AlmiraGulch Posted November 16, 2011 Share Posted November 16, 2011 I've recently discovered that I've become quite set in my ways about certain things in my life, particularly with regard to my home. I think it started when I divorced 5+ years ago and purchased my own brand new house. I decided every single thing about the place, from where the wall outlets would go to every color, every piece of furniture.....everything. I first started experience a little anxiety when my fiance was moving his stuff here. Frankly, it just doesn't go with my stuff. I compromised by hanging his beautiful guitars on the living room wall above the piano (looks good!) and giving him the entire upstairs hall to do with as he pleased (there are now many portraits of Eric Clapton, Jimi Hendrix, etc. in my hallway, as well as a black-and-white Elvis above the commode in my master bath!) and allowed him one chair in the living room. The chair has now been banished to my daughter's bedroom. It drove me insane every time I looked at it. Oh...and don't get me started about how he keeps putting the dishes away in the wrong places. (I know, I know....at least he puts them away at all, right?) Now Christmas is coming and he asked me yesterday how I liked to do the house for the holidays. Let's just say our tastes do not match. I've evolved into keeping it simple and elegant, where he says he likes for the house to look like Santa threw up all over it. What's a girl to do? It's his home, too, and I want him to be comfortable and share in his traditions, but I swear if I have a house full of clutter I'll have to drink my way through the holidays. How can I satisfy his need to do it up while not making my blood pressure go through the roof? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kewb Posted November 16, 2011 Share Posted November 16, 2011 Perhaps a Margarita would help. Have you discussed your feeling about it with him so you can work out a compromise? Maybe, Santa can throw up outside and inside can be elegant. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spy Car Posted November 16, 2011 Share Posted November 16, 2011 (edited) Now Christmas is coming and he asked me yesterday how I liked to do the house for the holidays. Let's just say our tastes do not match. I've evolved into keeping it simple and elegant, where he says he likes for the house to look like Santa threw up all over it. What's a girl to do? It's his home, too, and I want him to be comfortable and share in his traditions, but I swear if I have a house full of clutter I'll have to drink my way through the holidays. How can I satisfy his need to do it up while not making my blood pressure go through the roof? I would suggest a "Jerry Garcia as Santa Claus" motif :D Bill Edited November 16, 2011 by Spy Car Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SailorMom Posted November 16, 2011 Share Posted November 16, 2011 Just rememeber that you love him, and when you're 90 you aren't going to care about how the house looked at Christmas - you're going to care about the life you lived with him. You can joke with him about clashing styles, but it is his house as well now, and he gets to feel "at home" too. Don't make him feel excluded. A guitar and a hallway??? That's it??? Let Santa throw up and laugh about it in the nursing home with him by your side. Also - remember that no one else cares how your house looks :) Really, they don't. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mom2absh Posted November 16, 2011 Share Posted November 16, 2011 What if you take turns? One year decorate in his style, and the next year, in yours. Help each other decorate - it will help you learn more about each other. And keep communicating: "What is it about this plastic Santa that makes you so happy?" ;), said in a calm, sincere tone, rather than a mocking or angry tone. The two of you can probably find a way to blend styles, eventually. And there's nothing wrong with each of you obviously, knowingly compromising, if the goal is to have relational and holiday harmony, not a personal score against the other person. J Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JudoMom Posted November 16, 2011 Share Posted November 16, 2011 (edited) I've recently discovered that I've become quite set in my ways about certain things in my life, particularly with regard to my home. I think it started when I divorced 5+ years ago and purchased my own brand new house. I decided every single thing about the place, from where the wall outlets would go to every color, every piece of furniture.....everything. I first started experience a little anxiety when my fiance was moving his stuff here. Frankly, it just doesn't go with my stuff. I compromised by hanging his beautiful guitars on the living room wall above the piano (looks good!) and giving him the entire upstairs hall to do with as he pleased (there are now many portraits of Eric Clapton, Jimi Hendrix, etc. in my hallway, as well as a black-and-white Elvis above the commode in my master bath!) and allowed him one chair in the living room. The chair has now been banished to my daughter's bedroom. It drove me insane every time I looked at it. Oh...and don't get me started about how he keeps putting the dishes away in the wrong places. (I know, I know....at least he puts them away at all, right?) Now Christmas is coming and he asked me yesterday how I liked to do the house for the holidays. Let's just say our tastes do not match. I've evolved into keeping it simple and elegant, where he says he likes for the house to look like Santa threw up all over it. What's a girl to do? It's his home, too, and I want him to be comfortable and share in his traditions, but I swear if I have a house full of clutter I'll have to drink my way through the holidays. How can I satisfy his need to do it up while not making my blood pressure go through the roof? :lol: Ahem. I agree with letting Santa throw up outside. But you also need to stop thinking of it as your house, IYKWIM. If you're marrying him, it needs to become his house as much as yours. Have you considered selling and buying a home together? Edited November 16, 2011 by JudoMom Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karen in CO Posted November 16, 2011 Share Posted November 16, 2011 And how about going away for Christmas? A nice trip to a neutral place does a world of good for the holidays. It helps you focus. And if you want to become more relaxed, get a puppy or a pair of puppies. They are terrific a teaching flexibility and patience. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sgo95 Posted November 16, 2011 Share Posted November 16, 2011 I agree with PP's in terms of trying to find a better perspective where you only sweat the bigger stuff (fidelity, honesty, etc vs. home decor and organization). Personally, I like your aesthetic better than your fiance's but this seems like an issue where compromise shouldn't be that painful (holiday season only lasts a few months). On another note, maybe he won't mind if he doesn't get the santa explosion. Try to find out how much he actually cares about this. Also, maybe you should take some time to think about and truly understand why you experience anxiety when you can't control certain aspects of your life, and then discuss this openly with him so he can understand that you're not trying to make him feel that the house isn't his house equally. Hope this is making sense. :grouphug: and best wishes. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AlmiraGulch Posted November 17, 2011 Author Share Posted November 17, 2011 I would suggest a "Jerry Garcia as Santa Claus" motif :D Bill I might be able to get on board with that! :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AlmiraGulch Posted November 17, 2011 Author Share Posted November 17, 2011 A guitar and a hallway??? That's it??? Let Santa throw up and laugh about it in the nursing home with him by your side. Also - remember that no one else cares how your house looks :) Really, they don't. Gosh, no! Several guitars. And it's a really long hallway! And did you read the part about having Elvis above my toilet now? :001_smile: And I know that other people don't care about what my house looks like, but I do. I think it's more about order and control than the actual aesthetics. Maybe that's the part that I need to work on. Hmmm.....I think that's what sgo95 was trying to say, actually. Food for thought. (I do, however, prefer no Santa throw up. Ick). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AlmiraGulch Posted November 17, 2011 Author Share Posted November 17, 2011 And how about going away for Christmas? A nice trip to a neutral place does a world of good for the holidays. It helps you focus. And if you want to become more relaxed, get a puppy or a pair of puppies. They are terrific a teaching flexibility and patience. :) GAAAH!!!! No stinking way. No way, no how. I don't need that much flexibility and patience. HA! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Starr Posted November 17, 2011 Share Posted November 17, 2011 You've found yourself a musician and you're looking for order? :lol: Sorry. I try but my house is covered with guitars, assorted instruments, amps, music, piano and keyboard. I always find picks in the laundry. The kids used to sell them back to their dad. :D Now I find ds's too. I get help putting dishes away and the cupboards never stay in the right order. I could go on. You've both been doing your own thing for a while. I have a friend that built a music studio into the basement and a TV room. Her main floor is beautiful but they aren't together much. Decide what is important but find a sense of humor about it all. It will take some time to quit thinking of the house as yours. He must feel weird too. Pick a room to be wild Santa and one that's more your taste. Mostly enjoy the holiday. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sassenach Posted November 17, 2011 Share Posted November 17, 2011 Would it work if he took the outside and you took the inside? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Margo out of lurking Posted November 17, 2011 Share Posted November 17, 2011 Have you considered selling and buying a home together? He sounds like a sweetheart who knows your quirks. You want to keep it that way. Maybe if you agree to let him decorate for Christmas, you can do what you want the other eleven months of the year.:D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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