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Ugh. 17ds wants me to go in on an expensive gift for dh.


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I love that he is generous. I'd rather he save his money for university fees/tuition which are coming up. He says he has lots of saved money. I don't think he has $25,000. LOL!

 

I don't feel I can say no though. This year we've really reigned in the spending on the kids. I have college fees and books to pay for this ds, plus private school tuition.

 

Him having money is costing me money.

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Can you explain that teens living at home with jobs often have more disposable income than they will have a long time afterwards? Would the kind of gift he's talking about be in his budget as a college student? Would it have been in your budget when you were a new parent? Getting into the habit of providing extravagant gifts could get him into trouble later. Plus that money would be better put away for college etc.

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Can you explain that teens living at home with jobs often have more disposable income than they will have a long time afterwards? Would the kind of gift he's talking about be in his budget as a college student? Would it have been in your budget when you were a new parent? Getting into the habit of providing extravagant gifts could get him into trouble later. Plus that money would be better put away for college etc.

 

He is very, very frugal, almost cheap. He does have a lot of money saved. He also knows that next year he will have to cover half of his college expenses unless he gets a good enough scholarship.

 

He is just a lot like me. I get very excited at Christmas. Giving can be a real joy.

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What is the $25,000 you mentioned? What he needs for college? The cost of the gift? If you are paying for part of his tuition you have a vested interest in his savings account.

 

At 17, I would either:

 

a. ask him how much he has in savings. Or ask to see his last statement.

 

b. sit down with him and map out how much he will need for college and what his portion will be by what deadline and how much your portion will be. (I would do this one no matter what.)

 

if he has money available after doing this, I would let him spend how he wants.

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I agree with the above posters.

But part of me says, Oh, just let him give the gift, for Pete's sake! Sometimes extravagance is ok.

 

Thanks, Chris. I agree. It will be a tiny bit painful, but I can manage the $. My ds is a tech expert & he wants to get his dad a new pc. It is a good deal. Plus, he can get up in the middle of the night after we go to bed & set it up with a big bow. How can I say no to that? Dh works really hard for his kids, and especially ds right now. I love this boy!

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What is the $25,000 you mentioned? What he needs for college? The cost of the gift? If you are paying for part of his tuition you have a vested interest in his savings account.

 

At 17, I would either:

 

a. ask him how much he has in savings. Or ask to see his last statement.

 

b. sit down with him and map out how much he will need for college and what his portion will be by what deadline and how much your portion will be. (I would do this one no matter what.)

 

if he has money available after doing this, I would let him spend how he wants.

 

Oh, the $25,000 is for a year of university. He has about 10k saved. I do expect him to get a good scholarship from what I've heard from the uni. But, I also want him to help pay for his education, too. We have a college fund for him. He has been working since the week he turned 16, and he plans on working extra during December when he is off from school, and plans on working every summer during uni.

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What is the $25,000 you mentioned? What he needs for college? The cost of the gift? If you are paying for part of his tuition you have a vested interest in his savings account.

 

At 17, I would either:

 

a. ask him how much he has in savings. Or ask to see his last statement.

 

b. sit down with him and map out how much he will need for college and what his portion will be by what deadline and how much your portion will be. (I would do this one no matter what.)

 

if he has money available after doing this, I would let him spend how he wants.

 

:iagree:

 

Personally I would not like someone to spend money on a gift for me that they really couldn't easily afford.

Your son sounds very hard working and sweet.

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I'm a bit like you and your son. Christmas only comes once a year. He sounds like a mature 17 year old who knows what he needs to have in his account for the year ahead. It doesn't sound like he's a crazy spender. It sounds like he's thought this whole thing through. I'd be pretty hard pressed to say no.

 

However, my eldest also wanted to get his dad a "Drinking Hat" {holds two beers} for Father's day because he was certain it was what his father always wanted. My dh doesn't drink alcoholic beverages, but my child's sincerity was so sweet I helped him pay for the silly thing. I might not be the right person to get advice from on this subject. ;)

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I'm a bit like you and your son. Christmas only comes once a year. He sounds like a mature 17 year old who knows what he needs to have in his account for the year ahead. It doesn't sound like he's a crazy spender. It sounds like he's thought this whole thing through. I'd be pretty hard pressed to say no.

 

However, my eldest also wanted to get his dad a "Drinking Hat" {holds two beers} for Father's day because he was certain it was what his father always wanted. My dh doesn't drink alcoholic beverages, but my child's sincerity was so sweet I helped him pay for the silly thing. I might not be the right person to get advice from on this subject. ;)

 

I love it! You never know when you need to guzzle something. :lol:

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Your son might not have considered the fact that if you "go in" on the gift with him, your husband is basically buying his own computer.

 

The sentiment is unbelievably sweet and I would definitely affirm that in him, but you shouldn't encourage him to spend money he doesn't have, even if it's on others.

 

I do make some money, not as much as I'd like, and I pay for his college books right now.

 

I am going to go in on the gift and return the gift I bought dh. His other sibs are going to pitch in $20 each as well on my half. That way I'm not paying as much since I do have the book purchase to make here soon.

 

I know some wouldn't encourage it, but I decided that we will get the gift. I appreciate everyone's opinion and advice even if I didn't take it. :D

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Your son might not have considered the fact that if you "go in" on the gift with him, your husband is basically buying his own computer.

 

The sentiment is unbelievably sweet and I would definitely affirm that in him, but you shouldn't encourage him to spend money he doesn't have, even if it's on others.

 

I get your point, but it's not necessarily true. I'm hesitant to say it because I don't want to start a debate! Let's not debate it! :) Anyway, think about all the SAHM's out there. When they buy a gift for their dh's, is he really buying it? Is it not her money also?

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I do make some money, not as much as I'd like, and I pay for his college books right now.

 

I am going to go in on the gift and return the gift I bought dh. His other sibs are going to pitch in $20 each as well on my half. That way I'm not paying as much since I do have the book purchase to make here soon.

 

I know some wouldn't encourage it, but I decided that we will get the gift. I appreciate everyone's opinion and advice even if I didn't take it. :D

 

I think your son will reap the rewards of the joy of giving. He sounds like a great son and you should be proud. :001_smile:

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