ereks mom Posted November 28, 2011 Share Posted November 28, 2011 (edited) I am teaching the 12 yo dd of a friend, and this is her first-ever attempt at an essay. She has progressed by leaps and bounds over where she was when I first started teaching her last year. When she came to me as a 6th grader, she HATED to read (very poor comprehension) and could barely write a coherent paragraph. We used R&S English 5 last year, including the writing portions. This year, we are using Easy Grammar 5/6 to keep grammar fresh, but we are concentrating more on writing. She has been doing Writing Strands 3 for composition, and she has also been doing daily journal writing. I am slowly helping her learn to enjoy reading, and we have just finished the novel Shiloh by Phyllis Reynolds Naylor, using the Novel Thinking Lesson Guide from Critical Thinking. Then she watched the movie Shiloh on DVD. For this assignment, she was to write 4 paragraphs: 1) an introductory paragraph, 2) a paragraph comparing the book and the movie, 3) a paragraph contrasting the book and the movie, and 4) a paragraph stating whether she preferred the book or the movie and why. Anyway, now that you have the background, please take a look at this essay and give me some gentle feedback for her. She typed her paper and saved it as a Word document, and I have simply copied & pasted it here without changing anything. Please note that the first sentence was suggested in the lesson plan as a way to start the paper. I don't normally teach that the student should state the purpose of the essay because I think the essay should speak for itself. Also, the in the last paragraph, the student is instructed to give her opinion of the book. Thanks so much for any feedback. This paper will explain the differences and similarities between the novel Shiloh and the movie Shiloh. Shiloh is about a dog who was mistreated then later found by a boy named Marty. Marty is a poor, 11 year old boy who lives in West Virginia and who adopts Shiloh. The book and the movie have some similarities. Judd Travers was mean to his hunting dogs and everyone else. One of his dogs, Shiloh, followed Marty home one day. When Judd found out, he wanted Shiloh back, but Marty made a bargain with Judd so that he could keep Shiloh. Marty had to work for Judd to pay for Shiloh. In some ways the book and the movie are different. In the book, Marty’s best friend was a boy named David, but in the movie his best friend was a girl named Sam. Also, in the book Marty’s family was poor. They had three rooms in their house. In the movie they didn’t seem that poor because they had a big, two story house. In the book, Judd said he would not keep the deal to sell Shiloh, while in the movie, he said he wouldn’t keep his deal and he also fought to get Shiloh back from Marty. I prefer the book over the movie, even though I do like movies better because I am more visual. In this story, however, the book had much more detail and was more interesting. Edited November 30, 2011 by ereks mom Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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