Amy in NH Posted November 23, 2011 Share Posted November 23, 2011 No, that is unreasonable. Have the birthday party the day after the wedding, but not the day before. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mommy22alyns Posted November 23, 2011 Share Posted November 23, 2011 To have a party the day before the wedding is just jamming too much into not enough time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Puma Mom Posted November 23, 2011 Share Posted November 23, 2011 Birthday boy's immediate family should do as they like to celebrate his birthday. They can invite whomever they choose. Any invitees ARE free to choose whether they attend. If they can't, they should make sure birthday boy knows that it was due to the hectic schedule and not reflective of how much they love him. This isn't really a group decision. Out-of-state sister is trying to browbeat her family into doing what she wants. They don't have to let her. And not going along with her plan does not equal not loving the birthday boy. Yes, the birthday boy may remember the wedding as 'ruining' his 9th birthday, but as long as that's not typical it shouldn't scar him for life. It may end up being the birthday he remembers best. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Farrar Posted November 23, 2011 Share Posted November 23, 2011 With the clarification, I agree with others that it does seem like way too much. His parents should take him out for breakfast and presents then have the party the day after or something. Double birthday. Win (unless you're a stubborn sister, that is). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted November 23, 2011 Share Posted November 23, 2011 At that age I think it would be hurtful not to do something. I think she is thinking about her son's feelings. I'm a little confused about bossier older sister. Isn't this her nephew? If any of my nieces or nephews were coming into town and it was their birthday, I would want to do something special for it (it doesn't have to be gigantic). I don't care what else was going on. Okay, after hearing all the details, I can see that the bossier older sister does care about her nephew's feelings. When we were little, if our birthdays fell on a weekday, we didn't have a party that day... it was on the weekend. That didn't mean that our birthday wasn't acknowledged the day of. That's what I was thinking in this situation. That the mother just wanted a little acknowledgement, but now it sounds like she wants something big. I also didn't know how far everyone was away from each other. That's the hard part. If everyone was within 15 minutes or so of each other they could gather at one house, do a cake, sing Happy Birthday, give gifts and that would be that. No other party would even be necessary. Having a huge party just won't work. People need to realize that you don't have to have huge parties for every birthday. Only on the major ones (and that's not even a must do, either). Anyway, because they are so far apart, immediate family and anyone close by can just do something small. Even going to a small dinner if there isn't a rehearsal would work. I think the younger sister is just trying to see if she can get her way. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
happyhomemaker Posted November 23, 2011 Share Posted November 23, 2011 My younger sister got married on my niece's (youngest sister's kid) birthday. We had a party for my niece the weekend before the wedding and my sister who was getting married gave my niece a special present on the day of the wedding and we all sang to her. She remembers it as a great birthday. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LMD Posted November 23, 2011 Share Posted November 23, 2011 Maybe younger sister could offer to babysit the children during the rehearsal dinner and have cake/games then? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KatieJ Posted November 23, 2011 Share Posted November 23, 2011 Last year my Grandson's 7th birthday was the day of his Mom's cousin's wedding. (My nephew). The day of the wedding, he was acknowledged at the wedding reception along by a friend of the extended family whose name was the same, and and who was celebrating his own birthday as well. It was quite fun for him! The next day his parents had a birthday party for him at a local fun park. I vote no party, or at least don't expect everyone to drop their necessary chores the day before a wedding to attend the party. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carol in Cal. Posted November 23, 2011 Share Posted November 23, 2011 Have not read the other responses. Anyway, I think that celebrating birthdays on their actual days is really important. If I were the bridal couple, I would see whether the venue for the wedding would be available for the rehearsal dinner two days before the wedding instead of the night before. Having it the night before just gets everyone tired out anyway. Then I'd have the birthday party, and make sure that it was truly a kid party, alcohol free, and finished early enough for everyone to get to bed early. That would leave everyone fresh and happy for the wedding, the clear main event. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catz Posted November 24, 2011 Share Posted November 24, 2011 I vote no party, or at least don't expect everyone to drop their necessary chores the day before a wedding to attend the party. :iagree:I haven't read all other responses, but I think it's unreasonable to expect a special event organized by someone other than the parent the day before a wedding. I would take him out for pizza at lunch and let him open a gift or 2. My cousin's child had a birthday the day before my brother's wedding. My mom got her a special cake and gift for the rehearsal dinner, so that might be a nice gesture if kids were a part of the rehearsal dinner. But to have another special event would be too much. So many people in this day and age go WAY over the top for kid's birthdays IMHO. Yes, his birthday should be acknowledged that day in some way. But no, it doesn't need to be some over the top event that would be difficult for all the families involved. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LeslieAnneLevine Posted November 24, 2011 Share Posted November 24, 2011 I don't understand why no one knows if there will be a rehearsal dinner (unless I missed an update--I did read the whole thread but I may have been slightly distracted while doing so). That seems like something one should know. If there isn't a dinner, I don't see why a little birthday party would be so horribly inconvenient. If there is a rehearsal dinner, I see the problem. That's trying to fit in too much. If it were my son, I'd do something fun with him, maybe arrange for cousins to hang out after school and give him some gifts. We could do a family gathering a couple of days after, no problem. I wouldn't let him think for a second that his birthday wasn't important to the others, just that a gathering would be so much easier for everyone a day or two after the wedding. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Harriet Vane Posted November 24, 2011 Author Share Posted November 24, 2011 I don't understand why no one knows if there will be a rehearsal dinner (unless I missed an update--I did read the whole thread but I may have been slightly distracted while doing so). That seems like something one should know. If there isn't a dinner, I don't see why a little birthday party would be so horribly inconvenient. If there is a rehearsal dinner, I see the problem. That's trying to fit in too much. If it were my son, I'd do something fun with him, maybe arrange for cousins to hang out after school and give him some gifts. We could do a family gathering a couple of days after, no problem. I wouldn't let him think for a second that his birthday wasn't important to the others, just that a gathering would be so much easier for everyone a day or two after the wedding. No one knows whether or not there will be a rehearsal dinner because no one has been told yet. The wedding is still months away. Also no one wants him or his mom to think that his birthday isn't important--it IS, and I made it clear in my OP that all are prepared to have a party on another day, and all are prepared to make him feel special on his birthday as well, but that the concern is the logistical difficulties of having a party the day before the wedding. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KidsHappen Posted November 24, 2011 Share Posted November 24, 2011 By the age of seven all of my children were old enough to realize that we didn't always celebrate their birthdays on the actual day. It made no difference to them at all. I thinking that the child would probably be fine with it if he is informed in a calm, matter of fact way with good reason given. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Haiku Posted November 24, 2011 Share Posted November 24, 2011 "Happy Birthday, dear nephew! My, turning nine certainly is special! Here's a very special present just for you, because I love you so much! And here's a birthday cupcake with a candle on it, just for you. I'll light it, and you blow it out while I sing Happy Birthday to you. Wasn't that fun? And just think, you'll get to do it all again at your party ... the day after the wedding!!" Tara Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cindyg Posted November 24, 2011 Share Posted November 24, 2011 The last two weddings I was involved in -- the night before was totally taken up with the rehearsal dinner, which was lovely and homey, and then last minute details. Both were DIY affairs. There's no way either could have included a different family party at a different site 45 minutes away. Either, however, could have included a birthday cake, a Happy Birthday song, and Mom giving the son his gift -- AT the already-scheduled family gathering. If the mom in question will be content with that, I think you're in business. If it has to be a full party with its own location, party games etc., party food, a pile of presents, no way. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gardenmom5 Posted November 24, 2011 Share Posted November 24, 2011 (snip)Out-of-state Sister's son's birthday is the day before the wedding (9yo). Sister thinks it's important to celebrate the birthday ON the ACTUAL day of the birthday. Sister says it can be kept simple, but can the family please do a little something for her son ON his ACTUAL birthday? She envisions cake and games after school that day. ETA FURTHER CLARIFICATION--No one objects to singing to the birthday boy or making him feel special on his special day. . and how do they propose to making him feel special on his birthday? it would seem there are big objections to allowing a nine year old child having a birthday party on his birthday because someone else is getting married the next day. I can't imagine "singing happy birthday" would make him feel special. If the venue needs to be moved to be more conducive, move it. If it needs to be simplified more, simplify more. I speak from the epxerience of a son who celebrated two of his birthdays out of state at his sisters' graduation. He was 16, and 21. It meant the world to him at the second graduation for my dd to have arranged a birthday cake. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tex-mex Posted November 24, 2011 Share Posted November 24, 2011 No one knows whether or not there will be a rehearsal dinner because no one has been told yet. The wedding is still months away. Also no one wants him or his mom to think that his birthday isn't important--it IS, and I made it clear in my OP that all are prepared to have a party on another day, and all are prepared to make him feel special on his birthday as well, but that the concern is the logistical difficulties of having a party the day before the wedding. I think the polite thing to do is have mom do her own personal private celebration on the child's actual DOB. Then after the wedding has taken place, go to Chuck E. Cheese and do up a big bday party with cousins and extended family. Before the wedding is quite boorish and takes away from the bride's celebration and stirs up family loyalties. There needs to be compromise. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tex-mex Posted November 24, 2011 Share Posted November 24, 2011 By the age of seven all of my children were old enough to realize that we didn't always celebrate their birthdays on the actual day. It made no difference to them at all. I thinking that the child would probably be fine with it if he is informed in a calm, matter of fact way with good reason given. :iagree: At that age, my son (now 16) knew if his bday fell on a school night, we'd celebrate his special day with breakfast in bed, bday cake, presents from family, his favorite dinner, watch his favorite movie, let him stay up a little late, etc. But the party could not be on a school night. We had to schedule the birthday party for his school mates on a Saturday afternoon when school was not in session. I think the OP's nephew would be ammendable to this similar type of compromise. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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