gardenmom5 Posted November 16, 2011 Share Posted November 16, 2011 am I being inflexible about not allowing guests to invite guests? I have received snide comments about 'my lacking christian charity' (makes me feel like attempts at manipulation) - by dh's family members who are not allowed to invite guests. Is this as outrageous as I think, or do I need to chill? background: thanksgiving has been dh's family, at our house, for over 25 years. (dh does the two turkeys, stuffing, and 3 batches of rolls. I think he has a norman rockwell fantasy.) when it started, it was supposed to rotate every year. sil did it once, and promptly weaseled out of ever hosting again. (her house is almost twice the size of mine, and she's an empty nester. She will act like the hostess at my home (but does none of the work). since it's dh' family, I decided it wasn't a hill to die on and ignore it.) this is a formal sit down, china, silver, crystal dinner for as many as 30 people, plus the "babies". I admit I stress over it every year, and don't much like thanksgiving anymore. this year, a number of the "children" are going to their inlaws for dinner, woohoo, under 20 (including babies) for the first time in probably more than a decade. I could feel my blood pressure dropping at the prospect. Though no one informed us they weren't coming until sunday night- even though the "thanksgiving e-mail" (re:who's coming, and what are you bringing?) went out on the first.. - two weeks previously. (wait, I take that back, I did hear from one sil - with a *long rambling - at times incoherent - history* of the pilgrims thanksgiving, and what they ate and what she thought would be interesting to cook and eat, but nothing definitive. fairly typical of her.) dh got an e-mail from sil (the without the work hostess wannabe) stating (NOT asking) that, since we are "only" having 20 people this year, her daughter was bringing her serious boyfriend (ok. I'd already planned for him), and two more friends with pitiful plights. We had told our *own* daughter she couldn't bring her friend becasue we didn't know if there would be room at the inn, but more importantly, didn't want the precedent of non-significant other guests. we had a huge hubbub a few years back when a sanctimonious "child" invited three unrelated acquaintences - not friends - of his. we already were having close to 30 people that year - which put me at the breaking point for space (and nerves). after being told - uninvite them to our house - "child", and his mother, had a snit and declared they would have their own thanksgiving. apparently, they thought we would bend and allow them their guests. I wished them a nice thanksgiving. pity they were only bluffing. He hasn't been the only one inviting "friends" without asking, at least one "child" just showed up with her friends. appaently she did ask her mom- hostess wannabe. (HWmom has also invited friends.) It threw things so far off that year, I didn't know my own son wasn't at the table for dinner. and then there is the fact dudeling is HFASD. (he doesn't "do" crowds, and must be managed on top of all the dinner chaos.) so, am I not seeing something? am I being unreasonable? do I need an attitude adjustment because I now hate thanksgiving? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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