How do you punish biting in your house?

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[Nakia]

I rarely participate in discipline threads, but I think at 5, she is old enough to learn that teeth are for eating, not for hurting. My youngest (almost 6) just recently stopped biting. It took a loooooong time to get the point across. :grouphug:

 

ETA: I think what finally stopped Cora from biting was her older sister biting her back. :/

[Lara in Colo]

nm

Edited November 8, 2011 by Lara in Colo

[justamouse]

She's really angry and can't adequately express her anger. Empathize a lot, try to teach her how to say how mad she is. She needs to come get you--she's trying to exact revenge on her own.

 

Do all that, and while you do, tell them no biting, biting hurts, and have them apologize.

[Starr]

I agree, it's not just the biting, it's the whole situation that needs exploring. She needs help with self control and maybe the others need help in not exacerbating the situation.

[Myeightkiddies]

We would be all dramatic on how the bitten child is hurt. Have the little one who did the biting assist in cleaning the wound and bandaging it. Follow that up with hugs and asking for forgiveness. Then I would ask the biter to use words to express themselves to the one who was bitten. Sometimes it takes extra coaching such as asking them if they were angry or sad and if they can tell the person why.

 

At any rate, it works. It is rare to have another biting incident from that child. Sometimes I need to listen for scuffles, which don't happen often so they easily stand out, then remind the children to express themselves to each other.

[justamouse]

I agree, it's not just the biting, it's the whole situation that needs exploring. She needs help with self control and maybe the others need help in not exacerbating the situation.

 

yep, I forgot that part.

[Momof3littles]

ITA w/ WendyK. My DD was a biter from about age 2-3.5. My DS1 is about 3 years older, and is a pretty gentle soul overall. BUT he had a very bad habit of getting in her face/physical space when he was mad at her, and she lashed out by biting.

 

I worked on the dynamic. I taught her to tell him "give me space!" and I showed her how to assertively stomp her foot and tell him "I don't like that." I urged her to get assistance from an adult. It often happened when she was bored or overtired, so I kept an eye on that and if her behavior was starting to deteriorate, kept them both busy with something or separated in some way to prevent it.

 

At 5, she's probably found it is an effective way to have some power. I'd watch the dynamic between the two of them and figure out how to help her get more of what she's looking for without biting. You may have to really supervise if it has become a habit IME.

 

eta: I am also assuming she doesn't have any sensory issues, because biting can be a sign of sensory issues. Any teeth coming in? I forget when all of the molars push through.

[WeeBeaks]

The offender has to endure being read "Teeth are Not for Biting" and then time outs from then on. My biters were all very social little creatures, so time out worked for them. I explained that biting was a very antisocial behavior so the biter did not get to hang out with the family for a little while. They only bit family, not friends.

 

The one who wasn't terribly impacted by time outs wasn't a biter thank goodness.

 

Aside from teething, my biters were older, so the explanation and isolation worked. And time worked too, as it was a brief phase.

[La Condessa]

When all the other approaches fail, my husband's answer is to bite the biter--hard. I would never do this myself, but I do have to admit that it worked.

[Daisy Mommy]

Dd5 has started biting her older sister, and I'd like to find a way to nip it in the bud.

 

Bite back? :D

[PinkInTheBlue]

I'm very grateful and thankful I've never had to deal with that one with either of our boys. I think we've dealt with just about every single other thing though. ;)

 

I worked in daycare before having my oldest and experienced the most extreme situation of biting I have seen since. This one little boy EVERYONE in EVERY SITUATION. Nothing we did and nothing his parents did helped. It was freaky. He bit mad, on a whim, playing, whatever. It was horrible.

 

The last time he bit anyone was at home one day. His dad was sitting there watching him and his little sister in the living room. Alex (the boy) reached over and just bit his sister on the arm. Out of frustration the dad walked over and just bit the son in the exact same place Alex had bit his sister. It was a doozy but so were the bites he handed out and the bite on his sister.

 

He never bit again.

 

I never in a million years would recommend it and wouldn't have recommended it to them but it was a "wit's end" situation. It worked for them, but definitely as a last resort without thinking. :)

[ereks mom]

When all the other approaches fail, my husband's answer is to bite the biter--hard. I would never do this myself, but I do have to admit that it worked.

 

It worked at our house. ;)

[mryann]

I've tried a lot of things but worked quickest and most pain free for us all was to reward the kid who got bitten. I kept a bucket of suckers and gum and when my kid bit someone, the victim got to pick out a treat with much fanfare. It didn't take more than 2 or 3 times for my kid to get the clue. When my kid didn't bite anyone the whole day, she got a treat. Good luck!

[KidsHappen]

When all the other approaches fail, my husband's answer is to bite the biter--hard. I would never do this myself, but I do have to admit that it worked.

 

It worked at our house as well, with several different children.

[jenniferlee]

Well, I hate to say it, but we endured a biter for a couple of years until I finally just bit her back. She never bit again. She was about 3.5 yo. The shock was very intense - like nothing else. She was so surprised and unhappy, but it was like it made a connection that nothing else had.

I'm sure there's another way, but I don't regret it. It was so nice to be done with it.

[Amy in NH]

Well, I hate to say it, but we endured a biter for a couple of years until I finally just bit her back. She never bit again.

 

:iagree:

[redsquirrel]

many times young children just do not understand the feelings of others. The biting is all about them relieving their own non-verbal frustration. They are simply not able to truly empathize with the pain they are causing or their anger supersedes their empathy. It happens to grownups too. That is why, for some children, being bitten can keep them from biting. They are able to make the connection.

 

Is there a better way? I think so. I have had very good luck explaining to a child that biting hurts. I got very literal and had them feel their own teeth, feel their own skin, have them bit an apple and show them what teeth can do etc. It can be very effective and doesn't involve an authority reenacting the 'bad' behavior.

 

Yes to watching the other children and giving them tips to back off etc. I also think some old fashioned vigilance is also a good idea. Notice what the kids are doing and head off anything that looks like it could go in a frustrating direction. Often, the biting child just needs to grow out of it and into their self control. Helping them get that time with some intervention is a good thing.

 

And verbally reward anything the child does in the name of self control. That can be so hard for a little one to master. I mean, if a child stomps on the floor and yells instead of biting, that is a victory of self control. You can say something like "you jumped and yelled and did not bite or hit. Good job!"