fourcatmom Posted November 16, 2011 Share Posted November 16, 2011 My 9 yo dd has always been my good sleeper. When we moved into a 3 bedroom in July, it all started to change. She had been sharing a room with her sister for the past year (before that she had her own room) and she was doing fine but they didn't have a lot of space, thus the move to a bigger apartment. I really wanted my older (10yo) dd to have her own space as she had been asking for it and I felt it would be good for her. I also had to sell their beds when I moved as they were kind of falling apart. I let them each pick out their new bed. 9 yo picked out a loft bed from Ikea. I didn't realize how high these beds are but the bed is over 5 ft. off the ground and much higher then the top bunk of a bunk bed. Anyways, from the get go she was having a hard time sleeping in her new room. We decorated it and got the bed but the bed is very high and I am not sure she really likes the bed part of it. She loves the loft part of it. She rarely spends any time in her room during the day and she wont play with any of her toys anymore since sister doesn't want to play. I know she is really feeling lost without her sister but I am so tired of the bedtime drama. I know that between losing her sister, her bed and the change of a move it was a lot for her to deal with. I found a captain's type bed for her (that was her second choice) and I can pick it up next week but she still isn't sure she wants to sell the loft. I am torn and just want her to sleep somewhere else besides my bedroom floor. I asked her sister if she wanted to share a room again and she said she would but she also really loved her room. I don't feel that it would be fair to take that away when she is not the one with the problem. DD ends up on my floor every night. Tonight, I told her I was done that I wasn't going to stress about it anymore. I told her she could sleep anywhere she wanted, except my bed and if she slept in her sister's room she would have to have permission. Next thing I know, she is dragging her mattress into my bedroom and plopped it right next to my bed:001_huh: How do I fix this? I am wondering if I just give it more time she might just get tired of sleeping on the floor. I also told her she had to clean up her bed in the morning, that she couldn't leave it there. I know she doesn't like her bed and I know she doesn't like being alone but she has had her own room before and done fine. Do I get the other bed and see if that helps and give her time to grow into the other or just sell it? Last night I made her sleep in her room and she went to bed crying, cried for over 20 minutes before she fell asleep and ended up in my bed 1 1/2 hours later. I know I am not being consistent but I am so tired of this and I know she is sad. I also partially feel like why should I get her another bed when I already got her the one she wanted? She doesn't even sleep in her room and she is getting a lot of attention and a lot of my time. Sister is doing great in her room and great all around. I really don't think this is just attention. I do think that the bed is very high and I wouldn't want to sleep up there, although the cats love it!:001_smile: What would you do? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted November 16, 2011 Share Posted November 16, 2011 I'd get her a lower bed. And I'd get her a nightlight. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fourcatmom Posted November 16, 2011 Author Share Posted November 16, 2011 I'd get her a lower bed. And I'd get her a nightlight. She has two nightlights and her bedroom is right next to mine. I am thinking that the lower bed will help. Thanks:001_smile: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shellers Posted November 16, 2011 Share Posted November 16, 2011 Put her mattress on her bedroom floor and see if she'll stay in her room. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EJCMom Posted November 16, 2011 Share Posted November 16, 2011 We got a grey metal loft bed from Ikea, and it is incredibly high! My son was only able to sleep up there a few nights and he went back to his old bunk bed. Now all the stuffed animals live in "the animal loft". :lol: He not only hated how high it was, he also hated that I really couldn't tuck him in anymore because it was so high, and it would get so hot up there because he was so close to the ceiling. In your shoes I would get the new bed and see if that helps. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catherine Posted November 16, 2011 Share Posted November 16, 2011 Don't count on her getting tired of sleeping on the floor. It's not abnormal to feel afraid to be alone in the dark at night. Find some other way to help her feel close to someone at bedtime. Sit with her for awhile as she's going to sleep. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Just Another Jen Posted November 16, 2011 Share Posted November 16, 2011 We kept the Iowa loft, but cut the legs shorter. It got a lot more use that way. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
merry gardens Posted November 16, 2011 Share Posted November 16, 2011 Put her mattress on her bedroom floor and see if she'll stay in her room. This. If it worked, I'd look at a new lower bed, but I wouldn't buy one before trying the mattress on the floor. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fourcatmom Posted November 16, 2011 Author Share Posted November 16, 2011 This. If it worked, I'd look at a new lower bed, but I wouldn't buy one before trying the mattress on the floor. Thank you. Yes, the mattress has been on the floor. That's why she was able to drag it into my room. I guess I will go for the other bed. I like the idea of cutting off the legs too to the loft but I don't have the tools for that. Yes, it gets very hot up there to and it moves a lot when she turns around. All in all, I am not happy with the bed. Thank you for the suggestions Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mothergooseof4 Posted November 16, 2011 Share Posted November 16, 2011 You said her mattress has been on her floor, yet she is still coming to your room, correct? If so, this probably isn't just a matter of the bed. That is probably part of it, but if you have already tried to get her to sleep on her mattress in her own floor, a new bed is probably not going to solve this for good. If you just moved and separated your girls, then she is probably dealing with a combination of things. New places are scary at night for a while, even to adults. My stepdd went through a spell when we moved once when she wouldn't step foot out of our living room without one of us at night. After late dh passed I moved to a new house that was twice the size of any I had ever lived in. I am not a scared person, but at night there just seemed to be so many nooks and crannies that were dark and creepy. It took me a while to be comfortable in my new home at night. So, she may just need some more time to get comfortable in this new place. Also, even though she has had her own room in the past, she may be going through something (like the new house thing) that just makes her want to be with someone. We just went through something a few months ago with my 7yo dd. She had been sleeping in her own room with no problems. I tucked her in and walked out every night with no issues. All of a sudden she started sleep walking and then crying every night when I tucked her in. She would cry herself to sleep and then wake up 30 minutes later and start all over. It went on and on. I tried all of the normal things and then got worried. If whe wasn't with me most of the time I would have feared that she had been abused in some way. It was that sudden and severe. After over a month of this, she finally tells me she has pinworms. She thought she had something terribly wrong with her (she had seen the worms) so was worried and the discomfort was keeping her up. I treated her and she got better. But, she also struggles with knowing she is the only person in the house sleeping alone. Her brothers share a room and she wants a roommate. I told her I can't fix that and moving her to their room is not going to happen. She has just had to get used to that one, but I am sensative to her feelings about that and allow campouts with her brothers once or twice a week if they want. I did start spending a little extra time in her room with her before bedtime to allow her to get settled in for the night. I tuck the boys in and then go to her room with her for a specially girly story, some prayer time, and a little talking. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fourcatmom Posted November 16, 2011 Author Share Posted November 16, 2011 You said her mattress has been on her floor, yet she is still coming to your room, correct? If so, this probably isn't just a matter of the bed. That is probably part of it, but if you have already tried to get her to sleep on her mattress in her own floor, a new bed is probably not going to solve this for good. If you just moved and separated your girls, then she is probably dealing with a combination of things. New places are scary at night for a while, even to adults. My stepdd went through a spell when we moved once when she wouldn't step foot out of our living room without one of us at night. After late dh passed I moved to a new house that was twice the size of any I had ever lived in. I am not a scared person, but at night there just seemed to be so many nooks and crannies that were dark and creepy. It took me a while to be comfortable in my new home at night. So, she may just need some more time to get comfortable in this new place. Also, even though she has had her own room in the past, she may be going through something (like the new house thing) that just makes her want to be with someone. We just went through something a few months ago with my 7yo dd. She had been sleeping in her own room with no problems. I tucked her in and walked out every night with no issues. All of a sudden she started sleep walking and then crying every night when I tucked her in. She would cry herself to sleep and then wake up 30 minutes later and start all over. It went on and on. I tried all of the normal things and then got worried. If whe wasn't with me most of the time I would have feared that she had been abused in some way. It was that sudden and severe. After over a month of this, she finally tells me she has pinworms. She thought she had something terribly wrong with her (she had seen the worms) so was worried and the discomfort was keeping her up. I treated her and she got better. But, she also struggles with knowing she is the only person in the house sleeping alone. Her brothers share a room and she wants a roommate. I told her I can't fix that and moving her to their room is not going to happen. She has just had to get used to that one, but I am sensative to her feelings about that and allow campouts with her brothers once or twice a week if they want. I did start spending a little extra time in her room with her before bedtime to allow her to get settled in for the night. I tuck the boys in and then go to her room with her for a specially girly story, some prayer time, and a little talking. Thank you. I like this idea. I think the bed started some of it as well as the move and now she has just gotten to use to not being in there and it's just getting worse. I feel that I have tried everything and getting a different bed might help me more consistent and encourage her more to be in there. I guess sometimes, I find it hard since I know she doesn't like to bed on top of feeling lonely. :001_smile: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
imagine.more Posted November 16, 2011 Share Posted November 16, 2011 She's probably missing sharing a room with her sister. I know when my sister and I got our own rooms at 12 and 10 (which we wanted and had asked for) it took awhile for us to get used to it and we occasionally snuck into each other's rooms or kept our doors open since our rooms faced each other. I'd see if younger sister would be okay sharing a room and older sister's bedroom could be a craft/lounge room for the girls to hang out in. If not then maybe a pet would help? I got a cat as soon as I moved away to college and enjoyed a snuggly kitten in my bed :) My ODS was having sleeping problems and begging for his cat to sleep with him (the cat kept wandering out) so we moved the two boys together and it helped. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Unicorn. Posted November 16, 2011 Share Posted November 16, 2011 Have you tried letting her sleep w/ the radio on? Maybe rewards for sleeping in her room so many nights in a row? Everything else I would suggest has already been said. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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