Jean in Newcastle Posted December 1, 2011 Share Posted December 1, 2011 I'm a bit challenged in the looks department. Oh, I don't send children away screaming or anything. But I am overweight and my hair is very fine. I have ALWAYS wanted long hair. ALWAYS. For the first time in probably 20 years, my health has been healthy enough to allow my hair to grow past my shoulders. In the past it wouldn't grow or would break easily. Anyway, I'm going to see my parents in a week. My mom will not like my hair. She likes my hair to be cut chin-length. It probably looks best that way. But I like my hair long even if it looks scraggly and not the most refined. Perhaps it has some kind of deeper meaning to me - maybe of youth and health! Anyway - should I cut my hair and please my 86 year old mother? Should I leave my hair the way I like it and brace myself and "smile and wave" even though the comments do wound me? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Random Posted December 1, 2011 Share Posted December 1, 2011 :grouphug: I wouldn't cut it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kalanamak Posted December 1, 2011 Share Posted December 1, 2011 My mother felt women of a certain age shouldn't have long hair. When I was around her, I wore it up, out of respect. Now that I'm more certainly that age, I tend to agree, and have cut it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BigMamaBird Posted December 1, 2011 Share Posted December 1, 2011 Do. Not. Cut. Your. Hair. You said yourself you like it. It's your head, not hers. If it's really going to send her into a tizzy, stick it in a braid and hide the length. But if you like it, keep it! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OLG Posted December 1, 2011 Share Posted December 1, 2011 I'm right there with you on liking the long hair even though I, too, look best with chin length. But, at my ripe age, I have decided to simply embrace what I like and the heck with others. Sometimes i do pull it back or up and maybe doing something like that would appease your Mom? For what it is worth, my hair is fine too and layers really, really help. DON'T CUT!:D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HappyLady Posted December 1, 2011 Share Posted December 1, 2011 Do what makes YOU happy. You already know she's going to make comments so just brace yourself, put up your shield, and go home with your hair the way you like it. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tabrett Posted December 1, 2011 Share Posted December 1, 2011 Do. Not. Cut. Your. Hair. You said yourself you like it. It's your head, not hers. If it's really going to send her into a tizzy, stick it in a braid and hide the length. But if you like it, keep it! :iagree::iagree: Don't cut it. You will regret it! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lang Syne Boardie Posted December 1, 2011 Share Posted December 1, 2011 Do. Not. Cut. Your. Hair. You said yourself you like it. It's your head, not hers. If it's really going to send her into a tizzy, stick it in a braid and hide the length. But if you like it, keep it! What she said! :grouphug: I put up my long hair when I go to visit certain relatives who think women this close to 40 shouldn't have long hair. But that's as far as I'll go. It's my hair! I'm glad you've been healthier so your hair will grow. That's a good thing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Laurie4b Posted December 1, 2011 Share Posted December 1, 2011 I agree with the others who suggested that you wear it up. I would put it up in a nice style. That way, you can perhaps avoid the hurtful comments. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
justamouse Posted December 1, 2011 Share Posted December 1, 2011 Don't you dare touch your hair. Your hair is HER problem, not yours. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
arghmatey Posted December 1, 2011 Share Posted December 1, 2011 Leave it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zookeeper Posted December 1, 2011 Share Posted December 1, 2011 My mother felt women of a certain age shouldn't have long hair. When I was around her, I wore it up, out of respect. Now that I'm more certainly that age, I tend to agree, and have cut it. Just curious, what age would that be? :001_smile: That's the way my MIL thinks and her age cutoff is 35 which I think is ridiculous. At 57, my mother had beautiful wavy hair just past her shoulders till she had to cut it for brain surgery. If you like it, don't cut it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted December 1, 2011 Author Share Posted December 1, 2011 Here's the thing with putting it up or in a braid. My hair is REALLY fine. The braid would be pencil thin. It's hard to put up because most hair things slide right off. I do put it in a pony tail. It makes my hair look thinner than when it is just long, though, because when you gather it and pinch it with the hairband, it pinches to almost nothing. But a pony tail would work. I've been sort of teary over this thread. I'm not sure why but my hair is a really emotional thing for me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cindergretta Posted December 1, 2011 Share Posted December 1, 2011 Women of a certain age have attained the right to wear their hair how they love it, regardless of how "beautiful" it is. Wear your hair how you like and make no apology. It is your hair. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Word Nerd Posted December 1, 2011 Share Posted December 1, 2011 No, you should not cut it! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sheryl Posted December 1, 2011 Share Posted December 1, 2011 Jean, It's sweet to even consider your Mom's desire for your hair/length. :001_smile: However, it's your hair. You need to like YOUR hair on YOU! I, too, love long hair. I grew it out several years ago and dd and I had a pic taken together. If my hair wasn't so thick, I'd wear it longer today! Certainly eventhough your Mom may have her preferences for your hair; she'll be fine with your choice to grow it longer. Also, why not just wear it swept up in back with a jaw clip? ;) Shorter for her, but look out when you take it down.....long again. :tongue_smilie: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rosie_0801 Posted December 1, 2011 Share Posted December 1, 2011 Why are you even asking this question! Wear it down, with a cute headcovering. Rosie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Desert Rat Posted December 1, 2011 Share Posted December 1, 2011 Jean, I have fine hair also. While I wear my hair shorter now, when I wore it long, I would gather it in a low pony tail and twist it up. Then, I would use regular barrettes to keep it twisted up. I let mine be loose at the top and kind of funky, but you could certainly twist it into a more traditional look. I liked that I could actually wear regular barrettes. Keep your hair. It's yours. It's so kind of you to think of your mom's feelings. Even as adults, we want and crave that attention! But, it's your hair. See if you can put it up some how or get a cute hat to wear for the day, but keep your hair. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Belacqua Posted December 1, 2011 Share Posted December 1, 2011 If you want to wear it up (and that's a big if...should you prefer it loose, wear it that way! I'll bet you look fab), have you tried Spin Pins? They're these little corkscrew-shaped pins that hold fine hair in a twist or knot when bobby pins fail. Love them. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KungFuPanda Posted December 1, 2011 Share Posted December 1, 2011 Go in pigtails! :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted December 1, 2011 Author Share Posted December 1, 2011 Go in pigtails!:lol: :smilielol5: At 48, that would really send my mom for a loop! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pamela&claire Posted December 1, 2011 Share Posted December 1, 2011 I read this book "You're Wearing That: Understanding Mothers and Daughters in Conversation by Deborah Tannen It has an entire chapter on mothers and their daughters hair. It described my relationship with my mother to a "T" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RoughCollie Posted December 1, 2011 Share Posted December 1, 2011 Keep your hair. Wear earplugs. Hearos extra strength. Make sure your hair covers your ears. I think they are yellow. If she sees them, tell her it's ear wax and you've put drops in to make it gradually come out. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aubrey Posted December 1, 2011 Share Posted December 1, 2011 Don't you dare touch your hair. Your hair is HER problem, not yours. :grouphug: :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jennsmile Posted December 1, 2011 Share Posted December 1, 2011 Could you curl it making it looks shorter and adding volume at the same time with some teasing? But don't cut it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MamaT Posted December 1, 2011 Share Posted December 1, 2011 Brace yourself for the comments and leave your hair alone! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Impish Posted December 1, 2011 Share Posted December 1, 2011 Keep your hair. Wear earplugs. Hearos extra strength. Make sure your hair covers your ears. I think they are yellow. If she sees them, tell her it's ear wax and you've put drops in to make it gradually come out. :lol::iagree::lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LBS Posted December 1, 2011 Share Posted December 1, 2011 Pin it up, clip it up, something for the day or two, that you can live with, SO you don't have to live with those comments, in your mind. Do not actually cut your hair. Think compromise. She's 86, your only mom. Every visit is precious. Every time I saw my mom, she'd comment on my hair (too long, too stringy, too straight, too curly). My weight was simpler: too much. Her advice about weight loss was ridiculously, amazingly archaic. She did not want to listen to what was going on with me. I wish I could remember her being happier with me. So glad your health is better. You do not ask for advice on hair, but mine has been quite fine, since I have been grown. I have used the Loving Care temporary kind of hair color (hard to find now) to give my hair weight. Permanant or even semi-perm hair color is damaging....this stuff, used in a light color (it does not bleach, it kind of coats your hair) gives your hair a little weight, some substance. It might be useful to you? Check with a hairdresser, though. WHat works for me, may not for you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tadah Posted December 1, 2011 Share Posted December 1, 2011 Here's what worked for me when my mother expressed her preference for my hair length yet one more time (and believe me, I had heard it quite a few times before): "Mom, I'm 48 years old. You don't get to vote anymore." This even got a muzzled smile from my father. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lang Syne Boardie Posted December 1, 2011 Share Posted December 1, 2011 Keep your hair. Wear earplugs. Hearos extra strength. Make sure your hair covers your ears. I think they are yellow. If she sees them, tell her it's ear wax and you've put drops in to make it gradually come out. Love it! Jean, your hair is not the problem! Its your ears! You can still hear her! (Giving you another gentle hug :grouphug: ) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Myeightkiddies Posted December 1, 2011 Share Posted December 1, 2011 As a woman your age with waist-length hair, I vote do not cut it! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Myeightkiddies Posted December 1, 2011 Share Posted December 1, 2011 Oh, my daughter just said, "Tell her to get a tattoo. That will get her mom's mind off the hair!" :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted December 1, 2011 Author Share Posted December 1, 2011 Oh, my daughter just said, "Tell her to get a tattoo. That will get her mom's mind off the hair!" :lol: :smilielol5::smilielol5::smilielol5: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SJ. Posted December 1, 2011 Share Posted December 1, 2011 Definitely don't cut your hair! I wouldn't even wear it up if that isn't a style you enjoy. Can you mention to your mom, maybe over the phone, how great you feel that you have been able to grow your hair? Kind of like a passing comment? I agree that this is more of a problem of your mother's but I can see it still being hurtful. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted December 1, 2011 Author Share Posted December 1, 2011 Definitely don't cut your hair! I wouldn't even wear it up if that isn't a style you enjoy. Can you mention to your mom, maybe over the phone, how great you feel that you have been able to grow your hair? Kind of like a passing comment? I agree that this is more of a problem of your mother's but I can see it still being hurtful. :grouphug: Well, talking to my mom on the phone is a problem because she is extremely hard of hearing. If I wear those ear plugs that have been recommended, it could make for a very entertaining time.:D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted December 1, 2011 Share Posted December 1, 2011 Don't you dare touch your hair. Your hair is HER problem, not yours. :grouphug: Don't cut your hair!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted December 1, 2011 Author Share Posted December 1, 2011 . Every time I saw my mom, she'd comment on my hair (too long, too stringy, too straight, too curly). My weight was simpler: too much. Her advice about weight loss was ridiculously, amazingly archaic. She did not want to listen to what was going on with me. I wish I could remember her being happier with me. My dad is the one who comments on my weight. :glare: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OnTheBrink Posted December 1, 2011 Share Posted December 1, 2011 Oh, my daughter just said, "Tell her to get a tattoo. That will get her mom's mind off the hair!" :lol: Or you could pierce your nose or lip or something. :D My dad is the one who comments on my weight. :glare: Mine, too. :grouphug: Wear your hair how YOU like it. It's your hair. You're all "growed up" so you can actually do what you like instead of what your mom prefers. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest submarines Posted December 1, 2011 Share Posted December 1, 2011 :grouphug: Don't cut your hair! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elfgivas Posted December 1, 2011 Share Posted December 1, 2011 My mother felt women of a certain age shouldn't have long hair. When I was around her, I wore it up, out of respect. and i still do..... :001_smile: so jean, why not braid it or french roll it or put it in a bun for your mom.... :grouphug: ann Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BeachGirl Posted December 1, 2011 Share Posted December 1, 2011 Jean, I am you. I am overweight with baby fine hair and not very much of it either. I have worn it short for many years and for the last two years have been broke so no haircuts for me. My hair is down to my shoulder blades now. I don't care what other people say. If you are really concerned, braid it and wind it into a small bun. They do have things in the drug stores now that can make your bun look larger. I don't care to use them. I just stick my hair in a pony tail and leave it at that. I have finally decided that I like myself and am willing to stand up for myself. It is your hair. Your mother stopped being able to tell you what to do with your hair when you moved out of her house. Enjoy your hair and your visit with your mom. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Unicorn. Posted December 1, 2011 Share Posted December 1, 2011 You are an adult! Prepare lots of bean dip, and practice your smile and wave! Do NOT cut your hair!!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DianeW88 Posted December 1, 2011 Share Posted December 1, 2011 Don't cut your hair. Short hair makes a woman look ten years older. Tell your mom you want to keep your youthful glow. Or get your navel pierced and wear a crop-top. That should take her mind off the hair. :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
milovany Posted December 1, 2011 Share Posted December 1, 2011 Well, talking to my mom on the phone is a problem because she is extremely hard of hearing. Does she Skype? :tongue_smilie: 'Cause I could help with my transcription service for hard of hearing people; we could do a conference call and I can transcribe. I could program "Oh, mom!" or "Hmmm, I'll think about that and get back to you" into my dictionary (or any phrase you think you might utter a lot). :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Truscifi Posted December 1, 2011 Share Posted December 1, 2011 Don't cut. Wear it how you like it and add a bright purple hat. That's what I would do. My mother would tell you I'm difficult like that. :tongue_smilie: Oh, and I fully intend to join the purple hat club when I reach that certain age. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Natalieclare Posted December 1, 2011 Share Posted December 1, 2011 (edited) :grouphug::grouphug: I just saw this lovely long hair. You are beautiful. Smile so big and hug so hard, she'll never find time to complain. These are the times that cause me to sit up and take note: how can we make sure our daughters never get this feeling from us? I'd say more, but... Edited December 1, 2011 by Natalieclare Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Word Nerd Posted December 1, 2011 Share Posted December 1, 2011 Don't cut your hair. Short hair makes a woman look ten years older. I say that's hooey. Hair isn't the only feature that determines how old a woman looks. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lisbeth Posted December 1, 2011 Share Posted December 1, 2011 Do not cut it! If it makes you really uncomfortable around her....wear it up !! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cinder Posted December 1, 2011 Share Posted December 1, 2011 :grouphug: Jean, I'm so sorry to hear your mom is difficult about your hair. I agree with everyone else--it's your hair. Having it long makes you feel good; it enhances the good health you're enjoying right now. I'm glad my mom never gives me grief about wearing my hair long. She's in her mid-60's and her hair is longer than mine. ;) ETA: My sil has very fine hair and has always worn it long. She usually has it in a braid because she's very active, but that braid is super skinny. She doesn't care; she just likes keeping it long. She's nearly 60 btw. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thescrappyhomeschooler Posted December 1, 2011 Share Posted December 1, 2011 Don't you dare touch your hair. Your hair is HER problem, not yours. :grouphug: :iagree: Mama doesn't always know best! Gasp! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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