How to handle rudeness during a lesson...

[amo_mea_filiis.]

How do handle a child who is very rude during a lesson (right now it's FLL)? He's being rude to escape the lesson.

 

If I send him to his room to sit on his bed, he's still escaping the lesson. If I move to another lesson to come back to FLL, he's still escaping. I could have him do chores until he's ready to cooperate and that's still escaping, but I think that's an acceptable escape, right? (thinking as I type here- If he escapes the lesson and I send him to a chore, he has to finish the chore before coming back to the lesson.)

 

We're on lesson 4 in FLL1, so I'm not asking a lot of him. He's being very rude when I ask him to repeat something in a full sentence.

 

While FLL is the worst, it's not the only. He'll do the same during math; cutting me off as I read the directions, then not know what to do.

 

Some of this is because he's impulsive. He's very, very sweet with his occupation therapist, but he'll try to cut her off during directions with seat work, just not as rude as he does to me.

 

I'm good at taming a single behavior at a time, but while I'm fixing behavior A, behavior B will increase. I'm looking for some hopefully new ideas so I don't create a new behavior with this.

[amy g.]

My 5 year old isn't exactly rude, but she does get disruptive. I very calmly say, "tell me when you are ready. "

 

We are in a defined space such as on my bed or couch. I sit there with her, and read a book or surf the web while I wait for her to be ready. Once she tried screaming, but I waited her out.

 

Now she settles right down to work when I remind her. She knows we are going to sit right there until her work is finished so shorter is better than longer.

 

I do adjust her work so that she can be succesful.

[jennsmile]

Would he sit on a bouncy ball while you do the lesson?

[Lily_Grace]

For the most part, I try to ignore side problems while focusing on something with DS. I've noticed most of the time the side problems go away on their own, and if they don't then I can devote time for that specific problem later.

 

Have you tried a small timer during lessons? Something 30 seconds to a minute that is your uninterrupted time to present, or a chess clock that lets you take turns.

[JFSinIL]

Calmly explain how "Oh, dear, are you not getting this? Let me explain it again" and do so, sloooooowly. Drag it out. Make him realize that the lesson will take even LONGER if he doesn't cooperate.;)

 

Or - calmly tell him you will make the lesson longer since he must need the practice.

 

You must not at all let on that you are getting frustrated or angry. Do not at all move on or send him to his room, etc. Stick with the lesson, CALMLY, no matter how long it takes. Do not shorten anything else, either, to make up for it. It may take a few days, but it will work.

 

PS - I agree that a bouncy ball or some other therapy seat - or theraputty to fiddle with if the lessons are oral - can help, too.

[rwjx2khsmj]

I'd identify the behavior that isn't acceptable then tell dc that you'll wait until he's ready to begin again. Something like "We can't finish the lesson when you are talking over/interrupting/making noise/etc. I'll wait until you are ready. Please, let me know when you'd like to start again." Then just let him sit and you sit while he gets himself together.

 

For my dc knowing that nothing is going to happen until the lesson is over is incentive to get on with it. Any distraction or change is a good thing for them, room/chore/etc.

[amo_mea_filiis.]

Thank you guys. I like the idea of dragging it out and sitting until he's ready. It's getting really hard to ignore him because of what he says, and how he says it, but I need to remember my long term goals.

 

Dd is able to use fidget toys, but ds is not. He can't concentrate on more than one thing at a time!

 

I do use a ball for things that he doesn't have to focus on (when I read some books to him), but that's for vestibular (OT HW) work. I have to distract him away from the ball because his balance is poor.

[OLG]

Would he sit on a bouncy ball while you do the lesson?

:iagree: Was going to suggest that you have him do jumping jacks or something involving movement since boys actually can absorb material better when engaged with some mild physical activity. Bouncy ball is a terrific idea! Mine did this at this age too but the standing, moving around helped him focus, surprisingly.

[Halcyon]

Rudeness or backtalk means he needs a break to clean the bathroom. :tongue_smilie:

[Virg]

Anytime my kids interrupt me or behave obnoxiously I stop talking, say "Let me know when you are ready," (in a calm normal voice) and then I just stand there staring at them. When they stop and say, "I'm ready," then I go on. Sometimes I start over if they were being rude rather than just ADHD-y. I think I used to say, "You're being rude to Mama by ________ so let me know when you are ready." But now they are 11, 11, and 12 and I know they know, because usually they look pretty sheepish while I stare at them.

[amo_mea_filiis.]

Forgot to mention, he does now wear his pressure vest during all table work, which has made a great improvement in behavior.

 

I do have a treadmill, but the treadles are 2 separate treadles, so it's not safe for him to use even with me right there.

 

I'll have to make him a cleaner so he can do some deeper cleaning with me. Maybe heavy chores before lessons would work.

[Thia]

If the kids are getting out of hand during a lesson, I stop and stand there. Sometimes I will glare at them other times I will look out a window until they are all back on track.

This thread is very useful though because I will now incorporate the whole "you are being rude to mommy by...."

 

I've always struggled with how to handle disobedience during school b/c I don't want them to miss a lesson or be put further off track. I think if something does deserve extra discipline, they can be assigned a chore for later.

[mothergooseof4]

Something I have done recently is this: I stopped paying for everything...hs skating, a movie, whatever the kids wanted to do. And now they get a certain number of tokens (you could just do coins) per day or week up front. Now, when I get a bad attitude about anything be it school, a chore they are asked to do, get ready for bed, arguing with a sibling, etc. I just hold out my hand for a token. So, rudeness during a lesson would just have me holding my hand out for a token and then proceeding. They can continue to be rude and lose another token, but they usually get the message real quick. Then at the end of the week they can trade those tokens in for cash based on the value we have set. Now when we go skating they pay. If everyone wants to go to a movie, they have to want to go bad enough to pay for it. If they want a special treat while out, they have to want that bad enough to pay.

 

This has cut down on my frustration level because I had fallen into nagging. Bad attitudes in school are dealt with easily. I just say, "You are being rude/distracting/argumentative, you owe me a token." That is usually the end of it. If they are really struggling with their attitude or have gotten very frustrated they are able to ask for a few minutes to go to their room and take a breather.

 

This has been the first motivator that has worked with all of my kids. I have one that would rather do ANY chore than school. I have another that would sit in his room with NOTHING to do for hours rather than do school. So, far this works and it also helps with the squabbling because I just take one from both kids that are fighting. They are now more motivated to work it out without me.

 

They are also able to earn extra tokens when they have gone out of their way to be a blessing. Today two will get a couple of extras for going above and beyond in helping me to get our house ready for guests. I don't award extras for every little thing though because I want them to learn to do things for others whether it benefits them or not.

[kalanamak]

Rudeness or backtalk means he needs a break to clean the bathroom. :tongue_smilie:

 

I may get to this. So far about once every 3 months he gets mouthy, rude, eye rolly. I ignore first, I correct next, I correct a second time very firmly, and next infraction I read him the riot act. I close the books and talk to him loudly, directly, finger raised about why we are doing this and what he'd be doing if we weren't doing this and that his attitude will not be tolerated.

 

Thus far he has never bucked this "serious talk". I talk for a long time, which bores him and delays his departure for the Y.

 

But the bathroom is just across the hall. :)

[Karen in CO]

Rudeness or backtalk means he needs a break to clean the bathroom. :tongue_smilie:

 

Pooper scooper duty is the punishment here. Works wonders.

[DawnM]

My 13 year old Aspie can be very rude.

 

Dh finally laid down the law and told him that mom would send him to his bedroom if he acts like that and HE (DH) will teach him when he gets home!

 

Since then, when I do send him out, he comes back within 15 minutes with an apology.....at least it has worked so far.

[In the Rain]

There are lots of good ideas here! I'm taking notes. ;) My 7yo sometimes gets into a habit of rudeness. If it is clear she can't or won't work, I give her an unpleasant chore and tell her we'll finish the lesson during playtime. It rarely comes to that though. She responds very well to positive rewards. I may give her some little treat for each nice answer she gives, or each problem she solves correctly *with a good attitude. I hope you find something that works for your little guy.

[ktgrok]

I start the lesson over again. From the beginning. Every time. It works beautifully :)

[silliness7]

How do handle a child who is very rude during a lesson (right now it's FLL)? He's being rude to escape the lesson.

 

If I send him to his room to sit on his bed, he's still escaping the lesson. If I move to another lesson to come back to FLL, he's still escaping. I could have him do chores until he's ready to cooperate and that's still escaping, but I think that's an acceptable escape, right? (thinking as I type here- If he escapes the lesson and I send him to a chore, he has to finish the chore before coming back to the lesson.)

 

We're on lesson 4 in FLL1, so I'm not asking a lot of him. He's being very rude when I ask him to repeat something in a full sentence.

 

While FLL is the worst, it's not the only. He'll do the same during math; cutting me off as I read the directions, then not know what to do.

 

Some of this is because he's impulsive. He's very, very sweet with his occupation therapist, but he'll try to cut her off during directions with seat work, just not as rude as he does to me.

 

I'm good at taming a single behavior at a time, but while I'm fixing behavior A, behavior B will increase. I'm looking for some hopefully new ideas so I don't create a new behavior with this.

 

"Do you want to write it all down?

I am trying to help you, but if you continue to be rude I'm going in the other room and you can write it out by hand."

 

I don't know if FLL lends itself to that kind of consequence but R&S sure does. I'm mean that way. :glare: