I need to be diplomatic, yet firm, and I need ideas

[justamouse]

This is going to be a food related discussion and there will be weight involved. Just say'n.

 

I have a family member who visits often, and who is obese. She just left, and both Dd and I remarked today that we both gained 5 pounds. Dd also made the enlightening remark that this persons version of healthy, is our family's unhealthy. We both feel like carp now. It's not just T day weight gain, she comes up a week or to at a time, and this happens all the time.

 

She is older, and can't make big changes. But it's really hard on me to cook something for her, and something for us while she is here.

 

She also is extremely inactive as the pain in her joints has made it impossible to walk. So though we're homebodies, we do hike and think nothing of walking around town and that gets curtailed.

 

If this were any other thing, I think I would be able to accommodate her preferences without it bothering me, but I can't function well when I feel like carp. Adn there's a domino effect from that.

 

How can I make her comfortable here, yet not have our own well being tank while she's visiting?

[Kate CA]

Why don't you cook the way you always do and serve what you always serve? I don't understand why you feel you have to cook differently because she is obese?

[Jean in Newcastle]

Serve a big salad, fruit, lean grilled meats on the side of whatever she likes to eat. Then choose to put on your plate those things that fit your healthy lifestyle.

 

Give her the t.v. guide and tell her that you'll be back soon from your family walk.

[Mrs Mungo]

When I have dealt with people like this visiting? I just cook whatever it is that I normally cook, plus something to accommodate them.

[cindergretta]

Serve a big salad, fruit, lean grilled meats on the side of whatever she likes to eat. Then choose to put on your plate those things that fit your healthy lifestyle.

 

Give her the t.v. guide and tell her that you'll be back soon from your family walk.

 

:iagree:

 

If she smoked, would you feel compelled to provide cigarettes and smoke them with her? :grouphug:

[Lang Syne Boardie]

In our family we cook what we normally cook. Anybody who requires more than three balanced meals per day is free to borrow the car for a doughnut run or whatever they need.

 

That sounds inhospitable, but I don't think it is. Most of us are 6 ft tall (or near it) and our boys are still growing, so I really do think I fix enough food.

 

As far as activity goes, it makes for a poor visit if children don't get their exercise. Use language such as, "we're going to walk downtown now," or, "we usually go to the park after supper," and invite the person along. If they decline, tell them what time you'll be home.

 

This nation is dying from ill health. We buried my uncle this past weekend; he died from poorly-controlled diabetes. The rest of us intend to live. Those who have health need to hang onto it.

[justamouse]

Why don't you cook the way you always do and serve what you always serve? I don't understand why you feel you have to cook differently because she is obese?

 

Well, because our diets are very different. Her 'regular' eats that she is used to is stuff that we just don't eat here. I just feel like she didn't sign up for a lifestyle change in visiting us, ya know? I need to accommodate her as a guest.

 

Serve a big salad, fruit, lean grilled meats on the side of whatever she likes to eat. Then choose to put on your plate those things that fit your healthy lifestyle.

 

Give her the t.v. guide and tell her that you'll be back soon from your family walk.

 

For dinner, that's a good idea, I can do that.

 

Ugh, I hate leaving her alone. She lives alone, is depressed and is the type to not be able to sit in a room and have silence. I go into an introvert coma after she's gone, but I know she needs our interaction.

Edited December 2, 2011 by justamouse

[justamouse]

We buried my uncle this past weekend; he died from poorly-controlled diabetes.

 

:grouphug: I'm so sorry.

[FriedClams]

Serve a big salad, fruit, lean grilled meats on the side of whatever she likes to eat. Then choose to put on your plate those things that fit your healthy lifestyle.

 

Give her the t.v. guide and tell her that you'll be back soon from your family walk.

 

:iagree:

 

I wouldn't expect anyone to cook differently for me or my family for any reason. If we had allergies or anything else I would take care of it myself. No big. I try to accommodate my guests but after losing 75 pounds myself I wouldn't eat crap for anyone.

[Princess Peach]

I would cook what you normally cook for your family for meals and maybe get a few junk food type items you know she likes to have on hand. As far as the activity, I'd take a daily walk and invite her to come with. If she doesn't want to go, tell her you'll be back in an hour ( or however long it takes).

[SKL]

I spend a lot of time with people like that. Here are some things I do.

 

1) I offer plenty of veggies/fruits alongside the heavy stuff. It's up to each person how to balance that. (Except that my little ones have to eat their veggies, LOL.)

 

2) When I'm satisfied and someone asks me to take more, I say, "I'm very satisfied." And I stick with it.

 

3) As far as possible, I send the leftovers home with whoever is leaving. If they can't eat it, maybe they have someone around them who will.

 

4) If I know I'm going to "have to" eat something heavy, I'll plan my whole day around that, skipping some of the stuff I would otherwise have eaten. For example, if I have a lot of leftovers in the fridge, I'll have that instead of cereal for breakfast. Not my favorite thing, but better than eating both.

 

As far as the exercise goes, I'd try to plan some vigorous chores around the house for when she visits. Sounds like a hike just isn't going to happen.

[Ellie]

Well, because our diets are very different. Her 'regular' eats that she is used to is stuff that we just don't eat here. I just feel like she didn't sign up for a lifestyle change in visiting us, ya know? I need to accommodate her as a guest.

Well, yes, she did. It is not realistic for your whole family to change their diet for the sake of one person, when that person's regular diet is because of preference, not necessity (e.g., if she were diabetic, or celiac, that would be a necessity).

 

And she's not a guest; she's family. Things are different with family, especially with family who visits more than once.

[Myeightkiddies]

I'd treat the situation the same as any other relative's visit.

 

Cook as you normally would. If "Grandpa Joe" was coming for a visit and you knew he loved his pumpkin pie and fried eggs, you'd probably have pumpkin pie one night for dessert and fried eggs for breakfast one morning. It's one of those things that people do when relatives come - they don't change everything but they try to include something the person likes.

 

Also, if it was "Grandpa Joe" and he had limited mobility, you'd continue as you normally would but you would probably add some activities that he liked, such as playing Scrabble or putting on a football game.

 

Basically, you need not only cook what the relative likes. You need not only do what the relative typically does. It's just hospitable to try to add a little of what they like or do into the visit.

 

To me, it's not whether she is obese or skinny or elderly or a child, it's just what we do. Because of that, my advice is to be yourselves, but sprinkle just enough of "them" into the visit to make them feel welcome/comfortable, without having to change your life completely.

[Guest submarines]

Start gradually. You obviously care about her. It will feel like you are telling her her habits are all wrong, if on her next visit you serve only what you consider healthy.

 

When she visits next, reduce the food you normally cook just for her by 1/3. Then by half. I agree with the poster who said to make sure you do serve her favorite staples, but not every day, and not for every meal.

 

It has nothing with her being obese. If she were a Chinese exchange student, you'd try to have a couple of Chinese meals, but you'd continue eating what you normally eat. It is only polite.

 

If I came to stay with my family for a week, and they weren't vegetarian, I wouldn't feel comfortable if they ate only vegetarian for a week just because of me.

 

Right now you are in a difficult position because she expects, consciously or not, that you change your habits because of her. (Btw, does she know that you change your habits?) A gradual change should work.

[thescrappyhomeschooler]

Why don't you cook the way you always do and serve what you always serve? I don't understand why you feel you have to cook differently because she is obese?

 

:iagree: My mom ate horribly. I changed my whole way of cooking and eating, and she liked my new cooking so much, she pays me to make her stuff to freeze. She's lost weight and feels healthier. Your guest might just enjoy your cooking/way of eating.

[Carol in Cal.]

I am in a different camp on this one. I think that it is respectful and hospitable to cook 'nicer' and more comfortable food for a guest. Guests inherently pretty much have to eat what you offer, so it's just polite to try to accommodate their tastes. However, I would also have food 'along side' the food for her, that is available to her, and more like what you would normally eat, and I would focus my own eating on that.

 

My sister is vegan, and when my DH and I have visited her, he has gotten quite desparate for food that he considers edible. He is very reluctant to make the trip because of that. Personally, I don't care that much, but I think it's kind of impolite to serve food that you know someone will not like, especially as an exclusive diet, when they are visiting.

 

How this would work out in real life would be, relative comes by, I cook things that are not as light as I normally would--like maybe one of my French steak or veal dishes. I also cook some kind of starch that is on the rich side--rice pilaf, maybe. But I also serve asparagus, and a huge green salad. Guest eats a tiny spoonful of salad, skips the asparagus, and has lots of steak and pilaf. I eat one little slice of the steak, easy on the poivre vert sauce, and lots of salad, and a pretty good sized serving of asparagus, and a little spoonful of pilaf. Voila! I have had a slightly richer meal than normal, but still a reasonable one. Guest is happy, I am happy, and I got to cook for a crowd, which is a rare treat for me actually.

[Catwoman]

(Btw, does she know that you change your habits?)

 

This is exactly what I'm wondering, too.

 

Does she assume you eat the same way she does, or does she know you change your entire menu whenever she comes to visit?

[justamouse]

Start gradually. You obviously care about her. It will feel like you are telling her her habits are all wrong, if on her next visit you serve only what you consider healthy.

 

Ugh, yes, she does get very down on herself that all of her habits are wrong, even with what we do serve.

 

When she visits next, reduce the food you normally cook just for her by 1/3. Then by half. I agree with the poster who said to make sure you do serve her favorite staples, but not every day, and not for every meal.

 

It has nothing with her being obese. If she were a Chinese exchange student, you'd try to have a couple of Chinese meals, but you'd continue eating what you normally eat. It is only polite.

 

In a way, I see your point. To me it's harder than that, though, because there's no cultural difference-the guest's expectations wouldn't be that I serve Chinese food every meal, you know? But it's like, for example, we don't eat cold cuts for lunch. She wouldn't eat at all what we eat for lunch (leftovers or pb and j). And so I can't serve her cold cuts, and us whatever. I end up getting cold cuts and that's what's eaten every day for lunch.

 

If I came to stay with my family for a week, and they weren't vegetarian, I wouldn't feel comfortable if they ate only vegetarian for a week just because of me.

 

Right now you are in a difficult position because she expects, consciously or not, that you change your habits because of her. (Btw, does she know that you change your habits?) A gradual change should work.

I don't think she realizes how much we accommodate her, because it's such a change for her already.

 

Like when I bought my Dd 5 some cough drops because her throat was sore? Guest told my Dd16 that she eats those as a snack until the bag is gone. Dd 16 made choc chip cookies and guest remarked that she would eat all of them at once if she had them at home. And that's how she eats all the time because she just buys herself the chips, and cookies, and cough drops.

 

We eat a lot of simple foods; salads, beans and rice, soups and homemade bread. Very few desserts. I guess I feel like I'm already pushing her enough, I'm afraid to really live how we live when she's here. She might feel unwanted? And not want to come up-and she NEEDS to come up.

Edited December 2, 2011 by justamouse

[justamouse]

I am in a different camp on this one. I think that it is respectful and hospitable to cook 'nicer' and more comfortable food for a guest. Guests inherently pretty much have to eat what you offer, so it's just polite to try to accommodate their tastes. However, I would also have food 'along side' the food for her, that is available to her, and more like what you would normally eat, and I would focus my own eating on that.

 

My sister is vegan, and when my DH and I have visited her, he has gotten quite desparate for food that he considers edible. He is very reluctant to make the trip because of that. Personally, I don't care that much, but I think it's kind of impolite to serve food that you know someone will not like, especially as an exclusive diet, when they are visiting.

 

How this would work out in real life would be, relative comes by, I cook things that are not as light as I normally would--like maybe one of my French steak or veal dishes. I also cook some kind of starch that is on the rich side--rice pilaf, maybe. But I also serve asparagus, and a huge green salad. Guest eats a tiny spoonful of salad, skips the asparagus, and has lots of steak and pilaf. I eat one little slice of the steak, easy on the poivre vert sauce, and lots of salad, and a pretty good sized serving of asparagus, and a little spoonful of pilaf. Voila! I have had a slightly richer meal than normal, but still a reasonable one. Guest is happy, I am happy, and I got to cook for a crowd, which is a rare treat for me actually.

 

Yes, I can see this-but how can you do this for a week or two? That's the thing. I can do that for a few days, but it's the weeks. And then there's all this food in my fridge that no one is eating.

 

I think that's the boulder in the road, I can do it for a day or two, it's the weeks that make it hard. But yes, how you accommodate a guest is the way I do, too.

[Lang Syne Boardie]

Oh. I think with the scenario of wanting (or being accustomed to) a whole batch of cookies or eating cough drops as a snack...that's something a little different than anything I've ever seen. In my family, it's a matter of grilled vs. fried, whole grain vs. bleached, a single serving of dessert or none. Not quantity issues.

 

:( I'm sorry.

 

What if you kept your home lifestyle as it is for the sake of your family, but went out to buffet-style places several times for dinner? It sounds like she's not going to be comfortable without quantities of food, so those episodes might help her deal with the lighter fare in the meantime.

 

With this new information it seems even more important to not let her eating style influence your family much.

[Guest submarines]

I don't think she realizes how much we accommodate her, because it's such a change for her already.

 

Like when I bought my Dd 5 some cough drops because her throat was sore? Guest told my Dd16 that she eats those as a snack until the bag is gone. Dd 16 made choc chip cookies and guest remarked that she would eat all of them at once if she had them at home. And that's how she eats all the time because she just buys herself the chips, and cookies, and cough drops.

 

We eat a lot of simple foods; salads, beans and rice, soups and homemade bread. Very few desserts. I guess I feel like I'm already pushing her enough, I'm afraid to really live how we live when she's here. She might feel unwanted? And not want to come up-and she NEEDS to come up.

 

:grouphug: You are a very kind, generous person.

 

I wonder why she wouldn't eat your food, though? Have you actually tried? Like if you served salad and soup. She wouldn't touch it? What would she say?

 

It might be that she IS reaching out for help, based on her comments about cookies and cough drops.

 

If she doesn't know how you really eat, can you tell her that you switched to a different diet due to food sensitivities (which is true, if you feel slugging and sick after eating the food that she eats). Ask her what options out of your typical menu would work for her? Ask her for suggestions and compromises.

[Mrs Mungo]

When my sister visits, then I cook with dairy alternatives or foods where the dairy is added at the end and can be skipped. (she is allergic)

 

When my vegetarian cousin visited, then I made stir fry with edamame and cooked chicken and tofu separate from everything else. We cooked steak and I made marinated tofu for her on the grill.

 

When we had a visitor who is allergic to poultry and he and his spouse eat very few veggies? I made salads and stuff on the side with plenty of meat and potatoes for the visitors. It sounds like this is more the direction of your issue?

 

Let the comments on how many cookies she would usually eat go. She can always buy cookies and keep them in the guest room, if she wants.

[ocelotmom]

Well, yes, she did. It is not realistic for your whole family to change their diet for the sake of one person, when that person's regular diet is because of preference, not necessity (e.g., if she were diabetic, or celiac, that would be a necessity).

Where do you draw the line between dietary necessity and preference?

 

My family has a diet that falls into the grey area between absolute necessity and preference. We tend to avoid situations where we're reliant on other peoples' hospitality, and I try to do a lot of the cooking myself if I feel I can do so without causing offense.

[Melinda in VT]

But it's like, for example, we don't eat cold cuts for lunch. She wouldn't eat at all what we eat for lunch (leftovers or pb and j). And so I can't serve her cold cuts, and us whatever. I end up getting cold cuts and that's what's eaten every day for lunch.

 

Why can't you serve her cold cuts and the rest of you whatever? As a guest, I don't mind if the hostess sets out various options for lunch and each person gets to pick what they want to eat. Granted, if your kids are like mine, some of them will pick cold cuts over the other choices, but at least those of you who notice an ill effect on your health could eat the healthier choices without your guest being forced to make any change to her eating habits.

[mom4him]

We follow a special diet and when someone comes to our home they get to eat what we eat. I would(and do)make it plain that this is how we eat/cook. You are welcome to go to Mc D if you want but that stuff isn't fixed here.:001_smile:

[ocelotmom]

We follow a special diet and when someone comes to our home they get to eat what we eat. I would(and do)make it plain that this is how we eat/cook. You are welcome to go to Mc D if you want but that stuff isn't fixed here.:001_smile:

 

This is basically what we do as well. If we had someone who ate different out of necessity or followed a conscious dietary paradigm that wasn't particularly compatible with ours (eg. vegetarian), we'd try to accommodate them. But people who don't have actual conflict with our way of eating just get exposed to the best of what we have to offer :)

Edited December 3, 2011 by ocelotmom

[justamouse]

Oh. I think with the scenario of wanting (or being accustomed to) a whole batch of cookies or eating cough drops as a snack...that's something a little different than anything I've ever seen. In my family, it's a matter of grilled vs. fried, whole grain vs. bleached, a single serving of dessert or none. Not quantity issues.

 

:( I'm sorry.

 

What if you kept your home lifestyle as it is for the sake of your family, but went out to buffet-style places several times for dinner? It sounds like she's not going to be comfortable without quantities of food, so those episodes might help her deal with the lighter fare in the meantime.

 

With this new information it seems even more important to not let her eating style influence your family much.

 

It's all of that AND the grilled, whole grains, lack of vegetables and nothing but carbs, carbs, carbs.

 

:grouphug: You are a very kind, generous person.

 

I wonder why she wouldn't eat your food, though? Have you actually tried? Like if you served salad and soup. She wouldn't touch it? What would she say?

 

It might be that she IS reaching out for help, based on her comments about cookies and cough drops.

 

If she doesn't know how you really eat, can you tell her that you switched to a different diet due to food sensitivities (which is true, if you feel slugging and sick after eating the food that she eats). Ask her what options out of your typical menu would work for her? Ask her for suggestions and compromises.

 

She'll eat it, but not all the time. She would pick at it, you know? And I think you're right, I think she is wanting that help. She's 'left home' from all of her friend's activities because she can't get around. She can't travel because she can't get around. So we are all she has. And she's so devastated at her lack of ability.

 

I think I will have to talk to her though and try and reach some sort of compromise.

 

When my sister visits, then I cook with dairy alternatives or foods where the dairy is added at the end and can be skipped. (she is allergic)

 

When my vegetarian cousin visited, then I made stir fry with edamame and cooked chicken and tofu separate from everything else. We cooked steak and I made marinated tofu for her on the grill.

 

When we had a visitor who is allergic to poultry and he and his spouse eat very few veggies? I made salads and stuff on the side with plenty of meat and potatoes for the visitors. It sounds like this is more the direction of your issue?

 

Let the comments on how many cookies she would usually eat go. She can always buy cookies and keep them in the guest room, if she wants.

 

I think I'm going to have to make up a specific menu while she's here that I can split up like that.

 

I think you're right, the cooking stuff separately I can do. I think I'm going to have to take her shopping for a 'stash' and let her have it in her room.

 

 

 

We follow a special diet and when someone comes to our home they get to eat what we eat. I would(and do)make it plain that this is how we eat/cook. You are welcome to go to Mc D if you want but that stuff isn't fixed here.:001_smile:

 

See, she can't just make a McDs run. She has no car while she's here. And she can't just use mine, because it's a 15 passenger van and apart from needing a stool to get in it, she wouldn't even think of driving it. :001_smile:

[LisaKinVA]

We just had a bunch of family over... they do *not* eat what we do. I made whole-wheat (freshly-milled flour) pancakes, even with a little bean flour thrown in. I didn't ask, I just did.

 

 

The only accommodations I normally make are things like not serving pork, using turkey or chicken sausage... etc. But in general, they eat what I fix. It's part of being a gracious guest :D

[Jean in Newcastle]

Lunch - sandwich "buffet" - put out bread (white and whole wheat if that is an issue), cold cuts, cheese, peanut butter, jelly, some condiments and let people build their own.

 

Make some soup. Have some salad on the side and some bread.

 

Leftovers - make sure the leftovers are of food that she likes from the night before. If you want, you could have a small tray of sandwich fixings with cold cuts so that she can have that if she wants.

 

Some of the talk about eating all the cookies when she's at home etc. you can just not respond to. I mean, she's sharing but that doesn't mean that you need to change to let her have unlimited cookies.

 

Re. exercise. Do you have a wii or something like that at home? Can your family do that for exercise? People can talk and be social while one or two of you takes a turn at being active.

[Finnella]

Keep looking for compromise. You shouldn't totally change your diet for that long, even for family. It's bad all around.

 

Also, your family needs to keep exercising while she's here. Long hikes might be too much, since you'd be leaving for too long. But you should still be doing shorter excursions to keep your family healthy. And then do something that includes her when you get home.

 

When you talk to her, you definitely need to explain that you've been doing a great deal of changing for her visits. And while you care for her and want her to keep visiting, you need to have less cooking disruption in your household. Adjusting to a new set of rules for visits will be difficult, so keep reminding her as necessary that you do want her there. Even if it means occasionally cooking something special or going to a buffet.

[Carol in Cal.]

Yes, I can see this-but how can you do this for a week or two? That's the thing. I can do that for a few days, but it's the weeks. And then there's all this food in my fridge that no one is eating.

 

I think that's the boulder in the road, I can do it for a day or two, it's the weeks that make it hard. But yes, how you accommodate a guest is the way I do, too.

 

I go with abundance. It's hard to describe, but it works for me because I really like to cook and to make people happy with food--and my DH is low carb and DD is the pickiest eater on the planet, so it's actually pretty fun for me to have company to cook for.

 

If it were me, I think I would do this:

Breakfast--Toaster on the table with an assortment of things to toast available, including frozen homemade waffles, whole grain bread (from Costco), and one lonely loaf of white bread or English muffins. Butter available, and a couple of jams or jellies. Some kind of fruit available as well--cut up apples, or a fruit salad, or oranges, etc. And that would be more than enough for me. I personally would eat two pieces of homemade toast and some fruit, and that would be all. Oh, and a big glass of nonfat milk.

 

Then, in addition, most days, either:

Dry cereals, or

Cooked breakfast meat (maybe once, because this is bad for EVERYONE. But tasty!) like bacon, sausage, etc., or

Eggs

 

If I wanted something particularly festive one day I might make quiche. But probably that would be a lunch or dinner item.

 

For lunch:

A spread. Cold cuts, breads, a really big fresh salad, and left overs. I would eat mostly salad, and the guest would eat mostly the cold cuts.

 

For dinner:

More salad, some kind of soup, and some kind of 'normal' great American diet type entree. Here again, the emphasis would shift between me and the guest. I would eat more soup and salad and hardly any entree. Guest would eat more entree, less of the other. In this case it is helpful to serve everything together rather than in courses. Then the proportion variations are not so noticeable. The soups would be winter squash, chili, tomato, clam bisque, or mushroom. I would have a couple of cans of Anderson's pea soup around as a quickie backup. I like to doctor those up with a little cream sherry and some dill. I would also try a couple of healthy-ish entrees--oven-fried chicken, baked potato bar with potatoes that are so good that you don't really need the toppings (but guest would have them available, you just wouldn't take them), lamb tenderloins with rosemary and lemon pepper, pork tenderloin with apple gravy--the kind that have a universal appeal but are lighter than normal.

 

For dessert:

I would have good nonfat ice cream available with chocolate syrup.

Once I would make a specialty, seasonal pie. Once or twice I would serve homemade cookies or Newman's Own Ginger O's, which are so good.

 

 

But, see, this would actually be fun for me. It's pretty time consuming, and those who don't like to cook would HATE it. But for me, this would be fun. I would make things in advance, and have a big ol shopping trip right before she came, and write out the menus, and would enjoy it a lot.

 

On the exercise issue, I think that working exercise into your lifestyle doesn't work well with a guest like that who can't keep up and would feel abandoned, but that actually saying that you're going to go work out would be perfectly normal and acceptable.

[Catwoman]

... it's actually pretty fun for me to have company to cook for.

 

If I went to your house for a visit and you fed me like that, you'd never get rid of me! :D

[Carol in Cal.]

If I went to your house for a visit and you fed me like that, you'd never get rid of me! :D

 

Fun for both of us!

[Impish]

Back when I was newly married, feeding MIL stressed me completely out.

 

She made it very, very clear that she was vegan, and expected a completely vegan meal when she was present.

 

Now, I was completely clueless as to what veganism all entailed, and *did not* have a puter at the time, so was left floundering about, and having to pick Wolf's brain as to what to feed his mother.

 

So, these days, I compromise. Wolf and the kids will not tolerate several vegan/vegetarian meals in a row. MIL will sit and glare, but feeding my family a meal they'll eat is important. I ensure that none of her food is contaminated in any way, shape, or form, so call it good enough.

 

Go for a compromise. Its unrealistic, imo, to expect a family completely adjusts their diet to accomodate a guest, esp when it's not a one meal situation, but a week or two.

[lailasmum]

Would it be possible to do healthy versions of the food she is comfortable with? Sort of like the way people do healthy alternatives for fussy kids by switching out stuff like processed chicken nuggets with home made baked organic chicken goujons or switching a thick based greasy pizza with a homemade thin based pizza with lots of hidden veggies blended into the sauce. All with extra salads. Then your family would get some healthy food and she would get things she is comfortable with.

[Carol in Cal.]

Would it be possible to do healthy versions of the food she is comfortable with?

 

Actually, if you post a list of things she likes, we might be able to help you come up with healthier versions of them that still taste really good.