pet tragedy

[4ofus]

Today, we experienced an unexpected pet tragedy.:( My son's cat was killed by a neighbors huskies. Our cat wandered into their yard & never came out. I talked to the family just a short while ago. Here's my question...when something like this happens, how do you share it with your kids? Mine are 8 & 7. This is a very loved pet. We've always given him in & out privileges, which in hindsite, was not a good idea at all. I know how I handled it, but I'm not sure it was the best way. I don't know how to start a poll, but I was wondering how would/have others have handled a similar situation?

Edited December 7, 2011 by us4jones
removed an icon that did not show up properly

[Truscifi]

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: That's terrible! I'm so sorry you are dealing with this. When our dog was hit by a car a few months ago we waited until we were calm (over the initial shock) and then dh and I told ds together. We gave him time to ask questions and cry it out, then made sure to provide distractions for the rest of the afternoon. We gave him a chance to talk about it again periodically as well.

[laundrycrisis]

I'm sorry :grouphug: I don't have any wisdom to share.

[QuirkyKapers]

:grouphug::grouphug: Have you discussed that something could happen when the cat was out prior to today? If you have than, remember how we talked about....

[CalicoKat]

Today, we experienced an unexpected pet tragedy.:( My son's cat was killed by a neighbors huskies. Our cat wandered into their yard & never came out. I talked to the family just a short while ago. Here's my question...when something like this happens, how do you share it with your kids? Mine are 8 & 7. This is a very loved pet. We've always given him in & out privileges, which in hindsite, was not a good idea at all. I know how I handled it, but I'm not sure it was the best way. I don't know how to start a poll, but I was wondering how would/have others have handled a similar situation?

 

We just had a pet kitty die and I would have been thrilled if the kids didn't have to see. As it was ds 8 found his beloved pet. :crying: It took a long time consoling him last night. I just sat and held him while he sobbed.

 

The other kids learned about it but they didn't have the same reaction.

 

We called a family meeting (bring tissues). And we talked about our kitty and the things he did that we all loved. It's too cold, ground's frozen) for us to have a kitty funeral outside. It was more of a memorial service.

 

We're not sure why our kitty died. He was very healthy and there wasn't a predator. It looked like he'd just gone to sleep in his hay-filled dog out in the grainery. He was also an outdoor kitty. Not quite a barn cat, but never indoors.

 

:grouphug:

[Donna]

:grouphug: How awful!

 

I would wait until calm then tell them what happened then answer their questions as best you can. When our dog passed a few years ago (not a sudden thing like your situation), we had our own version of a funeral. Talked about all the fun things we remembered about her, read a poem we found on the internet about good dogs who pass away, and held the kids while we all cried. It gave them time to grieve and to know it was okay to grieve. We still put her collar on the Christmas tree as an ornament near the ornament we have of a yellow lab.

[Cheryl in NM]

I would definitely wait until you are calm. Then tell them that the cat is dead. If they have questions just let them know that outside life is dangerous for cats. I would not necessarily tell them that the neighbor's dog killed the cat. The dog just did what some dogs do. When I was 7 we came home to pieces of a whole litter of kittens all over our yard. The neighbor dogs did it. I refused to own a dog for 15 years and hated the neighbors dogs. I threw rocks at them whenever I saw them. That's why I suggest leaving the dog out of it if you can. If you can't then explain that some dogs are just that way. Interestingly it was huskies that got our kittens as well. They also got our rabbits.

 

Try to deal with any anger in your kids towards the dog if you have to "out" the dog. They will be angry because they will be hurt and not understand why.

[Elinor Everywhere]

Today, we experienced an unexpected pet tragedy.:( My son's cat was killed by a neighbors huskies. Our cat wandered into their yard & never came out. I talked to the family just a short while ago. Here's my question...when something like this happens, how do you share it with your kids? Mine are 8 & 7. This is a very loved pet. We've always given him in & out privileges, which in hindsite, was not a good idea at all. I know how I handled it, but I'm not sure it was the best way. I don't know how to start a poll, but I was wondering how would/have others have handled a similar situation?

 

:grouphug::grouphug: Oh my, my heart is breaking for you and your kids. So tragic! Our cat has in/out privileges as well, and we are always afraid of something like this.

 

I'm not sure how to tell your kids....but with mine I would be honest. My parents did the "kitty ran away" story with me as a kid, and of course I later found out that Kitty had been run over by a car. I always felt cheated of a chance to grieve, and as an 8yo, I probably would have wanted to host a little funeral or memorial service or something.

 

I'm so, so sorry you are going through this. :crying:

[SweetMissMagnolia]

:grouphug:

[4ofus]

I am hiding in the car crying right now. Very cowardly of me. We are all so saddened, but my son is taking this as a personal failing. "if someone else adopted him, he would be alive right now.". "I didn't take good enough care of him" "I know now why some people say don't get too attached.". All these things & more truly horrifying thoughts are whirling around in his little head & it scares me so much. I think I become an ineffective comforter. It's his frame of mind that has me losing mine. I'm feeling completely lost & out of my league. When I received the phone call I was in the kitchen with them. Although I moderated my response,they still could tell something bad had happened. So I gently told them the non-details. And we cried. I feel like there is more to do/say, but I can't imagine what it is. Maybe there is nothing but time. :(

[4ofus]

You all have been very kind. We took some of your advice & are planning to have a small memorial moment with the boys. I don't know why I didn't consider it on my own. Once I mentioned it to the boys though, they both really seized onto the idea like a life raft. Thank you so very much for posting.

[Audrey]

Well, I would go for the truth, but without blame. No blame to the cat for going about his usual business. No blame to the dog who was just doing what a dog will do sometimes. And, no blame to the people on either side of the fence.

 

Stuff like this happens. You can't go back and have do-overs, so you just have to accept it, work through the grief and then move on.

[EmilyK]

I'm so sorry.

 

I guess I'm surprised that others are so accepting of this as typical dog behavior. I love dogs (and have owned them), but would be horrified to own a dog that killed other people's pets. I think it be extremely upsetting even as an adult to live next door to dogs that killed my beloved pet. I would be frightened and angry when I saw them, for starters. I think that would be normal for a child to have those feelings too. I would honor those feelings if your children have them, and not try to talk them out of them. (I'm not saying that you have to wind them up further, either.)

[Heather in AL]

Well, I would go for the truth, but without blame. No blame to the cat for going about his usual business. No blame to the dog who was just doing what a dog will do sometimes. And, no blame to the people on either side of the fence.

 

Stuff like this happens. You can't go back and have do-overs, so you just have to accept it, work through the grief and then move on.

 

:iagree: I am so sorry for the loss of your cat. One thing that helped our kids when they lost some cats (one because of disease and the other from old age) and a dog (young, but was in severe pain from bad hips and knees so we made a difficult decision) was to focus on what a good life each animal had. They had love, shelter, were never hungry, etc. We allowed the kids to grieve, but made sure they didn't wallow in it. Grief is natural. A memorial service did help. Also, both kids wanted us to dig out photos of them with said pets immediately so they could put them in their rooms on display.

Edited December 8, 2011 by Heather in AL
clarity

[thescrappyhomeschooler]

:grouphug: So sorry.

[bbkaren]

We have indoor/outdoor cats and wouldn't have it any other way. The cats enjoy their time outdoors...greatly. We take a chance by doing it but feel the animals are happier for it, and I'd rather a happy short life than a long life of trying to sneak out the door every time it's open.

 

Blaming the neighbors or their dogs does no good, IMO. If the dogs had come into the OP's yard and done this, then I guess there'd be a case against the dogs, but the cat went into their yard.

 

I think it's probably normal for kids to have problems processing this. Seems like finding a reason for it (when sometimes there just is none...) or assigning blame might be an effort to help themselves feel more in control? So maybe they'd feel like they could avoid things like this from happening in the future...

 

It's so sad, I'm sorry your family has lost their companion. But again, this is the chance we all take by falling in love with the little furballs. :(

[milovany]

I'm so, so sorry. Our cat is much loved in our home, too, and this would be so hard. It's fine for you to be sad, and to cry, too. Don't feel like you have to be strong "for them." I'm sure you're doing fine as a consoler!

 

We have indoor/outdoor cats and wouldn't have it any other way. The cats enjoy their time outdoors...greatly. We take a chance by doing it but feel the animals are happier for it, and I'd rather a happy short life than a long life of trying to sneak out the door every time it's open.

 

This is how I feel, too. Our cat used to be solely an indoor cat when we lived in town and she was miserable, always trying to get out. She was mean, and would scratch at us out of frustration. Then we moved to two acres and let her become indoor/outdoor. She's a completely different cat. She LOVES to be outside and spends most of her day out there. She's catching mice and shrews (and birds :glare:), and climbing high in trees. We're convinced she thinks we bought this property for her. When she's in, we can pet her and she lays on my lap every night. I much prefer this for her than having to be kept indoors all the time. We have explained this to the kids (that her life might be shorter because of our decision to let her in and out), and we've accepted that. Yet, all the same, it would be hard should anything happen to her. :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug:

[Jean in Wisc]

My daughter's show cow. Lots of "favorite" barn cats. House pets. Sometimes we found them killed on the road, or had a farm accident, or they simply never came home. It is nice to have closure and know what happened to them so that you don't spend the rest of your life wondering.

 

The memorial service is a nice idea.

 

Sometimes when my kids got too wound up emotionally, I'd suggest they chose a favorite DVD and watch it. Or sometimes we'd go to the park, or we'd get really busy with some activity. It would help them settle down. Grieving is important, but I think sometimes they get so into crying and being upset, they can't get themselves out of it and need some help to get life back into perspective.

 

Bed time was always the hardest, but we'd talk about the good life kitty had had and how much he had been loved and how much he had loved being outside and how, if he had had a choice of a shorter life and being outside or a longer life and being inside, it would have been a hard decision to make because he LOVED going out...and how much his life enriched ours and that we are grateful for having known him even though we miss him... It takes a while. Some loses never heal. One of my kids is in college and still has a soft spot for "his" kitty that disappeared ever so many years ago. It was months later, after the corn was out of the field that we found the remains. Probably hit on the road and crawled into the field to die. It still hurts. But I guess that is how we know we have loved.

 

:grouphug::grouphug: Sniff.

Jean

[Denisemomof4]

your POOR cat. I'm so sorry for all of you.:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

 

I am a HUGE animal lover and have many pets. My vet thought I was neglectful and a bad cat owner for letting our cats go outside when they want. The constant crying and clawing proved to me they could never be happy as strictly indoor cats. I take the chance all the time by letting my cats out, but I know they lead a very, very happy life, one they wouldn't have as strictly indoor cats. We have been very lucky for 12 years and counting.

 

I'm so sorry for all of you.:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

[4ofus]

I'm really touched by the point that some of you think a short, happy indoor/outdoor life may be better than a long indoor-only life. This is how my dh & I felt & taught our boys to feel also. But the loss...oh my word...is such a blow...and to know that these dogs are only 2 doors down from us. We have a 2nd cat & these dogs have treed her once before. We were out with a ladder in the neighbors back yard getting her down while neighbor had the dogs chained for us. He told us then that the dogs have "got" possums before, so we really should have sat up & taken notice then. Just, never, in my wildest dreams, did I think they would be killed by a neighbor dog. I thought cats are smart, wiley, & have natural instincts & defenses. I thought of course cars & such were a threat, but I thought they could GET AWAY from a dog. So I'm learning how very very wrong I was. Cheese (other cat) has been on house arrest since the event. She is so not pleased. She LOVES to go outside. She scratches at the front door. It is pitiful. She & Captain both were so happy playing outside :). But, as much as I want to see her experience that joy again, I just feel irresponsible knowing those dogs are just 2 doors down. My heart wants her to be indoor/outdoor, but knowing what I know, it just feels wrongest of the wrong right now :(. So, for now, she has to stay in. We are currently in the process of soul-searching about selling our home & moving anyway. Maybe in a different environment I could feel comfortable with the risk again, ykwim?

[Danestress]

and most ways are okay, most of the time. I'm not even sure it's important to "wait until you are calm" as everyone has said. Why, really? I'm not a hysterics person, but I would be fine with my kids seeing me crying about this. It's sad, and it's okay for them to know that you are really sad. Now, if it had been your child's fault (he left the garage door open, for example) I would want to be able to not have him get a hint of anger or blame from me. But in this kind of case, where it's no one's fault, I think you have to just tell as best you can, cry together. Allow him to express that he feels guilty, but then talk about how people feel guilty when bad things happen, but it's really not his fault and not the neighbor's fault, and is just something that happened that makes us very sad.

 

I'm so so sorry.

[Danestress]

I would expect that child to hate my dog forever.

 

But I do think it is normal for dogs to have a strong prey instinct and to kill a cat or squirrel. If my dog got out of the yard and killed a cat, I would be angry, mortified, guilty, probably would rehome the dog because I wouldn't want the neighbor to have to deal with that.

 

If the cat came in my yard and got killed, I would feel all the feelings of sad, upset, apologetic, but I would also know that I kept my dog confined properly and can't necessarily keep their cats out. Still sad, but I would be keeping the dog.