Would this bother you ...?

[Cassy]

Would it bother you if a visitor to your home picked up your DH's birthday cards off a table and started reading them. A woman who has 'volunteered' me to have her DS11 for an hour or so once a week did this to me today. She's never been a friend, and is usually very business-like and abrupt when she comes to pick him up. Today, while her DS was getting his things together she just picked up DH's birthday cards and started reading them :001_huh:. I suppose I was mostly bothered because she looked at the one I sent, which is, you know, a bit raunchy :blush:. But, then it occurred to me that I'd never even consider doing that in anyone else's home. Am I just a bit inhibited and reserved? Or was it really a bit out of order?

[Jean in Newcastle]

Displayed on a table? Stacked on a table like in a stack of mail? If they were displayed, I would think that anyone could look at them.

[Carpe]

I wouldn't do it and the only person I know who would has no concept of boundaries and thinks she's entitled to know everything about everyone at all times (including complete strangers).

[Myeightkiddies]

I wouldn't do it. Typically I do not handle anything in someone's home unless I feel that it is welcomed. Perhaps she believed it was acceptable behavior because the cards are on display.

[Joker]

Displayed on a table? Stacked on a table like in a stack of mail? If they were displayed, I would think that anyone could look at them.

 

:iagree: We stand the cards from the dds up on the bar and I expect people who come over to look at them. I never display mine to dh or his to me because I don't want anyone to see them.:tongue_smilie:

[bbkaren]

If they were standing up for display, obviously they're being "displayed" and are up for grabs.

 

I'd think if anything were private, they'd be put away somewhere.

 

Just like a family photo; they're on display for people to look at. I'd think, anyway. Otherwise, why go through the effort of standing them up?

 

And I guess if it's for your own enjoyment and nobody else's, you don't have company, or make it clear that they're for your eyes only when company comes...

[Cassy]

If they were standing up for display, obviously they're being "displayed" and are up for grabs.

 

I'd think if anything were private, they'd be put away somewhere.

 

Just like a family photo; they're on display for people to look at. I'd think, anyway. Otherwise, why go through the effort of standing them up?

 

And I guess if it's for your own enjoyment and nobody else's, you don't have company, or make it clear that they're for your eyes only when company comes...

 

Yes, they were on display.

 

Oh well, I've learnt my lesson, I'll keep mine to DH out of the way next time.

 

Thanks everyone.

[ChristusG]

Having them "up for display" does encourage people to read them. *However*, I personally would never walk into the home of an acquaintance and pick up their cards to read them, even if they were on display. Now if I walked into my mom's house, my grandparents, a good friend, etc....yes, I'd probably casually flip through them.

[justamouse]

Yes.

 

Though they were on display, I would never in a million years read someone else's cards. I would understand that they were for display for the FAMILY, of which I was not a member. It is the family house after all and just because I have art on my walls for display doesn't mean I want guests touching them.

[cloversandlions]

I always thought that the display was for the birthday person - it hadn't occurred to me that someone outside the family would pick up a card to read, especially since some folks might include a personal note for the birthday recipient, too.

 

I wouldn't ever consider picking up and reading a birthday card in someone's home unless I asked if the person there minded - and I wouldn't ask unless it was someone I knew very well.

 

It's interesting to read the other comments; I guess I can see the points made by those who think the card display implies consent to open and read them, though. I will say that I would never display a raunchy card - two of my three kids can read, and furthermore, having already had *that* talk with the older two, I can say that they were both completely shocked and disgusted that their parents had... TeA ***THREE TIMES***. :ack2:

 

:smilielol5:(3 kids = 3 times, right?)

Edited November 10, 2011 by WorkInProgress

[kalanamak]

If they were standing up for display, obviously they're being "displayed" and are up for grabs.

 

 

 

:iagree: Some people just can't resist looking at the punch line inside. If I see a funny card, I do like to know the punch line. (I wouldn't have even glanced at the inscription unless someone said, "This is from Great Aunt Martha, who writes such lovely notes."

[In the Rain]

:iagree: Some people just can't resist looking at the punch line inside. If I see a funny card, I do like to know the punch line. (I wouldn't have even glanced at the inscription unless someone said, "This is from Great Aunt Martha, who writes such lovely notes."

 

:iagree: If it was a funny card, I'd look inside for the punchline. I wouldn't read a personal note. When we display cards, we only put up those that could be read by anyone. Cards between dh and I are usually private.

[AdamsFamily]

I might look at the outside of the cards, without touching them, but I wouldn't open any of them up to look at the inside unless I asked first. Even at my parents' house, best friends' houses, or anyone else's houses for that matter.

 

I tend to be more conscientious of other people's stuff, because I don't want anyone else messing with my stuff. That comes from growing up with a younger brother who was a thief!

[Parrothead]

I'm with the others. Displayed cards are up for grabs.

[HS Mom in NC]

I assume displayed items are for everyone to enjoy and look at. Why else do people display them in the more public rooms where you entertain company? I'm not being sarcastic, I actually don't know why and would be interested in a different point of view. I wouldn't read them because I think most cards are trite and inane. (I also don't like Disneyland or commercially oriented Christmas, so it's just more evidence that I'm a cyborg.)

 

Anyway, I'm not sure I believe it's possible for someone to volunteer you for anything unless you let them. Maybe this is what you're really upset about? Are you frustrated because you have a hard time enforcing boundaries? Maybe, like the boundary you would like to establish related to cards, there is a boundary you would like to establish about watching this child? Why don't you just tell her that you are no longer able to watch him after next week, so she'll have to find someone else. If she pushes for a more detailed reason simply say in a pleasant tone, " It's no longer something I can do." Then walk her to the door with a smile and pleasant "goodbye." Any additional inquiries should be met with the same vague, but consistent response because you don't owe her an explanation.

[Farrar]

Displayed cards, books or dvds on the shelf, art and photos on the wall, notes on the fridge... all up for grabs, I think.

 

Medicine cabinets, closed notebooks or calendar books, stacks of business papers or letters on a desk, anything in a closed drawer... stay out.

[Cheryl in NM]

If they were on display then they are fair game just like any other decoration.

[Mrs Mungo]

I wouldn't, but I wouldn't find it totally weird behavior if they were on display.

[5kidsforME]

A woman who has 'volunteered' me to have her DS11 for an hour or so once a week did this to me today.

 

 

There's your problem.

 

BTW, no one can volunteer you. You do have a voice.

[Cassy]

There's your problem.

 

BTW, no one can volunteer you. You do have a voice.

 

Yes, I'm sure that's partly why it bothered me more than it might otherwise. I feel she's pushy, and not even all that friendly. However, I could have, and would have, said no if it had been a problem to have her son here. I'm pretty good at boundaries. It's really not a problem, though. I have four boys, her son is a friend of two of them, he's a good boy, no trouble. However, if it had been a friend who'd been reading DH's cards, while I might have found it a bit intrusive, at least they would be the sort of person I could have laughed with about it, someone I wouldn't mind seeing something so private. While I'm happy to have her son, I rather wish I didn't have to see her every week :glare:. These things are sent to try us :001_smile:.

 

Thank you all again for your insights.

 

Best wishes

[QuirkyKapers]

If cards are on display, than they I would think they could be read. However, I probably wouldn't read them unless it was a good friend or family.

[Tigger]

Having them "up for display" does encourage people to read them. *However*, I personally would never walk into the home of an acquaintance and pick up their cards to read them, even if they were on display. Now if I walked into my mom's house, my grandparents, a good friend, etc....yes, I'd probably casually flip through them.

 

:iagree:

[Mimm]

I'm with the others. Displayed cards are up for grabs.

 

:iagree: It wouldn't have occurred to me that a displayed card was private in any way. It's like saying "Don't look at the pictures of my family on the walls. Those are for us family members to enjoy." :p

[Harriet Vane]

If they were standing up for display, obviously they're being "displayed" and are up for grabs.

 

I'd think if anything were private, they'd be put away somewhere.

 

Just like a family photo; they're on display for people to look at. I'd think, anyway. Otherwise, why go through the effort of standing them up?

 

And I guess if it's for your own enjoyment and nobody else's, you don't have company, or make it clear that they're for your eyes only when company comes...

 

:iagree:

[Mommee & Baba]

Yipes. I wouldn't ever considered flipping through ANYTHING that is not mine. Magazines, photo albums, cards...ect. If it's not mine I wouldn't look. Display or not. I find it considerably rude.

[Cheryl in NM]

OP - just curious, why were the cards on display if they were private (and raunchy)? I'd be concerned with my kids reading a card like that. :001_huh:

[Cassy]

OP - just curious, why were the cards on display if they were private (and raunchy)? I'd be concerned with my kids reading a card like that. :001_huh:

 

Because it's something we've done for years, I suppose, and nobody's ever picked one up to read before, definitely not the kids, DH's birthday cards just wouldn't be on their radar. It was also just 'a bit raunchy', not obscene, not something I would be totally ashamed of if friends or family chose to read it. No big deal, except that I wasn't really comfortable with someone who was a passing acquaintance reading it. As I said in my OP, I would never dream of doing it in someone else's home, so I displayed it thinking that other people felt the same way. I was wrong, now I know ;).

 

ETA It was not something I would have felt inappropriate for my kids to read even if they had decided to read it, they might have said 'Yuk', as they do if they see us kissing or cuddling, but it wouldn't have traumatised them for life.

Edited November 11, 2011 by Cassy

[happyhomemaker25]

Displayed, I probably would pick up and look at. I don't know about at a non-friend/relative's house. This woman might think you two are friendly, regardless of her demeanor. It could be just her personality.

Now, I need to confess, I have a disease. A serious and embarrassing disease. I unconsciously read anything laying around with writing on it. Seriously, I don't even realize I'm doing it. I don't pick it up or flip through it, but if you have notes around your house I will read them. Refrigerators are the worst! As soon as I realize what I'm doing I stop and look away. I thought I was the only one until I heard a woman author say she does the same thing. I also tend to write down stuff I hear without realizing it. If I have a paper and pen I will jot down words or phrases that I hear. I can do this while carrying on a conversation. Once I accidently wrote down almost a whole conversation in bits and pieces.

Just a warning to you all who value privacy. I really don't mean to be rude! :tongue_smilie::blushing:

[caayenne]

Having them "up for display" does encourage people to read them. *However*, I personally would never walk into the home of an acquaintance and pick up their cards to read them, even if they were on display. Now if I walked into my mom's house, my grandparents, a good friend, etc....yes, I'd probably casually flip through them.

 

:iagree:

 

If she doesn't know you well, she was being nosy. It would bug me, too.

[caayenne]

Yes, I'm sure that's partly why it bothered me more than it might otherwise. I feel she's pushy, and not even all that friendly. However, I could have, and would have, said no if it had been a problem to have her son here. I'm pretty good at boundaries. It's really not a problem, though. I have four boys, her son is a friend of two of them, he's a good boy, no trouble. However, if it had been a friend who'd been reading DH's cards, while I might have found it a bit intrusive, at least they would be the sort of person I could have laughed with about it, someone I wouldn't mind seeing something so private. While I'm happy to have her son, I rather wish I didn't have to see her every week :glare:. These things are sent to try us :001_smile:.

 

:grouphug:

[Irene Lynn]

I wouldn't read a card on display. I'd probably look at the outside pictures, but I wouldn't pick it up or read the insides. My husband would be more likely to do that. He picks up things and moves them slightly all the time without even knowing that he does it, especially if he is talking or thinking hard about something. He would probably pick them up and read them and then not remember a thing that he read just a little later. He does this sort of thing, because it is there, not because he is nosey. He really isn't a nosey type at all. I think it is strange. I don't want someone coming into the house and touching and moving everything, so I don't do it in other's houses.

[catz]

If cards are on display, than they I would think they could be read. However, I probably wouldn't read them unless it was a good friend or family.

 

:iagree: All that said, given this person is typically abrupt with you, I would assume social skills and niceties probably don't come naturally to her and I might go over the top being nice to her and see where that got me. Absolutely, she was being nosy. But I don't think you need to assume the intent was malicious.

[Hedgehog]

Would it bother you if a visitor to your home picked up your DH's birthday cards off a table and started reading them. A woman who has 'volunteered' me to have her DS11 for an hour or so once a week did this to me today. She's never been a friend, and is usually very business-like and abrupt when she comes to pick him up. Today, while her DS was getting his things together she just picked up DH's birthday cards and started reading them :001_huh:. I suppose I was mostly bothered because she looked at the one I sent, which is, you know, a bit raunchy :blush:. But, then it occurred to me that I'd never even consider doing that in anyone else's home. Am I just a bit inhibited and reserved? Or was it really a bit out of order?

 

I tend not to have birthday/occasion cards out on a shelf - they get hung over a string along the wall, high up. Bit difficult to read cards when they're just out of your reach, 2ft above your head. :lol:

 

In other people's homes, I'd no sooner read family birthday cards as I would read their mail, wherever they happened to leave it. Just because it's out doesn't give me the right to look at it. If they were to specifically show me something, that would be different, of course. I guess that's just the way I was raised.

[mommaduck]

Having them "up for display" does encourage people to read them. *However*, I personally would never walk into the home of an acquaintance and pick up their cards to read them, even if they were on display. Now if I walked into my mom's house, my grandparents, a good friend, etc....yes, I'd probably casually flip through them.

:iagree:

[abbeyej]

I'd be seriously upset about her "volunteering" you to watch her kid. Picking up cards that are *displayed* though doesn't seem strange or unusual. I probably wouldn't pick up someone else's cards to look at, but when displayed like that, I wouldn't find it odd. ... "Volunteering" you to watch her kid for her every week? Now THAT's weird and rude. (And it would likely make me ultra-sensitive to *every* other thing she does, you know?)

[Cheryl in NM]

Because it's something we've done for years, I suppose, and nobody's ever picked one up to read before, definitely not the kids, DH's birthday cards just wouldn't be on their radar. It was also just 'a bit raunchy', not obscene, not something I would be totally ashamed of if friends or family chose to read it. No big deal, except that I wasn't really comfortable with someone who was a passing acquaintance reading it. As I said in my OP, I would never dream of doing it in someone else's home, so I displayed it thinking that other people felt the same way. I was wrong, now I know ;).

 

ETA It was not something I would have felt inappropriate for my kids to read even if they had decided to read it, they might have said 'Yuk', as they do if they see us kissing or cuddling, but it wouldn't have traumatised them for life.

 

Got it, thanks for the clarification! :) I also give Dh cards like that, but I don't display them just in case someone wants to look.