Jenny in Florida Posted December 10, 2011 Share Posted December 10, 2011 (edited) . Edited December 10, 2011 by Jenny in Florida Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WeeBeaks Posted December 10, 2011 Share Posted December 10, 2011 Is your son under the care of a psychiatrist? I would start there. This is beyond normal teen behavior. I say that because my own son at much younger has been violent, so I've been there, albeit with a currently smaller child, but one who is strong and growing fast ... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
silliness7 Posted December 10, 2011 Share Posted December 10, 2011 :grouphug::grouphug: I am so sorry. that sounds very scary. I would schedule a psychiatric evaluation to see what might be going on with your son. Family counseling might be in order too. :grouphug::grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jennsmile Posted December 10, 2011 Share Posted December 10, 2011 :grouphug::grouphug: It sounds like your family needs outside help. Counseling something. My family had issues but there was never physical violence. If you aren't safe in your home with your son perhaps he needs to go somewhere else to protect you and your daughter. :grouphug::grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Liz CA Posted December 10, 2011 Share Posted December 10, 2011 (edited) Immediate Professional Intervention by a Clinical Psychologist! I would not let this boy spin out of control like this (he may be aghast at his own behavior once he calms down but does not know how to control his impulses) and be afraid I get harmed in the process. Please give him a chance to "restructure" the path he is on with the help of a professional. :grouphug: Edited December 10, 2011 by Liz CA Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
curlylocks Posted December 10, 2011 Share Posted December 10, 2011 First - :grouphug: Secondly - this is NOT normal teen boy behavior. I agree with WeeBeaks about seeing a psychiatrist or psychologist. Something is "off"...please get help before something worse happens. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tex-mex Posted December 10, 2011 Share Posted December 10, 2011 Is your son under the care of a psychiatrist? I would start there. This is beyond normal teen behavior. I say that because my own son at much younger has been violent, so I've been there, albeit with a currently smaller child, but one who is strong and growing fast ... :iagree::iagree::iagree: Rage and anger like that are NOT normal. Period. The odd thing I thought to myself while reading the physical abuse the OP was getting -- was why is she not calling 911? The cops can assess the situation and agree to a 5150 psych eval/hold. She is lucky a weapon was not used. I repeat... this needs to be evaluated by a professional. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kalanamak Posted December 10, 2011 Share Posted December 10, 2011 Immediate Professional Intervention by a Clinical Psychologist! Please give him a chance to "restructure" the path he is on with the help of a professional. :grouphug: :iagree::grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: It must be terrifying. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
In2why Posted December 10, 2011 Share Posted December 10, 2011 Oh Jenny I am so sorry. If it were me I would call the police and have him arrested. I know that sounds harsh, but that would get him into court ordered counseling and teach him that he can NEVER put his hands on you. As a young teen it won't stay on his record, but this is a huge red flag for what could come. My oldest son had alcohol problems and having him arrested was the hardest and the best thing I ever did. It made him accountable, and if counseling wasn't court ordered he wouldn't have went, or even tried to change. I have to say that we were blessed that my son even at his most destructive never made me feel threatened or raised his hands to any of us, and I know your heart must be breaking. I wish you and your family the very best, and I know how hard it is when you have a child acting out in destructive ways. If you ever want to talk I am here. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carol in Cal. Posted December 10, 2011 Share Posted December 10, 2011 This is very, very serious. I would want outside help, pronto. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elegantlion Posted December 10, 2011 Share Posted December 10, 2011 :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: I'm sorry. I hope you are all right. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Live2Ride Posted December 10, 2011 Share Posted December 10, 2011 (edited) My thoughts on this first was that I probably would have called the police after not getting my husband...especially if I'd had issues with my child before. If he's not seeing someone, he needs to asap. Sounds harsh, but he needs to understand that it is Never acceptable to use violence when you are angry. I know of a woman who recently ended up with her leg severely broken in multiple places and her arm fractured because of her son, who is but a few years older than yours. She is having to deal with some major surgeries now. I have to say though that I honestly don't know what I would have done at that time beyond locking myself into a room and waiting for hubby to return. I would have still called someone else for help if I couldn't get my husband...preferably a much larger man! Hugs to you though. Edited December 10, 2011 by CountryGirl2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RoughCollie Posted December 10, 2011 Share Posted December 10, 2011 I would not call the police. I would take my son to the ER for a psych evaluation, and do my best to have him admitted to an adolescent psych ward because he is "a danger to himself or others". Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alte Veste Academy Posted December 10, 2011 Share Posted December 10, 2011 I agree with finding someone for counseling. ***I do not know you from Adam, so please do not take offense to this...not an accusation, just an if it happens to apply suggestion.*** If he has learned this behavior from either you or your DH having short tempers or correcting him physically, consider family and individual counseling for all concerned. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bensmom Posted December 10, 2011 Share Posted December 10, 2011 Is your son under the care of a psychiatrist? I would start there. This is beyond normal teen behavior. He sounds like he needs some professional help with processing his thoughts and controlling impulses/anger. I agree that this is beyond normal teenage drama. You say that this is not the first time that he has become physical in his anger. I would fear that this behavior would not only continue, but escalate. Please seek counseling soon. I'm so sorry. Wishing you and your family the best. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Caitilin Posted December 10, 2011 Share Posted December 10, 2011 I would not call the police. I would take my son to the ER for a psych evaluation, and do my best to have him admitted to an adolescent psych ward because he is "a danger to himself or others". :iagree: So sorry, Jenny.:grouphug: Wishing you peace and comfort.:grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WeeBeaks Posted December 10, 2011 Share Posted December 10, 2011 Addendum - Yes to 911 in that situation. If you are physically threatened to that degree, call 911. Even if he rips the phone from your hands, an unanswered call will be traced and police sent to help you immediately. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
unsinkable Posted December 10, 2011 Share Posted December 10, 2011 jenny, whatever else you decide, please leave the house now...even if you just drive to the end of your street. Bring your cell & purse and tell your DH where you are. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mom4him Posted December 10, 2011 Share Posted December 10, 2011 I agree with the psychiatric evaluation. We are in that process with our youngest. How do I deal. Our son isn't allowed to do anything but breath very carefully. If he breaks something(phone thrown across the room) he gets a list of chores that will pay for the damage and is not allowed to do the anything but breath until the debt is paid. Other things I would seriously look at are diet and environment. These are two very big things for our son. We followed the Spec. Carb. Diet for 5 yrs and have just this last year been able to more to a more gluten free diet. If he gets something that he reacts to we are in trouble. The same goes for the environment. If he has an exposure to fragrances(colognes, perfumes, air-fresheners, cleaners, fragranced laundry stuff, hair care things that are fragranced, etc) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mamakimberly Posted December 10, 2011 Share Posted December 10, 2011 Honestly, you should take him to the ER now- with your husband- and have him admitted because he is physically a harm to himself and others. He needs to know that can't happen again. And he also needs treatment for his anger issues. I'm so sorry- that must have been scary! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Impish Posted December 10, 2011 Share Posted December 10, 2011 Absolutely get him psych help. Be warned, though...in some areas, it seems like the only way to access mental help for children is via the court system. Not a pleasant thought, granted, but one that could very well safe his future. :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EKS Posted December 10, 2011 Share Posted December 10, 2011 :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wabi Sabi Posted December 10, 2011 Share Posted December 10, 2011 Please do whatever it takes to keep yourself safe and ensure that he gets immediate psychiatric attention. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ailaena Posted December 10, 2011 Share Posted December 10, 2011 :grouphug::grouphug: What do you do for consequences? I don't think there are consequences for something like this, only help. How do you get up and do it again the next day? You get up and do it again the next day because you love your children, and you are always strong for them. That's not to say you have to fully trust your son, trust has to be earned and he has violated your trust in a most heinous manner, but your son needs your strength to help him. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Unicorn. Posted December 10, 2011 Share Posted December 10, 2011 First of all, :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:!! I second taking a look at his diet and environment. I also want to mention that a combination of lack of sleep, raging hormones, and poor diet can cause rages. When ds has bowed up to me, and tried to get in my face in a rage (1) I don't back down, I get right back in his face- (yes he is bigger than me, but I don't let him see fear), and tell him to calm down. We've told him he can go out and walk it off. (2) It is ALWAYS when he is seriously sleep deprived, and eating poorly. Sometimes it helps for a trusted (by him) adult who isn't related to talk w/ him. My best friend has had long talks w/ him before about his behavior, consequences for his actions, and the like. It helps. I do think you might consider counseling for him too. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Annie G Posted December 10, 2011 Share Posted December 10, 2011 I'm so sorry. I know you're probably scratching your head wondering how the conversation turned ugly so quickly. Teenagers can be strange creatures but this seems a little more than just teenage overreaction. Hope your weekend is peaceful and that as a family you can all work this out. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ottakee Posted December 10, 2011 Share Posted December 10, 2011 I would take him to ER when your husband comes home to help you transport him and if there is any physical violence on the way, etc. call 911. This is very serious and not typical behavior. He needs a good evaluation in a safe place where YOU can be safe as well. It could be a mood disorder or other mental illness, seizures, or other medical issue but once again YOUR safety needs to be first. If he goes after you like this he could just as easily go after your daughter or someone else and do great harm. Not fun but I have had to admit a child before to a psych. unit to get the help they needed. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Enough Posted December 10, 2011 Share Posted December 10, 2011 I agree with finding someone for counseling. ***I do not know you from Adam, so please do not take offense to this...not an accusation, just an if it happens to apply suggestion.*** If he has learned this behavior from either you or your DH having short tempers or correcting him physically, consider family and individual counseling for all concerned. :grouphug: Agree, with both parts. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MamaT Posted December 10, 2011 Share Posted December 10, 2011 :grouphug::grouphug: What do you do for consequences? I don't think there are consequences for something like this, only help. How do you get up and do it again the next day? You get up and do it again the next day because you love your children, and you are always strong for them. That's not to say you have to fully trust your son, trust has to be earned and he has violated your trust in a most heinous manner, but your son needs your strength to help him. :iagree: and I'm sending you hugs and prayers, Jenny. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rivka Posted December 10, 2011 Share Posted December 10, 2011 I would take him to ER when your husband comes home to help you transport him and if there is any physical violence on the way, etc. call 911. This is very serious and not typical behavior. He needs a good evaluation in a safe place where YOU can be safe as well. It could be a mood disorder or other mental illness, seizures, or other medical issue but once again YOUR safety needs to be first. If he goes after you like this he could just as easily go after your daughter or someone else and do great harm. I agree. I am so sorry, Jenny. What an awful thing to have happen. It's terrible to not be safe in your own home, from your own family. I am very sorry indeed. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rebecca VA Posted December 10, 2011 Share Posted December 10, 2011 Oh, Jenny, I'm so sorry. From what you've posted about your son for years and years, he doesn't seem like a threat to society. If I were you, I'd hold off on calling the police or taking him to the ER. It must be especially difficult for you to witness this behavior, since you are such a peace-loving person. I can remember many threads about gun control, CAP, Boy Scouts, etc. in which you mentioned your heartfelt beliefs. However, it's possible that your son -- while he may agree intellectually with pacifism -- doesn't have a guy-oriented outlet to work off his normal aggressive male emotions. My son used to go on long hikes and campouts every month with the Scouts. He learned to use a knife, a gun, make fires from scratch, and all the other really satisfying things that guys have traditionally loved to do. That helped harness his sometimes out-of-control teen feelings and gave him some useful skills. Being around other people's dads -- and there were some fabulous dads in our Scout troop -- got him away from our family for a while and gave him a healthy male perspective (as opposed to mom's or his little sister's views on things). I know your son is involved with dance and theater, which are good, but I wonder if he's really able to work off his burgeoning male emotions in that somewhat artificial environment. Do you think he needs more adult male bonding and outdoor exercise? Your son sounds like a very frustrated young male to me, but he doesn't sound like a psychopath. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
justamouse Posted December 10, 2011 Share Posted December 10, 2011 It is SO hard to do what Ottakee said, because you're mom and moms tend to minimize things, but you really need to listen to that advice. I actually would have called 911 right there, because that was physical assault. If it were a stranger...but it was you, and that doesn't make it less serious. :grouphug::grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sputterduck Posted December 10, 2011 Share Posted December 10, 2011 To be very honest, I would have called the police. And I would have told them to take him and I would press charges. I will not shelter my child from criminal behavior, especially if it's violent. I would want the daylights scared out him with a lesson that he will never forget. I would also intervene by taking him to a psychiatrist. But there are very hard limits to certain behavior that I will not even accept from my own child. Sometimes, real world consequences do scare kids going down a bad road and give them a real idea of why they must cease immediately. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
justamouse Posted December 10, 2011 Share Posted December 10, 2011 Oh, Jenny, I'm so sorry. From what you've posted about your son for years and years, he doesn't seem like a threat to society. If I were you, I'd hold off on calling the police or taking him to the ER. It must be especially difficult for you to witness this behavior, since you are such a peace-loving person. I can remember many threads about gun control, CAP, Boy Scouts, etc. in which you mentioned your heartfelt beliefs. However, it's possible that your son -- while he may agree intellectually with pacifism -- doesn't have a guy-oriented outlet to work off his normal aggressive male emotions. My son used to go on long hikes and campouts every month with the Scouts. He learned to use a knife, a gun, make fires from scratch, and all the other really satisfying things that guys have traditionally loved to do. That helped harness his sometimes out-of-control teen feelings and gave him some useful skills. Being around other people's dads -- and there were some fabulous dads in our Scout troop -- got him away from our family for a while and gave him a healthy male perspective (as opposed to mom's or his little sister's views on things). I know your son is involved with dance and theater, which are good, but I wonder if he's really able to work off his burgeoning male emotions in that somewhat artificial environment. Do you think he needs more adult male bonding and outdoor exercise? Your son sounds like a very frustrated young male to me, but he doesn't sound like a psychopath. That's so not cool. You're blaming her beliefs for her son's outburst and though it's wrapped up really pretty, it's not constructive, and not true. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
silliness7 Posted December 10, 2011 Share Posted December 10, 2011 getting him a psych eval does not mean he is a psychopath. Please get professional help. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catz Posted December 10, 2011 Share Posted December 10, 2011 Addendum - Yes to 911 in that situation. If you are physically threatened to that degree, call 911. Even if he rips the phone from your hands, an unanswered call will be traced and police sent to help you immediately. :grouphug: :iagree: this happened to my brother with his stepson a year ago. It actually ruined our family Christmas. This boy appears to have made a turn around over the past year. In his case, his parents are at least partially to blame (he's been latch key since age 10 and untreated ADHD). I think the psych and therapist is a good idea. This is not normal behavior. :grouphug: I'm sorry! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rebecca VA Posted December 10, 2011 Share Posted December 10, 2011 No, I'm not blaming Jenny! I'm just saying her son might not have outlets for his aggressive feelings! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catz Posted December 10, 2011 Share Posted December 10, 2011 That's so not cool. You're blaming her beliefs for her son's outburst and though it's wrapped up really pretty, it's not constructive, and not true. :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sputterduck Posted December 10, 2011 Share Posted December 10, 2011 Also, I know this is probably one of your worst nightmares, and I'm a extremely sorry. It is not your fault. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lang Syne Boardie Posted December 10, 2011 Share Posted December 10, 2011 Jenny :grouphug: I hope you are safe right now, and that you and your DH are working on a plan. I'm praying for your family and for the professionals who will be working with you and your son. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ester Maria Posted December 10, 2011 Share Posted December 10, 2011 I am in the 911 camp. Violence of those proportions is inexcusable and nobody will be safe or helped if it remains ignored. The next step would be a military boot camp / school, preferably one specifically tailored to cases of youths who cannot restrain their negative physical energy and are in danger in this way. There are ways of dealing with angry young men within those structures and he may benefit from the experience. Not an ideal, I know, but the lack of self-restrain to this extent is a serious problem and NOT a normal teen thing. Take care of yourself and your physical safety. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jen500 Posted December 10, 2011 Share Posted December 10, 2011 :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
regentrude Posted December 10, 2011 Share Posted December 10, 2011 Jenny, I am so sorry to hear that. It can only imagine how frightening this must be. I agree with everybody who recommended a psychiatric evaluation, possibly starting with an ER visit. I disagree with those who recommended calling the police. Very likely your son does not have full impulse control and has psychological issues going on; criminalizing his behavior may not be the best way to get him, and your family, the needed help. I will be thinking of you; please keep us updated.:grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
In2why Posted December 10, 2011 Share Posted December 10, 2011 Absolutely get him psych help. Be warned, though...in some areas, it seems like the only way to access mental help for children is via the court system. Not a pleasant thought, granted, but one that could very well safe his future. :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: This was my experience as well. The options for mental illness treatment for a child who doesn't want it or have strong motivation to get it is slim to none. Having your child arrested seems harsh, but believe me it can open you up to resources that you would never be able to get otherwise, plus the motivation is there since if he doesn't follow the treatment plan then he faces detention. That is the stick, and having a loving home is the carrot. The other factor is that this boy must know NOW that threatening his mother or taking physical action against her is NEVER tolerated. This is a major taboo and line that was crossed, that simple therapy isn't enough of a shock to change. Now is not the time to examine his feelings, it needs a shock and awe campaign. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kwg Posted December 10, 2011 Share Posted December 10, 2011 :grouphug: I do not know what I would do :grouphug: My dsd had anger issues in that she would throw things, hit walls and that scared me. Counseling helped :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
*anj* Posted December 10, 2011 Share Posted December 10, 2011 Oh Jenny I am so sorry. If it were me I would call the police and have him arrested. I know that sounds harsh, but that would get him into court ordered counseling and teach him that he can NEVER put his hands on you. I have to say that I agree wholeheartedly. This is really serious. For his sake, and for the sake of any women in his future, please get him the help that he needs. I'm so sorry that you're going through this. I can imagine how heavy your heart must be tonight. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OLG Posted December 10, 2011 Share Posted December 10, 2011 Immediate Professional Intervention by a Clinical Psychologist!I would not let this boy spin out of control like this (he may be aghast at his own behavior once he calms down but does not know how to control his impulses) and be afraid I get harmed in the process. Please give him a chance to "restructure" the path he is on with the help of a professional. :grouphug: :iagree: Counseling for both of you is in order. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sputterduck Posted December 10, 2011 Share Posted December 10, 2011 This was my experience as well. The options for mental illness treatment for a child who doesn't want it or have strong motivation to get it is slim to none. Having your child arrested seems harsh, but believe me it can open you up to resources that you would never be able to get otherwise, plus the motivation is there since if he doesn't follow the treatment plan then he faces detention. That is the stick, and having a loving home is the carrot. The other factor is that this boy must know NOW that threatening his mother or taking physical action against her is NEVER tolerated. This is a major taboo and line that was crossed, that simple therapy isn't enough of a shock to change. Now is not the time to examine his feelings, it needs a shock and awe campaign. Yes. Also, I think your husband ought to talk to have a man talk with him. "You will never hurt my wife, again, EVER." Yes, you're your son's mom, but you are also your husband's wife. You husband needs to make that clear. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
In2why Posted December 10, 2011 Share Posted December 10, 2011 That's so not cool. You're blaming her beliefs for her son's outburst and though it's wrapped up really pretty, it's not constructive, and not true. This was my thought as well. Blaming the mother is a popular activity (not saying that the responder was doing that but it is common in society) and is a game that shouldn't be played right now. Jenny you have enough shame and guilt without even going there in your head right now. The most important thing is to help your son. If your insurance and county has mental help available go that route, if it doesn't call the police. Sadly even if this time you find out that he won't accept mental help there will be another opportunity and you can call the police then. But no matter what you decide to do, please, please make a plan for what will happen the next time it does. That way you will have a plan that was made with rational thought and not in the heat of the moment. But seriously do not get on the guilt merrygoround it only enables your son and isn't helpful, there will be time for that later when you aren't in crisis mode. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Halcyon Posted December 10, 2011 Share Posted December 10, 2011 I don't know what I would do. But I wanted to offer you my greatest sympathy and hope that your family finds a path towards a more peaceful existence. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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