What if you decide to hold a kid back (telling them/other kids)?

[Janie Grace]

I have an 8yo ds with an April b-day. He is in 3rd grade, but struggles. He just seems "younger" in every way (academically, socially, emotionally, etc). If I were to put him into school in the fall, I'd really want to put him into 3rd grade. And really, he is doing 2nd grade work right now, b/c everything takes him a long time to comprehend. (Yes, we are having him tested for LDs, SPD, etc. soon.)

 

Have you ever decided to "hold back" a homeschooled student? How did you explain it to them? To the siblings? I don't want him to be discouraged or feel dumb. That really scares me (the idea he might label himself as slower and then it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy).

[Julie Smith]

I have an 8yo ds with an April b-day. He is in 3rd grade, but struggles. He just seems "younger" in every way (academically, socially, emotionally, etc). If I were to put him into school in the fall, I'd really want to put him into 3rd grade. And really, he is doing 2nd grade work right now, b/c everything takes him a long time to comprehend. (Yes, we are having him tested for LDs, SPD, etc. soon.)

 

Have you ever decided to "hold back" a homeschooled student? How did you explain it to them? To the siblings? I don't want him to be discouraged or feel dumb. That really scares me (the idea he might label himself as slower and then it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy).

 

Are you going to put him in school in the fall? If not it really doesn't matter.

[Janie Grace]

Are you going to put him in school in the fall? If not it really doesn't matter.

 

I don't think so. I guess it's just a peace of mind thing for me... embracing where he is at instead of feeling badly that he's falling behind.

 

I'm not positive, but I think that if I "held him back", I could test him for his grade level (for reporting to our school district). That is a plus, if it's true, b/c I am worried he might score lower than they want to see. I think if scores are at a certain level, you are on "probation" as a homeschooler. I need to find out b/c we haven't dealt with this before.

[ZooRho]

I don't think so. I guess it's just a peace of mind thing for me... embracing where he is at instead of feeling badly that he's falling behind.

 

I'm not positive, but I think that if I "held him back", I could test him for his grade level (for reporting to our school district). That is a plus, if it's true, b/c I am worried he might score lower than they want to see. I think if scores are at a certain level, you are on "probation" as a homeschooler. I need to find out b/c we haven't dealt with this before.

What state are you in?

 

We just held back our youngest he is in 10th grade again. he was held back more because we had a rough year with some illnesses a year ago.

[Julie Smith]

I don't think so. I guess it's just a peace of mind thing for me... embracing where he is at instead of feeling badly that he's falling behind.

 

I'm not positive, but I think that if I "held him back", I could test him for his grade level (for reporting to our school district). That is a plus, if it's true, b/c I am worried he might score lower than they want to see. I think if scores are at a certain level, you are on "probation" as a homeschooler. I need to find out b/c we haven't dealt with this before.

 

One thing I am planning to do for my youngest, if I need to is tell him he completes/ starts a grade on his birthday.

 

He is close to the cut off age. So in our area technically he is in grade 1, even though he just turned 6 a few weeks ago. I say he started grade 1 on his birthday. He will start grade 2 next year in mid November on his birthday.

 

After your kids birthday, at the end of the official school year you can tell your son that since he is only X years old and some kids moving into grade 4 are one year older you think it is only fair to him if you move him up when he gets to be that age. So you will be moving him up to grade 4 work on his birthday. Explain the problem of cut off age and how it's not fair to 'compete' with other kids in his grade who are actually up 4 months older then him.

 

So with that in mind you will be moving him up to grade 4 on his birthday. That will give you a few more months of calling him grade 3, without holding him back.

 

And if you ever put him in school you can deal with that then.

[Ellie]

I have an 8yo ds with an April b-day. He is in 3rd grade, but struggles. He just seems "younger" in every way (academically, socially, emotionally, etc). If I were to put him into school in the fall, I'd really want to put him into 3rd grade. And really, he is doing 2nd grade work right now, b/c everything takes him a long time to comprehend. (Yes, we are having him tested for LDs, SPD, etc. soon.)

 

Have you ever decided to "hold back" a homeschooled student? How did you explain it to them? To the siblings? I don't want him to be discouraged or feel dumb. That really scares me (the idea he might label himself as slower and then it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy).

I do not understand why homeschoolers would want to hold a child back. It makes no sense to me at all. :confused:

 

Of course we teach our children at the levels they are capable of. But the "grade level" our children are "in" is, for us, purely for the purposes of putting our children in group situations with children of the approximate same ages.

 

In your case, if your ds's tests come back indicating that he does, in fact, have significant learning difficulties, then it would make sense to enroll him in school in a grade lower than where his age would put him. If you continue homeschooling, however, I would not "hold him back" a grade. What would be the point? Aren't you still teaching him at his ability? And how would you even do that? Make some sort of announcement? Apply to someone? :confused:

[Jann in TX]

It really was no big deal... she kept working on her level.

 

At church she did MUCH better with the younger class... it was really a non-issue there. We waited until 'promotion' Sunday.

 

DD was a full year behind academically AND emotionally/socially.

One of the best schooling decisions we ever made.

 

We 'graduated' her at age 19... she has done well in college (will graduate next summer)... but she is still behind socially... she wants to move out on her own next year (sharing an apartment with her sister who is in college)... this might work as we will still be close by for support.

[SKL]

My personal preference would be to keep him at grade level, because at some point in the future, something might click and he might zoom ahead. But then, I always tend to err on the side of acceleration, barring an identified educational barrier.

[Janie Grace]

I do not understand why homeschoolers would want to hold a child back. It makes no sense to me at all. :confused:

 

Of course we teach our children at the levels they are capable of. But the "grade level" our children are "in" is, for us, purely for the purposes of putting our children in group situations with children of the approximate same ages.

 

In your case, if your ds's tests come back indicating that he does, in fact, have significant learning difficulties, then it would make sense to enroll him in school in a grade lower than where his age would put him. If you continue homeschooling, however, I would not "hold him back" a grade. What would be the point? Aren't you still teaching him at his ability? And how would you even do that? Make some sort of announcement? Apply to someone? :confused:

 

Of course I am teaching him at his ability. Official grade level impacts the grade for which I give him an IOWA test (and submit those scores to the district), community sports, the age at which he will graduate high school, and more. People ask him what grade he's in all the time. I'd prefer he not get to 12th grade and then surprise him with the fact that he has one more year.

 

Why does this offend you? Maybe I'm reading your tone wrong, but I feel like you're going off on me. I just came to ask a simple question.

[Janie Grace]

It really was no big deal... she kept working on her level.

 

At church she did MUCH better with the younger class... it was really a non-issue there. We waited until 'promotion' Sunday.

 

DD was a full year behind academically AND emotionally/socially.

One of the best schooling decisions we ever made.

 

We 'graduated' her at age 19... she has done well in college (will graduate next summer)... but she is still behind socially... she wants to move out on her own next year (sharing an apartment with her sister who is in college)... this might work as we will still be close by for support.

 

Thanks for sharing your story. How did you explain to her that she was in a "lower" Sunday School class?

[Janie Grace]

What state are you in?

 

We just held back our youngest he is in 10th grade again. he was held back more because we had a rough year with some illnesses a year ago.

 

Va

[Dmmetler]

Just pick and choose. My DD, when asked what grade she was in, looked blank and then asked "in what?". :lol:

[Julie Smith]

Just pick and choose. My DD, when asked what grade she was in, looked blank and then asked "in what?". :lol:

 

When my boys are asked what grade they are in they use to answer, "homeschool".

 

At track and field groups are broken up by grade, so I have to remind my boys what grade they are in. As long as they are together they don't care what grade they are in.

[Azalea]

Yes it does matter and yes you are probably doing the right thing by holding the child back. I don't understand those who say it doesn't matter. Your child will be asked dozens of times what grade they are, so they need to have a ready answer.

 

When I decided to have my daughter repeat first grade, I told her that it was me that had made the mistake and that if she was in PS she would have been in kindergarten. She has a September birthday so this was true (for my state). But really I had truly been the one to make the mistake of over estimating her abilities. My dd is very smart, but not as self motivated as her older sister. My daughter had no problem with the change and it has been one of the best homeschooling decision I have made. It has been such a relief for both of us not to struggle so hard.

[Virg]

My twins are working a year "behind" and I guess technically I "held" them back. Their birthday is shortly before the cut-off and they were born premature plus had developmental delays. I figured if they ever shot ahead I would just graduate them early. When I pulled them out of kindergarten I waited a year to start anything more with them because it was such a struggle for them. In church they were in their "correct" age but when moving to middle school this year I kept them back in the elementary class because of their maturity.

 

My DSD had already been held back in public school once. Then we held her back again after testing when we found out about her low IQ and the FAS. We even held her back in church etc, her birthday is also shortly before the cut off so she is technically two years behind in activities. Even though the twins are now passing her after working all on the same grade for several years, we won't hold her back again as we have recently found out she may not progress past this level.

 

Holding them back has been nothing but good in our case. They were with children more their maturity and who had similar interests. In testing it accurately showed where they would be if in public school since they all would have been held back. If they ever had to go back to public school for whatever reason the three would enter at the same grade level together, one and two years "behind." In some states only DSD would be behind though depending on the cut-off. Anyway, I will quit rambling now :)

Edited December 7, 2011 by ds4159

[ZooRho]

Va

Me too, although I don't have to test,

 

anyway. I have heard of others that "hold" back the child the repeat test. I haven't heard of anyone getting in trouble for that.

 

Can you call HEAV and ask about the Testing aspect.

 

 

 

 

and try to always assume the best of others written stuff is hard.

[Dmmetler]

Thanks for sharing your story. How did you explain to her that she was in a "lower" Sunday School class?

 

If she has a friend in the younger class, I'd just say "We've decided to let you do Sunday School with X this year" and go from there.

 

One of my friends in school, who had a December birthday, was officially a grade ahead of me, since at the time VA had a December 31 cutoff. She chose to retain herself in Sunday School in about 4th grade, and her reason was that she liked the kids in the younger class better. She was also the only teen I know of who ever cried about graduating high school-because she wasn't ready to leave (she tried not turning in her major research paper her senior year in an effort to fail English and not graduate, submitting, instead, a statement on why she shouldn't be forced to graduate against her will.The teacher gave her an A-stating that she'd done more research in her work than would have been required for the paper).

[Princess Peach]

I do not understand why homeschoolers would want to hold a child back. It makes no sense to me at all. :confused:

 

Of course we teach our children at the levels they are capable of. But the "grade level" our children are "in" is, for us, purely for the purposes of putting our children in group situations with children of the approximate same ages.

 

In your case, if your ds's tests come back indicating that he does, in fact, have significant learning difficulties, then it would make sense to enroll him in school in a grade lower than where his age would put him. If you continue homeschooling, however, I would not "hold him back" a grade. What would be the point? Aren't you still teaching him at his ability? And how would you even do that? Make some sort of announcement? Apply to someone? :confused:

 

Not the OP, but I could have written her post, as my 8yo is in the same situation (even has an April bday!). I don't understand the confusion here. There are legitimate reasons to hold children back a grade, homeschooling or not. We have to report test results to our district every year in addition to the child's grade level. So it matters. It also matters in terms of Sunday school level, community sports, etc.

 

We did make the decision to hold DS back a year. He went through significant testing, so he knew that he was not at a 3rd grade level. The testing revealed no specific LD, but he was reading at 1st grade level. We made the decision to consider him 2nd grade this year and test him at 2nd grade at the end of the year (again). He will be going to ps next year and we will enroll him as a 3rd grader.

 

DS knows he is behind and was actually relieved when we told him he was repeating 2nd grade. He has several friends that are 2nd graders, so he was happy to be considered at the same grade as them. He knows he will be 3rd grade next year. So far, he is fine with it.

[Ellie]

Of course I am teaching him at his ability. Official grade level impacts the grade for which I give him an IOWA test (and submit those scores to the district), community sports, the age at which he will graduate high school, and more. People ask him what grade he's in all the time. I'd prefer he not get to 12th grade and then surprise him with the fact that he has one more year.

 

Why does this offend you? Maybe I'm reading your tone wrong, but I feel like you're going off on me. I just came to ask a simple question.

I'm not offended. I'm truly puzzled as to why you'd want to do this, and why homeschoolers do it in general.

 

In your case, you think it's possible that he has learning issues. That's a valid reason to consider it (better than most), although even public schools don't always fail a child a grade because he has learning difficulties (which may or may not be a bad thing). If he does not, then holding him back a grade, especially with his having an April bday, will make him quite a bit older than most of the children in that "grade," for graduation, community sports, and more.

 

I have also participated in many conversations with homeschoolers who held their dc back on paper for a variety of reasons, only to have their dc eventually maturing and functioning such that the parents are trying to figure out how to move their dc up a grade, only now it's tricky because of paperwork and whatnot. It's another reason that I rarely think it's a good idea to hold the dc back on paper.

[rafiki]

.

[Old Dominion Heather]

I'm not offended. I'm truly puzzled as to why you'd want to do this, and why homeschoolers do it in general.

 

In your case, you think it's possible that he has learning issues. That's a valid reason to consider it (better than most), although even public schools don't always fail a child a grade because he has learning difficulties (which may or may not be a bad thing). If he does not, then holding him back a grade, especially with his having an April bday, will make him quite a bit older than most of the children in that "grade," for graduation, community sports, and more.

 

I have also participated in many conversations with homeschoolers who held their dc back on paper for a variety of reasons, only to have their dc eventually maturing and functioning such that the parents are trying to figure out how to move their dc up a grade, only now it's tricky because of paperwork and whatnot. It's another reason that I rarely think it's a good idea to hold the dc back on paper.

 

In Virginia, you have to declare a grade to the school district and then give the child a standardized test based on that grade level. If a student doesn't meet a certain level of achievement, your homeschool is placed on probation, and then has to do much more paperwork. If he is 8 and will be 9 in April, that is appropriate for a young third grader, or red-shirted second grader around here. My son, who is nine, and in 4th grade will be 10 in March. He is one of the youngest of his 4th grade friends. Many of them will turn 11 by the end of the summer.

 

OP, if you do this, I would stop talking about grade level to your kids and tell them that they aren't really in a grade except for outside activities, church, etc... I'd phrase it as "going to take some extra time to finish up last year's work."

 

However, IF he is not testing dangerously low, I'd wait a year and see where he is then. Ellie is right in that the public school system rarely retain children and doing it now could create potential problems down the road.

[blessedwith7]

Most of my kids have late fall/winter birthdays. I've told them that they can graduate when they turn 18 and until then they can say they are in whatever grade they want to say. :D We just keep moving through the books and don't worry too much about what level they are in. They are mostly a level ahead in where they would be if they were in public school, but in some subjects they are where they should be or behind. One of my daughters is repeating a year of math because she just wasn't getting it. As long as they are learning and are working through the levels, I'm happy.

 

I wouldn't see any problem with "holding a child back" for testing purposes, though. I just wouldn't make a big deal of his grade level. If there is a situation where he needs to have a grade level, I would just have him join in with the kids who are his maturity level.

[Tenaj]

I agree with de-emphasizing grade level. The only trouble I usually have is with relatives and I've decided not to help them with the angst they seem to feel about determining what grade level my kidlets are in :) Generally, when strangers or casual acquaintenances ask I respond (or they do) with their age and that satisfies.

 

As far as tests go, I do use the IOWA and when my 10 yo did the second grade test he bombed it. He has a very late August birthday so we would have held him out of K for a year if we had been sending him to ps but since we were at home it didn't matter. In our state, we aren't required to notify until they are age 6 so I had a year to play with and when he bombed the second grade test, I gave him the first grade test, sent it in and we've been a year behind on it ever since. When asked, he would say he is in fifth grade probably, though in my mind he's only in fourth this year and is technically doing third grade math. It doesn't matter.

 

On the other end of the scale, I have an 8 yods who is doing fourth grade math and who delights in telling those curious that he is in fourth grade. Since he has enough self-esteem for 10 kids, I usually knock him back on his heels by pointing out that he's really only technically in second grade (according to ps standards). In my mind, he is doing third grade work but he doesn't need to know that at this point.

[Jann in TX]

We had a talk with DD and she really understood-- she KNEW that there were things the other children in her Sunday School class knew that she did not (especially when it came to reading out loud or filling in puzzle sheets). Our DD was actually relived!

 

The first day of the change we had to explain to the SS teachers-- they just said OK (put her on the roll) and that was it... THIS SORT OF THING IS ACTUALLY COMMON. No one made fun of her.

 

This DD was NOT ready to graduate at 18... very very few children who are behind one grade level in elementary (majority of subjects) will 'click' and 'zoom' ahead-- most will stay rather consistent...

 

Since we homeschooled did the grade level change make any difference in what we were doing? NO-- we already taught to her ability... but she was clearly behind her peers in 'social settings' and this simple adjustment made a HUGE difference --instead of being 'behind' she was right in the thick of things!

[ocelotmom]

I was held back in 1st grade, and am against the idea in general. It can do horrible things to a child's self-confidence.

 

Had my child returned to public school during the last few years, I'm going to guess it would have been debatable whether he'd go into the right grade. I'm very glad we didn't have to make that decision, because this year our decision to follow his lead on the reading is paying off, and he's progressing in leaps and bounds.

 

In Virginia, you have to declare a grade to the school district and then give the child a standardized test based on that grade level. If a student doesn't meet a certain level of achievement, your homeschool is placed on probation, and then has to do much more paperwork.

This is one of the few reasons I'd consider holding back a homeschooled kid. Luckily, my state has absolutely no testing/evaluation requirement, so it's a non-issue for us.

 

n your case, if your ds's tests come back indicating that he does, in fact, have significant learning difficulties, then it would make sense to enroll him in school in a grade lower than where his age would put him.

No, in that case it would make sense to get him an IEP. Holding back is appropriate for a child who needs some extra time to mature or catch up academically, not one who needs who is going to need modified instruction and/or expectations on an ongoing basis. Simply spending an extra year in one grade is not likely to help.

 

My personal preference would be to keep him at grade level, because at some point in the future, something might click and he might zoom ahead. But then, I always tend to err on the side of acceleration, barring an identified educational barrier.

 

Yes, and it's generally much harder to advance a child a grade (even back to the grade appropriate for their age) than it is to hold them back. If it's possible at all, you'll probably have to show evidence that they're functioning well above the intended grade level. I see posts like this where people say "Oh, I'll just skip them ahead a grade if/when they catch up and they'll never even know" or something along those lines (not that the OP of this thread is saying that, but I've seen it before). Unlikely. Usually it's pretty much a one-way street.

[kiana]

Yes, and it's generally much harder to advance a child a grade (even back to the grade appropriate for their age) than it is to hold them back. If it's possible at all, you'll probably have to show evidence that they're functioning well above the intended grade level. I see posts like this where people say "Oh, I'll just skip them ahead a grade if/when they catch up and they'll never even know" or something along those lines (not that the OP of this thread is saying that, but I've seen it before). Unlikely. Usually it's pretty much a one-way street.

 

This varies -- and also depends on whether you're going to go to a brick and mortar school in the future or not.

 

There are people (on this board, even -- I forgot who, but I read the thread) who have had a child who'd been held back and found that the PS insisted on placing them in age-grade instead.

 

I think most of the "skip later" would take the vein of tracking your 14yo's work so that they could be doing 8th or 9th grade depending on how they do, and/or completing high school in 3 yrs (which I've also known people to do in b&m high school).

[Pamela H in Texas]

If I had it to do over again, I would not officially hold back (or grade skip) a kid until 7th-9th grades. I really believe age-based grades make more sense. You teach them to the level they need. But they are socially where they are age-wise. And if that needs to be tweaked, wait until an age when a decision really does need to be made. You simply cannot tell if an 8yr old will still need an extra year at 14.

 

ETA: okay so obviously based on my post, you can see I grade hopped with my kids (both btw). I held my son back just to put him back to age based grade level at 12 then he is graduating at 17, not 18. My daughter accelerated a good bit but then we waited a year at middle school age and then another year to graduate when she got sick. She was still accelerated just not as much. Had I just used age-based grades, all that jumping around wouldn't have happened.

 

However, I do think testing may make a difference. I would be fine with my kid testing on the low side of average but I probably would hold him back officially if he was so low in level I really had to worry about homeschool probation or losing the right.

Edited December 8, 2011 by 2J5M9K

[Upward Journey]

Yes it does matter and yes you are probably doing the right thing by holding the child back. I don't understand those who say it doesn't matter. Your child will be asked dozens of times what grade they are, so they need to have a ready answer.

 

When I decided to have my daughter repeat first grade, I told her that it was me that had made the mistake and that if she was in PS she would have been in kindergarten. She has a September birthday so this was true (for my state). But really I had truly been the one to make the mistake of over estimating her abilities. My dd is very smart, but not as self motivated as her older sister. My daughter had no problem with the change and it has been one of the best homeschooling decision I have made. It has been such a relief for both of us not to struggle so hard.

 

This is what I told my daughter as well. I just hadn't realized with her that it was an option. She was #3, and the first two had been fairly advanced, so I just assumed.... it was my error. I should have waited a year to start her. And really she would have benefited if she could have waited until age 8, she just was.not.ready. to do any kind of academic work. Now at 12 she reads at grade level. I suspect that she'll still start Algebra when she's in 8th grade. She does still prefer to play with younger children, but that is starting to change.

[greenvneck]

It wouldn't even cross my mind to "hold back" a child, but I live in Texas, where there is no oversight, reporting, testing, anything. Anyone who asks my kids what grade they are in is met with a blank stare and a puzzled question--"I don't go to school, what do you mean?" No, not really, but sometimes they do it just for giggles. I always say something like, "Oh, yeah, s/he doesn't actually go to school, but if s/he did s/he would be in nth grade." And that is that.

 

I guess, after having typed that, this is a question for those who have to report specific grades and abilities, but I'm still not sure why the child needs to know a grade level. Why can't you just say something like what I do? "Jack is 8 years old so if he weren't homeschooled he would be in 2nd or 3rd grade. How old is your little guy?"