What would you expect?

[ChristineW]

I have never been to a child's birthday party (and I've been to a great many) where there wasn't food provided for parents.

 

Bill

 

:iagree: Except for once and it was accidental (parents thought package price included more food); they immediately ordered more from the pizza place down the street.

[Bluegoat]

I think that part of the issue is that parents stay for a lot more things these days. When I was young, parents stayed for pre-schoolers, and that was it. Once kids were school-aged, they were dropped off - a party invite really was for the child.

 

Now people stay for things for older kids a lot. I notice it at things like classes and such as well as parties. So although the child is the one invited officially, the assumption is that includes the parent as well.

 

I imagine that is how a sibling ends up coming - if the parent feels she needs to stay, she may have to have other children with her. I think it is kind of inappropriate, but it seems to be a natural result of parents sticking really close to their kids at older ages.

[MrsJewelsRae]

If I wanted to stay at the party when I was not specifically invited beforehand then I would just buy myself a plate of food, if it were at a party place. If it were at someone's house and I stayed I would think it would be polite to give me at least a small plate, or welcome me to some finger foods, unless they didn't have much food for the crowd.

 

With the kids not being in school, they've actually never been invited to parties of people I am not very familiar with, and I've never had anyone to their parties who I wasn't good friend's with as well, their closest friends are family and church members.

[silliness7]

:iagree: If parents were expected to stay, I would have provided food. If most parents dropped off but I chose to stay, I would expect to buy my own.

 

:iagree::iagree: Yup. This. Did most moms stay or drop off? Did you have any special wording on the invitations or was it a fill-in-the-blank thing?

[fhjmom]

As a parent of a child-guest, I would not expect to be fed, and I would never make a comment to the hostess if parents were not offered food. I am not good at dropping off, even when it is expected. I am just not that comfortable with the supervision in most party places, so I generally stay. Here I have seen it both ways, where food was provided for parents and where parents were not offered food, except maybe cake. It didn't bother me either way.

 

However, as a hostess, I always plan on offering something to parents as well as plan for a few extra siblings. I understand how hard it can be logistically to get somewhere with only one child sometimes, so even if is it is technically rude according to Miss Manners, I don't let it get to me.

 

BTW, most of the time I have had a party at a place where there was a charge per child (usually serving pizza), they have also had some type of options for snack trays or something that would be more "adult-friendly" (i.e. appetizers or veggie trays). I have always ordered something like that for parents to nibble on.

[Patches]

Moms should not expect to eat!

BUT... It is nice to include them just not necessary.

[1GirlTwinBoys]

It's not your place to feed all the parents at a party place. Also, she should not have brought a child that wasn't invited. Of course, you can't turn the child away, but it was rude on her part.

[dsmith]

All of the party-place parties we have been to had food for the parents. There were usually extra spaces for siblings just in case someone couldn't arrange a sitter. We only had one party for ds like that, and we ordered extra pizza, drinks, and fruit for the parents. We also allowed for a few extra spots, but we were asked ahead of time if a sibling could tag along.

[Shellydon]

I always expect every parent to stay and I expect to feed everyone that is at the party.

[QueenCat]

As a guest, I would not expect to be fed.

As a hostess, I would feel obligated to make sure anyone at my child's party was at least offered something~beverage, snacks, etc even if I wasn't expecting them.

 

For planning purposes, I usually try to get a sense of what the other moms are expecting. I've found that with 6 y.o.'s, moms still stay, but they start doing the drop-off at around age 8-9, so I'll just usually ask what they are going to do and make it clear whatever they decide is fine and then plan accordingly.

 

:iagree:I always assumed some parents would stay, and planned accordingly. I've had parties at home and at other locations (bowling, Burger King w/play area, etc). At minimum, I bought drinks for all staying. If it was at meal time, then I made sure there was food for all.

[QueenCat]

I wonder if etiquette is different in the US than in Aussie/NZ, well most of my experience is in NZ. It would be very unusual to go to a kid party, with only kids invited and not have something on offer for the parents who chose to stay for whatever reason. Drinks and nibbles for parents are absolutely standard for me to include when planning a kid party, regardless of venue.

 

I live in the US.... drinks and nibbles were normally offered at kid parties mine attended, or I hosted. But normally, if children are older than 7 or 8, most parents don't stay unless they live far away or are close friends I had asked to stay & help.

Edited November 4, 2011 by CathieC

[Sara in AZ]

Did you have any special wording on the invitations or was it a fill-in-the-blank thing?

 

I would expect for the invitation to make clear what the expectations were. Whenever we have had a party like this I have tried to touch base with every parent about what was going to happen so we were all on the same page.

[Audrey]

 

I just thought it a little odd that a parent who brought a child who was not invited also expected me to feed her.

 

Umm... yeah. That parent was way out of line. I would call it rude to show up uninvited, but to expect to be fed on top of that? That's absolutely obnoxious.

[Bootsie]

I would not necessarily "expect" to be fed. A lot would depend on the age of the kids and the size of the town.

 

If I were the hostess, I would plan to feed any parents who stayed (and siblings). I have avoided having parties at certain locations or at certain times of the day if this was going to be cost prohibitive.

 

When kids are young, it is presumptious to assume that parents will leave their kids. Even when kids are a bit older, it can be a huge disruption to a family to drive to a party at 5:00 (perhaps with other kids in tow) to drop a kid off, especially if the party falls during family dinner time. It could easily take 30-45 minutes to get to a party place during rush hour. I also think it is awkward and sends kids a funny message for adults to stand around and watch kids eat dinner.

 

I would never say anything to a hostess about not providing food for parents, but at the same time I would feel a bit funny about buying my own meal while I was there. I have seen kids who want food that wasn't provided by the hostess (perhaps lemonade was served and the child wanted a soda), and the parents will go buy the child the item while at the party. To me this is extremely rude, just like telling the hostess they didn't provide well enough for the party. Buying my own food to eat at the party would be something like that.

[Joker]

I have seen kids who want food that wasn't provided by the hostess (perhaps lemonade was served and the child wanted a soda), and the parents will go buy the child the item while at the party. To me this is extremely rude, just like telling the hostess they didn't provide well enough for the party. Buying my own food to eat at the party would be something like that.

 

Really? The last party we were invited to served pizza but they were all pepperoni. Oldest dd doesn't eat meat so I ordered her a slice of cheese. I never thought anything of it other than I didn't want her sitting around watching everyone else eat and feeling hungry and left out.

[joannqn]

I've had both at home parties and party place parties. I've also had children invited to both kinds of parties. Most of the time, we all do parties were the entire family is invited and fed. When I do party place parties, I count siblings in my head count and invite accordingly.

 

Once money and space was an issue so I explained the situation to parents beforehand so they'd know that I could only afford to pay for the invited children only that time. Once or twice I had someone ask if a friend who was spending the night with them could join us.

 

When invited, I'll ask if their intentions are DD only, DD and DS, or the whole family was intended if it isn't clear. I have one family that has done all three so it is hard to tell sometimes.

[Spy Car]

I wonder if etiquette is different in the US than in Aussie/NZ, well most of my experience is in NZ. It would be very unusual to go to a kid party, with only kids invited and not have something on offer for the parents who chose to stay for whatever reason. Drinks and nibbles for parents are absolutely standard for me to include when planning a kid party, regardless of venue.

 

Same here. I would find it beyond bizarre to have or to attend a kids birthday party and not have food for all. That would not be the etiquette in my little corner of America. Sometimes the WTM seems like a different universe ;)

 

Bill

[Paintedlady]

I wonder if etiquette is different in the US than in Aussie/NZ, well most of my experience is in NZ. It would be very unusual to go to a kid party, with only kids invited and not have something on offer for the parents who chose to stay for whatever reason. Drinks and nibbles for parents are absolutely standard for me to include when planning a kid party, regardless of venue.

 

I agree and I'm in the states. I've had lots of kids' parties over the years and always expect to have some parents stay, whether explicitly invited or not, and plan accordingly. No way could I host an event of any kind and not feed the people in attendance, unless I made perfectly clear on the invite that it would be a cake/punch only sort of event. I also wouldn't plan it for the dinner hour if I didn't want to feed everybody.

[abacus2]

I would absolutely expect any party hosted at lunch time or dinner time to include food for all attending, including parents. I recently went straight from our music class to a lunchtime birthday party. I would have been quite hungry and uncomfortable if food had only been provided for the kids. If I hosted a party at 5pm, I would expect some parents to be arriving straight from work, not having eaten yet.

[KathyBC]

With 19 guests, wouldn't you want at least some of the parents to stay? Yikes!

[kolamum]

I tend to throw family parties so I would have provided for parents by bringing along a little something. But then again the party place near me permits you to bring some in because you are all ready paying for the kids. :)

[Lolly]

Same here. I would find it beyond bizarre to have or to attend a kids birthday party and not have food for all. That would not be the etiquette in my little corner of America. Sometimes the WTM seems like a different universe ;)

 

Bill

 

Umm, Bill, you live in L.A. You DO live in a different universe!:lol:

[kwg]

SHe was rude. Even if you do expect it, you aren't supposed to say anything!

 

When I go to children's parties at other locations, the children are served first, grown ups are offered leftovers. If there are none, then we are out of luck :D No biggie.

 

I have had parties where we just had cake and ice cream. I guess that is odd :lol: I get sick everything revolving around food- can't we all just talk and visit forcryingoutloud without eating!

 

Last year I did good though- I had a whole theme :D Harry Potter does that.

[cdrumm4448]

Sometimes the WTM seems like a different universe ;)

 

Bill

 

Ah, Bill, I have also thought that many, many times.

[Tess in the Burbs]

honestly, I wouldn't expect to be fed for most parties. but 5-7pm? Um, that is dinner time prime hours and yes, I would have been hungry. If you weren't offering pizza/whatever for moms at your cost you could have mentioned pizza for parents is available at whatever cost you needed to cover it. They would have probably joined in gladly. Otherwise, having snack food for the moms would have been nice.

 

I probably would have asked as someone who normally eats during those hours beforehand anyway...

[Denisemomof4]

it's a kid's party. Mom could have bought some food if she wanted to.

[Impish]

I wouldn't expect to be fed.

 

Perhaps its b/c of the fact that I'm personally used to being on a very, very restrictive budget, and hosting a party at a venue would have taken majorly serious budgeting, with no wiggle room left...I wouldn't be able to afford to feed extra ppl, period...so I assume others are in the same boat.

 

I just can't see expecting someone to spend money on me.

 

Now, a party at home is a different, I always have plenty of food for everyone.

[JudoMom]

I would absolutely expect any party hosted at lunch time or dinner time to include food for all attending, including parents. I recently went straight from our music class to a lunchtime birthday party. I would have been quite hungry and uncomfortable if food had only been provided for the kids. If I hosted a party at 5pm, I would expect some parents to be arriving straight from work, not having eaten yet.

 

:iagree:

[kathymuggle]

I voted other, as I do think whether or not the parents were invited makes a technical difference in whether or not you are obligated to feed them.

 

But honestly? I would feed whoever shows up. Most people around here often have too much food in case extras need to be fed.

[Desert Rat]

As a guest, I would not expect to be fed.

As a hostess, I would feel obligated to make sure anyone at my child's party was at least offered something~beverage, snacks, etc even if I wasn't expecting them.

 

For planning purposes, I usually try to get a sense of what the other moms are expecting. I've found that with 6 y.o.'s, moms still stay, but they start doing the drop-off at around age 8-9, so I'll just usually ask what they are going to do and make it clear whatever they decide is fine and then plan accordingly.

 

:iagree:

 

Here it is the norm for many parents to stay. I make it clear on invites or verbally that we have family parties. The entire family is welcome to come and stay. I provide enough food for everyone. I feel that life is crazy enough and families don't get enough time together so I hate pulling families apart for our party. That's just me though. We took everyone fishing in March for our ds8's birthday. Entire families came and every child left with a fishing pole (one clearance and instead of goodie bags). It was the best party we've ever had. The feedback I received from parents was that it was the best day many of them had as a family in a long time. It made me feel good.

[southernm]

I would absolutely expect any party hosted at lunch time or dinner time to include food for all attending, including parents. I recently went straight from our music class to a lunchtime birthday party. I would have been quite hungry and uncomfortable if food had only been provided for the kids. If I hosted a party at 5pm, I would expect some parents to be arriving straight from work, not having eaten yet.

 

I don't believe I have ever attended a kid's party where food was not provided for everyone there. Maybe it's an Ole South kind of thing?

Edited November 4, 2011 by southernm

[Jilly]

I would expect something to eat. Perhaps not a full meal but at least some finger foods and something to drink.

[4everHis]

When we have home parties (which we usually do) I do feed the parents. I just couldn't have 19 children in my house at one time, so DS wanted to have it somewhere else. Most of the parents have not been to our home parties, so a precedent had not been set.

 

I just thought it a little odd that a parent who brought a child who was not invited also expected me to feed her.

 

I guess I'm stuck here. How/why would a parent bring a child who wasn't invited?:glare:

[4everHis]

If one is not invited to a party one should not expect to be fed.

 

:iagree:

[SweetMissMagnolia]

hmmmm I probably would have gotten a few pizzas (if you were allowed to bring food into the place)---whether they ate or not that would have been up to them--we had a bowling birthday party for kiddo and we got like 4-5 large pizzas and there was plenty for kids/moms/dads and even leftovers......I guess it depends--I wouldn't expect it since it was a kid's party....now if it were held at your home that would be different..........

[5kidsforME]

Same here. I would find it beyond bizarre to have or to attend a kids birthday party and not have food for all. That would not be the etiquette in my little corner of America. Sometimes the WTM seems like a different universe ;)

 

Bill

 

 

:iagree:

[5kidsforME]

honestly, I wouldn't expect to be fed for most parties. but 5-7pm? Um, that is dinner time prime hours and yes, I would have been hungry. If you weren't offering pizza/whatever for moms at your cost you could have mentioned pizza for parents is available at whatever cost you needed to cover it. They would have probably joined in gladly. Otherwise, having snack food for the moms would have been nice.

 

I probably would have asked as someone who normally eats during those hours beforehand anyway...

 

 

Absolutely right.

[Laura Corin]

I think the timing is a little difficult. I would not normally expect to be fed, but many people eat family suppers at exactly that time, so it makes it a little awkward. I normally schedule afternoon parties with 'afternoon tea' for the children.

 

Laura

[5kidsforME]

I guess I'm stuck here. How/why would a parent bring a child who wasn't invited?:glare:

 

Right, that part is odd, but not the Original question of the OP.

 

I personally think you should feed anyone who comes to the party.

 

The uninvited guests, that is an off situation compounded by the obnoxious mother who commented on having to make dinner now. I wil say, I think that is weird.

 

BUT I still think a good hostess feeds everyone that comes to the party.

[amey311]

The son of the mom who made the dinner comment was invited. We don't know their other child, so she wasn't invited. If the mom had talked to me about it beforehand, it wouldn't have been a big deal.

 

You invited Son. Mom showed up with Son and Daughter? Is that what happened here? Because the initial comment about an uninvited child was confusing.

 

I guess this begs the followup question of "If you invite a child with siblings, are you obligated to include the siblings?"

 

FWIW, I never assume both of my kids are invited anywhere unless they're both on the invitation. I surely wouldn't expect that if Thing 1 was invited to a birthday party for a hockey friend that Thing 2 would automatically be invited.

[QueenCat]

Same here. I would find it beyond bizarre to have or to attend a kids birthday party and not have food for all. That would not be the etiquette in my little corner of America. Sometimes the WTM seems like a different universe ;)

 

Bill

 

Not just your corner of America. I would find it odd too, and don't recall it ever happening. If it did happen, the hostess would never know I was surprised though.

[Splinter]

For a 10 year old's birthday, I wouldn't expect the parents to stay, so I wouldn't have any food ordered for them. If some did happen to stay, I'd make sure that they had something to drink though.

 

For a younger kid's party, I would have fed everyone.