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Who pays for Thanksgiving?


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We have Thanksgiving at our house and it is our 5, my oldest daughter and her husband, my middle son, his wife and their 7 children, and my husbands sister and her husband.

I used to do it all but numbers began to increase, was not very well for a few years so others started asking what they could bring. We do not have a major fancy dinner. My dil generally brings makings for a nice tossed salad, my sil brings makings for a fruit salad, my daughter brings a veggie to heat and I fill in the rest with turkey and dressing, potato or rice, and desserts. My two youngest have become very good help the day or two before hand and most everyone comes early to help get the meal prepared and one. In fact many years my son and family and daughter and husband come for a late breakfast and stay through. It is a simple, relaxed, fun day. We generally eat around 4 or 4:30 as my daughter always has to be to work very early on Black Friday.

 

My advice is relax. Enjoy the time with everyone. Go with the flow as far as $$s. My brothers and sisters haven't been together since my mom passed away. Even though we didn't get together a lot before and never on holidays, I kind of miss it.

 

ETS: If there is something on your list to bring that you really can not afford, simply do not have the budget to purchase the items, tell them so.

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Wow! I appreciate all the thoughtful (and supportive) comments.

 

I mainly posted just to see if what others would think in this setting. I'm an only child and sibling relationships are somewhat of a mystery to me. I was also an only grandchild growing up and so came from a tradition of very small holiday meals. My grandmother cooked, we went. End of story. :) Dh as the youngest of four is still very much the youngest (in terms of being agreeable and doing what he's told by his sibs, especially his sisters). He is also part of a very large family (over 20 cousins) who are very close and there are many LARGE family gatherings. In addition, combine that with the fact that he is Chinese-American and there are some cultural differences in traditions. And finally, I'm the only in-law. All the other siblings are unmarried (two are divorced and one is never married).

 

On top of all that add in the fact that I know some of my personality flaws are to be over-controlling and having too quick of a temper. Dh is basically a nicer person than me. So sometimes when I find myself getting annnoyed or frustrated by family stuff that he isn't bothered by it's hard for me to see if I'm being unreasonable or not.

 

Of the four siblings, SIL is having the roughest time financially, although since their father's death they are all fairly stable with an inheritance. I've known her for a long time though and this is more about her personality than finances in my opinion. She was quite wealthy until about 5 years ago when she got divorced, and I think she would have sent out the same email at that time.

 

Someone asked why there had to be drama. There has just been a lot of drama this year with the settling of the estate. So I think any little thing that is said or done will be blown out of proportion.

 

In SIL's defense I think she is trying to make this a special Thanksgiving for her four kids. The oldest is 24, the youngest is 16 and I think she is realizing there aren't many years of being together. Three of them are bringing "guests" which is probably somewhat stressful for her. I think the menu was chosen by asking her kids what they like.

 

Also, I should have clarified. I wasn't asked to bring something my son is allergic to. He is allergic to shrimp and one of the appetizers she is planning is shrimp cocktail. So it's easily something he can avoid. He does not have an allergy where being in the same vicinity is a problem for him.

 

I'll say again how much I appreciate all the comments and advice. What I did was tell dh my opinion. He emailed back saying that we'd prefer more freedom in what to bring and to just be responsbile for our own costs. His email was funny but also got the point across. I'll probalby take pretty much what was requested and if the topic of cost comes up I'm going to let dh take the lead since it's his family. In the end I'd rather have family peace than be right. Although, I can't tell you how glad I am to know that the WTM board has my back. :)

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I'll say again how much I appreciate all the comments and advice. What I did was tell dh my opinion. He emailed back saying that we'd prefer more freedom in what to bring and to just be responsbile for our own costs. His email was funny but also got the point across. I'll probalby take pretty much what was requested and if the topic of cost comes up I'm going to let dh take the lead since it's his family. In the end I'd rather have family peace than be right. Although, I can't tell you how glad I am to know that the WTM board has my back. :)

 

Alice, I wanted to pop back in and commend you on your decision. It seems quite sensible. :)

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