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I'm in the midst of an undeserved pity party.


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I'm sad. And maybe borderline depressed. I've been fighting it for a while. I don't really know why.

 

I'm sitting here on the verge of tears and I have nothing really to be teary about. I have my health, my family has theirs. I'm engaged to a wonderful man. My kids, despite their problems (because they all have some, after all) are FINE in the big picture of things. I have a job that pays well. So on and so forth. Really...just a lot to be grateful for, and I am. Still, I'm just...sad.

 

A couple of my sisters are throwing me a surprise 40th birthday party on Saturday night (obviously not a surprise anymore). It should be fun but I'm sort of dreading it. I have a pretty small circle of close friends, most of whom don't live in state, and a fair sized circle of acquaintances that I socialize with. Hardly anyone is coming to the party. My best sister/friend won't be here (she lives across the country, just got back from a 3 week trip to the Himalayas and is getting married in month, so....no money or time off work). My parents are not in the position to make the drive, and they won't fly. I only have a couple of friends showing up and they distinctly do NOT get along. I'm a little discouraged and embarrassed by it, honestly, so that's weighing on me a bit.

 

My job is a drag for a whole lot of reasons, but that reminds me of a Drew Carey skit where he says "You hate your job? Why didn't you say so? There's a support group for that. It's called "everybody" and they meet at the bar." :D The point being that I'm feeling a bit sorry for myself and have NO reason to. I'm no worse off than anyone else, and actually have a ton to be thankful and for. Still, I feel how I feel and I'm getting on my own nerves.

 

Someone please slap me out of it. I don't like it when I get this way and I'd kick my own self in the arse if i could reach it.

 

Ok, thanks for letting me vent. And now back to your regularly scheduled programming.

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I'm sad. And maybe borderline depressed. I've been fighting it for a while. I don't really know why.

 

I'm sitting here on the verge of tears and I have nothing really to be teary about. I have my health, my family has theirs. I'm engaged to a wonderful man. My kids, despite their problems (because they all have some, after all) are FINE in the big picture of things. I have a job that pays well. So on and so forth. Really...just a lot to be grateful for, and I am. Still, I'm just...sad.

 

A couple of my sisters are throwing me a surprise 40th birthday party on Saturday night (obviously not a surprise anymore). It should be fun but I'm sort of dreading it. I have a pretty small circle of close friends, most of whom don't live in state, and a fair sized circle of acquaintances that I socialize with. Hardly anyone is coming to the party. My best sister/friend won't be here (she lives across the country, just got back from a 3 week trip to the Himalayas and is getting married in month, so....no money or time off work). My parents are not in the position to make the drive, and they won't fly. I only have a couple of friends showing up and they distinctly do NOT get along. I'm a little discouraged and embarrassed by it, honestly, so that's weighing on me a bit.

 

My job is a drag for a whole lot of reasons, but that reminds me of a Drew Carey skit where he says "You hate your job? Why didn't you say so? There's a support group for that. It's called "everybody" and they meet at the bar." :D The point being that I'm feeling a bit sorry for myself and have NO reason to. I'm no worse off than anyone else, and actually have a ton to be thankful and for. Still, I feel how I feel and I'm getting on my own nerves.

 

Someone please slap me out of it. I don't like it when I get this way and I'd kick my own self in the arse if i could reach it.

 

Ok, thanks for letting me vent. And now back to your regularly scheduled programming.

 

You need to read this. Being sad doesn't always come with reasons, which makes it lots harder in many ways.

 

Happy Birthday and :grouphug: to you. I recommend taking it easy, a great multivitamin and lots of Vit D, a thyroid check, some good chocolate and a cleansing, cathartic cry if desired. I'm of the firm opinion that crying for "no reason" is perfectly acceptable. It can make you feel loads better, especially when followed with a luxurious bubble bath.

Edited by Alte Veste Academy
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I had some issues with my 40th birthday. Just knowing that some people consider it to be the first step over the hill is enough to make me sad. Then throw in the party thing. You're already feeling a bit uncomfortable about your age, with some issues with your children, the feelings on your upcoming marriage, and now knowing you have a party where you will also feel uncomfortable. THAT is the reason you are feeling badly. It isn't one thing, it's a myriad of them. So... what do you like to do to pamper yourself? Are you a nails kind of person? How about going to have your nails done and buy a new outfit that you feel fabulous in. Plan on going to the party and being the superstar that you are. Have a great birthday! :grouphug:

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You need to read this. Being sad doesn't always come with reasons, which makes it lots harder in many ways.

 

Happy Birthday and :grouphug: to you. I recommend taking it easy, a great multivitamin and lots of Vit D, a thyroid check, some good chocolate and a cleansing, cathartic cry if desired. I'm of the firm opinion that crying for "no reason" is perfectly acceptable. It can make you feel loads better, especially when followed with a luxurious bubble bath.

 

That blog is so hilarious. My sister emailed me the one about the dentist visit and party when my son was in the hospital. I was laughing so hard I couldn't breathe. The nurses hopefully thought I was crying.

 

Read The Time Traveler's Wife, that will make you cry if you need it.

Edited by Mrs Mungo
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I had some issues with my 40th birthday. Just knowing that some people consider it to be the first step over the hill is enough to make me sad. Then throw in the party thing. You're already feeling a bit uncomfortable about your age, with some issues with your children, the feelings on your upcoming marriage, and now knowing you have a party where you will also feel uncomfortable. THAT is the reason you are feeling badly. It isn't one thing, it's a myriad of them. So... what do you like to do to pamper yourself? Are you a nails kind of person? How about going to have your nails done and buy a new outfit that you feel fabulous in. Plan on going to the party and being the superstar that you are. Have a great birthday! :grouphug:

 

You know, I really don't care about the 40 thing. It's just a number to me. The rest of it, though....you're probably right. And thanks....I'm sure it will be fun.

 

I forgot to mention it's Wizard of Oz themed and I have to go dressed as Dorothy. :001_huh: I'll be rocking those ruby slippers, for sure!

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That blog is so hilarious. My sister emailed me the one about the dentist visit and party when my son was in the hospital. I was laughing so hard I couldn't breath. The nurses hopefully thought I was crying.

 

Read The Time Traveler's Wife, that will make you cry if you need it.

 

It is hysterically funny. It's my favorite blog to read but she just went months without an update (was supposed to be working on a book), then posted the entry about depression. It is sad, but a perfect description of how it can feel to be sad and then hate yourself for feeling sad.

 

OP, that post discusses being depressed for no reason, which might benefit you to read. The whole blog might benefit you as therapy via laughter. :D

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You need to read this. Being sad doesn't always come with reasons, which makes it lots harder in many ways.

 

Happy Birthday and :grouphug: to you. I recommend taking it easy, a great multivitamin and lots of Vit D, a thyroid check, some good chocolate and a cleansing, cathartic cry if desired. I'm of the firm opinion that crying for "no reason" is perfectly acceptable. It can make you feel loads better, especially when followed with a luxurious bubble bath.

 

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!! Hilarious. LOVE THAT!

 

Thank you thank you thank you!

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You need to read this. Being sad doesn't always come with reasons, which makes it lots harder in many ways.

 

Happy Birthday and :grouphug: to you. I recommend taking it easy, a great multivitamin and lots of Vit D, a thyroid check, some good chocolate and a cleansing, cathartic cry if desired. I'm of the firm opinion that crying for "no reason" is perfectly acceptable. It can make you feel loads better, especially when followed with a luxurious bubble bath.

 

'Tis true. Depression is very sneaky.

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That blog is so hilarious. My sister emailed me the one about the dentist visit and party when my son was in the hospital. I was laughing so hard I couldn't breathe. The nurses hopefully thought I was crying.

 

Read The Time Traveler's Wife, that will make you cry if you need it.

 

Loving the blog! I just read a couple of posts and I'm subscribing.

 

And no, I don't want to cry. I just want to get over myself already. Seriously getting on my own nerves. Hrrmph. But thanks for the recommendation. :-)

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I started reading the link. Very funny. I've saved the link.

 

Depression rots. It truly rots. That feeling that you just need to cry, but there is no reason. You don't want to get out of bed; doing so sends you into a panic. It is awful.

 

:grouphug: I wish I could crash your party. Happy Birthday!! Despite the party, I hope you have fun. :grouphug:

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Don't know if this will be helpful or not, but I've found that negative emotional states are not necessarily as long-lasting if I DO NOT try to push them away.

 

Let yourself feel your feelings, even if you disapprove of them. They won't put up so much of a fight if they don't have to fight to be noticed and allowed to be.

 

So just sit with it for a while. Don't judge, don't kick yourself for having wierd, meaningless emotions. It might be telling you something. Or not. But trying to push it away tends to make it dig in for the long haul.

 

If that doesn't make any sense, just ignore, 'k? ;)

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Don't know if this will be helpful or not, but I've found that negative emotional states are not necessarily as long-lasting if I DO NOT try to push them away.

 

Let yourself feel your feelings, even if you disapprove of them. They won't put up so much of a fight if they don't have to fight to be noticed and allowed to be.

 

So just sit with it for a while. Don't judge, don't kick yourself for having wierd, meaningless emotions. It might be telling you something. Or not. But trying to push it away tends to make it dig in for the long haul.

 

If that doesn't make any sense, just ignore, 'k? ;)

 

:iagree: Yes, yes, yes!

 

I was in the absolute worst mood last week and couldn't figure out why, as I believed I had no real reason to be so upset. I was chastising myself all week. Then somehow the reason just came crashing out in the middle of a phone call with DH and it was enormous, this thing that was bottled up and festering inside me. There was lots of sobbing and two more episodes of sobbing after that. Dealing with it--figuring it out and getting it out of my system, in words and tears--was the only thing that improved my mood. I'm still a little cranky... :tongue_smilie:, but much improved overall.

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You need to read this. Being sad doesn't always come with reasons, which makes it lots harder in many ways.

 

Happy Birthday and :grouphug: to you. I recommend taking it easy, a great multivitamin and lots of Vit D, a thyroid check, some good chocolate and a cleansing, cathartic cry if desired. I'm of the firm opinion that crying for "no reason" is perfectly acceptable. It can make you feel loads better, especially when followed with a luxurious bubble bath.

 

:iagree: And BTW, I just spent all morning reading that blog. Holy guacamole - too stinking funny!

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I think I know how you feel. :grouphug: Well, plus two years. Heh.

 

My birthday was two days ago, and with the exception of going out to dinner mid-week (and my son complaining: "But why do we have to go out tonight?"), it was a non-event. After all this time insisting that I really, really don't want anyone to make even a small fuss, this year I guess they listened to me and now I must admit that a small fuss would have been okay after all. :001_huh::lol:

 

I hope you have a marvelous and memorable birthday (and party!), and that all of those dear to you but too far away to visit will check in and remind you that they're thinking of you and wishing they could be there for your party.

 

Sharon H. in IL might be on to something, though. And Mrs. Mungo, too. I'm not sure I can manage the chocolate unless chocolate chips count, but would it be terrible if I had a bubble bath at 9 am in the morning? ;)

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