Has anyone lost weight/gotten more fit, but still seen yourself as fat?

[Blueridge]

This is me, and I need help. :tongue_smilie: I've been really overweight and terribly unfit for decades. I decided this year (I'm 52) to stop the madness and start doing something, anything, to turn myself around. I started January 1, working out regularly and eating better. I have lost 25 pounds this year, and have gained muscle. I am stronger. I've dropped 3 sizes. BUT. I still look at myself and don't see much change. I have *before* pics, but I don't feel different. My dh is extremely supportive and chasing me around with compliments ;), but I don't really believe him. :001_huh: I am angry that I can't speak compliments and praise to myself or accept compliments from others, but I feel like I don't deserve them. Can anyone tell me why I am defeating myself in my own mind? What makes people like me fear personal success? What can I do to make it better? Thanks for your insights.

[Mommyof4ks]

Congrats on the progress!

 

Fear of failure is my biggest problem even when I see success. In my mind I may be partially to my goal, but until I reach it I think to myself, I can't do this, I will never finish, and so on. It takes the sting away if I slide backwards, but it also sets me up for failure. I don't have a solution yet, sorry. Keep up the good work and try to believe your dh! :D

[jplain]

I still look at myself and don't see much change.

Totally normal. I lost 50 pounds many years ago, and it is still hard for me to see the difference in the mirror. I just see me. :) But I do recognize the difference in photos. And others have no trouble seeing it.

 

If you're feeling down about it, try on an old pair of pants. Now there's proof!

[Ewe Mama]

Go dh! He'll make you believe it, sooner or later! :lol:

 

Congratulations on your hard work. Say, "I am making myself healthier and more attractive." Repeat many times every day. Your dh obviously knows it's true.

[Xuzi]

This is soooooo me. I spent nearly all of my childhood and most of my 20's overweight. I was a size 14/16 for *years* (with about a year spent at a size 20 thrown in right after I got married). And even though I'm now a size 6, a 14/16 is still what I see most of the time when I look in the mirror. I still see the flab and loose skin on my stomach, and my thighs still rub together (although not nearly as much), and the backs of my arms still jiggle. I lost 40 pounds last year, and then have spent the past 15 months trying to drop the last 10. I know it's just a number, and that I do have a *lot* of muscle right now, so I'm probably smaller than I would be at this weight had I not done weight training, but I still struggle with seeing myself as a fit person, instead of an overweight person. I still self-identify with the "big girls", and wouldn't classify myself as "skinny". And I know it's not healthy because it causes me to feel loads of guilt if I eat too many calories in a day, as if a few slip ups are going to cause my body to balloon back out again.

 

Nobody else in my life seems to have that problem of seeing the changes in me though. :p And DH has even said I could stand to "gain a few". :lol:

[kwickimom]

:grouphug:

 

I have lost 85 lbs and I have 35 to go and yes I still feel fat, but I am still fat. Everyone gets annoyed with me because I have come so far. I am just a new "kind" of fat. Sometimes, I look in the mirror and I feel like I lost nothing. Its like I need to resee myself in a whole new light. My dh always compliments me and I can hardly stand it. Yes I look better, but I am still fat.

 

My problem is that I have a lot of saggy skin and even when I lose all my weight and hit goal I will not be happy with myself. For me even success with hitting my goal weight, is going to be a failure unless I score $20,000 and have a bunch of surgery.

 

I have some other issues that filter in to my body image (having to do with dh's previous behavior) so mine may be worse than others. I probably need counseling to get over my issues.

 

I have no advice for you, just someone who is in the same place as you. I hope you find your answers.

[WistfulRidge]

Yes.

 

Now, granted I have only lost 11 pounds (only been seriously working on losing this last month and a half), but most of that has been around my waist/hips - almost two inches off of each measurement. I can't see it. I look in the mirror and still see a blob. But apparently everyone else can see it - my DH, my best friend, heck even my mom on a skype call can see it. Not me though :glare:

 

I think a lot of it has to do with the fact that I have been overweight since I hit puberty - I don't know how a not overweight me would even *look*. So I look in the mirror and see what I have always seen. I'm hoping that when I finally, finally reach my goal weight that might change but I'm not entirely optimistic.

[Blueridge]

Wow! Congratulations to everyone! I feel better knowing that I'm not the only one battling feeling happy with their achievement. I think of how hard it was to just get to this point, and the fear of going backwards is ever-present. Such a hard road because the journey has been so slow. I need to learn how to accept nice comments instead of minimizing them. I will learn to smile at myself in a mirror instead of avoiding it. I'll keep listening to dh and maybe someday I will believe him :D. Thank you all for your sharing! It uplifted me today. Gotta run get back to work!

[LG Gone Wild]

Me even though I know I am not.

[hsbeth]

I started getting serious about diet and excercise last May when I could barely fit into my size 14/16 clothes. I've lost just over 30 lbs and have dropped 2 sizes into loose fitting 10's. Based on BMI I am now at the high end of the healthy range, so am technically not overweight anymore. I got loads of compliments from dh and from friends and family, but am still not happy with my self image. I've simply found new flaws to focus on like saggy places here and there or the fact that I'm starting to show a bit of aging on my face, etc.

 

Completing the couch to 5k program this summer was a huge confidence booster and I also felt a bit happier when the weight was coming off steadily. For the last month or so I've been plateaued in all areas, diet, weight loss, and excercise. Running my first two 5k races was exciting, but now I am feeling stagnant. I've agreed to run in a 10K next month and have been training for that, but the excitement seems gone.

 

In some ways, I confess to being happier when I was overweight. At first I physically felt a lot better, had so much more energy, etc. I don't think that has changed, it's just that it's now "normal" for me. I also have lots and lots of anxiety about gaining any of it back. I've always had trouble (since late teens) with maintaining a healthy weight. Even now, at the high end of normal, it is not maintainable for me with a healthy diet alone. I have a seriously slow metabolism. I need to eat carefully and excercise just to maintain where I'm at right now. It's a tiring thought some days.

 

My husband is a natural athlete. He's been proud of my running and doesn't want me to lose any more weight, but is always prodding me towards that next physical accomplishment. Now that I can run a 10K in training, he's pushing me to prepare for a half marathon. I know he's just trying to be supportive, but it can feel like a lot of pressure.

 

Also, being late 30's with stretch marks and scarring (several csec and other surgeries) I've realized that I just may never be satisfied with my appearance physically. I think that in some ways, when heavier, I had more hope that I could be happy with my appearance at some point.

 

I've tried to focus on health more, but that's not a big enough motivator for me unfortunately.

 

So yeah- all this rambling to say that I commiserate.