MeaganS Posted November 7, 2011 Share Posted November 7, 2011 My brother told us on Sunday that he is engaged to be married. We are very happy for him. The problem is that he is getting married 1500 miles away from where I live on Dec. 20. My husband is in medical school, although he'll be on Christmas break by then, but still, money is very tight. My brother is 2 years younger than me, and we aren't especially close, just standard siblings (talk every month or so for a half hour). My sister who is 4 years younger than me just got married last month, also 1500 miles away from here. I drove to it with my daughters by myself in my first trimester of pregnancy. I still feel exhausted any time I think about traveling any time soon. We can't really afford for me to fly, although we can swing it if I choose to do it. My husband is very against me taking the bus, although that would be a cheaper option. I'm trying to decide whether I should attend or not. On the one hand I think it would be very important for me to go support my little brother in this major life change. On the other hand, they have given us very little time and a horrible wedding date for traveling, and money is very tight. My husband is willing to let me do whatever I choose, but I'm having a hard time deciding if it is worth several hundred dollars to attend or not. What would you do? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
arghmatey Posted November 7, 2011 Share Posted November 7, 2011 Nope. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MindyD Posted November 7, 2011 Share Posted November 7, 2011 If it was my brother, I'd go if it was at all possible. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ktgrok Posted November 7, 2011 Share Posted November 7, 2011 Go. If you can afford it at all, go. 30 years from now the finances will have sorted themselves out, and you will have that memory of your brother. On the other hand, not going may be a thorn in your relationship for a very very very long time. All of this is predicated on the idea he wants you there. My sister was NOT at my wedding, but she wasn't invited, no one was. We got married just the two of us. But if this is going to be a conventional wedding you should be there. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
momma2boys Posted November 7, 2011 Share Posted November 7, 2011 I would go, as well. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MeaganS Posted November 7, 2011 Author Share Posted November 7, 2011 My brother would be very happy if I was there, but he wouldn't hold it against me if I couldn't. He would completely understand, so I'm not worried about fallout. I'm leaning towards going, but I still need to think it out... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted November 7, 2011 Share Posted November 7, 2011 If it was my brother, I'd go if it was at all possible. :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
annabanana1992 Posted November 7, 2011 Share Posted November 7, 2011 Would thinking of it as a long term decision rather than a short term decision help? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sun Posted November 7, 2011 Share Posted November 7, 2011 I would try very hard to make it to any sibling's wedding. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jennsmile Posted November 7, 2011 Share Posted November 7, 2011 Fly out there. Then you can fly home for Christmas. See if your parents maybe could help with part of the ticket. I have one brother who I don't think would care if I made it to his wedding as we don't really get along. Maybe when he grows up. ;) My other brother I was at his wedding. And my other brother I would have walked 5000 miles to attend, but it was not meant to be. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
UnsinkableKristen Posted November 7, 2011 Share Posted November 7, 2011 If it was my brother, I'd go if it was at all possible. :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Starr Posted November 7, 2011 Share Posted November 7, 2011 I would go if I could work it out. It's family and you want your own children to go to each other's weddings. I'm sorry it is so far away, exhausting. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kari C in SC Posted November 7, 2011 Share Posted November 7, 2011 I would go if I could work it out. It's family and you want your own children to go to each other's weddings. I'm sorry it is so far away, exhausting. :iagree: You just never know what can happen and it would be awful to regret not going. I would absolutely try to get there. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Laurie4b Posted November 7, 2011 Share Posted November 7, 2011 i would go, but NOT on a bus. I totally agree with your dh on that. You've got no idea how awful bus travel can be that lasts for hours. BTDT. You'd pay double to go on a plane! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HS Mom in NC Posted November 7, 2011 Share Posted November 7, 2011 If you can realistically do it, then go. If not, tell him you'd love to, but because of the time, money, and distance you just can't. Then tell him you would love to have him over for a mini-reception at your house with your spouse and kids at the couple's earliest convenience where you'll have a cake, punch, and a few decorations. Tell him you want him to bring all his pictures of the wedding and honeymoon for everyone to enjoy together and you guys can watch him open his gift. There are real life consequences for scheduling a wedding during the Christmas season far away from guests. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hedgehog Posted November 7, 2011 Share Posted November 7, 2011 I'd go if I could reasonably swing it. He's your brother. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
datgh Posted November 7, 2011 Share Posted November 7, 2011 I would go. There are so few times as kids grow up and move away that everyone can get together as a family especially for a happy occasion. My brother was married 3000 miles away shortly after I had my daughter. I almost didn't go because it scared me to death to fly by myself with a newborn especially because my daughter had spent two weeks in the NICU after birth. (I was nursing her so she had to come.) I am so glad I went. I had a wonderful time with my parents and siblings and those memories are greatly cherished. Life is short. A few hundred dollars in five years isn't that much. Memories are priceless. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chris in VA Posted November 7, 2011 Share Posted November 7, 2011 It's only money. You can make more. VS It's only memories. You can make more. Maybe. You never know how much time you have with someone. I'd go. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mommyof4ks Posted November 7, 2011 Share Posted November 7, 2011 I would go if I could work it out. It's family and you want your own children to go to each other's weddings. I'm sorry it is so far away, exhausting. :iagree: I always ask myself what I want to model for my kids, and that usually settles it for me. Family first if at all possible including selling stuff to get the money to go where I need to go or driving even of I don't want to. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pippen Posted November 7, 2011 Share Posted November 7, 2011 Another vote for go if you can make it. Even if it's just you flying in for a few days. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SweetMissMagnolia Posted November 8, 2011 Share Posted November 8, 2011 gosh.....tough decision....if you could swing it,I would try to go....but then again if you can't you just can't....... :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nakia Posted November 8, 2011 Share Posted November 8, 2011 If there is any way you can swing it, I think you should go. Definitely go. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Remudamom Posted November 8, 2011 Share Posted November 8, 2011 First time married? Go. If it was a second marriage then that's different. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LibraryLover Posted November 8, 2011 Share Posted November 8, 2011 (edited) I would not miss my brother's wedding. I don't always tend to think in terms of the 'here and now", but about whether there would be family regrets in middle or old age that could have been prevented. I have enough regrets over things I could not control, I don't need to add regrets of my choosing. Choosing not to attend sibling weddings , unless one is deployed etc (if there are no abuse issues etc) can be fertile ground for regret I am his sister, We share a critical history. We don't always know how relationships might change over the years. I've seen my father's side of the family struggle with petty issues, and even he admits his parents were ridiculous. He did better, and I honor him by doing better. Edited November 9, 2011 by LibraryLover Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ester Maria Posted November 8, 2011 Share Posted November 8, 2011 Go. Most people tend to regret not the things they did in life, but the things they did not do. There are probably ways of handling the situation even if the money is somewhat tight, but there are certainly no ways of going back in time later wishing you had been with him on such an important occasion. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
QueenCat Posted November 8, 2011 Share Posted November 8, 2011 I wouldn't miss a siblings wedding, even if it meant some temporary debt. I would be devastated down the road if my boys did not attend each others weddings. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NorthwestMom Posted November 8, 2011 Share Posted November 8, 2011 My sister, who has issues in general with her relationships within our family, chose to hold her wedding two weeks after my planned c-section and thousands of miles from my house. There was no, no earthly way I could plan to attend. I was really devastated. I would like to have a better relationship with my sister, but situations like this make it difficult. I so wish I could have been there! I say go to your brother's wedding, if it is safe for your pregnancy. Fly there and enjoy the day with them. It is an investment in LOVE. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted November 8, 2011 Share Posted November 8, 2011 My brother told us on Sunday that he is engaged to be married. We are very happy for him. The problem is that he is getting married 1500 miles away from where I live on Dec. 20. My husband is in medical school, although he'll be on Christmas break by then, but still, money is very tight. My brother is 2 years younger than me, and we aren't especially close, just standard siblings (talk every month or so for a half hour). My sister who is 4 years younger than me just got married last month, also 1500 miles away from here. I drove to it with my daughters by myself in my first trimester of pregnancy. I still feel exhausted any time I think about traveling any time soon. We can't really afford for me to fly, although we can swing it if I choose to do it. My husband is very against me taking the bus, although that would be a cheaper option. I'm trying to decide whether I should attend or not. On the one hand I think it would be very important for me to go support my little brother in this major life change. On the other hand, they have given us very little time and a horrible wedding date for traveling, and money is very tight. My husband is willing to let me do whatever I choose, but I'm having a hard time deciding if it is worth several hundred dollars to attend or not. What would you do? Ok, I'll be one of few dissenting votes here and suggest that you stay home. You have young children, and will be 5 months pregnant with your new addition. It's just days before Christmas, and Christmas with your little ones is so fun and exciting -- but probably not so great if you just barely make it home in time for the holiday, exhausted from your trip. You're not that close to your brother; you know he'll understand if you can't make the trip; finances are an issue; your dh apparently won't be able to make the trip with you (and if you're not flying, a 1,500 mile trip would be a nightmare drive with young kids.) If you're making the trip alone, I wouldn't choose the bus option, because it would be quite miserable, and I certainly wouldn't want to see you have to drive that far alone, either. Flying during Christmas week is an incredible nuisance, and depending on where you're traveling, you could easily end up spending your Christmas stranded in an airport during a snowstorm. I think it would be lovely to be able to attend your brother's wedding, but it seems very impractical right now. I think you should discuss it with your brother; for all you know, he may prefer that you stay home rather than make such a long trip on your own, particularly while you're pregnant. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chickenpatty Posted November 8, 2011 Share Posted November 8, 2011 I wouldn't go. I would be sad to miss it, but I think you have very valid reasons for not going. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Harriet Vane Posted November 8, 2011 Share Posted November 8, 2011 Go. If you can afford it at all, go. 30 years from now the finances will have sorted themselves out, and you will have that memory of your brother. On the other hand, not going may be a thorn in your relationship for a very very very long time. :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elfgivas Posted November 8, 2011 Share Posted November 8, 2011 meaghan, if money were not an issue, would you want to go? would you go? (those are different things) maybe those answers help.... ann Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Danestress Posted November 8, 2011 Share Posted November 8, 2011 Life is short. Someday the only people who remember you when you were 7 will be your siblings. By then, a couple hundred dollars will mean very little. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MeaganS Posted November 8, 2011 Author Share Posted November 8, 2011 Yeah, I think I'm going to go. It's just a little bit of sticker shock for an unexpected trip and I'm still tired (well, always tired nowadays) from the trip last month. I would be able to go by myself. My husband will be out of school and can take care of the girls. This doesn't really affect my decision (I know my brother and I trust him), which is why I left it out in the first place, but for some of you it might make the difference. What if you knew that your brother and his fiance had only met 2 weeks ago? Would that make a difference? True story... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted November 8, 2011 Share Posted November 8, 2011 This doesn't really affect my decision (I know my brother and I trust him), which is why I left it out in the first place, but for some of you it might make the difference. What if you knew that your brother and his fiance had only met 2 weeks ago? Would that make a difference? True story... I would make sure my airline ticket was refundable right up until the last minute... :tongue_smilie: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JFSinIL Posted November 8, 2011 Share Posted November 8, 2011 Too close to the holidays to expect folks to travel far. Send a nice gift instead. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ktgrok Posted November 8, 2011 Share Posted November 8, 2011 Yeah, I think I'm going to go. It's just a little bit of sticker shock for an unexpected trip and I'm still tired (well, always tired nowadays) from the trip last month. I would be able to go by myself. My husband will be out of school and can take care of the girls. This doesn't really affect my decision (I know my brother and I trust him), which is why I left it out in the first place, but for some of you it might make the difference. What if you knew that your brother and his fiance had only met 2 weeks ago? Would that make a difference? True story... Nope, wouldn't make a difference. Worst case scenario they split up, and he will need and want a good relationship with you to get over it. Best case scenario he is like my parents...they got married 3 weeks after they met and are still happily married. Also, I knew I would marry my husband within 5 minutes of meeting him. Love at first sight does happen, and if that is the case what a joyful event this will be! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bettyandbob Posted November 8, 2011 Share Posted November 8, 2011 If my brother were getting married, I'd go. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bettyandbob Posted November 8, 2011 Share Posted November 8, 2011 This doesn't really affect my decision (I know my brother and I trust him), which is why I left it out in the first place, but for some of you it might make the difference. What if you knew that your brother and his fiance had only met 2 weeks ago? Would that make a difference? True story... My brother. I'd still go. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Old Dominion Heather Posted November 8, 2011 Share Posted November 8, 2011 What if you knew that your brother and his fiance had only met 2 weeks ago? Would that make a difference? True story... That is awesome and romantic (and risky)! You should go... :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheApprentice Posted November 8, 2011 Share Posted November 8, 2011 I would go. Sometimes family is more important than a few hundred dollars, especially if you can afford it (even though funds may be tight). Is there another family member that can chip in for your expenses? Timing is too bad, but it could be a very short trip and you can possibly get a good deal on flight plans. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joker Posted November 8, 2011 Share Posted November 8, 2011 I would definitely try my best to go. The two week thing doesn't bother me either. My FIL asked my MIL to marry him on their first date and they were married within a few weeks. We just celebrated their 50th! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bookfiend Posted November 8, 2011 Share Posted November 8, 2011 For the sake of the relationship with your future SIL - GO! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Acorn Posted November 8, 2011 Share Posted November 8, 2011 I'd go. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jennifer3141 Posted November 8, 2011 Share Posted November 8, 2011 I'd try to go but man, going without your DH who is stressed out from med school AND you being pregnant would also be reason enough for me not to go. :grouphug: Good luck and life gets better after med school!! (Ok, after residency. lol) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
J-rap Posted November 8, 2011 Share Posted November 8, 2011 :iagree: I always ask myself what I want to model for my kids, and that usually settles it for me. This, if at all possible. Have you looked into trains? Or bidding on a flight on Priceline? Also, flying from a major city to another major city can be a lot less than to or from less major cities. I know it's an expensive time of year to be flying, though. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mommy22alyns Posted November 8, 2011 Share Posted November 8, 2011 Don't go and don't feel guilt about it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
silliness7 Posted November 8, 2011 Share Posted November 8, 2011 My brother told us on Sunday that he is engaged to be married. We are very happy for him. The problem is that he is getting married 1500 miles away from where I live on Dec. 20. My husband is in medical school, although he'll be on Christmas break by then, but still, money is very tight. My brother is 2 years younger than me, and we aren't especially close, just standard siblings (talk every month or so for a half hour). My sister who is 4 years younger than me just got married last month, also 1500 miles away from here. I drove to it with my daughters by myself in my first trimester of pregnancy. I still feel exhausted any time I think about traveling any time soon. We can't really afford for me to fly, although we can swing it if I choose to do it. My husband is very against me taking the bus, although that would be a cheaper option. I'm trying to decide whether I should attend or not. On the one hand I think it would be very important for me to go support my little brother in this major life change. On the other hand, they have given us very little time and a horrible wedding date for traveling, and money is very tight. My husband is willing to let me do whatever I choose, but I'm having a hard time deciding if it is worth several hundred dollars to attend or not. What would you do? I think you should go. I think you should also make the trip as easy on yourself as possible. If you can swing it, fly. Just you. Easy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jennsmile Posted November 8, 2011 Share Posted November 8, 2011 It's only money. You can make more. VS It's only memories. You can make more. Maybe. You never know how much time you have with someone. I'd go. So true, last picture of me with my 3 brothers was at my brother's wedding. Now there are just 2 brothers and me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
5kidsforME Posted November 8, 2011 Share Posted November 8, 2011 Absolutely you should go. No matter how they met or how long ago. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jasar31629 Posted November 8, 2011 Share Posted November 8, 2011 I would go if at all possible for a wedding. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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