Awkward situation

[k2bdeutmeyer]

DD's bio dad just called me. He wanted to know how to tell DD that he and his wife were divorcing.

 

Now, if that happens, it would not surprise me at all. However, I know him well enough to know that he may quite possibly be jumping the gun. It may have been something said in anger or frustration that 2 days later will calm and things will go back to "normal".

 

I'm concerned that he's going to call DD here in another hour or so, tell her, she will be upset, only to call and say "nevermind" tomorrow or the next day. My only concern is protecting my child. I'm really not sure how she will react. I think she will be worried about seeing him as well as her 4 month old baby (1/2) sister. Beyond that, I have no idea.

 

I don't feel like it's my place to tell her ahead of time, but at the same time, I don't want to see her go through the heartache if it does, in fact, turn out to be in haste.

 

So.....what to do? Anything? I'm not even sure there is anything I CAN do. Sigh.

[fairfarmhand]

IF you have a cordial relationship, I'd call and ask him if he could wait until papers are filed just in case he changes his mind.

 

Or wait till it is final so that your dd will be spared a long drawn out worrisome time period.

 

Just a simple request, so he will think of how this will affect your dd. Lots of times people in the middle of these issues don't realize that this might be difficult for their kids.

[Myeightkiddies]

If it was me, I would share my concerns with my daughter before she talked to him. My thought would be that it would be easier to hear coming from me followed by an explanation as to why I'm not particularly worried (because he is likely to change his mind).

 

OR

 

If you believe he is that flakey (my apologies as I have had little sleep and cannot think of a better word), you may want to wait until he calls (because if he changes his mind soon he may not call). At that point, just do as much damage control as possible by giving her examples of previous experiences in which he was impulsive.

 

Yeah. I wasn't much help. :grouphug:

[Myeightkiddies]

IF you have a cordial relationship, I'd call and ask him if he could wait until papers are filed just in case he changes his mind.

 

 

:iagree: Absolutely! If he is wanting to tell her and hasn't filed or done anything official I think that is inappropriate. He shouldn't drag her into drama if he and his wife had a fight the night before and threats were made. Once it starts to become legally official, then that is the time to tell her.

[Scarlett]

DD's bio dad just called me. He wanted to know how to tell DD that he and his wife were divorcing.

 

Now, if that happens, it would not surprise me at all. However, I know him well enough to know that he may quite possibly be jumping the gun. It may have been something said in anger or frustration that 2 days later will calm and things will go back to "normal".

 

I'm concerned that he's going to call DD here in another hour or so, tell her, she will be upset, only to call and say "nevermind" tomorrow or the next day. My only concern is protecting my child. I'm really not sure how she will react. I think she will be worried about seeing him as well as her 4 month old baby (1/2) sister. Beyond that, I have no idea.

 

I don't feel like it's my place to tell her ahead of time, but at the same time, I don't want to see her go through the heartache if it does, in fact, turn out to be in haste.

 

So.....what to do? Anything? I'm not even sure there is anything I CAN do. Sigh.

 

I would have ask him to not tell her until there is some real action going on....for instance if she goes for visitation and the step mom has moved out, then yes, your dd needs to be told. But if they are 'divorcing' and still living together, and as you say he is wishy washy about such things, then why does your dd need to know until something more concrete happens. Then again if they are living together with major tension she probably should be told so she doesn't think SHE is doing anything wrong.

 

Boy I was a lot of help huh!

[amey311]

can you find out why he thinks she needs to know? if step-mother has left, even if it was just in a huff, and therefore won't be there when DD visits, then a simple "Jane gone to visit Sally for a girls weekend away. It's just us two this weekend! YAY!"

 

If she's really moved out and DD will notice major things gone, the conversation will be different, but you might be able to come up with something that explains that she left but she might return - there's a chance that Dad and Step-mom will be friends again, but right now they're in the middle of an angry fight.

 

Will Dad talk to DD about the separation? That might be the best help - giving him language to use with her about it and perhaps telling him that the best thing for DD is for Dad to just concentrate on DD and doing fun things wiht her, not telling her about the split.

[5kidsforME]

In a situation like this, I think it is best to wait. These things take time anyway, why rush to tell her?

[k2bdeutmeyer]

I don't know why he thinks he needs to tell her right now. He's just very impulsive, and I'm guessing this is a matter of a big fight where she said she was "done" and he said "okay" and started telling people it was over, and packing his things.