Our cat died. How can I help the kids?

[Trresh]

They're so upset. It's awful. They loved, loved, loved this cat.

 

Dangit. Why does stuff like this have to happen?

[Bensmom]

:grouphug: So sorry for your loss.

[higginszoo]

:grouphug: I'm sorry.

Our cat had to be put down on Halloween, so we're still going through some of this. I think that for one dd the thing that might have helped the most was I gave her the next day off from school (I gave the younger 3 all the day off, but it was older dd's cat). This gave her time to process and to mourn. She drew pictures of him, etc.

Then we've been working on building routines that don't include the cat. They used to get up every morning and play with him, play with him on breaks in the school day, etc. ... so in the morning, we've encouraged them to play with their dolls or Legos. On breaks, I've put out the math manipulatives for free play. My older dd still has a habit of looking for him sometimes, but it has gotten easier.

[Farrar]

The Tenth Good Thing About Barney by Judith Viorst

 

Sorry for your pet loss. :(

[milovany]

I'm so sorry. I love our cat, too, and it will be a sad day when she dies. :grouphug: I imagine I'll help them by just loving on them and letting them talk about her and cry.

Edited November 17, 2011 by milovaný

[gingersmom]

:grouphug:

[Starr]

I'm so sorry. I still remember the perfect cat, I was 12. Mourning and kittens for Christmas would be my answer.

[SailorMom]

Rent Marley and Me if you think it is ok for them (there is reference to trying to have a baby and the mom having a miscarriage that can be tought to watch).

The poem, Rainbow Bridge, is fantastic.

There is only one way for them to handle their grief, and that is to go through it. Don't minimize it (not in a bad way - trying to make them feel better, I mean), don't try to rush them. Maybe have a little memorial service?

Read up on the seven stages of grief, and as they go through them, tell them it is normal, and that everything they are feeling is ok. That everyone grieves in different ways, and that it is ok to get through it how they feel is best.

[bbkaren]

I'm sorry you've lost such a beloved companion...

 

Aside from being open and honest about it, I think time is the only real healer of this kind of heartache.

[milovany]

Rent Marley and Me if you think it is ok for them ....

 

Just popped in my head: I wonder if a movie like Hachi or Greysfriar Bobby would be good ... in these, the pet's person dies and it shows how the pet handles it. Just thinking out loud ........ not sure .........

[RoughCollie]

I'm sorry about the loss of your beloved cat.

 

When our dog died in February, I encouraged my kids to cry, to talk about their feelings, and to ask me questions about the grieving process and why Teddy had to be put down. I talked to them individually for the first couple of weeks, every day.

 

I bought a book about grieving a pet's death, and one of my kids wanted to read it.

 

After a month, two of them still didn't want another dog, although they were agreeable to it when I had to have one. Two did want another one, but none of them wanted the same breed. They all were adamant that Teddy could not be replaced, so my chose another breed. If Ted had been a cat, we would have gotten a couple of kittens that didn't look anything like Ted.

 

They picked out the puppy and named it. That was the first time all four have agreed on two things in a row at the same time.

 

Aidan, our puppy, brought joy and laughter back into this house from the moment we took him home.

[Stacia]

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

[Trresh]

Thank you for all the suggestions. I'm going to check into the recommended books.

 

My DH came home at lunch and buried him with our bunny that died last week. The kids made a wooden cross out of sticks tied together with twine and marked the spot. They seem to be doing better this afternoon.

[jujsky]

When our dog died in April I took the kids to our local paint-your-own pottery place and let them paint picture frames. We picked out their favorite picture of our dog first so we'd know what size frame to get and which way the frame would go. They had letters and little dog motifs that could be added to the frames. I think it helped them.

 

I would NOT rent Marley & Me. We watched that recently and it was gut-wrenching. Both DH & I were disturbed for days after watching it. They have a very graphic scene of putting down their dog. Had I known it was that bad (MIL let the kids borrow it and I mistakenly decided to trust her poor judgment for once) there is no way we would have watched it. Yes, there is the miscarriage and that's sad, but the way they did Marley's death scene was so much worse! It kept flashing back and forth from the vet injecting the dog, to the couple's oldest son watching family videos of him as a baby and Marley, all while this sad music was playing. It flashed between those two scenes about 3 or 4 times each. Horribly sad! If they are at all sensitive kids, this movie will scar them. It scarred ME!