent in the assignment (or at least the way my daughter and I read it) was to look for "proof" or citations at least that supported the author was making allusions to Bible scriptures. so, I know my dh and I would be in the camp to prefer our writer say "supports" instead of "proves" or similar writing.

 

 

wish I had a bit more time on it. But those were the big items from rubric and the assignment that I noticed.

 

for first assignment like this, be encouraged.

 

-crystal

[jamajo]

Thanks everyone. My daughter & I went through all the comments together and will focus on a few things (weaknesses) to take into the next writing assignment.