Hospice, grandmother not doing well...

[AdamsFamily]

Has anyone on here been involved with hospice or lost a grandparent...

 

My 92yo grandmother developed a UTI a month ago. The drs did not discover it until after she had fallen. In the fall, she broke her wrist. She was hospitalized and given a brace and IV anti-biotics. A week and a half later, the drs discovered she had also broken her hip in the fall. She had hip replacement surgery a few days later.

 

Since the surgery, she has had bouts of delirium. She wasn't eating well for a while. Her urine output was low, and her breathing was labored. After my parents were able to get back to where she is, they helped pick out her menu and got her food that she liked. She seemed to be doing much better and acting more cognizant.

 

Since last night, she has decided that she wants to die. She is now refusing food, drink, and medication. She is still on the IV antibiotic. She is basically unresponsive to everyone around her. My parents think she is stubborn and has decided she is going to die.

 

I don't know all of her vital signs, but my father thinks this is a mental state, not a physiological state. She refused to let her blood be drawn to check her magnesium levels. That was off earlier, and the drs have been trying to correct it.

 

I know she is miserable and doesn't think she can walk again.

 

I just wanted to know if anyone has been through this with a loved one or has any advice... I don't know if we should prepare for her to go or hope that this is just a "phase" and will get better soon.

[MomtoCandJ]

my experience with my great grandma was pray for the best but prepare for the worst because one day she would decide she wanted to go and the next she would want everything done to save her then revert back to wanting to go the next.

[Twigs]

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

Your situation is so hard.

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

 

My aunt (86 years old) fell earlier this year, was found unconscious a few days later, taken to the hospital, had many tests. The drs determined that she could have brain surgery, but would never be back to her old self. Her daughter decided that it was "time" and my aunt passed away peacefully about a week later in hospice. My aunt had been slowly declining, and the family is thankful she could live at home and not in a facility right up to the end.

 

A few weeks later, my uncle (92 years old) stopped eating. He had Alzheimer's and it progressed to where he forgot how to eat (that's the way it was described to me). This uncle also had delirium after surgery - it was linked to he pain medication. Maybe that's the case with your grandmother.

 

My aunt's family was given some booklets about end of life issues - what to expect, etc. Perhaps you can read up on those issues to help you in your situation - you can google End of Life, Hospice, or similar topics.

 

Best wishes.

:grouphug::grouphug:

[jelbe5]

:grouphug:

 

My beloved Grandma had a series of stokes and died in Hospice. She was comfortable and well cared for. It was hard to watch, but the hospice staff were excellent and we knew she was being cared for with dignity.

 

If your Grandmother is still able to make decisions with sound judgement I am one to suggest respecting her wishes. It is still difficult, but if it is what she wants I think it is best to give her that respect and control . . . :grouphug:

[bbkaren]

I'm sorry about your Grandma...I hope she's able to pull through okay and will pray for her healing.

 

I say this all the time, though: Whether or not she passes, what a blessing that she's been around long enough for you to know her in the wisdom of adulthood, when you can appreciate her - and your children to know their Great-Grandma.

 

I lost my all grandparents when I was in my early 20's. I miss them like crazy and wish I had them around now to learn from and treasure.

 

I don't have any experience with hospice; all of mine spent brief stints in the hospital for minor things which wound up turning into major crises and their eventual passing. But wanted to wish you and your family well; it's a difficult time and I hope for the best for you and your grandma.

[AdamsFamily]

Thank you! I wish I could be with her, but she is thousands of miles away from me.

[gardenmom5]

Has anyone on here been involved with hospice or lost a grandparent...

 

My 92yo grandmother developed a UTI a month ago. The drs did not discover it until after she had fallen. In the fall, she broke her wrist. She was hospitalized and given a brace and IV anti-biotics. A week and a half later, the drs discovered she had also broken her hip in the fall. She had hip replacement surgery a few days later.

 

Since the surgery, she has had bouts of delirium. She wasn't eating well for a while. Her urine output was low, and her breathing was labored. After my parents were able to get back to where she is, they helped pick out her menu and got her food that she liked. She seemed to be doing much better and acting more cognizant.

 

Since last night, she has decided that she wants to die. She is now refusing food, drink, and medication. She is still on the IV antibiotic. She is basically unresponsive to everyone around her. My parents think she is stubborn and has decided she is going to die.

 

I don't know all of her vital signs, but my father thinks this is a mental state, not a physiological state. She refused to let her blood be drawn to check her magnesium levels. That was off earlier, and the drs have been trying to correct it.

 

I know she is miserable and doesn't think she can walk again.

 

I just wanted to know if anyone has been through this with a loved one or has any advice... I don't know if we should prepare for her to go or hope that this is just a "phase" and will get better soon.

 

Okay, Yes, I've been through this with my mother, two years ago. She was younger, but her health was also poor. after six weeks of in and out of hospitals, and *finally* thinking she was in a good place and was stable, (she was happier those last 10 days of her life than she'd been in quite some time), she died.

 

Does your grandmother have a living will? who is the DPA?

 

It may be an anoxic brain injury has made her irrational, or it may be a concious choice on her part. My mother had a history of TIA's, and after one surgery, her personality changed to just what you are describing. It was assumed it was a stroke. I later learned my brother had one Rx removed from her regimine when she'd been living with him, and it made a HUGE difference to get it back in her system. She was alert and cooperative again and doing much better. I was the DPA, but he fought me tooth and nail (the hospital backed me) - and two years later is still fighting over things.

 

The one piece of advice I will give - is ABSOLUTELY be respectful of each other, but more especially of your grandmother. One family member fighting for what "they" want rather than what is medically/emotionally best for the ill family member can cause a great deal of misery for everyone. It is also very disrespectful of that vulnerable family member.

 

Your grandmother is 92, she's had quite a few medical problems in a short span of time. That is mentally hard on someone towards the end of their life. then again, anesthia could have trigged an event with a personality change.

[Catwoman]

Are you sure your grandmother isn't dehydrated? People can get pretty loopy when they are dehydrated and not eating, so I think you should be sure that's not the problem before you fully believe that she wants to die. Perhaps she really is ready to go, but please be sure her attitude isn't a result of dehydration, or a reaction to a medication. (If she's not eating or drinking very well, even her regular medications could potentially have odd side effects, and depression isn't an uncommon issue.)

 

Sending :grouphug: and prayers to you and your grandmother.

[AdamsFamily]

Thanks for all of your comments. Especially about being respectful. Yesterday was hard, because my mom is with my gma, not me - I am too far away. My mom was mad at my gma for making the decision to give up. I could not get straight answers from my mom, but I also had to be careful not to push her too much. She has a DNR filed with the hospital, but I don't know what level it is.

 

This morning I got a call that the dr ordered hospice to evaluate her. That is supposedly happening now. She was off all food, water, meds, and nothing moving through her IV.

 

A little while ago, my parents went to the hospital to prepare for the hospice meeting. My gma was sitting up in bed, playing a game with a nurse, and had been to therapy this morning. Now she is talking again and acting like everything is fine! My parents think she just had a pity party for the past couple of days.

 

I hope her recovery is real and not some last bit of goodness for all of us to enjoy - I am thankful for that, though, if that is the case. I am waiting to hear about the meeting with hospice. (Just got the mssg - hospice is not an option.)

 

She has had a good, long life. I just wish I can bring my dds to see her again before she does pass away.