What does it mean when someone says... (HS related)

[GoVanGogh]

MIL is in town. I'm normally very good at "passing the bean dip" (or playing, "Look! Out the window! A flying squirrel!") but today I just couldn't hold my tongue any longer. More on that in another post. :tongue_smilie:

 

But I'm curious.

Exactly what does it mean when someone says, "I don't doubt that you can do a good job homeschooling. But I don't believe that anyone else can do it successfully."

 

Does she really think I am The One and Only Super Homeschool Mom? :lol:

 

Does she - gasp! - really doubt that I can do a good job? :001_huh:

 

Is she just trying to make conversation and should really hold her tongue?

 

Does she think every other homeschool graduate is a total failure? (Not that she knows any other homeschool families. Just "that one." You know. That one family that all homeschool myths are based on. "This" family can't spell. But they are socialized because she keeps up with them on Facebook. And you know, Facebook is a good place to judge someone's homeschool/spelling abilities.)

 

I just don't get that comment. And she has told me that no less than five times in the past 48 hours. I really should have played "pass the bean dip." :001_huh: Now I'm hiding out in my office until my Very Dear Husband comes home with chocolate and tequila.

 

Ah. Tis the season. MIL this week. FIL on Christmas day. (They are divorced.)

And as my MIL says, "Your FIL doesn't approve of homeschooling because there is this homeschool family at their church that is so unsocialized. I may question someone's ability to homeschool, but at least I don't question their socialization."

Yeah. That makes me feel better. :lol:

[WTMCassandra]

Discount. Pass bean dip. Rinse and repeat.

 

In my experience, this kind of comment means that the person has a cherished stereotype, and in the face of conflicting data, is deigning to consider you an exception, but is firm in holding on to the stereotype. This might also account for the repetition. You are in her face all the time :D being a competent homeschooler, which she cannot deny, yet she must, must, must hold on to her preconceived notion. :lol:

 

Obviously I cannot diagnose what is going on in a stranger's head, but this is my best guess.

[Karen in CO]

Maybe she's just against homeschooling in general (because it is different or whatever), but thinks you're doing a good job. That's how I'd take it, because that is an easy way to swallow it. It is true that not every homeschooling family does a good job, just like not every ps teacher does a good job. It happens that kids graduate from homeschool, private school and public school not prepared for the "real world." Hey look, something shiny.

 

:)

[Belacqua]

Discount. Pass bean dip. Rinse and repeat.

 

In my experience, this kind of comment means that the person has a cherished stereotype, and in the face of conflicting data, is deigning to consider you an exception, but is firm in holding on to the stereotype. This might also account for the repetition. You are in her face all the time :D being a competent homeschooler, which she cannot deny, yet she must, must, must hold on to her preconceived notion. :lol:

 

Obviously I cannot diagnose what is going on in a stranger's head, but this is my best guess.

 

I agree. Sounds kind of like, "I hate all lawyers. Except my neighbor, Dave, of course. He's a good guy. Lends me his snowblower. But other lawyers are scum."

 

You could take it as a backhanded, roundabout, weirdly circuitous compliment, if you're so inclined. Then again, you could just ignore it (far, far easier said than done, I grant) and replenish the supply of bean dip.

[Carol in Cal.]

Simple. It allows her to criticize homeschooling without criticizing you. Arguably.

 

And it requires no answer, which makes it all the easier to pass the bean dip!

[Dmmetler]

I get that a lot from the other parents at dance and the like-probably because DD is the one child they know who is homeschooled, and we don't fit whatever they think homeschoolers are supposed to be like.

 

Realistically, I wonder how open I would have been to homeschooling if I'd only seen it on Wife Swap, 19 kids and Counting, and Toddlers & Tiaras?

[Tammyla]

double post

Edited December 9, 2011 by Tammyla
ooops

[Tammyla]

Imo, it means I believe what I'm saying, and you are included, but I'm not big enough to call you on it for what ever reason. My experience has been that people usually say what they mean, but will try to spare your feelings to avoid the conflict. ymmv

 

It's a subtle way to poke you to death with a dull stick...

MIL is in town. I'm normally very good at "passing the bean dip" (or playing, "Look! Out the window! A flying squirrel!") but today I just couldn't hold my tongue any longer. More on that in another post. :tongue_smilie:

 

But I'm curious.

Exactly what does it mean when someone says, "I don't doubt that you can do a good job homeschooling. But I don't believe that anyone else can do it successfully."

 

Does she really think I am The One and Only Super Homeschool Mom? :lol:

 

Does she - gasp! - really doubt that I can do a good job? :001_huh:

 

Is she just trying to make conversation and should really hold her tongue?

 

Does she think every other homeschool graduate is a total failure? (Not that she knows any other homeschool families. Just "that one." You know. That one family that all homeschool myths are based on. "This" family can't spell. But they are socialized because she keeps up with them on Facebook. And you know, Facebook is a good place to judge someone's homeschool/spelling abilities.)

 

I just don't get that comment. And she has told me that no less than five times in the past 48 hours. I really should have played "pass the bean dip." :001_huh: Now I'm hiding out in my office until my Very Dear Husband comes home with chocolate and tequila.

 

Ah. Tis the season. MIL this week. FIL on Christmas day. (They are divorced.)

And as my MIL says, "Your FIL doesn't approve of homeschooling because there is this homeschool family at their church that is so unsocialized. I may question someone's ability to homeschool, but at least I don't question their socialization."

Yeah. That makes me feel better. :lol:

[Catwoman]

Realistically, I wonder how open I would have been to homeschooling if I'd only seen it on Wife Swap, 19 kids and Counting, and Toddlers & Tiaras?

 

I hadn't thought of that, but you made an excellent point. :001_smile:

[Rosie_0801]

I think it can mean:

 

"I want you to know I disapprove but I'm not going to come right out and say so because that would be rude and I don't consider myself a rude person."

 

"I want you to know I disapprove but I'm not going to come right out and say so because that would be rude and I want you to be the bad guy, not me."

 

"I think people in general are idiots, but fortunately for your kids, you don't seem to be."

 

Rosie

[GoVanGogh]

It's a subtle way to poke you to death with a dull stick...

:lol:

Oh, I so needed that right now.

 

Thanks, ladies. :grouphug: I needed a few laughs and some sane input this afternoon.

[elegantlion]

I think it can mean:

 

"I want you to know I disapprove but I'm not going to come right out and say so because that would be rude and I don't consider myself a rude person."

 

"I want you to know I disapprove but I'm not going to come right out and say so because that would be rude and I want you to be the bad guy, not me."

 

"I think people in general are idiots, but fortunately for your kids, you don't seem to be."

 

Rosie

 

I love this.

 

and I agree.

 

Obviously the successful homeschoolers are ALWAYS the exception, not the rule. :tongue_smilie:

 

I pictured my sister eating her words several times. She had a little dose of humble pie last holiday season when she realized my son actually was pretty smart and cool. She hasn't dissed me so much this year. Then when she asked my dad how in the world my son was going to be able to take a college entrance exam, I knew she wasn't basing her information on any real knowledge.

[Tigger]

Imo, it means I believe what I'm saying, and you are included, but I'm not big enough to call you on it for what ever reason. My experience has been that people usually say what they mean, but will try to spare your feelings to avoid the conflict. ymmv

 

It's a subtle way to poke you to death with a dull stick...

 

:iagree:

[Quill]

Discount. Pass bean dip. Rinse and repeat.

 

In my experience, this kind of comment means that the person has a cherished stereotype, and in the face of conflicting data, is deigning to consider you an exception, but is firm in holding on to the stereotype. This might also account for the repetition. You are in her face all the time :D being a competent homeschooler, which she cannot deny, yet she must, must, must hold on to her preconceived notion. :lol:

 

Obviously I cannot diagnose what is going on in a stranger's head, but this is my best guess.

 

Very astute. :iagree:

[SebastianCat]

Could it be that she, like other grandparents, think her grandchildren are geniuses......therefore you must be doing a good job, because your offspring defy her prejudices against homeschoolers in general?

 

I've heard the same comment from one of my sisters & BIL. I ask for the bean dip or excuse myself from the conversation as quickly as possible.

 

Try to let it roll off your back - isn't that what the holidays are all about?

[GoVanGogh]

Could it be that she, like other grandparents, think her grandchildren are geniuses......therefore you must be doing a good job, because your offspring defy her prejudices against homeschoolers in general?

I don't know that she would think DS is a genius.

Yesterday she told me that her granddaughter (SIL's youngest kid) "didn't need to be homeschooled because she was smart enough to do well in public school." :001_huh: I'm trying not to leap to the conclusion that she then thinks my son isn't smart enough...

 

MIL raised three children and one grandchild. (Not grandchild mentioned above.)

The youngest two dropped out of high school.

The oldest was dx with "severe school phobia" when he was in middle school and he refused to go to school anymore. (He was forced to return to school, but mentally checked out. I actually wonder if MIL has a lot of guilt about not homeschooling him?!)

Only one of the four children she raised (my DH) did well in public school and is a "success" by any measure.

So I'm not really seeing that she can dis homeschoolers all that much, not when her ps track record is pretty much a failure. :tongue_smilie:

[SweetMissMagnolia]

:iagree: maybe she's trying to be agreeable without agreeing? LOL

[redsquirrel]

Realistically, I wonder how open I would have been to homeschooling if I'd only seen it on Wife Swap, 19 kids and Counting, and Toddlers & Tiaras?

 

:iagree:

 

:lol:

[Sputterduck]

I bet she trying to give you a compliment. And she is even trying to be awesome by not questioning socialization. It really sounds to be like she is trying to be supportive, even if it's coming across a bit awkwardly.

 

She did say that you are capable of doing something that she thinks no one else in the world can do. That's pretty major. LOL

[nono]

Well, if it were my MIL, I would just assume it's the truth as she sees it, and take it as a huge compliment. :D But, if the conflicted feeling gets you chocolate and tequila, hey, :cheers2:! And, might I say, that's proof that you really are a genius!

[ThisIsTheDay]

Maybe she's just against homeschooling in general (because it is different or whatever), but thinks you're doing a good job. That's how I'd take it,

 

:iagree: My dad says this, and I believe that's what he means. Although he also thinks my kids need to eventually go to high school to see what the real world is like. (My oldest is 17.):glare:

 

He's also convinced that most hs parents are just too lazy to get their kids up to go to "real" school in the morning. As if lazy people WANT their kids home all day.:001_huh:

[Hen]

I think when people say you are the exception- they don't really think so, but they are giving you a supposed polite white lie. Underneath, she doesn't think you are really capable and is hoping to plant doubt in your mind, so you will realize that you are not capable and do the right thing- stop homeschooling.

 

ah the holidays, fun-fun-fun! :tongue_smilie:

[laundrycrisis]

She doesn't think it should be legal, because 99.9999999% of people can't possibly do it properly. But of course you, dear DIL are the one exception, and that is meant in all sincerity. :lol:

[GoVanGogh]

Yup. Just as I suspected. She came right out tonight and told DH and I that she thinks homeschooling out to be illegal, though she still thinks we are doing a good job.

Her reasoning:

1.) It's not fair for the families that can't afford to homeschool. (She then started telling me about a girl in my high school class that has two young adult daughters that are currently unmarried and pregnant. It isn't fair that those moms can't possibly homeschool and we can.)

2.) Parents have no control over their children, so how can they 'make' children sit down and do their schoolwork. :tongue_smilie: I actually think homeschool families have more leverage to "make" children do their schoolwork than public school teachers.

Not enough chocolate or tequila in the world right now. :lol:

[Carol in Cal.]

Well, that smacks of the same kind of thinking that led to legal attacks on parochial schools... Not everyone can afford to send their children to private schools, either--does she think that those should also be outlawed?

 

Honestly, the most annoying thing in the world is someone who has a very strong opinion that they haven't really thought through.

[SailorMom]

Yup. Just as I suspected. She came right out tonight and told DH and I that she thinks homeschooling out to be illegal, though she still thinks we are doing a good job.

Her reasoning:

1.) It's not fair for the families that can't afford to homeschool. (She then started telling me about a girl in my high school class that has two young adult daughters that are currently unmarried and pregnant. It isn't fair that those moms can't possibly homeschool and we can.)

2.) Parents have no control over their children, so how can they 'make' children sit down and do their schoolwork. :tongue_smilie: I actually think homeschool families have more leverage to "make" children do their schoolwork than public school teachers.

Not enough chocolate or tequila in the world right now. :lol:

 

Uh - did anyone tell her "life isn't fair" and that parent's are SUPPOSED to have control over their kids - if they don't - I highly doubt homeschooling is the actual problem!

[Kathleen in VA]

Well, if it were my MIL, I would just assume it's the truth as she sees it, and take it as a huge compliment. :D But, if the conflicted feeling gets you chocolate and tequila, hey, :cheers2:! And, might I say, that's proof that you really are a genius!

 

:lol::lol::lol: