What would you think: teens and college?

[Impish]

Nope, I wouldn't.

 

Getting married is a purely adult decision. Being a full adult means Mom and Dad no longer are financially responsible for you.

 

Then again, unless we win lotto, we won't be paying for our kids secondary education anyways. They'll have a rent free place to live while attending, but if they get married, they're NOT moving their spouses in, so that would end.

[Lily of the Valley]

I would not give them more than I had planned to, like subsidizing an apartment for them to live in with their new spouse if I had thought they would go for the minimum available dorm expenses. But if I had savings earmarked for their education, or had planned to pay for school semester-by-semester, or for books and supplies, of course I would still give them that support.

 

I don't really subscribe to the idea of, "You're married now, good luck!", if you had already planned to do something for them at that time. Yes, you should be able to support yourself if you get married (which is why I wouldn't pay for an apartment, car, etc), but education isn't a necessity of life. If you want them to have it, and you can afford to contribute, you can choose to give them that gift.

 

:iagree:

[Ali in OR]

I think you need to grow up before you get married. I think you grow up a lot in college. I might respond differently if my dd wanted to get married before the last year of college, but marry at age 17/18? They better have a good plan on how they will support themselves. And if they can't, they're not ready for marriage. Chris in VA said exactly what I was thinking--marriage is about leaving and cleaving. You leave your own parents and cleave to your new spouse. Cleaving is kind of hard to do if you're still financially dependent on your parents. So here it will be college first, then marriage. I have a hard time picturing my kids wanting it any other way.

[ciyates]

I would not. Having someone else financially involved in your marriage is as stressful as being poor college students.

[kewb]

My gut reaction is in camp #1. You want to be an adult and get married, well that includes fiscal responsibility.

 

Whether or not I would follow through is another thing.

[Lovin Learnin]

Dh and I tell our sons all the time that we would not support (financially) a marriage nor a live-in relationship before they have finished their college degree. We would never forbid it, as we don't believe we can or should since they are adults, but we don't have to support it. If either went ahead and did it anyway we would wish them well but that would be the end of their financial help. With adult decisions come adult responsibilities.

[amy g.]

I will always try to help my children in any way I can.

[ma23peas]

I will always try to help my children in any way I can.

 

Agree, but not to the same ends. I believe I am helping my children by telling them to be responsible when they decide to make an adult decision like marriage. It is setting bad precedent to continue to have them rely on you for any financial obligations once they are married. If they are single and under 25, most insurance companies allow them to be under your coverage, but not if they're married.

 

With commitment comes responsibility, that is how I help them by supporting that statement.

[Myeightkiddies]

I figure that in their pre-marriage discussion that they had all their financial issues planned out for after the marriage. One would have to assume that during their planning they didn't take into account parental support without asking in advance. If they decided to get married without discussing with each other how they would financially manage and if they didn't consult the parents before assuming parental support would be there, they probably aren't mature enough to marry.

 

If they approached my dh and me about parental support prior to the marriage, I am sure that we would have all sat down and discussed what was or was not possible. Then they would need to see if that works well or not with their plans and act accordingly.