JennifersLost Posted November 5, 2011 Share Posted November 5, 2011 This is such a silly question but here goes: We have always given advent calendars to the kids each December. We also have a family tradition where the tomte leaves a tiny present each day from Dec. 1 - 24. Mostly fun food items we don't buy at any other time of the year, but also a few bigger treats - a christmas ornament, a potted plant, etc. We started this when they were tiny, and I always assumed the kids would grow out of it at some point, but of course no one likes to grow out of getting gifts. :) Now I have an 18 year old living at home and paying rent. I'm sure it's time that he stops getting advent calendars and tomte gifts, but....it just seems mean-spirited. But obviously, when they're 30 I'm not going to go to their houses and drop off daily presents! I just assumed at 18 they'd be out of the house and they're not. I'm about to shop for this stuff, and I know I should be getting three sets instead of four - I know my ds probably doesn't care at all - but.... Sigh. I know the right thing to do, but would someone hold my hand while I tell him? And then wipe my tears when I realize for the fifteenth time this year that yes - my baby is all the way grown up and that part of our relationship is really over. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aubrey Posted November 5, 2011 Share Posted November 5, 2011 Well...I don't see why it has to change. Sorry I'm no help. When I was a kid, grown-ups didn't get stockings. At dh's house, they did. When dh insisted that he wanted stockings for us AND the kids, I balked at first, but the truth is, that's my favorite part of Christmas morning, & his parents still do it for whichever grown kids are there on Christmas, spouses included. Unless it's a $$ or a maturity/responsibility issue, an 18yo is still your kid, right? If it makes you & him happy, do it! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kate CA Posted November 5, 2011 Share Posted November 5, 2011 I don't know. I would include him. He is still at home. Why not? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AK_Mom4 Posted November 5, 2011 Share Posted November 5, 2011 I just checked with DD17 and DS15 - they both agreed they would be bummed to not get the little gifts if they were still living at home at 18. They agreed they wouldn't expect them if they moved out, but if they were still home, it would be a bummer to not be included. Based on their advice..... I think you should still give little gifts if you want to do so. I know that DS20 would be bummed if we didn't fill his stocking on the mantle on Christmas Eve.... Family traditions are important. If you want to, then go ahead and do it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aubrey Posted November 5, 2011 Share Posted November 5, 2011 I just checked with DD17 and DS15 - they both agreed they would be bummed to not get the little gifts if they were still living at home at 18. They agreed they wouldn't expect them if they moved out, but if they were still home, it would be a bummer to not be included. Based on their advice..... I think you should still give little gifts if you want to do so. I know that DS20 would be bummed if we didn't fill his stocking on the mantle on Christmas Eve.... Family traditions are important. If you want to, then go ahead and do it. :iagree: Even if they weren't at home, I could see sending these kinds of gifts as part of a care package. Not necessary or expected, but very MOM, kwim? The kind of thing that comes at just the right time to remind you you're loved & that there's a corner of the world called Home. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
5kidsforME Posted November 5, 2011 Share Posted November 5, 2011 I don't know. I would include him. He is still at home. Why not? :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ktgrok Posted November 5, 2011 Share Posted November 5, 2011 why not include him? My mommy still does my stocking every year, with help from my dh. And it hasn't kept me from growing up, getting a mortgage, getting married, etc. It is just fun, so why stop? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crimson Wife Posted November 5, 2011 Share Posted November 5, 2011 I would say that if the individual has graduated from high school, then he/she doesn't get included in children's holiday traditions. That's at least how my parents did it. I always find it so odd the years we visit DH's folks for Christmas and they do stockings for all the adults. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kht2006 Posted November 5, 2011 Share Posted November 5, 2011 I'd include him, but I'd also enlist his help to buy/organize gifts. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MamaAkins Posted November 5, 2011 Share Posted November 5, 2011 I would definitely include him. Sometimes the little things like these family traditions and little gifts can really show a struggling teen/young adult that family love in unconditional and unending. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
redsquirrel Posted November 5, 2011 Share Posted November 5, 2011 It would never occur to me to stop that kind of lovely tradition, esp if the child is living at home. I would continue it even if they weren't at home. Of course, my mom still gets me a Christmas stocking. She still sends me candy on Easter and Valentines day too! :D For years, I took it for granted, but now every year is precious to me. I do the same for my kids and will always do so. It would be what my mom would want me to do. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Acorn Posted November 5, 2011 Share Posted November 5, 2011 I would include all your children. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kari C in SC Posted November 5, 2011 Share Posted November 5, 2011 This reminds me of when my oldest first went away to the Army. We were decorating for Christmas and my dd picked up his stocking, then she stuck it back in the box and just put up the others. I asked her why she wasn't putting up his stocking. She said "Because he doesn't live here anymore." I was stunned. I said that didn't make him any less a part of our family and that we would still be putting up his stocking. He got to come home a bit before Christmas that year and his stocking was filled even though it was not ON Christmas. Now that he is really gone and never coming back for Christmas - I STILL put up his stocking and last year I put my youngest ds teddy bear in it on Christmas morning. His bear is named Timmy Bear. As long as my kids are living in my house or coming home for Christmas - they will get to celebrate the traditions with us. In a world with so much bad and sadness - it is WONDERFUL to hand out joy! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
J-rap Posted November 5, 2011 Share Posted November 5, 2011 I'd include him, but I'd also enlist his help to buy/organize gifts. This is what we've done. It works great! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lolly Posted November 5, 2011 Share Posted November 5, 2011 So sorry. I'm not going to hold your hand either. I'd get him the gifts.:D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kate CA Posted November 5, 2011 Share Posted November 5, 2011 This reminds me of when my oldest first went away to the Army. We were decorating for Christmas and my dd picked up his stocking, then she stuck it back in the box and just put up the others. I asked her why she wasn't putting up his stocking. She said "Because he doesn't live here anymore." I was stunned. I said that didn't make him any less a part of our family and that we would still be putting up his stocking. He got to come home a bit before Christmas that year and his stocking was filled even though it was not ON Christmas. Now that he is really gone and never coming back for Christmas - I STILL put up his stocking and last year I put my youngest ds teddy bear in it on Christmas morning. His bear is named Timmy Bear. As long as my kids are living in my house or coming home for Christmas - they will get to celebrate the traditions with us. In a world with so much bad and sadness - it is WONDERFUL to hand out joy! :grouphug: I am so sorry for your loss. What a beautiful post. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Starr Posted November 5, 2011 Share Posted November 5, 2011 Christmas isn't about growing up. I would keep up the traditions for everyone. My dd 17 would be shocked if I told her it was all over since she's in college. I found her a new playmobil advent calendar she hasn't seen for this year! :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Myeightkiddies Posted November 5, 2011 Share Posted November 5, 2011 (edited) All of my children are living at home, at this time. This includes the 29, 26, 24, and 19 year old. They are our children. They are home. We will treat them the same. One day, they will have their own families and their own traditions. To me, it brings a bit of happiness and joy to all to continue traditions despite their ages. The only thing that we do different is they actually help with the wrapping and setting up the presents after the little ones go to bed. With my RA getting the help with wrapping, decorating, etc. makes a huge difference. It's one day (or if doing daily advent activities it is multiple days) out of the year so I see no reason to not spread the joy. Maybe many years from now, they will remember all the love shared during the holidays and continue that tradition. Disclaimer: if it is a financial burden to do so, perhaps include them on the reasoning rather than just making it a blanket exclusion. Edited November 5, 2011 by Myeightkiddies Typo correction Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chris in VA Posted November 5, 2011 Share Posted November 5, 2011 :iagree: Even if they weren't at home, I could see sending these kinds of gifts as part of a care package. Not necessary or expected, but very MOM, kwim? The kind of thing that comes at just the right time to remind you you're loved & that there's a corner of the world called Home. :iagree::iagree: The world is harsh enough. Why not be sweet about little things like this? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JennifersLost Posted November 5, 2011 Author Share Posted November 5, 2011 Wow - I thought everyone would make fun of me for even thinking of continuing the tradition with an 18 yo. I asked dh about it and he, too, thinks ds should still be included....so go ahead everyone: twist my arm!!!! :lol: Off to shop...... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ktgrok Posted November 5, 2011 Share Posted November 5, 2011 Wow - I thought everyone would make fun of me for even thinking of continuing the tradition with an 18 yo. I asked dh about it and he, too, thinks ds should still be included....so go ahead everyone: twist my arm!!!! :lol: Off to shop...... YAY!!!! That made me smile. If he likes to get them, and you like to do them, no reason to stop! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chris in VA Posted November 5, 2011 Share Posted November 5, 2011 I think you made a wonderful decision. :D One little thing you might want to do, that I just thought of--Perhaps you could invite him to help with the littles. Maybe he'd like to give them each one thing "from the tomten?" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anne Posted November 5, 2011 Share Posted November 5, 2011 My grown children, and my son-in-law, would be terribly disappointed if I ended the stocking tradition!! Although I will say that our stocking tradition has taken on a life of its own - EVERYBODY buys for the stockings!! :lol: All sorts of things appear in the stockings that were never on my list!! I will say that I imagine that this will be greatly scaled back once there are grandchildren involved, but at the moment, that's not an issue and we all enjoy our evolving stocking tradition! Anne Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Denisemomof4 Posted November 5, 2011 Share Posted November 5, 2011 I would include everyone living in the home. Once they move out, that's the time to quite imo. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
amo_mea_filiis. Posted November 5, 2011 Share Posted November 5, 2011 My ex's family includes grown children until they have kids. So for my son's first easter, he got a basket, but that was the first year his father did not get one. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MamaT Posted November 5, 2011 Share Posted November 5, 2011 I would include him. I can't think of a reason not to. It's one of those little things that connect them to their mama. I still get my grown children and dil's easter baskets and they all have a C-mas stocking filled with silly little stuff at my house. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
redsquirrel Posted November 5, 2011 Share Posted November 5, 2011 And just to put a bug in your ear.... My mom has really, really worked Christmas as we got older. A few times I haven't been able to figure out just what she was doing. It is nicer than when we were kids! Now I understand... three grown kids...all live far away...all have their own families with kids/babies.... We ALL come home for every single Christmas. My grandkids know that the day after christmas, we are in car heading to gramma's house. They see their cousins and aunts and uncles. We have a wonderful time, and cannot imagine being anywhere else. My mom sits there and plays with the babies, sees my kids open their gifts, and spoils them rotten! I am guessing she planned it that way. I knew she was up to something. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quiver0f10 Posted November 5, 2011 Share Posted November 5, 2011 I don't know. I would include him. He is still at home. Why not? :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JessReplanted Posted November 5, 2011 Share Posted November 5, 2011 I would definitely include him. Sometimes the little things like these family traditions and little gifts can really show a struggling teen/young adult that family love is unconditional and unending. :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Happy Posted November 6, 2011 Share Posted November 6, 2011 And just to put a bug in your ear.... My mom has really, really worked Christmas as we got older. A few times I haven't been able to figure out just what she was doing. It is nicer than when we were kids! Now I understand... three grown kids...all live far away...all have their own families with kids/babies.... We ALL come home for every single Christmas. My grandkids know that the day after christmas, we are in car heading to gramma's house. They see their cousins and aunts and uncles. We have a wonderful time, and cannot imagine being anywhere else. My mom sits there and plays with the babies, sees my kids open their gifts, and spoils them rotten! I am guessing she planned it that way. I knew she was up to something.[/QUOTE] Bolding mine... Sneaky lady. I'm doing my best to follow her example. ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Night Elf Posted November 6, 2011 Share Posted November 6, 2011 Christmas isn't just for children. Stockings aren't just for children. At least not in my world! Now, DH and I don't get as much stuff in our stockings as we put in the kids' stockings, but I fill his and he fills mine. This year I am adding another stocking on our mantle for dd19's boyfriend. I guess I should tell her to warn him just in case he came from a family where adults don't get stockings. They do at my house! I never thought about others doing it differently. :tongue_smilie: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joker Posted November 6, 2011 Share Posted November 6, 2011 My mom still sends me my Christmas pjs! I've received them for as long as I can remember and I look forward to seeing what craziness she's come up with this year. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JennifersLost Posted November 6, 2011 Author Share Posted November 6, 2011 My mom still sends me my Christmas pjs! I've received them for as long as I can remember and I look forward to seeing what craziness she's come up with this year. That's funny - we do that, too. My kids get Land's End pajamas every year. I told dh that all of you agreed with him and he gave me a hug and told me the kids will still be living with us when they're 40 so we should just get used to the new world order. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lllll Posted November 6, 2011 Share Posted November 6, 2011 (edited) .. Edited December 25, 2012 by ksva Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quill Posted November 6, 2011 Share Posted November 6, 2011 This is a completely precious idea and I would not stop it at 18, though I probably would stop it when they move out independently. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stacia Posted November 6, 2011 Share Posted November 6, 2011 I told dh that all of you agreed with him and he gave me a hug and told me the kids will still be living with us when they're 40 so we should just get used to the new world order. :) That's similar to what my dh says. :lol: We love stockings here -- for kids & adults, family & any friends who may be around on Christmas day. Dh, my mom, & my sister do my stocking stuff. I still totally love getting a stocking! (And I love filling stockings for others.) So glad you're keeping your ds in on the tradition. :001_smile: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
QueenCat Posted November 6, 2011 Share Posted November 6, 2011 I would definitely include him. Sometimes the little things like these family traditions and little gifts can really show a struggling teen/young adult that family love in unconditional and unending. What a great way of putting it. To me, as long as they are still home, they are part of the tradition. It would be fun to get him involved in coming up with things for the younger ones too. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cammie Posted November 6, 2011 Share Posted November 6, 2011 Christmas isn't just for children. Stockings aren't just for children. At least not in my world! Now, DH and I don't get as much stuff in our stockings as we put in the kids' stockings, but I fill his and he fills mine. This year I am adding another stocking on our mantle for dd19's boyfriend. I guess I should tell her to warn him just in case he came from a family where adults don't get stockings. They do at my house! I never thought about others doing it differently. :tongue_smilie: :iagree: Until this thread, I had ABSOLUTELY no idea that there were families in which the adults didn't get stockings...really, that is my favorite part. No one can do a stocking the way my mom can fill a stocking!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stages Posted November 6, 2011 Share Posted November 6, 2011 Christmas isn't just for children. Stockings aren't just for children. At least not in my world! Now, DH and I don't get as much stuff in our stockings as we put in the kids' stockings, but I fill his and he fills mine. This year I am adding another stocking on our mantle for dd19's boyfriend. I guess I should tell her to warn him just in case he came from a family where adults don't get stockings. They do at my house! I never thought about others doing it differently. :tongue_smilie: Be careful! I married the first man whose mom had a stocking for me! We do Christmas at MIL's house, and everyone who is going to be there for present opening gets a stocking, adults included. We're going to have at least 10 people (7 adults) over for Christmas this year, but every single one of them will have a stocking, I'm sure. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Calm37 Posted November 6, 2011 Share Posted November 6, 2011 I like to give warning when big things are about to change. Why don't you tell him this is his last year and that will put everyone on notice that age 18 is the last year. After that, they can participate in doing it for the youngers. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Starr Posted November 6, 2011 Share Posted November 6, 2011 When I got married I told my dh that Santa always brought me a stocking and I was sure he would continue and he has. ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TeacherZee Posted November 6, 2011 Share Posted November 6, 2011 Mom made us all new stockings year before last. None of us live at home any more :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rosie_0801 Posted November 6, 2011 Share Posted November 6, 2011 Stocking receivings don't have to be disclosed on scholarship or job applications, so I don't see how it could count against him in his professional life. :tongue_smilie: Rosie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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