A question for those of you with no interest in spiritual pursuits

[kalanamak]

Have any of you figured out a way to answer questions about how you nourish your soul or heal your spirit or whatever along those lines without alienating people?

 

I certainly don't launch into philosophy nor look down my nose, but too often I've found that people who ask these questions cool quickly if you aren't spiritual. I'm wondering if my lack of planning has led me to be gauche unintentially. I usually sputter something about not being aware that I have a spirit and move into pass the bean dip.

 

I've learned so many great comebacks here (e.g. "How will your homeschooled child learn to deal with difficult people?" Ans: obviously you don't know my husband very well.), so I'm wondering if anyone might have an idea of something to say that is still true to me (i.e. I'm not pretending I think I have a soul) but will not frighten off the askers?

[Tohru]

No advice but I wanted to say that my parents are very un-spiritual, earth bound, practical people and hanging out with them is so grounding, so liberating! I don't have to think about spiritual, philosophical or moral issues around them. Things "just are" for them. Being at their house, it's nice to feel happy without all that extra thinking.

[Rosie_0801]

I imagine your communication troubles are based on semantic differences. One person hears "spiritual" and thinks of kneeling at the foot of a bishop in long robes, or dancing naked around a bonfire. Another person hears "spiritual" and thinks of gardening, painting, building telescopes or charity work.

 

You might sit in a bubble bath eating strawberries and reading the sort of novel that makes you happy and feel as though everyone is much nicer than you have been giving them credit for. Whether you believe in a soul or not, you are still alive so you've obviously found something that reconnects the parts of you that are disconnected when you're on a downer.

 

You might say "Well I think Epicurus had it right." (I think Epicurus had it right, except about the food.)

 

:)

Rosie

Edited November 18, 2011 by Rosie_0801

[Karen in CO]

Do people actually ask you how you nourish your spirit? Because I'd either answer "Chocolate" or "tequila and cigars" depending on who asked. I don't think I've ever been asked that question - and it's probably a good thing.

[Natalieclare]

Have any of you figured out a way to answer questions about how you nourish your soul or heal your spirit or whatever along those lines without alienating people?

 

I certainly don't launch into philosophy nor look down my nose, but too often I've found that people who ask these questions cool quickly if you aren't spiritual. I'm wondering if my lack of planning has led me to be gauche unintentially. I usually sputter something about not being aware that I have a spirit and move into pass the bean dip.

 

I've learned so many great comebacks here (e.g. "How will your homeschooled child learn to deal with difficult people?" Ans: obviously you don't know my husband very well.), so I'm wondering if anyone might have an idea of something to say that is still true to me (i.e. I'm not pretending I think I have a soul) but will not frighten off the askers?

 

K, why don't you just say what you said here: "I don't think I have one!" with your signature smile. Some people will think you are just funning them and others will take you at your word, but I don't think it's insensitive or anything. If someone persisted, "No, really?" then you could go ahead and have an actual discussion/interchange of ideas.

 

Just the thoughts off the top of my head...

[Lady Florida.]

I can't say that I've ever been asked a question like that. I suppose if anyone did ask me I'd just tell them I don't think we have souls/spirits. It's not insensitive to tell someone what your beliefs are if they actually ask.

[kalanamak]

Do people actually ask you how you nourish your spirit?

 

Only once every year or two, but I was last night and when I replied I wasn't sure I had one but that I was doing okay with whatever I was doing, a pall descended.

[Chris in VA]

I hope you don't mind me being in on this conversation--

I just wanted to say that I don't know that the question really is talking about a spirit in the sense of something everlasting that isn't related to the brain. I think it's asking more about how you take care of your emotional life.

Does that make sense? You know--your "heart," your sense of self, your inner life--not one, for you, based on something ethereal, but based on who you are--your identity, I guess.

More along the lines of, how do you nuture your sense of wellbeing when things are crazy circumstantially (if that's a word....lol) or when you feel depleted.

[Karen in CO]

Could it be that your answer sounded more sincere and thoughtful than the questioner had imagined? Maybe it was meant to be polite conversation and you gave the deep philosophical answer. A trite answer might have worked better. Or the sincere answer with the puckish grin.

Edited November 18, 2011 by Karen in CO

[Jean in Newcastle]

Only once every year or two, but I was last night and when I replied I wasn't sure I had one but that I was doing okay with whatever I was doing, a pall descended.

 

But the pall wasn't due to your response, which was honest but gentle. You might hear a wittier response here but it won't be any less likely to induce a pall if another response is the only one that is acceptable to your questioner (which is what I suspect is the case.)

[Natalieclare]

I hope you don't mind me being in on this conversation--

I just wanted to say that I don't know that the question really is talking about a spirit in the sense of something everlasting that isn't related to the brain. I think it's asking more about how you take care of your emotional life.

Does that make sense? You know--your "heart," your sense of self, your inner life--not one, for you, based on something ethereal, but based on who you are--your identity, I guess.

More along the lines of, how do you nuture your sense of wellbeing when things are crazy circumstantially (if that's a word....lol) or when you feel depleted.

 

Yes, this is what I was thinking, especially after reading the scene described. Can you just answer the intention of the question, which ultimately is simply asking, "What are you doing to nourish your Self?"

 

ETA: and my apologies if I am butting in where I am not wanted!

[redsquirrel]

I hear that a lot from my more new age-y friends. It is generally said in a loving way. I think it is used interchangeably with 'taking care of one's self" or I take it as such. I usually say something along the lines of "Oh, I get plenty of that."

 

Then again, in my neck of the woods, I don't really run into many people who are actually referring to the christian notion of 'spirit.' Or, if they are, they are of the yankee 'we don't really discuss such things' sort. And that sort doesn't ask about spirit nourishing. They like to discuss gardening, weather and dogs.

[Karen in CO]

But the pall wasn't due to your response, which was honest but gentle. You might hear a wittier response here but it won't be any less likely to induce a pall if another response is the only one that is acceptable to your questioner (which is what I suspect is the case.)

I'd have answered "chocolate" if you asked me. If she really doesn't want that kind of response, maybe she can learn to hear "self" instead of spirit or brush up on Heidegger.

Edited November 18, 2011 by Karen in CO

[kalanamak]

I just wanted to say that I don't know that the question really is talking about a spirit in the sense of something everlasting that isn't related to the brain. I think it's asking more about how you take care of your emotional life.

 

More along the lines of, how do you nuture your sense of wellbeing when things are crazy circumstantially (if that's a word....lol) or when you feel depleted.

 

I might try that as a reply, as in: I like to have some cocoa and read a good book.

 

IME, the questioners tend to have "Eastern" (for lack of a better word) religious tendencies, and also tend to be what I call (not to their face) "the walking wounded". People whose past traumas bear so heavily on them one or the other of them crops up in most conversations more deep than the weather. I sometimes wonder if our mind-sets are so far apart I am too alien. And yet I like to talk to them about what I think is interesting: their knitting, or their art or work or kids or whatever. The worldly things.

[kalanamak]

 

ETA: and my apologies if I am butting in where I am not wanted!

 

I take grain from any fertile field.

 

(And who could not call you fertile ... wink wink, nudge nudge)

[JennyD]

I might try that as a reply, as in: I like to have some cocoa and read a good book.

 

IME, the questioners tend to have "Eastern" (for lack of a better word) religious tendencies, and also tend to be what I call (not to their face) "the walking wounded". People whose past traumas bear so heavily on them one or the other of them crops up in most conversations more deep than the weather. I sometimes wonder if our mind-sets are so far apart I am too alien. And yet I like to talk to them about what I think is interesting: their knitting, or their art or work or kids or whatever. The worldly things.

 

 

I am still having trouble imagining the context here. I don't think anyone has ever asked me anything remotely like this. Is it perhaps that you seem unusually peaceful or happy and they want to know your secret? As in, "Kalanamak, you seem so content. What do you do to nourish your soul that makes you so serene?" In which case you could presumably answer something vague and meaningless like, "Oh, I just take things as they come." Or does this come up in a totally different way? Really, my imagination is failing me! :001_smile:

[Cammie]

Do people actually ask you how you nourish your spirit? Because I'd either answer "Chocolate" or "tequila and cigars" depending on who asked. I don't think I've ever been asked that question - and it's probably a good thing.

 

:lol: OMG, just choked on my scrambled eggs reading that!!

[kalanamak]

I am still having trouble imagining the context here. I don't think anyone has ever asked me anything remotely like this. Is it perhaps that you seem unusually peaceful or happy and they want to know your secret? As in, "Kalanamak, you seem so content. What do you do to nourish your soul that makes you so serene?" Or does this come up in a totally different way? Really, my imagination is failing me! :001_smile:

 

It is more a case of "Kalanamak, you work in a place of screaming, violence, and dismay, and besides, you are a professional set of ears. Let's talk about unhappiness."

 

Once you've been to a potluck and had an elderly stranger pull you into the back room to show you his scrotum-the-size-if-a-softball and ask what to do, really, you are prepared for anything.

[swimmermom3]

I might try that as a reply, as in: I like to have some cocoa and read a good book.

 

IME, the questioners tend to have "Eastern" (for lack of a better word) religious tendencies, and also tend to be what I call (not to their face) "the walking wounded". People whose past traumas bear so heavily on them one or the other of them crops up in most conversations more deep than the weather. I sometimes wonder if our mind-sets are so far apart I am too alien. And yet I like to talk to them about what I think is interesting: their knitting, or their art or work or kids or whatever. The worldly things.

 

I think that is a fine answer. Since I am directly south of you, yes, I have been asked that question. I have always heard it as, "So Lisa, how do you keep your sh*t together so magnificently with three teenagers?" Karen's answer does work well, except that I start with listing the tequila.

 

K, having had the privilege of meeting you, I can't imagine the pall. You are one of those proverbial breaths of fresh air, so very real.

[JennyD]

It is more a case of "Kalanamak, you work in a place of screaming, violence, and dismay, and besides, you are a professional set of ears. Let's talk about unhappiness."

 

Once you've been to a potluck and had an elderly stranger pull you into the back room to show you his scrotum-the-size-if-a-softball and ask what to do, really, you are prepared for anything.

 

Ah, I see. Yes, I think that the cocoa-and-a-book answer might serve you well.

[kalanamak]

I think that is a fine answer. Since I am directly south of you, yes, I have been asked that question.

 

K, having had the privilege of meeting you, I can't imagine the pall. You are one of those proverbial breaths of fresh air, so very real.

 

It is worse further south of us.

 

Is it easy to bubble and charm when one in the company of the delightful.:D

[Jean in Newcastle]

It is more a case of "Kalanamak, you work in a place of screaming, violence, and dismay, and besides, you are a professional set of ears. Let's talk about unhappiness."

 

Once you've been to a potluck and had an elderly stranger pull you into the back room to show you his scrotum-the-size-if-a-softball and ask what to do, really, you are prepared for anything.

 

Ok - dh tends to hear everyone's health and psych histories at cocktail parties. I agree that "soul" probably means "your inner self" in this situation. They could be asking how you replenish yourself in a soul-draining sort of profession or they might be really asking how they should replenish their own self.

[Free]

I imagine your communication troubles are based on semantic differences. One person hears "spiritual" and thinks of kneeling at the foot of a bishop in long robes, or dancing naked around a bonfire. Another person hears "spiritual" and thinks of gardening, painting, building telescopes or charity work.

 

You might sit in a bubble bath eating strawberries and reading the sort of novel that makes you happy and feel as though everyone is much nicer than you have been giving them credit for. Whether you believe in a soul or not, you are still alive so you've obviously found something that reconnects the parts of you that are disconnected when you're on a downer.

 

You might say "Well I think Epicurus had it right." (I think Epicurus had it right, except about the food.)

 

:)

Rosie

 

I so love this post! Just reading and imagining this nourishes my soul ;)

 

You don't really need to believe in a spirit or a soul to be spiritual. We all have that inner space somewhere accessing which can make us calm and happy. I guess that is what people mean when they say "nourishing the soul".