DawnM Posted December 6, 2011 Share Posted December 6, 2011 I have no idea where he is getting this from. He is 13. The people we hang out with are mostly homeschoolers and not kids with anger issues or depressive personalities. He has been getting in more trouble in our HS group for his attitude and his general anger at just about everyone around him. At home we are dealing with a snotty attitude as well. It is the attitude I get just about any time I ask him to do ANYTHING! We have talked to him until we are blue in the face and he can spit out how he SHOULD act, etc....but when the situation arises, all of that thinking and talking goes out the window. It breaks my heart because I am a very social extrovert and I see how he is isolating himself by turning people off with his dower personality. And I admit it makes me angry at him as well. How can I better help him? We are still on the wait list for evaluations. He has Asperger's but may have ODD although he isn't really defiant towards authority, it is mostly kids. Dawn Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
klmama Posted December 6, 2011 Share Posted December 6, 2011 Keep in mind that puberty affects mind as well as body. Besides the hormonal changes, there are other biological issues to consider. I'm not a medical professional, so please do your own research on this, but as I understand it, the huge growth spurt uses up a lot of zinc. Zinc needs to be in a particular ratio with copper; when zinc levels are depeleted, the copper is elevated in relation to the zinc, and that can lead to irrritability and anger. Also, this time of year, there is much less sunshine, which can lead to vitamin D deficiency and depression. Put those two together, and you have an underlying cause for a lot of grumpy teens. Yours may or may not be affected by either of those issues, but it might be worth considering. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DawnM Posted December 6, 2011 Author Share Posted December 6, 2011 Interesting. I will take a look. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DawnM Posted December 6, 2011 Author Share Posted December 6, 2011 The other thing that was said was that he was becoming more aggressive. I know we have had issues with this in the past. The main problem? He doesn't "get" horseplay. So, when the other kids are shuffling around or pushing, he takes it as a personal assault and retaliates OR, he really does think he is playing but he is 10 times more forceful than the other kid and it turns into him getting into trouble when he has no idea why he is in trouble since, "the other kid did it too and he isn't in trouble." Sigh. I am a very tired mom. Dawn Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PeterPan Posted December 7, 2011 Share Posted December 7, 2011 Well I can tell you the snotty is the age + being a heathen, unregenerate soul. Terrible to say, but there you go. And rest sounds like sensory. Can you do anything (home-grown OT activities) to work on that? He may not realize how differently he perceives touch and may need help there. I've got one who's extremely sensitive for sensory and one who's pretty oblivious. Put the two together, and it AIN'T pretty. Lots of howling. So I hear you on the weariness. :( Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Barbara H Posted December 7, 2011 Share Posted December 7, 2011 The main problem? He doesn't "get" horseplay. So, when the other kids are shuffling around or pushing, he takes it as a personal assault and retaliates OR, he really does think he is playing but he is 10 times more forceful than the other kid and it turns into him getting into trouble when he has no idea why he is in trouble since, "the other kid did it too and he isn't in trouble." This is not at all uncommon for Asperger's. What sort of therapy or social support has he gotten for his Asperger's? If this behavior is sudden, a visit to the pediatrician may not be a bad idea just to check and see if there are any other physical things going on. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AK_Mom4 Posted December 7, 2011 Share Posted December 7, 2011 We found that lots of physical exercise helped defuse this for DS when he was your son's age. Shoveling snow, running, lifting weights, even a good snowball fight or sledding trip would help. Now, at nearly 16yo, we don't have nearly as many problems with the horseplay getting out of control. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DawnM Posted December 7, 2011 Author Share Posted December 7, 2011 We used to do play therapy with a therapist. He could act like an angel in the office one on one, but throw him in a room full of real kids and it all just went to heck. That part has been going on since he was about 3 years old. He was asked to leave two preschools for behavior before we homeschooled. He was asked to leave a co-op. A girl pushed him so he kicked her.....hard. He was doing so much better during the last couple of years as he matured. He wasn't perfect, but he was better. He still didn't get that his physical retaliation was 10 times worse than what the other kid did, and he may NEVER get that, even though he is told by everyone around him. He truly doesn't get it. But he seems to have hit a bad spell again and I don't know why. There is nothing different in our lives. He isn't really a physical kid in terms of needing sports or activities. He calms down by drawing and creating. When he was in pre-K the teacher was awesome. She found out that if she let him draw first thing in the morning, he was calmer the rest of the day. He is still somewhat like that. But it isn't enough. Dawn Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
suzziesnowflake Posted December 7, 2011 Share Posted December 7, 2011 Yep, snotty attitude is the age. I have a ds13 myself and we are going through this as well. He was such a sweet boy but now he takes everything personally, argues about everything (gotta love the logic stage), and he is very aggressive. DH has really had to crack down on him b/c some of the horse play is getting out of hand. He even tries to control me with his snotty mouth and saying he's just kidding. DS is an intovert and we are trying to get him involved in things but he doesn't want to do anything. I hope this stage passes soon or he may end back up in school because I am really fed up with the power struggle everyday. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DandelionMom Posted December 19, 2011 Share Posted December 19, 2011 The main problem? He doesn't "get" horseplay. So, when the other kids are shuffling around or pushing, he takes it as a personal assault and retaliates OR, he really does think he is playing but he is 10 times more forceful than the other kid and it turns into him getting into trouble when he has no idea why he is in trouble since, "the other kid did it too and he isn't in trouble." Dawn (((hugs))) I can totally relate. My oldest was very much like this when she was younger, and used to act very hostile and insulted if other kids were playing like that. I can attest that it can, does and will get better with age. I would definitely talk to him about it, though, because walking him through scenarios can help before and after a situation like that. At least it did with my daughter. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tiramisu Posted December 19, 2011 Share Posted December 19, 2011 (edited) Well I can tell you the snotty is the age + being a heathen, unregenerate soul. Terrible to say, but there you go. And rest sounds like sensory. Can you do anything (home-grown OT activities) to work on that? He may not realize how differently he perceives touch and may need help there. I've got one who's extremely sensitive for sensory and one who's pretty oblivious. Put the two together, and it AIN'T pretty. Lots of howling. So I hear you on the weariness. :( It was very helpful for me recently to read Temple Grandin's books. I don't have any on the spectrum (I think!) but the sections on sensory issues were enlightening to me because they weren't written from the perspective of a parent or therapist describing the behaviors but from the perspection of a person who actually perceives sensation differently. I appreciated Temple's descriptions of sensory overload. And the anxiety connection was really something to think about, too. The really positive thing I got out of Temple's books is recognizing our dc's need for soothing, and the need for us to help them discover what they need to do to soothe themselves, a skill that will help them throughout life. We have one dc with really out-of-control behavior at times, a sensory seeker who can get really angry and physically rough. It's really not a great situation when the rest of us are over-responsive, sensory defensive, to different degrees. For the last several days, I have been holding her tightly in my lap while we pray in the evening. She loves this and it calms her. I think the increased closensess has helped her connect with me a little better at other times, too. OhElizabeth, I can so relate to the howling. We have that and, lately, shrieking. Dd holds herself together so well at school, where she has "outstanding behavior," but then comes home and shieks or whoops as loud as she can on purpose. It goes on and on until the rest of us are losing our minds, nothing will stop it. If this continues, she will destroy her vocal chords. I so want to get help for her and will probably try OT. I don't think anyone at school believes our difficulty at home. FWIW, I am weary to the bone. And I see the weariness in dh. So sad. ETA: Sensational Kids talks about how sensory seekers can be mis-diagnosed as ODD due to their nasty behavior when the can't get the stimulation they crave. Edited December 19, 2011 by NJKelli Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.