Plz help with major life decision

[misidawnrn]

I hope this doesn't sound rambling but here it goes...

I finish my Bachelors in Nursing in 7 weeks *YAY* and I have been planning on starting my Masters shortly after to become a midwife. I have waivered a few times on getting my Family Nurse Practitioner for a few reasons. 1. The homebirth community in my town isn't that big and I am afraid of not having clients. 2. The medical community is anti-homebirth here and I would rather do homebirth than hospital births. 3. We have 1 midwife that practices in the hospital and she is very anti-competition plus there is another woman at work who will be done with her midwife very soon and will be working with 1st midwife. 1st midwife has already chased 2 other midwives out of that practice so I am worried for 2nd midwife....thus, probably no room for me.

 

OK, with the FNP, I am still not gauranteed to get a job and I really don't want to see sore throats and achy backs for the rest of my life. OB is my calling in life and with lots of soul searching, I don't think FNP is the right fit for me either.

 

OK, here is more bits of puzzle. I really am dedicated to homeschooling my 2 children, 7 and 2. I can't imagine putting them in public school. I wonder if HSing will fit with a career of midwifery. Sometimes I really think that I should stop the whole thing and just do a great job at raising my babies...I have at least 16 years left doing that and since I will be 38 in a few days, I only have about 20 or so years left of "working" at a job. Do I want to spend the next 16 years juggling/building a career, HSing, helping DH with our farm (which I couldn't do if I had to be here on call for deliveries).

 

Lastly, DH doesn't want me to continue on. His opinion makes a big part of it. He is a penny pincher (I am not) and he is worried that I will spend at least 1/2 of the rest of my career paying back $50,000 in student loans...he's right. I have some student loans now for my BSN but it isn't anything compared to what I will have if I continue on. Moving to another community more supportive of homebirthing midwives isn't an option. My husband has an established business here and we farm 80 miles from here, our families are here, etc.

 

I have a good job in L&D and I love my job. I work Friday-Monday every other weekend which is 24 hours a week. I purposely have my schedule like that to homeschool my DD. I am leary of 2 1/2 years more of school interfering with HSing and raising my girls in general.

 

On the other hand, I have always wanted to be a midwife. I see so.much.medicalization of birth that it frustrates me. I can't change the way providers practice, but I can offer women more natural choices if I become a provider. If I do become a midwife/MSN, I need to do it now. They are recommending all advance practice nurses have their Doctorate 1/1/2015. I will just have enough time to get done before that to be grandfathered in so it's not something I can just work on part time. I would have to go full time. I took 19 credits my first semester and 18 my 2nd semester and 8 this current semester to be able to finish my BSN quickly. I am almost schooled out at this point. 2 1/2 more years of full time=crabby mommy!

 

I literally can't sleep at night because of the choices I need to make. I guess my mind is kind of made up but UGH!!! If you have read this far, bless you! If anyone else has been in a predicament like this, please talk me through it.

Thanks.

[busymama7]

You can do homebirth midwifery without becoming a CNM. Apprentice trained, direct entry midwifery is legitimate. Its what I am and what I look for, and always have, in a midwife. I have a very small practice. 1-2 births a month and I fit it in with homeschooling 7 kids just fine. Its fairly good money too for the amount of time involved. Inconvienant at times of course.I agree with your husband. That is a lot of money to spend on a degree for someone who wishes to work part time while homeschooling and raising a family. You get done with school and you then have to work your tail off to pay back that money. There are other ways.

[AvasMom]

What about online options for midwifery? Would your work contacts provide you with enough networking to find a preceptor for the clinical aspects?

[lexi]

I have no advice but have loved my midwives. I don't know what I'd do without them. I'm so thankful for them! Kudos to you for such noble aspirations. I pray you are able to find peace in your decisions. :grouphug:

[jennsmile]

I use a direct entry midwife as well. I don't know if that is an option in your location. But I love my midwife. Having her also be a nurse would be an added bonus.

 

If you could finish school debt free I would say by all means finish. But $50,000 is a lot of debt for a career that seems limited where you currently live.

 

What about opening a birth center? Sounds like you don't have that as an option in your area.

[misidawnrn]

Here's the thing with direct entry midwifery. I am comfortable with the thought of that and I started down that road a year ago before I started my BSN. My boss heard wind of it and I had a HUGE meeting with the hospital legal staff, risk management, my boss, human resources...about 8 people in suits all glaring at me! They said, and I quote "If you start an apprenticeship for lay midwifery we WILL terminate you!" I told you that midwifery isn't very welcome in this medical community. I can't quit my job (or be fired) in order to become a DE midwife, althought it is definately cheaper! The schooling for CNM is all online but the clinicals which I have options already in place to do if I go that route.

 

I have clinicals this next 3 weeks for my BSN and I am going to complete 40 hours with a CNM that has a birthcenter in the community (not the hospital midwife) and I will see how that goes, get a feel for the need for more midwifes, a partnership possiblities, etc. Decisions, decisions, decisions!

[Kathleen in VA]

I can tell you what I would do which will probably not be all that popular on these boards, but I can only speak from my own perspective. If I already had a great job that fit into my homeschooling lifestyle, I wouldn't change anything. Midwives have a noble and much needed profession; I respect them and appreciate them, but at the end of the day I would not want any job, no matter how noble or needed, becoming a burden to me or my family, financially or otherwise. I would also want to be in agreement with my husband on whatever path I chose. If his concerns about money were unfounded that would be one thing, but your husband seems to have legitimate concerns. I would embrace the life I'm living now and not seek any other.

 

When I was single I got my degree in education. I graduated with honors and did my student teaching in one of the best school districts in the nation - Fairfax County, Virginia. It wasn't at all what I expected. I was completely disillusioned for myself as a teacher and for the children. I determined that I wanted to make a difference in the field of education. I took my GRE, did well and started taking graduate courses at UVa. I really thought that one day I might even run for state delegate so that I could influence the laws concerning education. But after teaching for a few years and taking a few courses, I got married and had a baby and my focus changed completely. I no longer felt the need to go out and "conquer the educational world" - I wanted a simpler, more family-focused existence. My sil homeschooled her six children so it was quite easy for me to follow in her footsteps.

 

Now, 25 years later, I am working for a non-profit organization that monitors the state government regarding anything that might have a negative impact on homeschooling in my state. I am just a copy editor - I really don't have time to devote to much else. But I am influencing education in my state, only in a much smaller capacity. Perhaps when all my children are married and on their own, I will become more involved and take on more responsibility. But for now, I am content to pour my energy, love and devotion into the family God gave me.

 

You sound so stressed and uneasy about it all, so I advise you to think about the big picture. What do you really want from life? What do you want to look back on when you are in your eighties and feel proud of having accomplished? I'm one who strongly feels most woman cannot do both homemaking (especially when it includes homeschooling) and a demanding career excellently - something will suffer and if I were standing at your crossroads in your shoes, I would pick my family over furthering my career hands down (especially considering the debt burden in this uncertain economy and the fact that you feel "schooled out.") I hope you find peace in whatever decision you make.:grouphug:

[chicagoshannon]

Could you just stay with the hospital and try to make positive changes from within as a nurse? I'm a former L & D nurse and after being ther for a while you havean in and can really make changes. You could always try to get into management where you could make a huge difference. Of course then you would be giving up some patient care so it would bea trade off.

 

It's always a good thing to get some experience before going for more schooling especially when it comes to nursing.

[Starr]

I would consider the loans very carefully. It sounds like a lot of money to pay back.

[G5052]

I can tell you what I would do which will probably not be all that popular on these boards, but I can only speak from my own perspective. If I already had a great job that fit into my homeschooling lifestyle, I wouldn't change anything. Midwives have a noble and much needed profession; I respect them and appreciate them, but at the end of the day I would not want any job, no matter how noble or needed, becoming a burden to me or my family, financially or otherwise. I would also want to be in agreement with my husband on whatever path I chose. If his concerns about money were unfounded that would be one thing, but your husband seems to have legitimate concerns. I would embrace the life I'm living now and not seek any other.

 

 

I worked for 15 years before I had a full-term pregancy. I loved my job, but the travel, hours, and pressure was *not* compatible with hands-on parenting. I was five months pregnant when I saw my position on a list of ones that were to be eliminated, and I knew that I had my answer. My job was eliminated while I was out on maternity leave, and that was that.

 

So when I went back to work part-time a year later, my #1 goal was to have a family-friendly job. Over the years, that has always been my criteria. And no, I don't make nearly as much as I did, but I've worked and homeschooled all along and we've done fine. I love my work, and I love my family. I'm able to balance both because of the choices I've made, and I have no regrets.

[Jennifer3141]

If you are in an area that is not supportive to your heart's career, then you need to either let your career path change a bit or move. It doesn't sound like becoming a MW would be easy where you are right now and IMO, taking on loan debt to finance a career in an area you KNOW to be hard to practice in is insane, particularly in this particular economy.

 

I don't like typing that out because I think the world needs more midwives. However, it doesn't sound like you would be able to make a living as a midwife in this area and pay back your loans and have any quality of life.

[FlyingMOm]

I can tell you what I would do which will probably not be all that popular on these boards, but I can only speak from my own perspective. If I already had a great job that fit into my homeschooling lifestyle, I wouldn't change anything. Midwives have a noble and much needed profession; I respect them and appreciate them, but at the end of the day I would not want any job, no matter how noble or needed, becoming a burden to me or my family, financially or otherwise. I would also want to be in agreement with my husband on whatever path I chose. If his concerns about money were unfounded that would be one thing, but your husband seems to have legitimate concerns. I would embrace the life I'm living now and not seek any other.

 

When I was single I got my degree in education. I graduated with honors and did my student teaching in one of the best school districts in the nation - Fairfax County, Virginia. It wasn't at all what I expected. I was completely disillusioned for myself as a teacher and for the children. I determined that I wanted to make a difference in the field of education. I took my GRE, did well and started taking graduate courses at UVa. I really thought that one day I might even run for state delegate so that I could influence the laws concerning education. But after teaching for a few years and taking a few courses, I got married and had a baby and my focus changed completely. I no longer felt the need to go out and "conquer the educational world" - I wanted a simpler, more family-focused existence. My sil homeschooled her six children so it was quite easy for me to follow in her footsteps.

 

Now, 25 years later, I am working for a non-profit organization that monitors the state government regarding anything that might have a negative impact on homeschooling in my state. I am just a copy editor - I really don't have time to devote to much else. But I am influencing education in my state, only in a much smaller capacity. Perhaps when all my children are married and on their own, I will become more involved and take on more responsibility. But for now, I am content to pour my energy, love and devotion into the family God gave me.

 

You sound so stressed and uneasy about it all, so I advise you to think about the big picture. What do you really want from life? What do you want to look back on when you are in your eighties and feel proud of having accomplished? I'm one who strongly feels most woman cannot do both homemaking (especially when it includes homeschooling) and a demanding career excellently - something will suffer and if I were standing at your crossroads in your shoes, I would pick my family over furthering my career hands down (especially considering the debt burden in this uncertain economy and the fact that you feel "schooled out.") I hope you find peace in whatever decision you make.:grouphug:

 

:iagree: Excellent advice- I agree completely.

[Jennifer3141]

:iagree: Excellent advice- I agree completely.

 

You know, one of the things never talked about with these big expensive career paths is that they really do lock you in.

 

DH is a doctor and there was a period in his life when he really wasn't sure he wanted to do it anymore but when he looked around, no one wanted to talk to him about anything besides medicine. He was over-educated for entry level stuff in other fields. And frankly, we had student loans looming over us so he had to stay locked into a certain income bracket.

 

Student loans are fabulous for people who have specific dreams to pursue but they don't give you a lot of flexibility for other things in life that pop up and surprise you with their importance - like homeschooling for instance.

 

The lack of flexibility is a side effect of student loans and it seems to me that most homeschooling families LOVE their flexibility.

[misidawnrn]

Kathleen in VA, thanks so much. You put into words what my brain and heart are competing for. I do want to be a good mother to my children first and foremost, along with a good wife to my husband. I do not want to place extra burden on him as a provider. My income right now is just enough to pay for a few bills and homeschooling, crafts, etc with some left over. I am not in this life to make a million dollars a year. Although nursing/midwifery/OB is my passion, my children and their education is ultimately more important. I do not want them to suffer because I am stressed at school, then stressed at trying to be competitive and successful in a very slim market and trying to start a business.

I think I am doing my part at my job to help give women their choices back. I am the nurse that gets assigned the woman who wants a natural labor. Yes, it's sad but we don't have many nurses who know what to do with a natural labor patient. We have a 97% epidural rate which makes it very easy to take care of the patient from the desk. They are comfortable and don't need one on one nursing, which I love to give. I will still be able to be with pregnant/laboring women and do what I love, just not in the capacity of midwife. I have done L&D for 14 years so its not like I am brand new to the job. It still doesn't get old. I am glad I only work every other weekend, stability of job, stablility of paycheck. I am unsure if I want to give up the stability for the unknown just to further myself (which is an arguement that DH brings up too..."What is your career change going to do for the family")

 

Its very hard to balance school for me, homeschooling, homemaking, farm wifing, and currently watching my sister's 2 kids while she is working and living with me. I am overwhelmed and I guess I need to take that into account when thinking of the future.

 

Thanks for all of your honest answers. That is exactly what I was looking for. My kids and DH are most important. Thanks!

[Kathleen in VA]

Kathleen in VA, thanks so much. You put into words what my brain and heart are competing for. I do want to be a good mother to my children first and foremost, along with a good wife to my husband. I do not want to place extra burden on him as a provider. My income right now is just enough to pay for a few bills and homeschooling, crafts, etc with some left over. I am not in this life to make a million dollars a year. Although nursing/midwifery/OB is my passion, my children and their education is ultimately more important. I do not want them to suffer because I am stressed at school, then stressed at trying to be competitive and successful in a very slim market and trying to start a business.

I think I am doing my part at my job to help give women their choices back. I am the nurse that gets assigned the woman who wants a natural labor. Yes, it's sad but we don't have many nurses who know what to do with a natural labor patient. We have a 97% epidural rate which makes it very easy to take care of the patient from the desk. They are comfortable and don't need one on one nursing, which I love to give. I will still be able to be with pregnant/laboring women and do what I love, just not in the capacity of midwife. I have done L&D for 14 years so its not like I am brand new to the job. It still doesn't get old. I am glad I only work every other weekend, stability of job, stablility of paycheck. I am unsure if I want to give up the stability for the unknown just to further myself (which is an arguement that DH brings up too..."What is your career change going to do for the family")

 

Its very hard to balance school for me, homeschooling, homemaking, farm wifing, and currently watching my sister's 2 kids while she is working and living with me. I am overwhelmed and I guess I need to take that into account when thinking of the future.

 

Thanks for all of your honest answers. That is exactly what I was looking for. My kids and DH are most important. Thanks!

 

Melissa, I'm glad I was able to help you think this through. It sounds to me like you are an extremely valuable member of the L&D team where you work - irreplaceable perhaps. I think you are a much bigger blessing than you imagine. God bless you and your family.

[AvasMom]

Could you just stay with the hospital and try to make positive changes from within as a nurse? I'm a former L & D nurse and after being ther for a while you havean in and can really make changes. You could always try to get into management where you could make a huge difference. Of course then you would be giving up some patient care so it would bea trade off.

 

It's always a good thing to get some experience before going for more schooling especially when it comes to nursing.

 

I tend to agree here. There is so much you can do as a L&D nurse to help moms who want to birth naturally. I had my first baby in a hospital and ended up with a ton of interventions. I had my second in a birth center and it was great. I think if I had had a L&D nurse who was an advocate of natural birth it would have made a huge difference in the birth outcome.

[kalanamak]

 

Lastly, DH doesn't want me to continue on. His opinion makes a big part of it. He is a penny pincher (I am not) and he is worried that I will spend at least 1/2 of the rest of my career paying back $50,000 in student loans...he's right.

 

I have a good job in L&D and I love my job. I work Friday-Monday every other weekend which is 24 hours a week. I purposely have my schedule like that to homeschool my DD. I am leary of 2 1/2 years more of school interfering with HSing and raising my girls in general.

.

 

Personally, either of these would stop me.

[JumpyTheFrog]

I agree that you may be able to help women more as a natural minded L&D nurse than as a midwife. This country needs more of both. Your job sounds like it gives you the flexible hours you need to both have a career you like and spend lots of time with your family. Also, your hours are much more predictable than a home birth midwife's are.

 

Perhaps you could get some training as a doula or shadow a midwife for a few births, to learn other ways to help your patients, without chanbing careers?

 

Also, I used a TENS unit for both of my labors and they cut the pain down about 30% without drugs. Google them. I used the Elle, which I had imported from the UK. I have loaned it out many times. This is something perhaps your patients would like to know about.

[KatA]

I think if I had had a L&D nurse who was an advocate of natural birth it would have made a huge difference in the birth outcome.

 

Yes. I wish I had a nurse like you during my birth.

[tex-mex]

I can tell you what I would do which will probably not be all that popular on these boards, but I can only speak from my own perspective. If I already had a great job that fit into my homeschooling lifestyle, I wouldn't change anything. Midwives have a noble and much needed profession; I respect them and appreciate them, but at the end of the day I would not want any job, no matter how noble or needed, becoming a burden to me or my family, financially or otherwise. I would also want to be in agreement with my husband on whatever path I chose. If his concerns about money were unfounded that would be one thing, but your husband seems to have legitimate concerns. I would embrace the life I'm living now and not seek any other.

 

When I was single I got my degree in education. I graduated with honors and did my student teaching in one of the best school districts in the nation - Fairfax County, Virginia. It wasn't at all what I expected. I was completely disillusioned for myself as a teacher and for the children. I determined that I wanted to make a difference in the field of education. I took my GRE, did well and started taking graduate courses at UVa. I really thought that one day I might even run for state delegate so that I could influence the laws concerning education. But after teaching for a few years and taking a few courses, I got married and had a baby and my focus changed completely. I no longer felt the need to go out and "conquer the educational world" - I wanted a simpler, more family-focused existence. My sil homeschooled her six children so it was quite easy for me to follow in her footsteps.

 

Now, 25 years later, I am working for a non-profit organization that monitors the state government regarding anything that might have a negative impact on homeschooling in my state. I am just a copy editor - I really don't have time to devote to much else. But I am influencing education in my state, only in a much smaller capacity. Perhaps when all my children are married and on their own, I will become more involved and take on more responsibility. But for now, I am content to pour my energy, love and devotion into the family God gave me.

 

You sound so stressed and uneasy about it all, so I advise you to think about the big picture. What do you really want from life? What do you want to look back on when you are in your eighties and feel proud of having accomplished? I'm one who strongly feels most woman cannot do both homemaking (especially when it includes homeschooling) and a demanding career excellently - something will suffer and if I were standing at your crossroads in your shoes, I would pick my family over furthering my career hands down (especially considering the debt burden in this uncertain economy and the fact that you feel "schooled out.") I hope you find peace in whatever decision you make.:grouphug:

:iagree:

The OP may find as her children get older, it will dictate career choices. I know of one CNP who homeschooled her 5 kids for years (no outside job) but kept her license current. One day her dh lost his job. They switched roles and he stayed at home with the kids hsing while she worked f/t. Then he in a few years found a decent job -- she got to homeschool but still had to work (RN -- not as an CNP) weekends at a nursing home for a year or two.

 

Now she juggles homeschooling her kids and working as a director of an online nursing program with a major university. She can work at home and be there for her kids. But 10 years ago, she never would have dreamed her career in nursing would be like this. I say be flexible and be willing for different choices in life.

Edited November 2, 2011 by tex-mex

[rwjx2khsmj]

Have you thought about becoming a doula? It might be a way to increase awareness for natural childbirth options in your area without trying to buck the medical system. It would also put you in a place to help women who truly want to have an advocate in L&D in a way that being a nurse doesn't.

[Becca211]

I agree with the other advice you got. I will follow up with my experience. I also was a L & D nurse. I wanted to go on to be a CNM or WHNP. I love women's health, and wanted to empower women. While struggling with infertility (I had a 4 yr old at home), I decided on WHNP and applied to a school 2 hours from home. DH and I had worked out the details. I would have an apartment there, and get a nanny for my son. I was even talking to local OB's about doing my practicum with them. One day it dawned on me that I didn't really want to work at the time. Why on earth would I go to school for something that I would have to work full time at when I could stay home with my son (working PRN 1 shift a week)? I spoke to one of the female OB's and she said, "Don't ever go to school for something and become a slave to your education". I think she really felt locked into working because she had so much money and time invested in her education. I am so happy that I didn't do it! I now have 2 more kids, and don't work at all. I love being able to stay home and home school my kids.

[Bluegoat]

Have you thought about becoming a doula? It might be a way to increase awareness for natural childbirth options in your area without trying to buck the medical system. It would also put you in a place to help women who truly want to have an advocate in L&D in a way that being a nurse doesn't.

:iagree:

 

I did some doula training, and the trainer was an L&D nurse as well as a doula and trainer. She was amazing as a trainer and I bet she was a great nurse as well. She took a limited number of doula clients a year and taught about four workshops a year. I think her work really contributed to the resources of many different communities to offer moms real help.

[justamouse]

You could head down to The Farm for a few classes.

[Michelle in AL]

Isn't there a womens maternal child health NP major? I could swear there is, if not you could get a women's health NP major and also get certified in peds (additional clinical hrs).

 

Family NP is very marketable and will increase in use over the next decade due to baby boomers and a primary care MD shortage.

 

I'm in Family NP school now (online). I'm not sure if it's just my school or if it's like this everywhere, but the hrs of studying our intense. I work 2 12hr shifts a week and study the rest of the time. Most days I get an hour to go exercise and some free time in the evening, but that's it. I can't imagine doing it with 2 small children. I have NO time for homeschooling. I barely get my kids weeks scheduled and do sporadic grading. Next yr I'll have 180 hrs of clinical/semester on top of everything else.

 

Almost all my kid's classes are outsourced so we can continue to hs. My kids are 15 and 17 now.

 

Masters level nursing is very intense, I assume midwifery would be the same. If you think about it, you are learning a good portion of what is learned in med school in 3 yrs, in fact I study more than my dh did in med school.