Biting my tongue

[Whereneverever]

I know some people who are going through a rough situation. They complain about it. Frequently. How unjustly they are being treated, it's not fair, ect.

 

On the other hand, they talk about things that *I* think are contributory to the problem, but without any awareness about it.

 

I'm trying really hard to not say anything. No actual advice has been asked of from me, and I try not to offer it unsolicited.

 

But it sure is hard!

[gardenmom5]

their actions may or may not be contributing - YOU don't know. continue to bite your tongue. If you can give encouragement and support, do so. If you absolutely can't stand listening to them vent their stress, stop seeing them so it won't torture you so much.

[Ottakee]

This is like the example my dh has regarding the story of Jonah.

 

Jonah's troubles were of his own making. So often we look at trials as testing/trying our faith, persecution, etc. (and that can happen at times) but how often do we miss seeing that our troubles are of our own making---poor decisions, disregarding God's laws and principals, sins, etc?

 

Hard to keep biting your tongue though

[LaxMom]

In my experience, people who are complaining about being victims while contributing to their own difficulties become bigger victims when you tell them they are contributing to their own difficulties. What they really want is agreement that they are being treated unjustly.

 

Suffice it to say, I am not adept at biting my tongue, so I usually try to stay out of conversational range. (Which does not mean I don't listen to friends vent. We ALL need to vent at times.)

[nono]

I have found timing to be key here. While folks are in the middle of reeling, generally pointing it out to them doesn't help. Maybe later, when they've gained some traction, you could provide some helpful hints and not point out they were doing such things in the past. :)

[DawnM]

BTDT. :grouphug: However, I agree that unsolicited advice is never welcomed, so I would continue to bite my tongue too.

 

Dawn

[kewb]

Smile and nod. That is the rule I try to live by.

[Whereneverever]

I have found timing to be key here. While folks are in the middle of reeling, generally pointing it out to them doesn't help. Maybe later, when they've gained some traction, you could provide some helpful hints and not point out they were doing such things in the past. :)

 

This is good advice!