I need some encouragement and advice from mothers with RAD children (and others too).

[Rose in BC]

My 14 yr ds, who we adopted at age of four, suffers from reactive attachment disorder (rad). We've come a long way.

 

Last year he started PS because I had to go back to work and he did nothing at home (I'm still hslng the other two).

 

Well he's in a battle with his science teacher. He doesn't like her and I venture by now she probably doesn't like him. when he entrenches himself he is difficult (understatement) to deal with.

 

Today he was suspended from his class for the day because of rudeness. The trouble is I believe the teacher but I also know my son will never back down any more. He has to pass Grade 9 science, obviously. and she's the only grade nine science teacher.

 

I don't know how to fix this problem. He knows how to behave in other classes but because he hates this teacher he cannot see his contribution to the problem. Its all her fault in his eyes. No matter how much we try to mediate it doesn't work.

 

If he fails, he'll get her again. How can this ever be resolved?

 

With ordinary children I'd say "let him fail and he'll learn". I don't think he will learn. He feels he's right. And even if he was right, which I don't think he is, there are no other teacher options.

 

I'm on lunch break and rambling. Just needed to see if anyone has any words of wisdom.

[myfunnybunch]

Will the school allow an online option if you pay for it?

 

I know that doesn't address the behavior aspect, but it would get him the credit he'd need to graduate.

 

Cat

[DusksAngel]

Could you tell him it's okay to be right, but sometimes we still have to do things the other person's way? Kind of like regurgitating material for a test. You just have to do it their way and then move on. It would help him if he wants to go onto college and probably even in his career.

(I'm sorry. I know that's probably something you've already tried.:grouphug:)

[SonshineLearner]

Maybe tell him to pull one over on her? Explain that sometimes,we... in disguise... act like we like someone ... when actually we can't stand them. We do what they want... because we need something they have to offer... like a grade. Then... when we see them on the street.... we don't have to acknowledge them. (course, can't run over them or anything)

I would also ask her for a fresh start, explaining that RAD is like a disability. And really, emotionally, it is. (I'm not sure how it's actually classified)

I'd ask the Headmaster person to be with us to help me negotiate through this rocky terrain that his birthparents started. I'd also try to figure out an incentive that would jumpstart him into trying a bit.... (Summer with lessons again??? Or a new game for him??? don't know if positive or negative... or a combination of both might work...)

[Rose in BC]

Thanks for the words and suggestions. Dealing with a child like this is such a unique situation. Couple that with we have no support from anyone who understands this condition. Its draining some days.

 

I came home tonight and there was a glimmer of hope. The boy said some right things . . . no guarantee he means them or can follow through but its a step in the right direction.

 

And we make slow, painful progress every day but then new circumstances bring up new issues . . . like public school. Unfortunately its not optional at this point in our lives.

 

Thanks for listening.

[Denisemomof4]

sorry, I can't give you any advice but as a mom of a RADish I wanted to send you:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

[Rose in BC]

sorry, I can't give you any advice but as a mom of a RADish I wanted to send you:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

 

Thank you. A hug helps.

[Pamela H in Texas]

Rose,

 

In our school district, a student can have up to two distance learning credits. Is 9th grade science a certain science like biology or physical science? What *I* would do is discuss it with the school district. If he could use a program, maybe studying in the library during that time, that would be an idea. An alternative would be to encourage him to push through the class and hope he comes along. And if he fails, then use a program this summer to make up the science. Obviously, you know which would be best for your child. If he is definitely going to have issues and not be able to pull through PERIOD, then it makes more sense to do the former idea. If there is a chance he could do it, I probably would push through. Regardless, I'd chat with the school counselor to see what your options are (btw, the rule is on our school district's website so you might try there first).

 

HTHs a little,