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Have you ever thought


Ever think homeschooling was a mistake?  

  1. 1. Ever think homeschooling was a mistake?

    • No, never.
      65
    • Sometimes, but it's a fleeting thought or I talk myself out of it
      104
    • Yes, I worry I may feel that way down the line.
      37
    • Absolutely. Homeschooling may just not have been right for us.
      11


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EDITED after talking to hubby and feeling a little less sorry for myself....

 

Have you ever genuinely thought you did (or are doing) a disservice to your kids by homeschooling them or by your method of homeschooling or because of who your individual children are?

 

Tonight, I definitely am in pain and wondered if the negatives, all these years later, outweighed all the years of positives. Each time, through the years, I have weighed it out and homeschooling won so we kept at it. And looking back tonight, hubby and I agreed that still was true. At 4, 7, 10, and 15 homeschooling was the best option available to us, for OUR children, in OUR circumstances.

 

But yes, I have gone through moments of feeling like homeschooling was a disservice to my big kids. Most of those have been pretty fleeting. This one obviously is holding on a little tighter. In the end, the positives of homeschooling have always won out and I think they will this time also. Just maybe not as strongly or quickly or by as much of a landslide.

Edited by 2J5M9K
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yes

 

There was a time when I never thought anything could be better than homeschooling. And since I haven't actually had any dc in school yet, maybe nothing is. But there are serious disadvantages we are experiencing (not just education-related) and I don't think it's the best thing going forward for us, even if it might have been in the past.

 

:grouphug:

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I never wanted to homeschool. My kids went to school until 5th/6th grade. We pulled them out because we were unhappy with the school. Middle school in our town is horrible. High school is supposed to be better - but nothing I hear from DD's friends convinces me even remotely that it could be a better option than homeschooling.

If we were in a different town with great schools that could meet my kids' educational needs, I might think differently.

 

Now, this does not mean that I don't have occasional panic attacks and question whether I do a good enough job! But I know I do better than ps would.

Edited by regentrude
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I voted no. I am very happy to be homeschooling my dd and happy that I home schooled my boys before sending them to PS a couple years ago. I think there were many benefits to homeschooling them until their teen years. Both have a strong sense of self and are doing well in school.

 

I didn't put them in school because I didn't think I was doing a good enough job educating them at home but there did come a time when going to ps provided them some things I could not...mostly the ability to participate in extra-curricular activities/sports.

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I don't. Back in the beginning there were so few in my area that did it. We basically all knew each other as it was always the same ones to all the meetings, park days, field trips, etc. Our school district use to defy the statute and require more than the law - such as having us meet with a school psychologist AFTER having already met with a certified teacher. We had to bring the child and the portfolio. The law states just the certified teacher evaluation is required. Back then I didn't think homeschooling was a mistake, but I was more nervous about it than I am now.

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I know because the boys were in the local schools that what we do is better than what they could get here. They never were in class because they kept getting sent out of class due to their 'issues'. We did IEPs, FBA's, BIP's, etc but they never would follow the plans and it just was a mess.

 

I'm not saying that we would never send them out for schooling but it will not be to the local public schools. I know we are doing better than what my kids got from there. I do also know people whose kids do not have the special needs mine do are doing well and getting what they need so it's just our situation.

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I started because I really had no choice; public school was the wrong choice for my oldest. I tried again in high school and it was still the wrong choice. I never really evaluated why I homeschooled the younger two because I was already homeschooling and just folded them in.

 

Every year in January, right before the choice window for our public school district I evaluate if homeschool is still right for each girl. I still find that I am pretty lacking, but homeschooling usually wins out. This year, for the first time, my older dd will be put in the bucket for a choice school because we've found one that will be better. It is kind of shocking to me. We have to wait until the first of Feb. to find out if she's homeschooling next year.

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I'm almost at the end of my homeschooling journey so my answer was easier than it would have been at the beginning. I put "sometimes," but in reality now it is never. It was more often in the beginning. I have one who is a senior in college, doing very well academically, and ready and excited to be going out into the world to work in her chosen field (if she can get a job:001_smile:). The second is a junior in high school and dual enrolled at a local cc and in an online dual enrolled program. She is doing well academically and has many interests and passions. So now that I actually can see the fruit of my labors first hand I know the decision to homeschool was right for us. I am totally convinced my dds had the freedom to become who they are because of homeschooling. Which is not to say that they wouldn't have survived the public school system and been fine, but I think they are more confident in who they are and who they want to be because of homeschooling.

 

Mary

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I am still a newbie, but at the beginning I was only going to homeschool my son, now we have decided not to send dd to school in the fall. We are only planning on Homeschooling through middle school. The plan at the moment is to send them to PS for High School.

 

Until High School I can recreate most of the positive things that they would be missing at Public School.

 

I also figure that I have all this extra time with them before High School where I can do the best job I can to teach them to be good and confident people.

 

I am sorry you are sad. I voted sometimes, I feel doubt sometimes. I hope whatever you decide works well for your family.:grouphug:

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I actually wonder about this often. I know academically we are doing great, but we are still very early in our homeschooling experience and it isn't that hard right now to get it all done.

 

I worry at times that I can demand more than I should because I need validation for myself that this is a good and workable alternative to traditional school. I worry that longterm I am not capable of keeping a solid, nurturing parenting role active while also maintaining a high level of expectation for academics. I would rather send my child to school than damage our parent/child relationship because I cannot figure out how to be both solid educator and nurturing, supportive parent. Obviously a lot of people do not have this struggle but I think I might.

 

I will reassess each year for each child to see what the best choice is for everyone involved and that includes me as the mama and teacher. My oldest is absolutely the most social and extroverted child who has ever be born on planet Earth and I know she would love being in a classroom of kids. That doesn't mean she would learn as much as she could or that she would have some of the benefits that homeschooling offers to her but I even with our crazy extracurricular activity, she is still lacking that immediate interaction with other children during her school day. At some point, her need for exchanging ideas while learning and working will probably mean she needs to be in school. I don't know about the two little ones yet.

Edited by drexel
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To say "never" is too far. Of course there are a few moments of doubt, but I believe this is the right path for us.

 

It may not be the right path for you, Pamela, but consider that in the end, there may be benefits you don't see now or there may have been unforeseen negatives to school. The road is long and in the end, being a loving, conscientious parent is all you can do. I have to believe that outweighs anything else in the balance sheet.

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No. We homeschool when it fits my kiddo's needs, and they go to public or private school when they need to or are ready, so far that has been 9th & 10th grade for my older two. I have no idea what path my younger two will take. I like to plan, but plans don't always work out. I am extremely fortunate that I have the freedom and flexibility to give my kids the education and environment to grow that they need when they need it.

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The road is long and in the end, being a loving, conscientious parent is all you can do. I have to believe that outweighs anything else in the balance sheet.

 

:iagree: We are going to make mistakes. We aren't going to be perfect parents. I tell my kids even now that I am probably making some mistakes, but I mean well. I mean the best for them. I hope my kids will be forgiving enough to see that dh & I have always tried our hardest for them.

 

What more can parents do?

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Thanks for the thoughts y'all.

 

I do think I am tough on myself. And though I tell my kids they can't use me as an excuse, that THEY are responsible for what they make of their lives, I still beat myself up over not being perfect. And I have tried my best all the way through. And that should be obvious. I think it is.

 

I also think that there are benefits to homeschooling that I didn't see 15 years ago and I don't see now. When my kid is 30, I'll probably think, "aha! another benefit!"

 

And when I consider it each step of the way, I simply do not see the right time to have put them in school. Period. It just wasn't right for them, our family, our situation. So whether our issues are due to drawbacks of homeschooling (in general, the way we did it, whatever) or just the challenge my children will deal with, homeschooling WAS the best all along for us.

 

And though I do think there are benefits to my littles going to school, I absolutely CAN see pulling them out sometime. Not right now and there are other circumstances we have to deal with so we'll do so later and slowly; but I definitely can see making this choice again. No doubt, I'll have serious doubts sometimes with them too. Such is life.

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I wish I could put my DD in school (she is one of those "difficult" children) :glare:

 

Today she said to me -"I really want to go to school - homeschool is so boring" The things is -she is right. We do the absolute basics because I just can't seem to get my "crap" together to do more then that.

 

My DD has a lot of special needs - physical and emotional. I sometimes feel like I am trapped into HS - like I don't have the freedom to choose public school even if I wanted.

 

I am not good at H/S - I am not smart - I am not "fun" and I am not patient.

 

However with the needs my DD has H/S seems like the best/only option right now.

 

I keep going back and forth daily - it seems like it's a toss up between crappy academics and boredom and little opportunites (HS) vs daily teasing, bullying and damage to my child's self-esteem (PS). She is also on a strict GF diet which is much easier to maintain at home without worrying if someone is giving her food she shouldn't have (yes I'm looking at you library storytime lady who gave her cereal after being told not to:glare:).

 

I'm sure my DD is going to hate me for this later but I'm sure she will hate me for a lot of other reasons as well so it's one more thing to add to the list really.

 

I am willing to let her try high school if that is what she wants - but I just can't bring myself to send my 5yo off to school to be bullied and teased all day - I don't think she has the emotional resilliance for it yet - and neither do I :glare:

 

I feel caught between a rock and a hard place -I really don't think I would choose H/S if my DD was a normal child but here I am so I have to make the best of it.

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However with the needs my DD has H/S seems like the best/only option right now.

 

I keep going back and forth daily - it seems like it's a toss up between crappy academics and boredom and little opportunites (HS) vs daily teasing, bullying and damage to my child's self-esteem (PS). She is also on a strict GF diet which is much easier to maintain at home without worrying if someone is giving her food she shouldn't have (yes I'm looking at you library storytime lady who gave her cereal after being told not to:glare:).

 

I'm sure my DD is going to hate me for this later but I'm sure she will hate me for a lot of other reasons as well so it's one more thing to add to the list really.

 

I am willing to let her try high school if that is what she wants - but I just can't bring myself to send my 5yo off to school to be bullied and teased all day - I don't think she has the emotional resilliance for it yet - and neither do I :glare:

 

I feel caught between a rock and a hard place -I really don't think I would choose H/S if my DD was a normal child but here I am so I have to make the best of it.

 

I started considering homeschooling when my son was in half day kindergarten. He has food allergies. An anaphylactic reaction made the decision much easier...but we had a really rough couple years with him asking to go to school some days and me looking at the school websites and considering it other days!

 

I felt trapped.

 

It's gotten better :001_smile:

One thing that helped some was focussing on the positives. For about half a year we both wrote down one thing we liked about our school day each day.

 

Hope it gets easier for you with time.

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Caitlin,

 

We decided to keep the name each child has been called by their whole lives. For Princess, it is moving to the middle spot, so Victoria _______. She *likes* Victoria, but I don't know if she'll ever move to using it. For now, we just play with it. Sport's name is ________ Jeremiah, A.J. for short. We use his first name and nickname about equally at this point. For Munchkin, we are changing the spelling of his first name and have given him the middle name Anthony, so it's ______ Anthony.

 

And to bring it on topic a little. If I could, I'd be pulling C. School is simply not the best option for him right now. And we had some concerns that made me wonder if home would ever be best; but his progress, esp in the last month, has me thinking my hope for him was right (his sister was much worse off at his age and look where she is now; in time, he may make miraculous gains like that too).

 

Pulling all three immediately (after adoption is finalized in February) isn't an option for a number of reasons. Thankfully, I see *real* benefits to AJ going to school next year (and I absolutely adore the kindy teachers here as Victoria has one of them and I have been working with the other). I also think Victoria is the kind of kid and has the advantages that it'll be good for her to go to school for awhile and she does BEAUTIFULLY afterschooling.

 

So next year, AJ and Victoria will go to Kindy and 1st. I will likely not send C if I can get my daughter and hubby to help me in the fall. I likely *will* send him to Kindy the following year and then it will be considered based on what each individual child's needs are, the three as a whole's needs are (the biggest con to homeschooling at this point) and our family's needs are.

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I *tend* to be one who is *extremely* emotional (at least on the inside and on the message board).

 

Background: my two oldest homeschooled throughout (my ds used a virtual academy for 7th and part of 8th and each went to school for 8 weeks in 2001).

 

There is a certain "flaw" both of them have as older teens that I wonder if we basically nurtured in them by homeschooling and/or the way we homeschooled that would not have been an issue had they attended school. Of course, that is silly. All sorts of people who attend school get exposure to certain life skills and still fail to exhibit them at 16 and/or 19 years old! But last night, I was upset because a HUGE mistake my daughter made which is likely going to change her path significantly. We have been fighting this issue for awhile with both kids, but this time it's probably going to cost a LOT of time and money.

 

My first thought was to blame homeschooling and myself.

 

But fact is, my children are basically adults. I made the choices I made because I thought they were best at the time. Whether I was right or wrong (and after hubby and I chatted, I do still believe they were right), it is what it is at this point. As older teens THEY are responsible for the way their lives play out now. Maybe some aspects are harder because of this or that. Or maybe some are easier. But regardless, these are THEIR stories now. They really can't blame ME (not that they are; but that also means that *I* can't blame me either).

 

Hopefully, they make good choices. Hopefully they do what they want to do. Hopefully it works out for them.

I'll be here for support as they make their way through things :)

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yes

 

There was a time when I never thought anything could be better than homeschooling. And since I haven't actually had any dc in school yet, maybe nothing is. But there are serious disadvantages we are experiencing (not just education-related) and I don't think it's the best thing going forward for us, even if it might have been in the past.

 

:grouphug:

 

I was and am a die-hard homeschooler, yet I looking back, I think I did do my older boys a disservice by homeschooling them through high school. I did not have it in me to follow through on some things they fought me on. I did not give the social aspect enough attention, nor the competition aspect enough attention. I think my older son in particular would have had a better outcome with a "good" high school. That, unfortunately does not exist where we live. There is only the public high school and one expensive private & one expensive Catholic HS...both private schools are almost an hour away each....the regular high school really could offer him nothing, so we continued to homeschool until he could go to college. He is doing well, and says he loved his homeschooling years......but sometimes I just wonder.......

 

I do not think I will exclusively homeschool my boys.....there is a new school opening where a dual enrollment is available....I am thinking seriously about looking into that option.

 

Faithe

Edited by Mommyfaithe
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I think the only advice I really would have for anyone is to not get married to a dream or a vision of what you hope, but to be really honest with what the options are and the costs and benefits of each.

 

:iagree:

 

My older dd started 3rd grade in a private school, this year. It has been what I would have hoped for. She loves it. We love it. I can see areas where I was leaving gaps and they would have likely widened, over time. However, I have been quite pleased that math and reading (my focus areas) have been areas where she folded right in. She's gotten straight A's so I haven't kicked myself over the gap areas. There were just a few tears that could have been prevented with some basic work in a few areas.

 

Now, she is one that I said all along would do well in school. Bright, but not too bright. Adaptable in her learning style. Worksheet, reading, or project----she does fine. I have positive thoughts about homeschooling and would do it again, if it was the best option.

 

My two, measly, cents is that I now shy away from any discussion that placate a worried mom with "They can learn that when they are older." It's a bit of a pet peeve. Maybe they can and maybe it will make things unnecessarily difficult for them. I say that generically, so it can be true. But I also think that line of thought is applied too much and can be very damaging.

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I *tend* to be one who is *extremely* emotional (at least on the inside and on the message board).

 

Background: my two oldest homeschooled throughout (my ds used a virtual academy for 7th and part of 8th and each went to school for 8 weeks in 2001).

 

There is a certain "flaw" both of them have as older teens that I wonder if we basically nurtured in them by homeschooling and/or the way we homeschooled that would not have been an issue had they attended school. Of course, that is silly. All sorts of people who attend school get exposure to certain life skills and still fail to exhibit them at 16 and/or 19 years old! But last night, I was upset because a HUGE mistake my daughter made which is likely going to change her path significantly. We have been fighting this issue for awhile with both kids, but this time it's probably going to cost a LOT of time and money.

 

My first thought was to blame homeschooling and myself.

 

But fact is, my children are basically adults. I made the choices I made because I thought they were best at the time. Whether I was right or wrong (and after hubby and I chatted, I do still believe they were right), it is what it is at this point. As older teens THEY are responsible for the way their lives play out now. Maybe some aspects are harder because of this or that. Or maybe some are easier. But regardless, these are THEIR stories now. They really can't blame ME (not that they are; but that also means that *I* can't blame me either).

 

Hopefully, they make good choices. Hopefully they do what they want to do. Hopefully it works out for them.

I'll be here for support as they make their way through things :)

 

:grouphug::grouphug: It's hard as a parent not to "take on" the choices our kids make and to think if only we had done something differently they would have chosen differently. I think often times there are things kids will choose no matter what schooling option they had. I've watched it in the youth/young adult population in my church. Kids who have made inadvisable choices learned from them and usually it was a stronger lesson because of the consequences of their choice. I'm convinced that sometimes it is just basic personality. i.e. some kids need to do things the hard way. That's hard for a parent to watch. And it's impossible to prove a negative. You will never know what pitfalls your kids avoided because you homeschooled.

 

We are all trying to do the best for our kids in the circumstances we are in. I'm sure your kids know that and know you love them :grouphug::grouphug:

 

Blessings,

Mary

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I wish I had been more like this. You said in three sentences what I took a big screed to write. I think I will edit mine.

 

Parenting is hard. As hs parents we take our parenting and teaching particularly serious. I know families that hs the whole way and have great kids that from my point of view thrived.

 

I used to wish my kids came with instruction manuals. You likely did much better starting out than I (no good parenting role models here). I feel bad sometimes for my firstborn, or my guinea kid.

 

You are a good mom, Patty Joanna. :grouphug:

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:grouphug::grouphug: It's hard as a parent not to "take on" the choices our kids make and to think if only we had done something differently they would have chosen differently. I think often times there are things kids will choose no matter what schooling option they had. I've watched it in the youth/young adult population in my church. Kids who have made inadvisable choices learned from them and usually it was a stronger lesson because of the consequences of their choice. I'm convinced that sometimes it is just basic personality. i.e. some kids need to do things the hard way. That's hard for a parent to watch. And it's impossible to prove a negative. You will never know what pitfalls your kids avoided because you homeschooled.

 

 

Yes! That is the thing. Kids aren't always as malleable as we'd like to think. They are people with their own personalities and preferences. While loving, guiding, talking, influencing them along the way is very important and does make a difference, in the end they get to make their own choices and make their own mistakes.

 

Example: I have always raised my kids to be prepared, I am always on time, I have my items organized and ready to go either the night before or early in the morning, and I am almost always on time or early to everything. All my kids have planners and use them from a young age.

 

My oldest is fabulous in so many ways, but he is the absented-minded professor. He is still eating 15 minutes before he has to be at work. He hasn't showered. It only takes 5 minutes to drive there, but I know he will eat, jump in the shower, and then run around the house furiously asking if anyone knows where his keys, shoes, belt, hat are. Frustrating. I'm hoping he'll get it soon. :001_huh:

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I've had fleeting moments of panic. However, I've come to the conclusion homeschooling is the best thing for this child. Since I only have one, the choice is made. We discussed it at length earlier this year. I wanted to make sure HE was happy/content being homeschooled. The pros outweigh the cons.

 

I did tell him I don't want him to feel like homeschooling held him back or stunted him in any way. He smiled and said no, although I know he could change his mind down the road.

 

I do take the time to talk and make sure I am not throwing education at him, if that makes sense. We talk about his desires and opinions, he has input. this is HIS education, he gets some say in how it happens.

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I think, for myself, I question many of the parenting decisions I make that aren't black and white. There are shades of grey in so many of the choices we make as parents.

I don't doubt the younger years at all. Up to 6th grade, maybe 7th, no regrets, and I didn't doubt it much at all. But as they get older.... it seems tougher and tougher not to wonder.

Every year we re-evaluate. As you can see from my siggie, DS decided to go back to PS and we decided to support him. I still hope that was the right call. He's doing great, but all the stories he tells me about drugs and alcohol in the school unnerve me. Yesterday he came home telling me that three girls threw up in the cafeteria because they were drunk.... Which I know is normal for high school, but still.

With younger DS, everyday we move closer to high school. Everyday I feel the pressure of making sure I equip him for what he wants to do with his future (he's wanted to be a vet for years). That pressure makes me worry I may not be able to provide the education he needs.

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I think, for myself, I question many of the parenting decisions I make that aren't black and white. There are shades of grey in so many of the choices we make as parents.

I don't doubt the younger years at all. Up to 6th grade, maybe 7th, no regrets, and I didn't doubt it much at all. But as they get older.... it seems tougher and tougher not to wonder.

Every year we re-evaluate. As you can see from my siggie, DS decided to go back to PS and we decided to support him. I still hope that was the right call. He's doing great, but all the stories he tells me about drugs and alcohol in the school unnerve me. Yesterday he came home telling me that three girls threw up in the cafeteria because they were drunk.... Which I know is normal for high school, but still.

With younger DS, everyday we move closer to high school. Everyday I feel the pressure of making sure I equip him for what he wants to do with his future (he's wanted to be a vet for years). That pressure makes me worry I may not be able to provide the education he needs.

 

Wouldn't it be nice to have a crystal ball? My dd is at a private school. It is a good one, but it isn't perfect. I expected better, but she is happy, learning, and growing.

 

I kind of wish I knew what path my younger two are going to take, but they have different issues. Oh, and one son is going to tour with his band around the country. He's so lucky he wasn't my first born. :lol:

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This same conversation came up in our house last night at my request (PC term for me having a fit).

 

I asked for neutral feedback through his eyes, listened carefully to his responses.

 

My "disservice to the kid" area stems from the sheer respect/behavior differences that I deal with all day vs. what I see with dd levels with others.

 

They can be vastly different worlds. So there's the persistence issue left on my doorstep.

 

As far as academics (age/ability wise), I have no question where the higher quality achievement possibilities and proof are at. Home is the winner by far.

 

Homeschooling and my oldest daughter was a completely different experience; with that one, I definitely would have done wrong to keep her at full-time homeschooling. There's no way I could have met her needs alone and instead used a series of magnets, charters and blended styles.

 

Two years before graduation, she returned to PS for structure and opportunities in her peer group. Her alternative education lasted for 9 years, and was a total whirlwind with no map.

 

---

 

Today, I deal with just one to customize things and thoughts with...you on the other hand have a bunch.

 

You have my great unending empathy. That's a lot to work though.

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I voted sometimes. It is really hard not to compare how you are doing homeschooling versus other homeschoolers or other schoolers. I check in with my hubby regulary just to make sure he feels nothing is falling in the gap. However, no matter if I teach them or they go to school, I know there most likely will be gaps. That is not to say that I shouldn't be concerned about them. However, right now, my kids are practicing volin and piano Christmas songs to play together as a gift for my hubby. They thought of this all on their own. It is moments like this where I wonder if it would have happened if they were not homeschooled.

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