Shelly in IL Posted December 7, 2011 Share Posted December 7, 2011 Sigh...that is all. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DawnM Posted December 7, 2011 Share Posted December 7, 2011 :banghead: I have one of those! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted December 7, 2011 Share Posted December 7, 2011 Sigh...that is all. (((Shelly)) I endured a NPD MIL for 26 years. One of the benefits of divorce is never having to deal with her again. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thescrappyhomeschooler Posted December 7, 2011 Share Posted December 7, 2011 :banghead: I have one of those! Me, too. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mommaduck Posted December 7, 2011 Share Posted December 7, 2011 (((Shelly)) I endured a NPD MIL for 26 years. One of the benefits of divorce is never having to deal with her again. I have one of those and a NPD BIL....we are on no contact. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tigger Posted December 7, 2011 Share Posted December 7, 2011 NPD MIL here too.....sigh Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Impish Posted December 7, 2011 Share Posted December 7, 2011 NPD MIL *and* Mom here. :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pdalley Posted December 7, 2011 Share Posted December 7, 2011 Have one. After all these years I finally figured out that she was NPD. She's dying of cancer and seems determined to inflict as much pain as possible on her way out. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted December 7, 2011 Share Posted December 7, 2011 I have one of those and a NPD BIL....we are on no contact. I sometimes think that if my XH had gone no contact with her he might not have lost himself and eventually his family. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ThatCyndiGirl Posted December 7, 2011 Share Posted December 7, 2011 There is a website you may want to read: http://daughtersofnarcissisticmothers.com/ It helped me a lot when my own husband's MIL still lived with us. We have a much more comfortable relationship now. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OnTheBrink Posted December 7, 2011 Share Posted December 7, 2011 There is a website you may want to read: http://daughtersofnarcissisticmothers.com/ It helped me a lot when my own husband's MIL still lived with us. We have a much more comfortable relationship now. :grouphug: This is a FABULOUS website. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Impish Posted December 7, 2011 Share Posted December 7, 2011 There is a website you may want to read: http://daughtersofnarcissisticmothers.com/ It helped me a lot when my own husband's MIL still lived with us. We have a much more comfortable relationship now. :grouphug: I've been reading through that site since you posted. Wow. And wow again. It's frightening, yet weirdly comforting. To read about things that directly validate what both Wolf and I have experienced, even the examples given set off not light bulbs but nuclear explosions... Wow. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ThatCyndiGirl Posted December 7, 2011 Share Posted December 7, 2011 I've been reading through that site since you posted. Wow. And wow again. It's frightening, yet weirdly comforting. To read about things that directly validate what both Wolf and I have experienced, even the examples given set off not light bulbs but nuclear explosions... Wow. Yeah. The day I found it I just sat and stared at the screen. It was so unbelievable that other people could articulate some of the same things that have happened here as well as some things I felt and never put to words. I talked to a psychiatrist friend of mine after that day (who also deals with a NPD mom) and told her about it. It was oddly comforting and yet a bit disturbing, too that that much pathology is going on for that many people. I am constantly amazed with my mom's ability to turn every. single. detail that someone talks about to HER.....her life, her experience,etc. Although, one day she did make it about me. When I told her the diagnosis after returning from the neurologists office (getting MRI results) she looked at me and said,"Your forehead is really big. I just noticed that." :001_huh: So, I went on..."so, it's not a fatal diagnosis. It can be managed and treated and doesn't significantly affect lifespan.....in case you were wondering". Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Impish Posted December 8, 2011 Share Posted December 8, 2011 Yeah. The day I found it I just sat and stared at the screen. It was so unbelievable that other people could articulate some of the same things that have happened here as well as some things I felt and never put to words. I talked to a psychiatrist friend of mine after that day (who also deals with a NPD mom) and told her about it. It was oddly comforting and yet a bit disturbing, too that that much pathology is going on for that many people. I am constantly amazed with my mom's ability to turn every. single. detail that someone talks about to HER.....her life, her experience,etc. Although, one day she did make it about me. When I told her the diagnosis after returning from the neurologists office (getting MRI results) she looked at me and said,"Your forehead is really big. I just noticed that." :001_huh: So, I went on..."so, it's not a fatal diagnosis. It can be managed and treated and doesn't significantly affect lifespan.....in case you were wondering". One of my 'favourite' lines from my mother, when I'm pointing out some completely NPD stunt she's pulled..."We are NOT discussing that." and if you don't toe the line, she hangs up, and then heaven help you... And I avoid talking about any health issues w/her or my MIL...cause it becomes all about them. They're SOOOO worried, they can't sleep, they cried thinking about...eeesh. :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elizabeth Posted December 8, 2011 Share Posted December 8, 2011 :grouphug: The worst. The hurts just keep on coming. Unless you are not a source of ego feed then they just pretend you are not alive. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tigger Posted December 8, 2011 Share Posted December 8, 2011 I've been reading through that site since you posted. Wow. And wow again. It's frightening, yet weirdly comforting. To read about things that directly validate what both Wolf and I have experienced, even the examples given set off not light bulbs but nuclear explosions... Wow. Harpy's Child is the one that blew DH away about his mom. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
leeannpal Posted December 8, 2011 Share Posted December 8, 2011 Yep, I've got one of those. When I got pregnant the last time at the age of 39, my mother told me I was too old, and then added, "Well, at least there is the chance that you will have a miscarriage." Even though I have lived with this all my life, I was still shocked at the cruelty of her words. Unfortunately, just 4 weeks later, I did experience a missed miscarriage and had to have a D&C. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LarlaB Posted December 8, 2011 Share Posted December 8, 2011 There is a website you may want to read: http://daughtersofnarcissisticmothers.com/ It helped me a lot when my own husband's MIL still lived with us. We have a much more comfortable relationship now. :grouphug: Thank you SO much for sharing that website.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zaichiki Posted December 8, 2011 Share Posted December 8, 2011 Is there any overlap with NPD symptoms and... Asperger's? Or mental illness? Some of this stuff sounds similar. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joanne Posted December 8, 2011 Share Posted December 8, 2011 Is there any overlap with NPD symptoms and...Asperger's? Or mental illness? Some of this stuff sounds similar. NPD IS a mental illness, although they are discussing dropping it from the DSM V. NPD shares some behaviors with Aspies, and also Anti-Socials. Aspies are not grandiose or manipulative. Anti-Socials are more prone to illegal, and physically aggressive behavior. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted December 8, 2011 Share Posted December 8, 2011 Yep, I've got one of those. When I got pregnant the last time at the age of 39, my mother told me I was too old, and then added, "Well, at least there is the chance that you will have a miscarriage." Even though I have lived with this all my life, I was still shocked at the cruelty of her words. Unfortunately, just 4 weeks later, I did experience a missed miscarriage and had to have a D&C. :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: I'm so sorry. How awful for you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tigger Posted December 8, 2011 Share Posted December 8, 2011 Is there any overlap with NPD symptoms and...Asperger's? Or mental illness? Some of this stuff sounds similar. NPD is a cluster-B personality disorder, so it overlaps (often) with other cluster-B traits (borderline, histrionic, etc.). Interestingly female NPD's often marry, at a higher than average across the population rate, those with Asperger's! Sometimes too NPD can be misdiagnosed as Asperger's and Asperger's can be misdiagnosed as NPD. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zaichiki Posted December 8, 2011 Share Posted December 8, 2011 NPD IS a mental illness, although they are discussing dropping it from the DSM V. Just out of curiosity -- Who's "they?" And, if it is a mental illness, why would they drop it from the DSM? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Canadianmumof5 Posted December 8, 2011 Share Posted December 8, 2011 Thank you SO much for sharing that website.... Yes thank you. Check, check, check, check and check. Yup, I'm related to one. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joanne Posted December 8, 2011 Share Posted December 8, 2011 Just out of curiosity --Who's "they?" And, if it is a mental illness, why would they drop it from the DSM? The American Psychological Association publishes the DSM. "They" would be the professionals within the rank that make up the committee. Why? They change things over the course of time. Homosexuality used to be included; eating disorders weren't (just as an example). There is a great deal of pressure to not drop NPD. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zaichiki Posted December 8, 2011 Share Posted December 8, 2011 Why? They change things over the course of time. Homosexuality used to be included; eating disorders weren't (just as an example). Oh, I get that. Things change over time. But I wonder why some want to drop it? I guess they don't consider NPD to be a mental illness. Do you know why that is? Have you read about this issue? If so, would you share? I'm very curious about "their" reasons. No biggy. Not trying to challenge you. I'm just curious. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WTMCassandra Posted December 8, 2011 Share Posted December 8, 2011 BTDT with NMIL. Burned the t-shirt. Had to move across the country and go no contact. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FairyMom Posted December 8, 2011 Share Posted December 8, 2011 There is a website you may want to read: http://daughtersofnarcissisticmothers.com/ It helped me a lot when my own husband's MIL still lived with us. We have a much more comfortable relationship now. :grouphug: Wow, thank you for this website. I wish I had known about this 20 years ago. This is my MIL. It explains a lot! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hen Posted December 8, 2011 Share Posted December 8, 2011 I suspect my mom is the light went on a few years ago when my sister broke her leg. She had 3 kids under 5 at the time...she called my mom from the ER, hoping my mom would be helping her, since my mom lives on the street behind her, is retired and in good health... the first words out of my mom's mouth were something like "oh my gosh, this is so horrible! I'm so stressed now, I can't hand this, here talk to your stepdad, I can't cope!"... and no, she did not help my sister. at one point she paid half of a homecare nurse so my father wouldn't have to be there helping her. last month, talking on the phone, she started telling me how badly my great-aunt is doing health-wise, she went on to talk a bit about the neat things this aunt did in her life, then went on to wail about how sad and bad my mom felt about what is happening. She detailed her own feelings quite a bit and then said, "so I guess your stepdad and I will be taking a trip soon..." I said, "oh, to visit her? How nice, she'll appreciate the company! Will you be driving up?"..there was a long pause and then my mom said, "oh, no, I mean for the funeral." since realizing she is NPD probably or at least has traits, this did not surprise me so much. she's always been extremely self-centered, but I think it has gotten worse as she has indulged it and helped it along..Joanne how does that fit into a mental illness as opposed to a personality disorder? I kind of thought the latter could be fed and worsened. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Impish Posted December 8, 2011 Share Posted December 8, 2011 The whole, 'everything is about them' is so hard to explain to someone that hasn't experienced it. I testified against my ex in court. My mom was minding my eldest. Ex ended up acquitted. I was in hysterics over it. Called my mom and asked her to keep my son that night b/c I was such a wreck. Nope. Told me, "Oh well, you knew that could happen." She dropped him off, commented on my outfit, and left. I got a call from her best friend (at the time) the next day. BF told me how upset my mom was, devestated, blah blah blah. I told her, "Funny, she never said anything to me..." and recounted exactly what had happened the night before. Of course, I wasn't believed. *sigh* Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FairyMom Posted December 8, 2011 Share Posted December 8, 2011 (edited) . Edited December 8, 2011 by FairyMom Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
leeannpal Posted December 8, 2011 Share Posted December 8, 2011 :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: I'm so sorry. How awful for you. Thank you:) Part of the reason that she didn't want me to be pregnant at 39 is because she said she would be so embarrassed having to explain to people why I was having a baby at such a late age. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Impish Posted December 8, 2011 Share Posted December 8, 2011 Thank you:) Part of the reason that she didn't want me to be pregnant at 39 is because she said she would be so embarrassed having to explain to people why I was having a baby at such a late age. MIL is convinced Baby Boo must be special needs b/c of my age :glare: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dianne-TX Posted December 8, 2011 Share Posted December 8, 2011 I'm sorry, I don't know what narcissistic exactly means. I've always heard about it, but never knew exactly what it meant. I'm wondering if I have a family member that fits the description, as I've heard the word "narcissist" used about this person. What characteristics do they display? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Impish Posted December 8, 2011 Share Posted December 8, 2011 I'm sorry, I don't know what narcissistic exactly means. I've always heard about it, but never knew exactly what it meant. I'm wondering if I have a family member that fits the description, as I've heard the word "narcissist" used about this person. What characteristics do they display? Check out the link in the OP. :001_smile: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dianne-TX Posted December 8, 2011 Share Posted December 8, 2011 Check out the link in the OP. :001_smile: Just saw it. Thanks. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FaithManor Posted December 8, 2011 Share Posted December 8, 2011 NPD IS a mental illness, although they are discussing dropping it from the DSM V. NPD shares some behaviors with Aspies, and also Anti-Socials. Aspies are not grandiose or manipulative. Anti-Socials are more prone to illegal, and physically aggressive behavior. Joanne, if they "de-commission" it as a mental illness, could it at least be criminalized???? I've got two SIL's who are so severely narcissistic that they need to be institutionalized. So, at least if it were criminal, we could have them incarcerated! :D Seriously, I think there should be a bio-dome in Antartica and all of the narcies can be sent there. They'll either kill each other doing nothing to stay alive while they argue about who else ought to be doing the work to stay alive, or it will be therapeutic and force a personality change. Either way, the rest of the world can rest in peace! :lol: Faith Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zaichiki Posted December 8, 2011 Share Posted December 8, 2011 Joanne, if they "de-commission" it as a mental illness, could it at least be criminalized???? I've got two SIL's who are so severely narcissistic that they need to be institutionalized. So, at least if it were criminal, we could have them incarcerated! :D Seriously, I think there should be a bio-dome in Antartica and all of the narcies can be sent there. They'll either kill each other doing nothing to stay alive while they argue about who else ought to be doing the work to stay alive, or it will be therapeutic and force a personality change. Either way, the rest of the world can rest in peace! :lol: Faith Hold up here. If NPD is currently classified as a mental illness... how are you saying this on this board without being crucified? If I posted that about bipolar or charcter disorder or etc etc etc, I'd have hate mail! (I'm not meaning to crucify you. I TOTALLY get the emotion/frustration/tongue-in-cheek.) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Impish Posted December 8, 2011 Share Posted December 8, 2011 Joanne, if they "de-commission" it as a mental illness, could it at least be criminalized???? I've got two SIL's who are so severely narcissistic that they need to be institutionalized. So, at least if it were criminal, we could have them incarcerated! :D Seriously, I think there should be a bio-dome in Antartica and all of the narcies can be sent there. They'll either kill each other doing nothing to stay alive while they argue about who else ought to be doing the work to stay alive, or it will be therapeutic and force a personality change. Either way, the rest of the world can rest in peace! :lol: Faith How much melatonin do you think it would take to knock someone out enough to stick stamps on their butt and mail them out? Purely a scientific question, of course. Enquiring minds want to know. ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shelly in IL Posted December 8, 2011 Author Share Posted December 8, 2011 Called my mom and told her my beloved Airedale has kidney disease (bums me out, because the boys and I are alone for 6 months- and not only is she wonderful, but also my guard, but she could hang in there with meds, I'm praying she will). So, i call my mom and tell her and she says, "Well, better her than me!" then subject change. No acknowledgment of it being too bad, or I'm sorry, or what is the prognosis. Just better her than me and off to the new subject. I literally just sat there with my mouth hanging open. I told her I had to go. I wasn't going to reward her ridiculous behavior with a phone conversation. Glad i can say that and not have you guys all think I'm being mean to my mom. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zaichiki Posted December 8, 2011 Share Posted December 8, 2011 So... considering that NPD is currently labeled as a mental illness... are people with NPD being treated with medication? If so, does it alleviate their symptoms at all? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
smilesonly Posted December 8, 2011 Share Posted December 8, 2011 So... considering that NPD is currently labeled as a mental illness... are people with NPD being treated with medication? If so, does it alleviate their symptoms at all? not likely. narcs are never wrong and can do no wrong, therefore no reason to see a pysch as they are NEVER at fault-it's always others' faults.;) my #1 biggest fear is having npd tendencies toward my dc. (even typing this i am acutely aware that i just started the sentence with...Me.) :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug::grouphug::grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zaichiki Posted December 8, 2011 Share Posted December 8, 2011 not likely. narcs are never wrong and can do no wrong, therefore no reason to see a pysch as they are NEVER at fault-it's always others' faults.;) Interestingly, these characteristics TOTALLY fit my mother, who has been diagnosed with about every mental illness under the sun (but not this one). Ha! I guess I was just wondering if there was a lot of overlap with other mental illnesses... and then wondering if, therefore, medication could help people with NPD. (Also, remember, not everyone sees a psych by choice. The two close members of my family growing up who were diagnosed with mental illness were both forcibly *brought* and held against their will. Though I guess you have to be a danger for that to happen. I guess people with NPD don't fit that description?) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Greenmama2 Posted December 8, 2011 Share Posted December 8, 2011 I've never heard of this before (although I've certainly heard of narcissism), I'm wondering if undiagnosed Aspergers could lead someone to develop these symptoms? Seems like 50+ years of no help to develop empathy would create the right conditions. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gardenmom5 Posted December 8, 2011 Share Posted December 8, 2011 Yeah. The day I found it I just sat and stared at the screen. It was so unbelievable that other people could articulate some of the same things that have happened here as well as some things I felt and never put to words. ". OMG, I love this site. that you for posting it. I'm just reading down the list, and it. is. my. grandmother. (I had previously articulated her motto as "anything you say WILL be used against you.") we were taught to "worship" her from a very young age and spent way too much time with her, so even though she was my mother's mother, her influence was very toxic. I'm also seeing things my mom did. some of them I know were in reaction to her own mother. It was how she was trained. I don't think she actually had NPD. (she was schizophrenic.) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joanne Posted December 8, 2011 Share Posted December 8, 2011 I've never heard of this before (although I've certainly heard of narcissism), I'm wondering if undiagnosed Aspergers could lead someone to develop these symptoms? Seems like 50+ years of no help to develop empathy would create the right conditions. No. Although the empathy thing is similar, there are separate and distinct criteria for each. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kolamum Posted December 8, 2011 Share Posted December 8, 2011 :grouphug: I'm related to one {not parental} and fear for that person's child. Thanks for sharing the websites, I'm glad to know it's not all in my head. Wish I could help the child. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gardenmom5 Posted December 8, 2011 Share Posted December 8, 2011 How many NPD mother's does it take to change a light bulb? None, I'll just sit here in the dark . . . . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Grover Posted December 8, 2011 Share Posted December 8, 2011 oh wow. Thank you for this thread and the links. I've spent the afternoon reading about my mother. It is amazing to know that this is 'real' and it's not just me. I'm the bad, ungrateful, nasty, manipulative daughter and I decided about 9 months ago I was stepping out of the relationship... resulting in several of her friends and our relatives contacting me to make sure I was "ok" because my mother is so worried about me and can't understand why I'd do a thing like this. I have had tears and ah huh moments all afternoon. This IS my mother. Thank you. I think I may have an understanding of this situation now, and may even be able to start to move past many of the "it's my fault" issues. Thank you, thank you, thank you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Impish Posted December 8, 2011 Share Posted December 8, 2011 How many NPD mother's does it take to change a light bulb? None, I'll just sit here in the dark . . . . Bwah hahahahaha! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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