According to the Today Show, anyone who thinks Duggar baby #20 wasn't a great idea...

[Mommyfaithe]

I rarely yell. It's so rare that my dc (the little boys) pretty much instantly start crying if I do, because it startles/scares them so much.

 

It's a blend of: I don't want yelling because there was so much in my house growing up; and there really is no reason to yell. If I'm angry, it's likely that I just need to control my anger. I should examine why I'm angry and address the root of the issue, instead of yell.

 

I'm not perfect; I lose it occasionally. But I'd some day like to get to 'never yells'.

 

And it's EXTREMELY rare for me to yell at dh. I just don't want to set that disrespectful example for the children. Dh NEVER yells at me. I think I could probably count on one hand the number of times my dh has raised his voice in anger to me in the entire ten years of our marriage.

 

We really dislike yelling (out of anger) in our house.

 

(Sorry for the tangent. :tongue_smilie:)

 

Haha...we are such a loud family...my kids know I mean business when I get very quiet and whisper...whoo boy...watch out when she whispers!!

 

I come from loud people...arms moving...gesticulations....active conversation. Poor dh came from a very quiet home and used to ask me why I was yelling. I was always like...:001_huh:... I am not yelling...just chatting:D

My kids mostly are loud too. Hahahaha...but we are very nice...and warm and loving...I swear.

 

Faithe

[Ester Maria]

And yes, the name "Jim-Bob" would be a deal breaker for me. I doubt there would have been a second date if DH had insisted I call him, "Jim-Bob." Why don't you just save a step and say, "Hey, my name is Redneck?!" Nope. I am not jealous of that. If I wanted that, I'd just have stayed married to my first husband. :lol:

 

I can imagine myself yelling, "Hey, Jim-Bob, toss me that there rifle!" I cannot imagine whispering anything intimate starting with, "Jim-Bob, could you..." Just ew. It is Scarlett shuddering at the idea of me licking her level of EW...

It's so very wrong on so very many levels. :lol:

:smilielol5:

 

I just laughed so hard that my stomach hurts. :lol:

[Ester Maria]

Haha...we are such a loud family...my kids know I mean business when I get very quiet and whisper...whoo boy...watch out when she whispers!!

 

I come from loud people...arms moving...gesticulations....active conversation. Poor dh came from a very quiet home and used to ask me why I was yelling. I was always like...:001_huh:... I am not yelling...just chatting:D

My kids mostly are loud too. Hahahaha...but we are very nice...and warm and loving...I swear.

Ditto for us. :D

 

I am not loud at all - I talk with a normal volume. When I "whisper", people know that I am serious.

[Joyofsixreboot]

Haha...we are such a loud family...my kids know I mean business when I get very quiet and whisper...whoo boy...watch out when she whispers!!

 

I come from loud people...arms moving...gesticulations....active conversation. Poor dh came from a very quiet home and used to ask me why I was yelling. I was always like...:001_huh:... I am not yelling...just chatting:D

My kids mostly are loud too. Hahahaha...but we are very nice...and warm and loving...I swear.

 

Faithe

 

We must have come from the same pool. Dh is still amazed at our holiday noise level. As for the Duggars, meh, live and let live. I'm sure they knew when they accepted the show there would be comments. Not sure I would put my kids on TV but again it's not my life.

[delaney]

I find that after watching the show I am calmer. Just hearing Michelle speak to her kids calms me-weird I know. Jealous-a bit. Not for 20 kids but for having a baby at 45. I am going to be 43 and now wish DH hadn't been "snipped".:D

I am not a fan of their computerized schooling and the fact that they don't sound very educated when they speak. I just wish all the haters who assume they are pulling money from the government would get a clue. I have no issue seeing a family on TV that acts in such a loving manner compared to the train wreck that was Kate Gosselin.

As for her health I seriously doubt they walked into this blindly. They are not careless and I bet consulted with Drs about future pregnancy possibilities. She had PE with her first set of twins and was fine for years after that. I think it was all the crap with her gall bladder that set it off this time. Only time will tell but I wish them all the best. She should bottle that patience and sell it-$$$$$$ maker!:tongue_smilie:

[MrsJewelsRae]

I have no problem with the duggars, but I am a little jealous of her fertility , not 20 kids mind you, but the ability to have as many kids as you want easily would be nice.

[FiveOaksAcademy]

That's a no-brainer. Their judgment of everyone who is non-Duggar-like is implicit in their very stance on...well, everything. They don't refrain from going to the movies, or allowing their kids to join various clubs, play organized sports, dress in non-homogenized clothing, and so forth, out of a great approval for surrounding society.

 

Every episode starts with an intro, that is in fact, a rejection of the majority culture, and those who embrace, live in it, etc.

 

That is faulty logic, in my estimation. If rejection of certain things automatically means judgment of others who participate in it, then I'd say we are all (including yourself and myself) sitting in judgment on a daily basis. I don't purchase sugar cereals like Cocoa Puffs, Captain Crunch, etc. According to your thinking I'm judging everyone who does eat sugar cereals just because I choose not to purchase them. Wouldn't the same be said for homeschooling? Anyone who homeschools is judging those who don't homeschool simply by choosing not to send them to ps. Honestly, unless we had a handbook that we all followed to a T, then with your logic, we would all be judging someone at some time simply by excluding something from our lives.

[DawnM]

We had to get out the door yesterday but I had the Today show on and they kept saying they would get to the part about the Duggars. I didn't get to see it.

 

SOOOOO glad I didn't wait for THAT! Jealous? Well, first let me say that I hate the phrase, "oh, they are just jealous." It is a cop out and rarely the actual emotion the critic is actually feeling. But it must sure make the person saying it feel better because I hear it a lot.

 

There are things I admire about the Duggars but I would never want to be like the Duggars, EVER.

 

And put me in the camp who thinks baby #20 is not even remotely a good idea. :D

 

I read yesterday that people asked Michelle what she thought of people criticizing her for number 20 after Josie's health issues and she said, "I would give my life for my child, even one who isn't here yet. It is all in God's hands." :glare: Kind of reminds me of some people we knew at our church in CA who told us that having health insurance meant we weren't trusting God with our health. :glare:

[Joy at Home]

That is faulty logic, in my estimation. If rejection of certain things automatically means judgment of others who participate in it, then I'd say we are all (including yourself and myself) sitting in judgment on a daily basis. I don't purchase sugar cereals like Cocoa Puffs, Captain Crunch, etc. According to your thinking I'm judging everyone who does eat sugar cereals just because I choose not to purchase them. Wouldn't the same be said for homeschooling? Anyone who homeschools is judging those who don't homeschool simply by choosing not to send them to ps. Honestly, unless we had a handbook that we all followed to a T, then with your logic, we would all be judging someone at some time simply by excluding something from our lives.

 

 

I made the same argument but it was called a fallacy:001_smile:

 

Lisa

[FiveOaksAcademy]

I'm sorry. I guess what I meant is that most people are so vocal in their negative judgments of the family, yet the Duggars to my knowledge have handled the comments with grace. I did not mean to imply that they never say anything about it all behind closed doors. I don't know what they say behind closed doors. My experience with the Duggars like most people is all from T.V. and a few friends I have who have met the family in person.

 

I think this is my big issue. We really DON'T know what they say or do behind closed doors. What I see, for the most part, is that people don't see anything negative about them via their weekly show but people seem to desperately WANT to see something negative of them via their weekly show. Whether it is highly edited or not, we don't really have negative comments, child abuse, angry words, mind-control of children, etc., to go on. I'm really surprised at the number of people who badly want to MAKE them have evil thoughts and evil motives when we don't really have anything like that as evidence. There may well be judgment in their hearts, etc., but God didn't give me the ability to read a person's mind or see the motives of their heart. When I start trying to do that, I wind up being the one sitting in judgment, which is what I see a lot of in these Duggar threads, so...

 

I don't have, nor do I want, 20 children. I love children, but I couldn't handle that. More than that, I desperately would despise being one of 4 or 5 wives to a man. More than that even, I would hate to have my family's home life on television for the world to see each week. I would never choose that for us.

[FiveOaksAcademy]

I made the same argument but it was called a fallacy:001_smile:

 

Lisa

 

 

:lol::lol: We must be wrong then. ;)

[NavyWifeandMommy]

i will admit I am a bit jealous of all the places they get to go to.

[unsinkable]

I think this is my big issue. We really DON'T know what they say or do behind closed doors. What I see, for the most part, is that people don't see anything negative about them via their weekly show but people seem to desperately WANT to see something negative of them via their weekly show. Whether it is highly edited or not, we don't really have negative comments, child abuse, angry words, mind-control of children, etc., to go on. I'm really surprised at the number of people who badly want to MAKE them have evil thoughts and evil motives when we don't really have anything like that as evidence. There may well be judgment in their hearts, etc., but God didn't give me the ability to read a person's mind or see the motives of their heart. When I start trying to do that, I wind up being the one sitting in judgment, which is what I see a lot of in these Duggar threads, so...

 

I don't have, nor do I want, 20 children. I love children, but I couldn't handle that. More than that, I desperately would despise being one of 4 or 5 wives to a man. More than that even, I would hate to have my family's home life on television for the world to see each week. I would never choose that for us.

 

Do you see the people who disagree with them because the parents have turned their family into a "show?"

 

JimBob and Jichelle have sold their children's childhoods, IMO.

[DawnM]

Yes, but would you even want to go if you had cameras following you around everywhere? I wouldn't.

 

Dawn

 

i will admit I am a bit jealous of all the places they get to go to.

[Lady Florida.]

Do you see the people who disagree with them because the parents have turned their family into a "show?"

 

JimBob and Jichelle have sold their children's childhoods, IMO.

 

This has long been my problem with them. It doesn't bother me how many kids they have, even though I wouldn't want anywhere near that many. It's her womb and I have no business trying to regulate it. However...

 

I don't care how nice they seem, they are no different than Jon and Kate, or even the Kardashians. At least the Kardashians are adults who can give their consent. People who use their children the way the Duggars and Gosselins have are people for whom I have no respect. Period.

[delaney]

There is a HUGE difference between what other shows do and what the Duggars do. They do NOT air family laundry, fights, and other trash for public viewing. They air the best of what their family is. I can't compare them to the Gosselins or Kardashians.

[Lady Florida.]

There is a HUGE difference between what other shows do and what the Duggars do. They do NOT air family laundry, fights, and other trash for public viewing. They air the best of what their family is. I can't compare them to the Gosselins or Kardashians.

 

 

I can compare them. They put their children on display. I think it's wrong.

[catz]

This has long been my problem with them. It doesn't bother me how many kids they have, even though I wouldn't want anywhere near that many. It's her womb and I have no business trying to regulate it. However...

 

I don't care how nice they seem, they are no different than Jon and Kate, or even the Kardashians. At least the Kardashians are adults who can give their consent. People who use their children the way the Duggars and Gosselins have are people for whom I have no respect. Period.

 

:iagree: Again, the show is engineered to paint a particular picture. I don't think you can make any particular judgments positive or negative based on an alleged "reality" show. I think the glorification of these people is just as strange as the hatred. And I truly have no hatred or feelings of any kind. I've only seen the show a couple times and this is my first Duggar thread I've bothered to comment on. I just find the insinuation that the general public is jealous absurd.

[DawnM]

I would be very curious to know how much they make on the shows.

 

Jim Bob was looking for a new motorhome and they flashed onto the computer screen where he was looking. He commented, "this one is a good price, I can fly up there and take a look and if I like it I will drive it back." The price was over $300K.

[In2why]

It's an entertainment program. They're on television. TV gives a distorted perception of "reality" at best. Even on (especially on?) "reality shows." So, comments on them, good, bad, funny, "jealous," -- it's all part of the entertainment that this show is supposed to provide. Otherwise, why does it exist? Just to invade the kids' privacy or pay for school?

 

 

That was my thought as well. I am judgemental of them because they are on TV which sets them up to be judged. TLC, and the Duggars want people to have strong reactions because it keeps people watching. I don't feel guilty, small, or jealous commenting negative about their choices. If the family down the street had 20 children, I would still think they were a bit nuts, but I wouldn't be as judgemental because that is a private family decisions. But the Duggars aren't private by choice.

 

With that said, I think she must be on prozac or something. Not just because she doesn't yell, but she doesn't respond strongly with any emotions. Not joy, stress, excitement, or anything.

[Veritaserum]

With that said, I think she must be on prozac or something. Not just because she doesn't yell, but she doesn't respond strongly with any emotions. Not joy, stress, excitement, or anything.

 

They're all like that. I totally agree with being optimistic and finding the good, but the lack of any strong emotion indicates a disconnect of some sort. Stuffing valid emotions doesn't generally turn out well....

[Guest submarines]

I can compare them. They put their children on display. I think it's wrong.

 

:iagree:

[5forMe]

:iagree:I remember on an early episode (I've only seen the ones on Nextflix streaming) the kids saying that she never yells. I would like to be like that! Only, when I tried it, instead of yelling more time-outs and spankings happened :glare: But I really want to be like that!

 

You see, in the non yelling aspect, I want to be like Michelle too. Jim Bob said "Michelle makes a conscious effort to speak softly". I thought to myself "I can do that".

 

Well I've been trying it and my kids are ignoring me. I have to say things 3 or 4 times and by the 3rd and 4th time, I am grumpy and tired of saying the same thing so my voice goes up. It's almost like they don't hear me until I yell. I guess I've conditioned them, so now what. Keep doing it until they get reconditioned? I don't know if I have the energy.....

[FiveOaksAcademy]

Do you see the people who disagree with them because the parents have turned their family into a "show?"

 

JimBob and Jichelle have sold their children's childhoods, IMO.

 

You know, I wasn't even addressing that issue when I posted what I did. I'm not really thrilled anymore with any show that puts kids on display like that. I don't really like that they are doing it. I do get that and should have made that clear. Sorry.

 

The thing I am weary of, though, is so many people trying to give them motives and make decisions about what their lives are behind the scenes when we really just do not know that. That was like personal-well-being 101 from my mom, and quite frankly from the Lord as well: Don't decide someone is thinking something or that they have wrong motives if you don't know that to be true. It's like walking by someone you know and that particular day they aren't overly friendly or look irritated. Sometimes they are having a cruddy day and I'm wise to decide then and there that that is what is going on and not take it personally or assign something to them that they don't deserve.

[DarlaS]

You see, in the non yelling aspect, I want to be like Michelle too. Jim Bob said "Michelle makes a conscious effort to speak softly". I thought to myself "I can do that".

 

Well I've been trying it and my kids are ignoring me. I have to say things 3 or 4 times and by the 3rd and 4th time, I am grumpy and tired of saying the same thing so my voice goes up. It's almost like they don't hear me until I yell. I guess I've conditioned them, so now what. Keep doing it until they get reconditioned? I don't know if I have the energy.....

 

You could always reach over and pinch 'em. :tongue_smilie: It's the kind of solution that crosses my mind whenever I try not yelling.

 

I do wonder if I made a habit out of it, how long it would take them to quickly learn to look sharp whenever I speak to them.

 

I wouldn't actually do it though. ;)

 

But it does cross my mind... I have let them know I'm *trying* to get their attention nicely, and if they don't care for that, I can try another way. Let them imagine for themselves what I may do. :D

[Jennifer3141]

You could always reach over and pinch 'em. :tongue_smilie: It's the kind of solution that crosses my mind whenever I try not yelling.

 

I do wonder if I made a habit out of it, how long it would take them to quickly learn to look sharp whenever I speak to them.

 

I wouldn't actually do it though. ;)

 

 

Ok, this started my day with a laugh. I want to become the Pinching Mama. :lol:

[Veritaserum]

My kids are loud, so I generally have to give a sharp yell to get their attention. Then I can use a nice voice. :D

 

When I'm disciplining I go for firm but kind.

[butterflymommy]

That is faulty logic, in my estimation. If rejection of certain things automatically means judgment of others who participate in it, then I'd say we are all (including yourself and myself) sitting in judgment on a daily basis. I don't purchase sugar cereals like Cocoa Puffs, Captain Crunch, etc. According to your thinking I'm judging everyone who does eat sugar cereals just because I choose not to purchase them.

 

Very true. There are certain things I do and don't do, but don't judge others for behaving differently. For instance I feel passionately about being home with my kids in lieu or working outside the home, but I have absolutely no judgment against moms who do have careers outside the home-- in fact I admire them and wonder where they find the strength & energy!

 

In terms of the Duggars, as conservative Christians they have to walk a fine line between maintaining their values and not "throwing stones." Yes, perhaps they exchange vitriol about us wordly sinners behind closed doors, but I don't get that impression. The only thing I really question about them is raising their kids with camera crews around. I think it's bound to screw up some of the kids. But they see their show as a missionary-type endeavor, and perhaps they have touched some hearts that would not have been reached otherwise.

 

I don't think they inspire jealousy so much as defensiveness.

[DesertDweller]

You see, in the non yelling aspect, I want to be like Michelle too. Jim Bob said "Michelle makes a conscious effort to speak softly". I thought to myself "I can do that".

 

Well I've been trying it and my kids are ignoring me. I have to say things 3 or 4 times and by the 3rd and 4th time, I am grumpy and tired of saying the same thing so my voice goes up. It's almost like they don't hear me until I yell. I guess I've conditioned them, so now what. Keep doing it until they get reconditioned? I don't know if I have the energy.....

 

 

I'm probably in the minority here, but I don't see what is wrong with raising your voice at times. Raising your voice and being firm doesn't make you a bad parent. I'm not referring to screaming or yelling. But, why is it so terrible to get loud or show emotion when dealing with your kids? Does that make you abusive? IMO, I don't think so.

 

There were times that my kids knew I meant business. My dd still jokes today about how I sometimes put in my 'angry eyes'. My kids were pretty good overall. They weren't real loud, but occasionally it took raising my voice and showing strong emotion to get my point across.

[Abigail4476]

No, not jealous. I understand that they are practicing their religious beliefs in having as many children as God will allow, but I disagree with their beliefs and their logic frustrates me. I still respect their right to live freely in this country, practice their religion as they see fit and raise their children to embrace those same values. I do worry about Mrs. Duggar's health and the health of any babies born in the future since they will all be high risk births (like Josie). I don't understand why Mr. Duggar isn't concerned about that. My husband would be putting his foot down and saying "No more!" out of sheer concern for ME.

 

I don't really worry about the kids. A large family does have a different dynamic than a small one, and yes, personal parental attention is stretched thin; however, as long as the children seem happy and healthy, I see no reason for anyone to insist they change how they do things.

 

They are fascinating, for sure. I find it hard to believe their life is as calm as it's portrayed on TV, but it isn't impossible. My mother has never yelled at me. It just isn't her personality. She did spank me a few times, but she never raised her voice or even said anything insulting. She was a stickler for making sure words were positive. My Dad on the other hand....:001_huh:

 

I reserve the right to express disagreement or disapproval and simultaneously respect others' rights to continue living as they see fit. My disagreement or disapproval is no actual threat to their lifestyle.

Edited November 15, 2011 by Abigail4476

[aggieamy]

I'm probably in the minority here, but I don't see what is wrong with raising your voice at times. Raising your voice and being firm doesn't make you a bad parent. I'm not referring to screaming or yelling. But, why is it so terrible to get loud or show emotion when dealing with your kids? Does that make you abusive? IMO, I don't think so.

 

There were times that my kids knew I meant business. My dd still jokes today about how I sometimes put in my 'angry eyes'. My kids were pretty good overall. They weren't real loud, but occasionally it took raising my voice and showing strong emotion to get my point across.

 

:iagree:

 

I don't think an occasional "GO GET YOUR SHOES ON. WE'RE LEAVING." or my favorite "DON'T ENCOURAGE HIM TO JUMP OFF THE BUNK BED, HE'S TWO!" makes me a bad parent. It means that I'm passionate. Passionate about not being late all the time because a kid doesn't want to put down toys to put on shoes and passionate about not having my nephew sent back to my sister's house with a broken leg. :001_smile:

[Abigail4476]

:iagree:

 

I don't think an occasional "GO GET YOUR SHOES ON. WE'RE LEAVING." or my favorite "DON'T ENCOURAGE HIM TO JUMP OFF THE BUNK BED, HE'S TWO!" makes me a bad parent. It means that I'm passionate. Passionate about not being late all the time because a kid doesn't want to put down toys to put on shoes and passionate about not having my nephew sent back to my sister's house with a broken leg. :001_smile:

 

:iagree:

 

I think there's a difference between raising your voice to get a kid's attention and screaming or yelling at them out of anger (a parent losing their temper). The latter is unhealthy and unproductive, IMO.

[Mom-ninja.]

I find myself wondering how much more her body can take. I also wonder what doctors have advised them.

[theYoungerMrsWarde]

I'm probably in the minority here, but I don't see what is wrong with raising your voice at times. Raising your voice and being firm doesn't make you a bad parent. I'm not referring to screaming or yelling. But, why is it so terrible to get loud or show emotion when dealing with your kids? Does that make you abusive? IMO, I don't think so.

 

There were times that my kids knew I meant business. My dd still jokes today about how I sometimes put in my 'angry eyes'. My kids were pretty good overall. They weren't real loud, but occasionally it took raising my voice and showing strong emotion to get my point across.

 

:lol: Reminds me of Toy Story and Mrs. Potato Head :D

 

I agree that there is nothing wrong with displaying strong emotion, or calling to get attention.

[astrid]

Again, the show is engineered to paint a particular picture. I don't think you can make any particular judgments positive or negative based on an alleged "reality" show. I think the glorification of these people is just as strange as the hatred. And I truly have no hatred or feelings of any kind. I've only seen the show a couple times and this is my first Duggar thread I've bothered to comment on. I just find the insinuation that the general public is jealous absurd.

 

To find out just HOW engineered it is, read this post by Anna (Keller) Duggar's brother-in-law:

http://duggarswithoutpity.blogspot.com/2009/01/insights-from-insider.html

 

It's definitely more "show" than "reality."

 

astrid

[silliness7]

That's a no-brainer. Their judgment of everyone who is non-Duggar-like is implicit in their very stance on...well, everything. They don't refrain from going to the movies, or allowing their kids to join various clubs, play organized sports, dress in non-homogenized clothing, and so forth, out of a great approval for surrounding society.

 

Every episode starts with an intro, that is in fact, a rejection of the majority culture, and those who embrace, live in it, etc.

 

 

That's as ridiculous as public-schoolers accusing me of judging them and their educational choices because I have rejected public-school in favor of homeschool, for my family. Making choices for *my* family doesn't mean I judge people for the choices they make for their families. I assume the Duggars feel the same way.