Too young to marry? How 'young' were you?

[Impish]

Hmmm.

 

My Mom married her first dh at 18, her 2nd dh at 25? Something like that. Still married to the 2nd dh, 32 yrs now.

 

One of my best friends married at 20. Had their 20th ann this past Sept.

 

Wolf and I married a few mths before my 30th birthday. He's 5 yrs older.

 

One of the drawbacks to marrying at a later age is that you're used to running the show, on your own. For us, it led to a power struggle. While I'll def encourage my kids to live on their own for a bit before getting married (I do think it's a heck of a learning curve, going straight from parent's house to being married and on your own for the first time), living on your own, making your own decisions without anyone else in the process for 10+ yrs can create habits that are hard to break/change.

[Retired]

married at 20 and just had our 21st anniversary - we started dating when I was 17

 

I really think it depends on maturity and do they want the same things out of life.

 

If they marry young and both still want go out and have fun then it works greats

 

But when one still want to go out and have fun and the other wants to spend their weekends at home like a 40 year old couple thats when the couple have problems. This has been the factor in the marry early and divorce.

 

I still wanted to have fun but married someone who was ready to settle in till he died;) I stayed in the marriage because of my faith but it still feels like I missed out on a lot of life.

 

I have friends that married young and both were very "boring" together and never had a problem. I had friends in marriage like myself one was still wanting fun and the spouse was ready for everynight is tv nights. They usally divorced within 3-4 years.

 

Oh and the last is when they both still want to have fun but not with each other and well we knows those always go down hill not matter what the age.

[Elisabeth in IL]

My brother and sister-in-law married 2 weeks after she turned 18. He was 20. They dated for 4 years. They have now been married 25 years. I'd say it was and is pretty successful!! ;)

[BarbecueMom]

DH was 20 and I was 22, had been dating since 14 and 16. No regrets, except that we should have lived together during DH's first two years of college instead of waiting until marriage. Living alone in a dorm was not good on his grades at all, but he was a great student after we got married. Married for six years, together for twelve. Both of us are college grads.

 

Honestly, I'd be terrified to marry someone I didn't grow up and go to school with. I'd be worried I'd marry some sort of sociopathic killer with multiple aliases and end up on Dateline.

[KRG]

I was 19 (2 months shy of 20) and dh had just turned 22 when we married. We have been married almost 21 years.

[WistfulRidge]

I was 19 and DH was 32. Four years later we're closer and more in love than we were then. My mom, who married at 25, was a little horrified (despite her love for DH) that I was getting married so young, but I found exactly what I was looking for and wasn't willing to let him go ;)

 

I have a cousin who married the day after her eighteenth birthday. She and her DH will have been married for 14 years in February.

Edited December 5, 2011 by theAmbitiousHousewife

[catz]

I was 26, dh was 28 when we got married. I still wished I had waited a couple more years.

 

I personally would do everything in my power to discourage any of my children from getting married so young although I realize that by 18 they no longer need my permission.

 

I realize that there are many people, especially on a board like this, who married quite young and are perfectly happy. I'm thrilled for you, really. No snark. But, that's not what I want for my children at all.

 

I'd much prefer them to sow their wild oats (carefully and with maturity!) and marry when they're older, so to speak, than to wait for marriage and marry young.

 

I'm on board with you, and I know that's not popular on this board. My husband also divorced as a result of a young marriage (no kids involved luckily). We married at 29 and 37, and I have absolutely no regrets. I thoroughly enjoyed my 20's and had my own house and own career. We've been married for 12 years. :leaving:

[k2bdeutmeyer]

I was 25yr. We will be married for 5yr in May.

[Mommyfaithe]

I was 20, dh was 22. We have been married 26+ years....yeah...they said we were too young...and it wouldn't last. We were too young....I think if we were older and more "settled" life would not have been so hard. Neither of us got to finish college...we had to be complete grown ups....right away.

 

I love my dh and I am happy we are together...I just sometimes wish we could be together ...ummm...different.

 

Faithe

 

My parents were older than we were when they got married...Mom was 25 & Dad 33 They were married almost 50 years when dad passed on.

 

ETA: My brother was 21 when he got married and has been married for 29 years.

 

My dd got married right after her 22nd birthday. She graduated from college in May and got married in June. They has been married 3 years.

Edited December 5, 2011 by Mommyfaithe

[Ailaena]

My parents were married at 18 and just celebrated 48 years.

Friends of ours have been together for @25 years and have never been married. And we all hear the stories of quick divorces. It isn't the piece of paper that determines the lifetime commitment.

 

 

If it were my dd, I would tell her that if she was only getting married so she didn't have to "wait" anymore, then she was probably not making the best decision. Otherwise, life is trial and error, and all you can do is love your kids!

[dani3boys]

Dh and I were married when we were 18. We've been happily married for 15 years!

[Holly IN]

Married right after high school. Graduated on June 1st then July 5th got married then off to college. I was 18 yrs old.

 

Do not regret it one bit!! Still married 20 years later.

Holly

[JudoMom]

I was 21, dh was 27. We'll celebrate 15 years in May.

 

My parents were 19. They've been married for 43 years.

[Delighted3]

I got married at 19 to my high school sweetheart who I had been dating since I was 16. We are still married 22 years later. Marriage is a risk no matter what the age. On the flip side, my Mom didn't marry her high school sweetheart right away and then they ended up going their separate ways. She often said that she wished she had married him because he really was the love of her life.

Joy

[JennyD]

nm

Edited December 5, 2011 by JennyD

[Pamela H in Texas]

Well, I didn't do such things correctly. Hubby and I moved in together when I was 18. My kids were 3½ and almost 1 when we finally married. Life wasn't perfect by any stretch; but we're still married and more happily than ever now.

 

Generally, I think it can work or not work at any age depending on the people involved, their resolve, etc.

[Munchkins_mama]

My husband and I got married when I was 18 and he was 20. We have been married almost 12 years, but it hasn't been without struggle.

 

I would encourage her to pursue a skill that she can use to support herself if things do go bad. At the brilliant age of 18, no one thinks things could possibly go bad so you may want to word it differently. Suppose the husband were to die unexpectedly, she would need a skill to be able to make money to support herself and the (eventual) children. My DH and I separated a few years back and I would have been left supporting three little girls with only a HS education. TERRIFYING!!

 

I wish them the best of luck! It hasn't been easy, but the hard work has made our (now) grown up marriage fabulous. :001_smile:

[JudoMom]

I was three weeks from my 22nd birthday. We've been married 16 years. I think personality and appropriate expectations of marriage have more to do with how long a marriage lasts than age.

 

:iagree:

 

Marriage is hard, not matter how old you are. I think marrying older carries it's own set of issues, just as marrying young does.

[HeatherM2]

 

One of the drawbacks to marrying at a later age is that you're used to running the show, on your own. For us, it led to a power struggle. While I'll def encourage my kids to live on their own for a bit before getting married (I do think it's a heck of a learning curve, going straight from parent's house to being married and on your own for the first time), living on your own, making your own decisions without anyone else in the process for 10+ yrs can create habits that are hard to break/change.

 

:iagree: I was 19 and my husband was 20. We will celebrate our 19th anniversary in May. When I look at my son and realize I was only 3 years older than him when I got married, I'm :blink: . However we are happy and content so I wouldn't change a thing. My husband's brother waited until his 30's and he had a really hard time adjusting to marriage. I think it just depends on the individuals.

[Joanne]

My daughter and her Air Force BF want to get married. She will be 18 in 6 months. They talked about marrying 4 months after her 18th birthday. I'm getting unsolicited comments on how they don't know what they're doing; they'll be divorced in three months, etc. I'm not sure that waiting a specific amount of time will guarantee a marriage, either.

 

They're also 'waiting for marriage', if you know what I mean.

 

Curious if you & hubby or friends married young and successfully so.

 

I'd also like to know what to say to these naysayers.

 

I'm not a fan of early marriage for western adults.

 

That said, you need *boundaries*, regardless of MY opinion.

 

"She's an adult, it's her choice, I will support her towards her best."

 

"Your comments are not helpful or welcome."

[vettechmomof2]

I married my hubby when I was 20. he is almost 7 years older than I am.

Sept. we will be married for 14 years. No troubles here.

People who questioned me were given replies along the answers of tough, not there choice. Not necessarily the best answer and I guess my age did show a bit then :P

[Guest]

My daughter and her Air Force BF want to get married. She will be 18 in 6 months. They talked about marrying 4 months after her 18th birthday. I'm getting unsolicited comments on how they don't know what they're doing; they'll be divorced in three months, etc. I'm not sure that waiting a specific amount of time will guarantee a marriage, either.

 

They're also 'waiting for marriage', if you know what I mean.

 

Curious if you & hubby or friends married young and successfully so.

 

I'd also like to know what to say to these naysayers.

 

I would let them, honestly. I think it's great that they are "waiting for marriage" and as long as they truly love each other, I would let them. I know some might disagree, but if they get told they can't marry, eventually they might give in and then regret it. People get married so late nowadays that waiting has become really difficult. Some might think they are getting married just to "you know", but I doubt it. Only they know that. I would have a heart-to-heart with them about it. If they truly love each other, they should get married. Age has nothing to do with it. The people in the relationship do. If one is hesitant, they should not.

 

I married at 18 and wound up divorce. We planned on "waiting for marriage", but we messed up. Our solution was to get married right then, even though we weren't really ready. I do have to say my mother put pressure on us. I liked the idea of marriage and felt bad about what we did... I thought it would "fix it". He was totally not ready. He kept changing his mind and thought maybe we should wait, then he would feel bad and want to get married. Anyway, under those circumstances, it was a terrible idea. We should have just stopped sinning and repented. He wound up abandoning me after we married (his parents came over and begged him to go back home with them and he did), then he came back (after several months), and then ditched me again when I got pregnant. This went on for several years... it was insane. When he admitted to cheating, I knew I was done for good.

 

I wound up remarrying at 23 (Dh was 21) and we are still happily married. We married under the right circumstances (we truly love each other) and it made a world of difference.

 

Anyway, all that to say that as long as the reasons are good, age doesn't matter. I have an uncle and aunt that married at 14 and 16 and stayed married until she died. They were married a long time.

[JennifersLost]

I'm not sure age matters so much as thinking it all through. I wish someone had sat me and my ex down and walked us through a whole bunch of scenarios we had to face during our time together and made us talk about what we would do before we made the choice to be together. Things like:

 

When you have children, who will work and who will stay home - or will you both work? What if the wife out-earns the husband? Does she still get to stay home?

 

When is it okay to drink? To smoke? Should you have credit cards? Will you ever carry a balance on them? Under what circumstances?

 

THat's the tip of the iceberg - I think couples about to be married should have to go through a list of detailed scenarios covering everything from chores, to income (how much do they need to earn to be happy - including everything they'll spend money on - and is it realistic they'll be able to earn that much), to retirement plans, to children, to in-laws, to caring for a sick mother or father, and so on.

 

Especially when they're that young.

[momofkhm]

Well, we've been married 20 years in May. I was 22, he was 24. But we started dating and never stopped when I was 16 and he was 17/18. We lasted through going to colleges 2 hours apart for 3 years. Then he went to grade school, I got a job and we were 4 hours apart for a year. Then we got married.

[mom2scouts]

I was 20 and dh was 25 when we got married. We had dated for ten months on the day of our wedding. We celebrate our 27th anniversary next month.

[Guest]

I got married at 19, divorced at 23, remarried at 25, been together almost 20 years.

 

At 19, I was mature enough and thought I would stay married. Ex-h had other ideas. He was not mature enough, my mistake.

 

I'm not against young marriage. I know some couples that have known each other all their lives.

 

To the naysayers? IDK. I would think a young man in the Air Force has a different level of maturity than an 18 year old hanging out on mom's sofa, not knowing what they want from life.

 

Exactly. It depend on the maturity level, reasons for marrying, and commitment of the couple.

[blessed3x]

"I got married at 19, divorced at 23, remarried at 25, been together almost 20 years.

 

At 19, I was mature enough and thought I would stay married. Ex-h had other ideas. He was not mature enough, my mistake.

 

I'm not against young marriage. I know some couples that have known each other all their lives.

 

To the naysayers? IDK. I would think a young man in the Air Force has a different level of maturity than an 18 year old hanging out on mom's sofa, not knowing what they want from life."

__________________

 

Well said!

Edited December 5, 2011 by blessed3x

[learningmama]

I was 22 (not too young IMO) and dh was 20. We had been together for 4 years before we married. We have now been married for 11.5 years! It has gone well, but I think it's rough for anyone to get married during the 18-22 age because of finances, college/career choices, etc. I quit college after three years and worked full-time while we got married and he finished his bachelor's and sometimes he worked part-time. We made life work with little money, but in this day and age where jobs are scarce and things are SO much more expensive, what we did in 2000 would not work a decade later.

[Parker Martin]

I was 21, and it has been phenomenal. It will be ten years in a few days.

 

However, I agree with others who have said it depends on the couple, how stable they are as individuals, their perspectives on commitment, etc.

 

But none of that really matters. Your daughter is getting married, and these other people need to stay out of it. I like Joanne's advice.

 

ETA: We'd known each other for less than two months.

[DawnM]

I was 29, DH was 28 as he is 6 months younger than I am.

 

We have been married for over 16 years now.

 

The only reason I don't think it is a good idea to marry young is because I know quite a few women particularly who got married young, became a mother young, never finished school or training and end up not being able to support their family should anything happen.

 

Dawn

[cin]

I got married at 19, divorced at 23, remarried at 25, been together almost 20 years.

 

At 19, I was mature enough and thought I would stay married. Ex-h had other ideas. He was not mature enough, my mistake.

 

I would think a young man in the Air Force has a different level of maturity than an 18 year old hanging out on mom's sofa, not knowing what they want from life.

 

I think maturity and determination play a HUGE role in the success of a marriage. 'Love is a Choice' is a great book, and a thought provoking title. If you want it to work, you can make it work, most of the time. I know there are extenuating circumstances, but most of the time you CAN make it work.

 

DH has worked with several people who were in arranged marriages. And they have been married MANY years and have children. At least your dd & bf know each other ;)

[nancypantsgirl]

18 1/2 when I met my husband and knew unequivocally that we would get married. Just 20 when we married. Not even 20 1/2. :lol: Young and poor but we had our heads on straight and were committed not just to each other but to the lifelong partnership of marriage.

[edelweiss]

I was 24 (actually a couple of weeks shy of 25). I felt terribly young and was a bit embarrassed about marrying so "young". It has worked out wonderfully though. DH and I have been married for 18 years. :001_smile:

 

We did wait 7 years to have our first child though, and I'm very grateful for that.

 

I'm sure that what constitutes being "young" for marriage depends on various cultural and regional differences.

[Sputterduck]

I was 19. I was told about the odds. I *knew* we could beat them. We were in Love, you know. It was a *huge* mistake. I was not fully mature, but with a good spouse it would have worked out. I was too young to see warning signs and that will cost me and my child for the rest of our lives. I, however, was committed with my full heart and my full mind. I worked myself to the bone for 7 years. It takes two people, though, to make a marriage work.

[Nakia]

I was 20 and he was 22 (had just finished college). Those first couple of years were HARD, but I don't think it had a thing to do with our age. It had to do with the fact that I was in nursing school, and we both had a lot of baggage. But we made it! We just celebrated 13 years. :D

[simka2]

I was 18 and dh was 20, but I had been living on my own for 2 years and had one engagement end because of serious issues with my partner.

 

It isn't romantic, but I chose dh with my "head" first and my "heart" afterward.

 

We have been married for 13 years and have 4 kids. It hasn't been easy, but there is no one I would rather have as life partner.

[*Inna*]

I was 18, got divorced at 19. Looking back, I see that I was very immature, absolutely not ready for marriage and failed to see him for what he really was before we were married. It was a very rude awakening.

 

I married my husband at 25, he was 26. Both of us still weren't mature enough, but despite some tough times, we're still together, strong. :001_smile:

[Pretty in Pink]

I was 18 the first time and left him before the 2 year mark. I was 22 the second time and we just celebrated 9 years.

 

I was mature enough the first time around. My ex was not. I knew that going into the marriage but felt like it was my only option at that time. I walked away with a toddler to care for and that was a challenge and really not ideal.

 

I do think it's wise to wait until one has been out of the house for a few years and lived life a bit before settling down.

[MrsJewelsRae]

Just turned 20 and dh was 24, we've been happily married for over 12 years. In my family we all got married young (both my siblings and dh's and their siblings were all married by 21 and all are happily married 10+ yrs later). Most of our friends were married around our ages as well and all are still together. I think if their priorities are solid, they have strong faith, similar values, etc then I'd pray for the best. I would not be opposed to my kids getting married young so long as I thought it was to the right person and my child was secure and mature.

[Hunter's Moon]

Enjoying reading these :001_smile:

 

I turned 18 at the beginning of October, my boyfriend and I had our 4 year anniversary 6 days after I turned 18, and we plan on getting married after we both graduate college and can support ourselves (we both graduate in 2014). Some people, especially friends, caution that I'll be ruining my life yet I know an older couple who everyone encourages to get married but there is nothing but verbal and emotional abuse. It's also bordered on physical.

 

But, apparently, being older in a bad relationship is better than younger in a good one. :tongue_smilie:

 

ETA: I think the best advice I've ever heard is to watch how your potential spouse interacts with family/friends/waiters/etc. He is amazing with his autistic brother, helps his mother care for his bed-ridden grandmother, is loyal to his family and friends, and very kind and soft spoken to waiters/retail workers and others. There is no doubt in my mind as to how he'll be as a husband and father.

Edited December 5, 2011 by BeatleMania

[SKL]

My parents were 17 and 19. They celebrated 50 years this October. I know they are glad they didn't putz.

 

It is not easy once the honeymoon is over. So it depends on how they view the commitment and so on. Obviously lots of marriages are doomed regardless of the ages at the wedding.

 

Myself - I never married, so I can't answer.

[Jane Elliot]

I was 20. DH was 21. No regrets. I have 3 sisters who married at 19 or 20, all still happily married.

 

And now I have 2 married children. DD was 20 and married a 19yo, and DS was 20 and married a 25 yo. We are very happy about these matches. Yes, there are naysayers. We ignore them.

[justamouse]

I was 22 and we'll be married 18 years this year. I'm almost positive that my Dd 16 will be getting married to her boyfriend at 18, and in all honesty, I couldn't have picked a better guy for her myself. Both are extremely mature.

Edited December 5, 2011 by justamouse

[Jane Elliot]

If you are a Christian you might enjoy this blog post as food for thought.

 

http://dominionfamily.blogspot.com/2011/03/first-comes-love.html

[sunflowerlady]

I was 18, dh was 21. We just celebrated our 23rd anniversary in September.:001_smile:

[SailorMom]

I got married 6 months after I graduated high school - so I would have been 18 and 7 months. DH was about 2 months from turning 20.

We've been married 19 years with no regrets :)

He's been in the military the whole time - but we waited 4 years to start having kids, and up until about 10 years ago deployments weren't common.

We had common goals, wants, needs, and values. We had been dating 28 months, and he had been gone 6 months straight of that (really good test of a teen relationship :))

Edited December 5, 2011 by SailorMom

[Jann in TX]

We have been married almost 27 years... but year 3 was more than tough. We were fortunate to wait to have children.

 

I have several (young) friends and family members who married their 'military man' at age 18... ALL of them had a child at 19-- and their hubbies were deployed of course... most ended up living back home with their parents (and their baby)... a tough way to begin a marriage... by the time they finally lived together as a family it was HARD.

 

Times were a bit different when DH and I married. I worked 30 hours per week and went to school full time (I paid my own way). Our apartment rent was $200 per month and we just got by (luckily his grandparents lived close for the times we had no money for food!). You just cant live on a part-time salary any more.

[Dmmetler]

I was 21, DH was 22, and we'll celebrate 18 years this coming Spring.

[laughing lioness]

dh and I were both 22, though I wish we'd gotten married the year before- right after college graduation. We put it off a year because family advised us to do so, so that we could "get to know each other." We knew we were going to get married anyway.

26 years last June- gotta update the sig line ; )

[hscherger]

I was 20 and will be married 16 years this month. Zero regrets and I truly hope my children marry young as well.