SeekingSimplicity Posted December 7, 2011 Share Posted December 7, 2011 I was told by a therapist that I need to build a community of support for myself because I don't have any family locally, and I'm isolated here. So I need to work on making friends. He asked about a homeschooling association. We are a member of a christian homeschool association (because that's all there is), but I've never connected with anyone in it. For one thing my values seem to be very different from all of theirs. I just feel like I'm very different than they all are. Everyone there is nice, I enjoy the events that we get to participate in, I'm glad the kids have that outlet. But I don't feel a kinship with anyone there. And part of it is me. I'm an introvert and the idea of having to connect with people IRL sorta makes me feel panicky. But I can recognize that he's right, and it is something I need. I just don't know how to go out and make that happen. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elegantlion Posted December 7, 2011 Share Posted December 7, 2011 What about other hobbies? I could never connect with the homeschool group in our previous location. I ended up creating community with our local Nanowrimo group. I was petrified at our first meeting. I was the oldest one there and the group was small. We hit it off wonderfully and continued get togethers until we moved. I still haven't found my IRL outlet here. Have you looked at meetup.com (is that it?) for your area? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ChristyB in TN Posted December 7, 2011 Share Posted December 7, 2011 Start a book club? Ask a librarian if you can post a notice or even meet there? Maybe join a gym, there are awfully nice people on those bikes in spinning classes! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thescrappyhomeschooler Posted December 7, 2011 Share Posted December 7, 2011 One thing to remember is that it sometimes takes a while to find a group of people who "click". Different groups have different dynamics and I think you need to try a few different things to find something that works for you and has like-minded people with whom you can connect. I am not an introvert. I like being around people, but I have a much easier time connecting in some circles than others. I used to feel bad if I couldn't make friends in some specific setting. But then, I realized that I make friends much more easily in other types of settings. So, if I were you, I would not be discouraged if you do not make some new friends in your first attempts. Just keep trying and eventually, you will find some peeps. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Starr Posted December 7, 2011 Share Posted December 7, 2011 Someone told me once that a good way to connect is to invite new people in town or people new to a group. They are looking for friendships. Other neighbors took one day a week and invited a family over. You could try something like that and see if you click with someone. It's hard but someone has to be the first to do the inviting. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Desert Rat Posted December 7, 2011 Share Posted December 7, 2011 I have been successful making friends at my boys' sports practices/games/meets. I am an introvert myself. But, I find that I can figure out something to talk about. Of course, it helps that my husband is very outgoing and can talk to anyone. I'd be lost without him sometimes. He starts chatting and then introduces me. I usually try to pick someone who is reading a book and talk about books we like. Or, chatting about our children. It's a slow process for me, but I've recently made a couple of potentially good friends at my ds8's soccer practices. I like these women and we have enough in common. I wouldn't say I have a lot of close friends. But, I do have friends. HTH Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Julie Smith Posted December 7, 2011 Share Posted December 7, 2011 If you post where "here" (as in very general ie. Province or state) perhaps some people from this board can pm and that might lead to something. At the very least this post will bump your thread. Good Luck. Making friends can be like searching for a needle in a haystack, with no guarantee that there is a needle. I can send you a virtual magnifying glass. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Onceuponatime Posted December 7, 2011 Share Posted December 7, 2011 Go to night school. I haven't done this in a while, but when I took a night class (world history) I got to know other people my age trying to further their education. That was actually more fun than the class itself. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest KneadyMommy Posted December 7, 2011 Share Posted December 7, 2011 I understand, I homeschooled my oldest for 8 years in a small town and belonged to the christian homeschool group but felt very out of place. I had a really hard time making RL friends and preferred to stay home and talk to my online friends. Now I am a Massage Therapist and I work half the week and homeschool my little ones on my days off. Getting out of the house was super hard. I am really really an introvert unless it is in a one on one setting, then I blossom. I just had to realize that groups were just not me. Maybe you can try to look for ways to connect with people one on one and nurture those few relationships. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tammyla Posted December 7, 2011 Share Posted December 7, 2011 Volunteering can be a great way to meet people with similar interests; working together is often a way to ease into a friendship. There are endless places to give your time to like the library etc. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SeekingSimplicity Posted December 7, 2011 Author Share Posted December 7, 2011 If you post where "here" (as in very general ie. Province or state) perhaps some people from this board can pm and that might lead to something. At the very least this post will bump your thread. Good Luck. Making friends can be like searching for a needle in a haystack, with no guarantee that there is a needle. I can send you a virtual magnifying glass. I'm in North Mississippi Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
amo_mea_filiis. Posted December 7, 2011 Share Posted December 7, 2011 I'm in the same boat as you, minus the therapist. I was thinking of taking some sewing classes. It's close enough that my kids can stay home, and it's something not related to my kids' special needs. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SeekingSimplicity Posted December 7, 2011 Author Share Posted December 7, 2011 What about other hobbies? I could never connect with the homeschool group in our previous location. I ended up creating community with our local Nanowrimo group. I was petrified at our first meeting. I was the oldest one there and the group was small. We hit it off wonderfully and continued get togethers until we moved. I still haven't found my IRL outlet here. Have you looked at meetup.com (is that it?) for your area? I just checked meetup.com and there is one group in our area, a Ron Paul meet up, about 45 minutes from here. LOL I tried a quilting group once, but it was older ladies. They were really nice, but I'd like to find people my age too. I knit and crochet but I don't meet many people around here that do that, and when I do they're older. I'd really like to join the SCA at some point, but can't afford to right now and don't have the ability to travel. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dolphin Posted December 7, 2011 Share Posted December 7, 2011 Can you ask some of the moms at your homeschool group if they belong to a book club or bunco group? If one of them belongs to a bunco group ask if you can be a sub. I subbed in a group twice, and then when there was an opening I was asked to join. I barely knew the lady that I asked if I could sub the first time, but I met 3 ladies at the group that I really like and we even meet up for coffee outside of Bunco now. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SeekingSimplicity Posted December 7, 2011 Author Share Posted December 7, 2011 Ok, not that I'm trying to sound discouraging, but I don't totally understand this advice. A community of support or some people to chat up once in awhile? I think you can always find people to chat with, but does that make them friends (I mean the type of friends that you can count on for support)? I talk to people all the time. I have yet to make a friend of the type I'd call on when in need (in the 5 years I've been in this state far away from family and friends). My doctor told me the same thing once. I told him what I just told you. He invited me to come sit with him and his wife during lunch. :lol: I never took him up on it, but I did think it was rather sweet of him to offer. (I don't feel lonely btw...) Have you checked out Meet.com? You can find local groups (hobby type stuff, people with similar interests, people looking to meet other people). I've met a few people that way. It took me 4 tries to find the right homeschool group. I love our group. Unfortunately, most of the members live so far that getting together anymore than once a week for the meeting/hangout time is too difficult. I totally get what you're saying. And I think that's part of my reluctance here. How do you go up to someone and say hey, you wanna be friends and listen to all the bad stuff that's happening in my life and hold me while my life falls apart? Awesome, sounds like fun. lol But I'm about to go through some big life changes and am going to need supportive people. Right now I don't have them because I'm all alone here. I live in the middle of nowhere, and the only reason I'm here is because of dh... I may not even have that connection soon. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SeekingSimplicity Posted December 7, 2011 Author Share Posted December 7, 2011 I'm in the same boat as you, minus the therapist. I was thinking of taking some sewing classes. It's close enough that my kids can stay home, and it's something not related to my kids' special needs. I was asked to teach a knitting class in January. I don't know if it would give me a chance to connect with anyone in a meaningful way since it would be a one time thing (just a one time sock class), but it would get me out around other adults at least. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jennsmile Posted December 7, 2011 Share Posted December 7, 2011 :grouphug::grouphug: My best friend just moved too far away. She already lived far enough away that it was few and far between. That said I do have a support system though my church. And my homeschool community. Not as great as I would like but I do have friends. Not best buddy, share my life story with friends, but friends. For me when I move somewhere it is great to go to church and meet new people and build up a support network. I am a military brat so I learned the importance to meeting new people often. Unfortunately I settled in a military community so I am now the one left behind. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.