5LittleMonkeys Posted December 11, 2011 Share Posted December 11, 2011 Dd8 and ds5 play with similiarly aged dc that live across the street. They play at their house and at our house. Today they were playing outside but got chilly and wanted to come in to play. I heard dd8's friend M tell her that she would have to bring her little sister in too since her dad had said she had to keep her with her while they were playing. Little sister is 3. M (9yo) doesn't like having to watch little sister so I know that little sister would have ended up in my living room chattering at me or getting into things upstairs because the girls wouldn't keep an eye on her. So, essentially I would have had to be responsible for her. I told them no, that if little sister was part of the package that they would all have to go back over to their house. Now, I feel guilty for turning them away. I've always had the policy with this family that my dc play there and their dc (the two older ones) can play here. The parents have just recently started making M take the little sister every time dd8 wants to play with her so I suspect I will have to deal with this again. Should I let the 3yo come over too? I think I would feel put out and that I was being used as a babysitter. I mean I would never dream of sending my 3yo over to their house with dd8. First of all because it wouldn't be fair to dd8, second of all I wouldn't want them to have to deal with my 3yo. What do you all think? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
QuirkyKapers Posted December 11, 2011 Share Posted December 11, 2011 From experience with neighborhood children, I wouldn't have them play in the house. Even if it is cold, they can play out as long as they can tolerate and than play time ends. I will sometimes do hot chocolate. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Remudamom Posted December 11, 2011 Share Posted December 11, 2011 That's too young. Her parents should be watching her. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LaxMom Posted December 11, 2011 Share Posted December 11, 2011 What was your 3 yo doing? If a 3 yo came over to play at my house, it would be as you described, but if a 3 yo friend had come over when I *had* a 3 yo (or two), she would have just been assimilated into the pack. I wouldn't feel a bit guilty about not being a de facto sitter, or stipulating that play is outside-only, though. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chris in VA Posted December 11, 2011 Share Posted December 11, 2011 I'd say the 9yo isn't really free to play with your dd unless she's not watching her sister. That's too bad that the parents won't let her have time without her to play. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
justasque Posted December 11, 2011 Share Posted December 11, 2011 Talk to the parents. Come up with a plan. You shouldn't have to have the 3yo if you don't want to, especially if you are doing other things and can't watch them. OTOH, the other mom wants her child to mind the 3yo, and if you don't have them over, they will always play at the neighbor's, which means you don't get to be the "go to" house, which means you don't get to set the rules/tone/etc. Probably a bit of both is in order. Maybe a "not while I'm cooking dinner, but tomorrow afternoon would be good." Or whatever. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKL Posted December 11, 2011 Share Posted December 11, 2011 1) I might let them into the house, but I'd make the 3yo stay with her sister. Period. 2) Don't feel guilty about saying it's not a good time to have kids in the house. That is always your prerogative, 3yo or no 3yo. 3) I would avoid any language that could be translated as "Mrs. _ doesn't want Little Sis over there." I think it's good for kids to take care of their younger siblings some of the time. It's part of life, and it's not wrong to have your daughter be a part of it. Sometimes we have to do things we don't feel like doing. If your daughter doesn't like the package deal, maybe she can play more at the other house, where the 3yo can be watched by her mom. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
5LittleMonkeys Posted December 11, 2011 Author Share Posted December 11, 2011 What was your 3 yo doing? If a 3 yo came over to play at my house, it would be as you described, but if a 3 yo friend had come over when I *had* a 3 yo (or two), she would have just been assimilated into the pack. I wouldn't feel a bit guilty about not being a de facto sitter, or stipulating that play is outside-only, though. She doesn't play well with my 3yo. "Little sister" isn't used to sharing and we have REALLY different rules in our house than she is used to regarding sharing (and pretty much everything else) so it ends up with me literally having to hover over the top of them to keep everybody safe and playing nicely. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LaxMom Posted December 11, 2011 Share Posted December 11, 2011 Oh, yeah. I would exercise the not feeling guilty at all option, then. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bettyandbob Posted December 11, 2011 Share Posted December 11, 2011 play outside or not at all. You are not a babysitter. You should not feel the slightest guilt about this. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
5LittleMonkeys Posted December 11, 2011 Author Share Posted December 11, 2011 1) 3) I would avoid any language that could be translated as "Mrs. _ doesn't want Little Sis over there."Yes, I'm kind of concerned about that one. My dd asked why she couldn't come in and I told her that I didn't want to have to be responsible for a 3yo this afternoon. I'm not sure what she might say to her friends parents as to why they had to play over there. I think it's good for kids to take care of their younger siblings some of the time. It's part of life, and it's not wrong to have your daughter be a part of it. Sometimes we have to do things we don't feel like doing. If your daughter doesn't like the package deal, maybe she can play more at the other house, where the 3yo can be watched by her mom. I totally get this last part too. Dd8 has to watch dd3 everyday of school for an hour and on usually for a little while on the weekend, but I don't let her play with friends while she is responsible for dd3 because I know how dc are and how easily they can get distracted or lose track of their first priority. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ellie Posted December 11, 2011 Share Posted December 11, 2011 I think you did just the right thing. No guilt. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SailorMom Posted December 11, 2011 Share Posted December 11, 2011 I would have said "no" as well :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gardenmom5 Posted December 12, 2011 Share Posted December 12, 2011 I wouldn't allow the 3yo unless they plan on paying you for babysitting. ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EKS Posted December 12, 2011 Share Posted December 12, 2011 play outside or not at all. You are not a babysitter. You should not feel the slightest guilt about this. :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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