Why are the holidays stressful?

[meggie]

If you think the holidays are stressful, what do you do that makes them stressful? I'm wondering about specifics I guess. I'm not trying to be rude, I'm just wondering why everyone says the holidays are so stressful when to me, they aren't anymore stressful than usual. Apparently, I need more work to do. :D

[jenangelcat]

I think most people either have unrealistic expectations and/or do things that they don't enjoy because they think they have to.

 

Christmas doesn't stress me out. I love it. But after reading Unplug the Christmas Machine, I totally get why it's gotten out of hand for many people. It's a really interesting read. It give you the reasons why Christmas became so commercial, how for the most part women run the whole show and men just sit on the sidelines, how to take the holiday back and make it about what is really important to you the individual. I read it every year even though I don't need to.

[elise1mds]

They're stressful for me because we have the only grandkids in my family and my parents are divorced but won't be in the same room as one another. So either I have to clean my house to host events or I have to schlep the kids around to see everyone, and really I don't want to do either. I can't *not* see everyone because my kids ask to see everyone, and I want them to have memories of their grandparents. They have fun; I'm the hermit. Then there's DH's family, which is a whole different and even more stressful kettle of fish. I won't even start on that one this year. Suffice it to say there are mental health and sanitary issues.

 

I used to get stressed out/feel guilty about gifts, because my parents expect much more than my budget can allow, but I have given myself permission to be okay doing what I can. My mother still insists on sending me Christmas lists and my father gives me looks of disapproval when the gifts don't meet his standards, but I think that is their problem, not mine.

[Beth S]

The few weeks before Christmas are stressful for me, because I still have our regular school (which we taper off the week before Christmas), meals, housework, outside activities . . . AND the holiday prep added in.

 

I love to correspond with friends at the holidays (now an abbreviated task, with family photo), then decorate, buy gifts and get packed for the trip to the grandparents' homes. Thankfully, both sets of grandparents live in the same town, but it ends up that we have two days in a row of gifts, eating, visiting which are fun but exhausting. Then we come back home to celebrate as a family.

 

Stressful = little free time, and long "To Do" list . . . even though we gratefully enjoy happy relationships with the extended family.

[sewingmama]

Holidays are not stressful for me because we don't have big expectations. We have no family nearby and the kids only get a few gifts. No one here is really into eating so I rarely go all out on food - a simple roast and a nice dessert (or the kids are thrilled with even just ice-cream). We also eat gluten-free so we don't do a lot of baking.

 

Materialism+crazy expectations = stress.

[Jayne J]

Mine are stressful due to other people's expectations. We also have the only grandkids on either side of the family and two sets of divorced parents, each of whom want "prime" visiting time (meaning we pack everyone up and schlep to their house), and to shower my kids with more gifts than I ever got from Santa, my parents, my grandparents and my friends all put together. There are 'present wars", each set vying to give the most beloved/expensive/dazzling gift and if they can't they attempt to make it up in sheer tonnage. I despise it. We can't accomodate everyone, so every year someone is tiffed off and hurt. I am trying desperately to get rid of things--we have far too many toys and gew-gaws, and I know that I will have to begin again as soon as Christmas ends, finding places for things my kids will never play with but refuse to give up. It feels cheap and gaudy and awful.

 

And all that without even mentioning my sister and brother-in-law, who have all sorts of advice on what I should do differently with my children, but who have exactly 0 children themselves. Unless you count the dog, which I do not but they do. ('Cause we all know having a dog is equivalent to 3 children, and qualifies you to give advice...) Not to mention the subtle mockery because we are Christians. At Christmas.

 

Whoa. That rant came out of nowhere. :001_huh:

 

So, yeah. Kinda stressful.

 

But I am working on it. Giving lists and begging my mom to go easy this year, hugging my sister whenever she says something stupid, and reminding myself that pre-kids I was an expert too. Marking out specific time as unavailable to anyone and enjoying my children and my husband. Loooong school break. Maybe this will be the year I don't long for more eggnog...:D

[applesing]

I love the Christmas season, but one reason that it is stressful to me is that I miss my parents, both of whom died during the month before Christmas. The holiday season is more sentimental and bittersweet to me now, and I am very aware of how quickly time passes in regards to my own children growing older.

[Mona100]

Not stressful for me at all. My daughter and I love the holidays because we have made it about us and not what the world expects. In fact, the only real stress is buying my parents something. I want to give them things but they don't ever want for anything because if they do want something they go onto Amazon and buy it then. They don't believe in delayed gratification these days. But to me that is a good stress not an unhappy one.

 

I do go overboard on the cooking but that's just because I like to cook. I want to cook everything in Bon Appetit but my daughter doesn't like all of that. Oh well, can't win them all.

 

In fact, this year we will open our presents almost a full week before Christmas due to my work schedule. I work 7on/7off so my work week ends this year on Christmas. I refuse to sit at home all week long and look at the presents under the tree we can't enjoy together because they have to be opened on Christmas Day. Nope, not gonna do it. I believe the holidays are about family and enjoying each other. I have a very small family but we have lots of fun. So on the Monday before Christmas, we will be playing on our new playstation 3 and eating all the chocolates(stocking stuffer) we want.

[momma2boys]

Please do tell!

[Zebra]

For me it's all the family issues.

 

I can pretend I don't have a dysfunctional extended family the rest of the year, but around the holidays you have to either see them (groan) or not see them and feel guilty and/or wish you had a Norman Rockwell family.

 

If you don't feel stressed around the holidays, consider yourself blessed!!!

[Impish]

I think it has to do with all the personalities involved, so many ppl feel pulled in so many directions.

 

I'm grateful in many ways to NOT be living near any family, but in other ways I also miss the family gatherings.

[mycalling]

For me it's making sure all the kids presents are what they wanted, but what I agree to them having, that they total close to the same amount, and making sure Santa got them each something and their stockings are equally stocked.

 

I'm planning with an Excel spreadsheet this year and buying early online one store at a time. Then I can leisurely double check equality and get everything wrapped (what I usually flake on and feel guilty over).

[beaners]

I always feel stressed because I hate to leave the house. I hate traveling. I have a car phobia/anxiousness thing. I hate arranging for the pet sitter to come, and doing all of the last minute stuff with the animals so that he can easily take care of them. We have to travel if we are going to see anyone, and my husband's parents are older and not in great health so we usually go there.

 

I think the traveling is really my big problem. We have spent a few holidays home by ourselves and I love it. My parents were divorced and holidays involved trekking to see every possible relative so that no one would feel slighted. It ruined holidays for me. I still don't like them. I don't worry about presents or food or materialistic stuff, and holidays are still a pain. Most of my family relationships aren't even that dysfunctional. I'd just rather stay home with my husband and children, but I'm not the only one in the family.

[linguistmama]

It's stressful to me because of family issues. For the first time in forever we are having Christmas mostly by ourselves (with only the fairly normal family members) and I am looking forward to it. :D

[Rosie_0801]

Almost no stress here!

 

We do our own thing on Christmas Eve. Some of my relatives will probably show up, but they know that the Muppets Christmas Carol is the right and true path to Christmas Eve at our place and we're going to watch it even if they whinge :D After all, no one asked them to come. They invited themselves!

 

Christmas Day, we probably will make the trek to see my favourite aunt when we feel like moving. A few of the rellies who show up at my place will go and have Christmas lunch with another aunt, then show up again later, when they feel like it.

 

Boxing Day, we see dh's parents for a picnic in a park, somewhere between their house and ours. This is not their preference, but this is the compromise we agree to and we are all content with that. See how great it is to have Christmas in summer?

 

So stress is minimised by seeing very few people we don't want to see and by being very informal so we can do what we feel like, when we feel like it. Being on the road by 1 is stressful if you have to get to X's house so they don't yell at you for being late. Being on the road by 1 is not stressful if you are on the road then because you've finished what you were doing for the morning and are ready to move on. It's nice when families can finally acknowledge that they don't want to see you any more than you want to see them, so you won't see each other!

 

Rosie

[Laurie4b]

For me, the stress comes from additional things to do on an already packed schedule plus gift buying and getting. I strongly dislike obligatory presents. I don't even like to get presents! It's okay with our kids, but dh and I don't usually get each other something and it is hard for me to know what to buy for our parents who 1) are well enough off that they don't need anything and 2) don't live nearby so I can't pick up little cues about what they might enjoy . My dad, for instance, has several unopened shirts from gift-getting over the years. For me, I don't really enjoy getting gifts. I don't have a strong need for material stuff and I have real trouble organizing stuff, so additional stuff is more of a burden than a treat. I feel guilty if I receive something with regifting or giving it to a thrift shop, so I keep things for several months until I feel less guilty about the thrift shop. Unfortunately, except for dh, no one really listens when I say I don't want anything. I really mean it! I would like Christmas a whole lot more if there were no gifts involved!

Edited November 7, 2011 by Laurie4b

[lailasmum]

Ours can be stressful because nearly every room gets used for visiting family to sleep in, so we run out of space. Its impossible to get away from people and get some peace and quiet. Plus it often involves a lot of extra trips to collect people from obscure railway or bus stations. My sister got left at Heathrow airport last year when she was supposed to be getting the bus across the country, the HQ of the bus company saying one thing and the bus drivers saying another, spent a whole day tracking down where she was and trying to decide whether to drive several hours to get her in the heavy snow. That kind of thing makes it stressful.

[Crimson Wife]

All the stuff that I don't want to do but if I skip, somebody's nose will get bent out of shape. Getting family photo cards made, writing a letter that doesn't sound obnoxious, and sending those to a zillion people tops the list.

 

I don't think it's about the materialism so much (we don't spend a lot of money) but rather trying to keep everyone happy.

[TravelingChris]

I can answer this. Our holidays are stressful in some years, not others. Many years, it is because of my husband's job- he is active duty military and often traveling right around the holiday so worries about connections. etc. Then there is where we live- the last three Christmases were in the DC area- anything there was stressful because of the traffic and much worse with holiday traffic and snow. Then there is the stress of not finding the right food- we move and some things are harder to find in some areas. In Belgium, it was turkey for thanksgiving. In DC, it was sole or flounder for Christmas eve. Then we also have had many medical issues pop up at that time- fractures (between my youngest and myself we have had 3 in the last 8 years that were still healing in Christmastime), other illnesses, and other medical issues. Those are difficult enough to deal with in normal times but then add decorating, special cooking and baking, holiday events, gift buying, and it can get totally overwhelming.

 

This year, I think it will be better. The traffic will not be a problem. I don't think the food will be either. So far, so good on the medical problems side too. We do still have dh in the military and he is traveling overseas in Dec, but I think he will be back by the 18th so even with possible weather delays, he should be back by the 24th.

[BMW]

Holiday stress? For me it's hosting meals and dealing with others' expectations. My expectations stress me out as far as the kids go... I want them to be on their best behavior... I want them to get along and have manners... but, they don't do that for a lot of the entire year, so why would they wake up and behave for the holidays??

 

It seems somehow there is some drama... whether someone is picking on a pet... not thankful enough for a present (according to a grandparent)... the holidays are almost always followed by a lecture from a family member on why this boy had pimples and why doesn't he wash his face a few times a day and why that boy is allowed to stay up later than the others, etc.

 

A couple of years ago I started planning our annual Christmas party for all the relatives... it's an evening dessert party with some games... and relatives are asked to do their gift giving (not necessarily opening, unless they really want to do that early) and then we do our own family Christmas. That's been nice.

 

To enjoy the holidays I have adopted the concept that Christmas is not a day, it is a season... to me, Christmas is attending the choir performance at church... Christmas is sipping hot coffee in a dark room with the pretty, lit tree... it's enjoying Christmas music while cooking and eating... it's decorating slowly... it's grown children arriving for a few nights, heading out to the trailer and jumping up on the bed and talking forever with them... it's making abelskivers for breakfast and searching for enough chairs for everyone to gather round the table at once... it's dice at the table and video game contests...

[elegantlion]

I think winter in general stresses me out. When we lived in the warmer climate I didn't feel as much stress.

 

Part of it is weather, it's just cold. I don't like cold. I tolerate it, but I become a homebody. Then dh wants to turn the heat too high, which irritates my breathing and I can't sleep well. :lol: He freezes in the winter, no matter how many layers he puts on.

 

Then that weather has historically been when dh's income decreases. People do less construction work in the winter and rarely do people want you tearing up the inside of their house during December. Then property taxes (they don't come out of the payment, don't want them to either) are due and there are gifts to buy. So when our income is the lowest we have more expenses.

 

Then my dh likes to decorate, he always wants a real tree. I hate real trees, they're messy. When you have a small house and you have to rearrange furtniture and cram it together to stick up a tree that the cat will climb, yeah, it can get a little stressful. It messes with my sense of order. :lol:

 

Then the time off school messes with our schedule. I like the time off, but it seems like we're just getting our second wind when it's time for Christmas.

 

So by the time the actual holiday rolls around I feel like everything is upside down. It's a combination of things that make me want to avoid the holiday all together.

 

I don't mind the getting together with family, we all sort of get along. In fact I'm having Christmas and Thanksgiving at my house, it will be a small gathering. I'd like to just have a meal together, skip the decor, the snow, the presents, and just hang out.