Heading off a possible meltdown

[choirfarm]

Just finished an hour and half of head banging school with my daughter and now she is having a break. ( See my ratio question on the K-8 for part of my head banging.)

 

I am seeing a meltdown on the horizon this weekend and I'm not sure what to do, if anything. There is a piano competition this Saturday. Though this one is actually just a festival. They play by themself in front of a judge who gives them a rating. My 16yo enjoys piano, though wanted to quit and hates competitions. He is doing it because dh said he must( dh took piano until he was a senior), plus it is another activity on his college apps. That said, this year school is really tough, though he enjoys it. But they have their big 4 minute presentation in Spanish in another hour as well as a big test. They hit the organic chemistry chapter in AP Chemistry this week. AP Government has an essay assignment he has yet to start. He's kept up with English and a lesson of Precalc every day. But as I hear him practice his piece from memory... he doesn't have it. He can play it with the music, but he doesn't have it memorized at all . This child has a habit of running away when he feels like he has to do something dh wants him to do that he feels like he cannot and feels pressure. He does not seem to be able to go up to me or dh and say, " I understand you want me to do this. I really do not wish to. I have done this all along because you ask, but I feel that academics are more important and I don't have the time to put into this." But he won't say this. He will withdraw and get stressed and when I ask about the competition, he will mumble and walk away. He avoids any and all confrontation. He isn't ready and for this perfectionist, ducks in a row person, I can tell he will not want to perform... Do I intervene, and if so, how?

[Tullia]

Does your child's teacher or music club offer activities other than festivals? When my son hit a wall with performance, he decided to focus on theory and composition for a season. His teacher has been supportive and has done a lot to help him find a way to keep progressing while juggling commuting and a busy college schedule.

 

ETA: since time is short, I'd suggest you talk with your son and dh and consider withdrawing if there isn't time to memorize his piece. I'd say go ahead if he had it mostly memorized, but if he's not even close participating could do more harm than good. That said, I'd insist on some kind of fallback plan if piano is going to be a required subject. FWIW, I listed separate electives for performance and for composition on ds' transcript, and some of his extra-curricular activities were centered around his former teacher's music club.

Edited December 1, 2011 by Martha in NM

[amtmcm]

I don't know if this is possible with your schedule (ie: maybe the courses he's taking are outside classes and deadlines are firm?), but I personally would put school on hold for the next day-and-a-half to allow time for focussing on the piano.

 

My DD performs in drama and piano competitions and sometimes we have to make those events a priority.

 

Best wishes to your DS.

[choirfarm]

I don't know if this is possible with your schedule (ie: maybe the courses he's taking are outside classes and deadlines are firm?), but I personally would put school on hold for the next day-and-a-half to allow time for focussing on the piano.

 

My DD performs in drama and piano competitions and sometimes we have to make those events a priority.

 

Best wishes to your DS.

 

Nope, Spanish, AP Chem and AP Gov are outside classes so deadlines are firm. I can give him a pass on my stuff.

[Teachin'Mine]

I would talk with your husband about your concerns and see if he will compromise and allow your son to skip the festival. Maybe the lessons could be scaled back to every other week or something to give him more time for his academics. Unfortunately, there just isn't time for everything.

[Trilliums]

My 16yo enjoys piano, though wanted to quit and hates competitions. He is doing it because dh said he must.....

SNIP

This child has a habit of running away when he feels like he has to do something dh wants him to do that he feels like he cannot and feels pressure. He does not seem to be able to go up to me or dh and say, " I understand you want me to do this. I really do not wish to. I have done this all along because you ask, but I feel that academics are more important and I don't have the time to put into this." But he won't say this. He will withdraw and get stressed and when I ask about the competition, he will mumble and walk away. He avoids any and all confrontation. He isn't ready and for this perfectionist, ducks in a row person, I can tell he will not want to perform... Do I intervene, and if so, how?

 

Ok, I don't find it too surprising that he will not come out and say the these things. If he has already told you and his dad that he wants to quit and that he doesn't like competing, but he has still be required to do so...why would he think continuing to tell you this would help? In essence, it seems as though he is striving to comply with the requirements from his dad, but you are not happy with the results. He probably does not want to let anyone down.

[choirfarm]

Well, update. Everything was fine. I was waiting to hear him mutter, "I REALLY don't want to do this." He didn't and after Spanish was over on Thursday, he got busy and memorized it. One thing about this festival: It has a form and they can check outstanding, good and then two others farther down. My children have never gotten anything lower than outstanding. (And not because they always were.) It seems like the purpose of this festival is to encourage children. ( Unlike the Bach festival that was ruthless.) Yesterday he said, "Well, at least I know it well enough that I won't embarass myself."

 

All three did well. They each had a small bobble. My middle one stopped for a section in the middle because he realized he was using the middle peddle instead of the end one!!! Anyway, after my oldest finished playing, he told me that she asked him how old he was. He told her 16. She was SO excited that he was still playing and taking lessons. She told him that when he was 40, he wouldn't be able to play football ( well, unless you are Brett Farve maybe:D), but he would still be able to enjoy playing the piano. Her notes on his sheet, I completely agree with. She talked about how he made the piece sing and that he used dynamics to really make the music talk. I love listening to him play. My middle one might play the notes and dynamics, but he doesn't make it sing like my oldest. ( But my oldest doesn't have the stand-up comedian skills of my middle one, either! He makes me laugh so much!) He was glad he played yesterday.

 

It is always a tight-rope with this. When he started high school, we discussed piano. He thought he should probably keep taking since it was an activity he could do by himself.:tongue_smilie: Plus, he wouldn't have to find anything else. He told me yesterday that he doesn't want to do it for a career or anything, but he does enjoy playing. I know he doesn't like performing, but he is going to have to do oral presentations in college. He has got to get somewhat comfortable with it...

 

Anyway, thanks. We didn't have a meltdown and it all went well.