What do you do after a hard day with a child?

[happycc]

I had a bad bad bad day with a child in math yesterday.

 

Tears from her,and (gasp) yelling from me.

 

What do you do the next day?

 

I feel so guilty for such a bad day but she was just frustrating me.

She kept distracting herself with things, making loud animal noises screams, giving me wrong answers....we keep reviewing and reviewing and then she just draw blanks. I have to spoon feed her information...all the time.

She has been crying a lot with math lately almost everyday. Part of it that she doesn't want to do it and that she wants us to feel sorry for it. She starts crying for other things not related to school like when she knows she did something wrong-she'll give this really sad face so she doesnt receive consequences or she lies ....

 

She will be 8yrs old in Dec. and I know she has some kind of learning disability as she was in RTI in pubic school.

 

Do you just take a day off from school the next day?

[Beth in SW WA]

:grouphug:

 

My dd8 cries once in a while due to perfectionist frustration, sensitivities and overexcitabilites. She has come a long way. I know what her hot-buttons are.

 

I'm sure the ladies here can help you. Just know you're not alone. :)

[momsuz123]

I had a rough day awhile back. I found that just being honest and having a heart to heart talk helped a lot. I apoligized, which I think is important. I stated what I did wrong and how I plan on not doing that again. I asked what can "we" do differently about this. We talked about what she did wrong, etc. It was a great turning point for both of us. I told her my new goal was to never yell again. I am trying to remind myself that yelling is my choice. (I got a little, well deserved spanking from some on here). It is tough, being a parent, homeschooling, etc. I now try and take a deep breath and just walk away if I feel my nerves acting up. (For me, it is mostly my 2 y/o getting me going, and then the girls do something on top of it). Hang in there. Don't beat yourself up, but learn and move on.

:grouphug:

[jplain]

I stick in a chapter from a read-aloud just before anything I suspect might be a struggle for us. We always finish read-alouds feeling warm and snuggly, and that helps us stay patient during whatever activity comes next.

[FO4UR]

I don't skip a day's lesson. I do explain clearly what is expected. I may assign 1/2 the lesson - break - then the other 1/2. Sometimes those outbursts happen b/c the assignment seems overwhelming, and breaking it up (and doing more spoon-feeding) helps.

 

She is very young still. Spoon-feeding is OK. If she has an LD, the bigger problem *may* be the format, not the actual information/assignment. If the lesson is done 100x faster/happier done orally rather than on a worksheet, just do the lesson orally.

[GoVanGogh]

I either skip the problem subject the next day or we do it in a "fun" manner - like working math problems on the whiteboard instead of in the workbook or doing spelling with letter tiles.

If it was truly awful, I may skip school all together and go on a field trip or go into the city to have lunch with dad. I don't want to harm parent/child relationship simply because one of us (or both of us...) were having an off day.

[missmoe]

If you could swing it, take her out for some special one on one time. Have a talk about what happened, but mostly concentrate on just having some special bonding time. I've found that kids with bad behavior often need extra positive attention (as well as consquences0.

[lcelmer]

We've had a few tearful days over math w/ DD8 here too... I find what helps is sitting with her & doing the problem verbally together, (then she realizes that she can in fact do it) then also, if there is a huge bank of problems (15-20) all alike, we might skip about half if she is really bogged down (and if she understand the concept well.) I'm using a workbook, Horizons2, so there is quite a bit of practice/review. She is usually just upset by the way it looks like so much.

 

 

If though it is always a certain kind of problem that sets her off, you might need to work on skills/steps to solve it correctly.

[warneral]

I have had a situation where this happened. I appologized and we talked about it a lot. Everyone makes mistakes and it is good for the child to learn humility through example.

 

I've had to re-organize how we do things and really take it as a learning opportunity for all of us to work on ways to make changes to improve learning and behaving :)

[JessReplanted]

After I have calmed down -

 

I try to:

 

1. Apologize for whatever I did wrong (generally - yelling).

2. I explain what it was the upset me & usually get an apology.

3. I try to clearly verbalize my expectations.

 

And then we just plunge ahead.

 

Honestly, if we stopped every time there was a blow up around here, we wouldn't get anything done. :blush:

[ChrissySC]

I slow it down. I may even resort to producing worksheets for review. I remember that patience must be a part of day too. If they don't get it, they don't get it. Try something else - do some research on how to better approach the topic. Don't do all of the problems (which I usually do not advocate).

[Beth in SW WA]

After I have calmed down -

 

I try to:

 

1. Apologize for whatever I did wrong (generally - yelling).

2. I explain what it was the upset me & usually get an apology.

3. I try to clearly verbalize my expectations.

 

And then we just plunge ahead.

 

Honestly, if we stopped every time there was a blow up around here, we wouldn't get anything done. :blush:

 

:iagree:

I posted something similar yesterday on another thread:

If I let my dc take breaks when they were grumpy we'd never get anything done.

 

Just another angle....

Edited November 17, 2011 by Beth in SW WA

[janainaz]

Dust your feet off, move on, today is a new day. If you fail today, there's always tomorrow. Everything seems like such a big deal, but in reality, we waste a tremendous amount of time stressing over such insignificant things. It gets better.......... and after time, you lighten up.:001_smile:

[ErinE]

Once things settle down, I just have a brief chat about it the day it occurs; apologies are issued all around and promises are made to work together. Without telling dc, I try to make the math a bit more flexible the next day, either by doing a fun lesson or circling half the problems (but requiring all to be 100% correct). I wouldn't make too big a deal.

[Critterfixer]

Hot chocolate all round. Tomorrow is a new day.

[rwjx2khsmj]

On the day of the difficult subject, I'd give extra cuddle time while doing something that dc enjoyed. Talk low key about what happened during difficult subject and how we could both behave more positively in the future.

 

A new day would bring a clean slate and we'd pick up where we left off in the difficult subject, keeping in mind our more positive options for behavior.

[Farrar]

If there's epic badness, we usually try to do something special the next day once everyone's heads are cooled. Going out for breakfast - either by going to the famous greasy diner down the road or walking up and having "Panera School" or "Starbucks School" is one of my solutions. It's not a treat for bad behavior really (sometimes we do both those things for the heck of it) but more like an acknowledgement that we all needed a change of venue.

 

I also do, as others said, try to articulate what I did wrong but also where the child needs to fulfill expectations and what those are.

 

Things like that can be a moment for reflection on whether a method, curriculum, or whatever is really working and needs to be changed. Sometimes I change things... other times not. Depends.

[RootAnn]

... or we do it in a "fun" manner - like working math problems on the whiteboard instead of in the workbook or doing spelling with letter tiles.

 

:iagree:

 

If we had trouble with math, I switch it up the next day with games on the whiteboard (ex. there are a bunch of numbers all over the board, she stands with her back to the white board & the eraser in her hands, I call out a problem, she turns around, finds the answer & erases it, then turns back around to me) or we play a game where she can move around (she starts at one end of the room, when she answers the math problem correctly (can be 1 yard equals how many feet? or the addition/subtraction/multiplication type or "what is the answer to an addition problem called?" type), she takes a step forward -- with the goal of reaching me for a hug or a small reward).

 

I usually don't cover whatever the difficult thing was from the day before until one day has passed, but we still do math. We can ALWAYS use the review around here. Then, when we try to cover it, I try to do it in a completely different way than we originally did it.

 

:grouphug: I almost always have at least one eruption going at a time around here. If it isn't one of my "students," it is one of the youngers coloring on the walls or playing in the water in the bathroom & making a huge mess for me to clean up! (And my 8 yr old is making me go gray even earlier than I should right now so I feel your pain!)

[Lori D.]

(((hugs))) for getting beyond this particular bad day! The other ladies have given you wonderful advice for working through this particular episode. :)

 

 

She has been crying a lot with math lately almost everyday.

 

 

Sometimes our DSs would "hit the wall" with a particular math topic, and would exhibit that by crying, yelling (my strong-willed one), and major "math meltdowns" for days in a row. At that point, I found it extremely helpful to set aside the spine math program for at least a week, to several weeks, and do some supplements on a completely different topic. That usually allowed the problem topic to "simmer on the back burner" of the student's mind, and when we came back to it after a break, it was quite often no longer troublesome.

 

A grade-appropriate booklet on geometry, fractions, time, weight/bucket balance, or other very different math topic that goes along with a manipulatives (pattern blocks, geoboards, cuisenaire rods, linking blocks, etc.) works VERY well. It allows you to continue to learn math concepts, but in such a different area that it doesn't trigger the math melt-down. And manipulatives are always enjoyable. :)

 

Another great supplement is Miquon -- many topics, and the workbooks allow you to choose a topic and go with it as far as you would like. It is an inexpensive program to buy the 6 workbooks, a bucket of cuisenaire rods and the Lab Annotations book, and it will last you as a supplement well into 4th grade.

 

 

BEST wishes for a fresh, new day! Warmest regards, Lori D.

Edited November 17, 2011 by Lori D.

[Sara in WA]

I love the advice given. On our "bad" days, I love to use that as an opportunity to say tomorrow is a new day, new grace, new mercies. If things are going really hard, I like to switch things up the next day - drawing while listening to classical music, read alouds and drinking hot chocolate, going on a long library visit, or playing games together. Sometimes it is more of a priority to work on the relationship.

[nansk]

So far only maths has given us bad days. Depending on the situation, I have switched to a different maths curriculum for a few days, or I have taken a day off to do just read-alouds. My dd and I both enjoy cuddling and reading our favourite books together - she reads the dialogues and I read the narration. I find my dd can learn a lot (vocabulary, grammar, spelling, reading with feeling) from read-alouds and I don't see it is as a day wasted.

[almondbutterandjelly]

Honestly, if we have crying for several days with a particular subject, I switch curriculum. In my experience with my own nontraditional learner, the format of the curriculum makes a HUGE difference as to success and enjoyability. What kind of learning style does your dc have? Hands On? Visual? Check out Mathusee or Right Start or Teaching Textbooks or Singapore. Get some feedback from your dc about the samples you look at. Best of luck!

[KrissiK]

For me, if we had a bad day, I know what to expect the next day and I'm prepared for it. Usually we have a bad day because my expectations are too high and DS2 (who always has bad math days) is struggling. I get mad. He cries. The next day I realize, Oh yeah, he's struggling, tone it down, do this, do that! and generally we have a better day. I often forget because DS1 just flies through math and DS2 really has a hard time.

[5knights3maidens]

This morning went great; My two dds (8 and 6) and I played a math dice game and then did multiplication with a new book I got. They had a great time.

 

THEN, I pulled out a few of their other books (not SOTW) You would have thought it was the end of the world. I had major back talking, etc. Yelling happened, tears, etc.

 

We stopped everything we were doing and decided to have lunch. we then went into the living room and I read for "a long time". That made things "much" better. We calmed down and they relaxed.

 

My 8 yr. old created a dragon while I was reading and then made a video like "She's Crafty". ;) (I'm trying to post this on my blog but it's not working:glare:)