PDD-NOS diagnosis, now what?

[lisamarie]

Quick background--my DS is 8, in 3rd grade in PS, but was HSed until this year (with a year of young 5s in PS).

 

Took DS to the ped psychiatrist today and came away with a PDD-NOS dx. Now what? DS is highly gifted so no educational problems, he's getting all A's in school. We just had PT conferences before Thanksgiving and his teacher never said anything about DS other than he was smart, doing well, etc. No mention of social problems or anything which the dr found very surprising. Ya, I did, too. I was fully expecting the teacher to have something to say. The dr suggested social training through the school (friendship groups, something similar) which I was told DS's school offers. I got the social worker's email address and will set up a time to meet with her...maybe.

 

From my perspective, the main issue is social skills or lack there of. He is a great kid, follows the rules, thrives in an academic setting, but he isn't even trying to make friends and says he doesn't want friends, that he likes to be by himself. On the one hand I'd like to get him involved in a friendship group if it will help him learn these skills, but on the other, I have no plans at this time to tell DS about this Dx. I told him that we were there to discuss his schooling and how to challenge him (I made the dr talk to me in another room). I'm not sure I can keep DS from figuring something isn't right if I put him in a special group. He's not stupid, he'll connect the dots. I did not fill out the form to allow the dr to forward the diagnosis to the school because I may not share this info with them unless we decide it's necessary.

 

I guess I'm not sure what to do from here. Pursue the IEP and friendship group, try to work on social training at home, something else?

[happycc]

and have him join a club of people with similar interests?

 

Lego club if he likes legos..

Drama club if he likes drama.

Singing club if he likes singing

Martial arts etc etc.

 

Maybe he might be able to make at least one buddy from his club and just have regular weekly hang out time free play time at the house.

 

PDD-NOS usually have a special interest and if they find that someone with similar interests then they are set to go.

 

What I usually do is set up regular playdates...they can do what they like to do for awhile (video games) and then I set up other activities as well to introduce them to other stuff: craft, music, games etc. There may be some balking about not being able to do what they like to do but my kids have suddenly started doing other things with their friends other than just that one thing.

 

Basically find his passion and then find someone else who has the same passion. With the amount of PDD-NOS, autism Spectrum disorder diagnoses out there you are bound to find someone. I am so able to spot the quirky ones for my kids. Rather my kids just seem to attract the quirky ones.

 

Also I noticed you mentioned your son goes to school. What has helped my kids is making friends with the parents myself. I find a parent who I like and have the same value system and we set up a hang out date when we hang out together with the kids playing in the background. The kids rather have no choice but to hang out together while the two moms chit chat. I have done that many times and then the kids just become friends by watching us sometimes.

 

 

For what it is worth, my kids made no friends at school last year whatsoever. The years before they were in a smaller school (200 kids from preschool to 8th grade) and they made one friend each. Maybe the school is too big. Since I started homeschooling my kids their confidence has increased and they seem to be more willing to socialize with new kids as long as it is on their own turf which is at home.

Edited January 2, 2012 by happycc

[Barbara H]

I wasn't sure from your post. Do you agree with the diagnosis?

 

One way to approach it now might be from a gifted perspective. This is a helpful book: http://www.amazon.com/Parents-Guide-Gifted-Children/dp/0910707529/ref=tmm_pap_title_0 Also, if are gifted groups or a psychologist who works with gifted kids in the area that might be worth considering.

 

This is a good book for parents about helping kids make friends: http://www.amazon.com/Good-Friends-Are-Hard-Find/dp/096220367X

 

If you have not already done so, I would talk to your son a bit about introversion and the idea that even introverts benefit from making friends. This can be presented in a supportive way that helps him understand his need for alone time to recharge, but also encourages him to see that he can be a good friend.

[Guest oneplaceforspecialneeds]

My son is PDD-Nos. He is 13 and has known about his actual diagnosis since age 11. I've always considered myself "different" and had a hard time in social settings as a kid (and still now to some extent). It would have been nice to know that it wasn't just me; that there was a reason behind it other than my own failings. With that in mind and having two special needs kids of my own, here is how I presented that to them.

 

Here are 30 beans (or M&Ms). These beans represent all your strengths and weaknesses. You might have a lot of beans in math and science. That leaves only a few beans for sports and social skills. Everyone has the same amount of beans but where those beans go is different for each person. Math might be easy for you but hard for someone else. Making friends might be easy for one person but harder for you. It just means that you need to work a little harder than others in that area. This helps a child understand that everyone is different in their own way.

 

Here are some articles for parents to help their kids make friends http://bit.ly/mGVfdw