Crissy Posted October 6, 2011 Share Posted October 6, 2011 I feel so bad for my son. He's 12 and a very sensitive kid. Yesterday I was frustrated that he didn't get his schoolwork done before sitting down to watch TV. I raised my voice with him and told him to go to his room and get his work done. He was crying at bedtime. He said, "I hate being bad. I just want to do things that make you happy. Because you've been so sad lately." It is true that I've been sad. I haven't been dealing well these past months since my mom's death, and I don't really feel as if I can talk to anyone about it. I'm not looking forward to my older son going away to college next fall, but I know I need to let go. There are a few other things that I don't even know how to articulate. BUT! I can't be putting all of this on my kids. I should be dealing with my own stuff better than this, shouldn't I? How do you deal with difficult things and not allow your children to be affected? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WTMCassandra Posted October 6, 2011 Share Posted October 6, 2011 Awwwww. Hugs all around. The only advice I have is to not "should" on yourself. I have great confidence in your wisdom and think you will slowly find your way. I know you will apologize to your son. I know you will figure out how to be kind to yourself, including grieving in your own way and your own time. Blessings to you this evening. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hedgehog Posted October 6, 2011 Share Posted October 6, 2011 :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: You know, I think it's no bad thing for our children to see us going through, and dealing with, difficult stuff in life. I'm not saying that you should talk his ear off about everything, but seeing you working through your problems will surely be a good example to him. It may help him to learn to be empathetic towards people who are going through tough times, in the future. I think - and I'm going out on a limb here a bit because of course I don't really have much idea of your current home dynamic - that I would reassure him that he isn't the cause of your sadness, and how much you appreciate his part in your life. Lots of hugs, if he responds well to that. I DON'T think there's any "should" about it. You can only do what you can do. The very fact that he's expressing himself that like to you indicates to me that you have a good relationship with him, so give yourself credit for that. HTH. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kalanamak Posted October 6, 2011 Share Posted October 6, 2011 How do you deal with difficult things and not allow your children to be affected? I read something wise long ago about ACTING like the person you want to be as a way to becoming it. Want to be brave? Act brave. Anyway, I'm never averse to extra cuddles from my kiddo, and I do try to put on a happy face. When I'm alone, usually as I'm falling asleep, I talk to my parents, and I also write my mother a long chatty letter every month (I know it is monthly because I do it in the back of the monthly staff meeting, so it is a 90 minute letter.) :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Oakblossoms Posted October 6, 2011 Share Posted October 6, 2011 Are you talking to anyone or getting some treatment? i completely understand. I am a really vocal person and it is so hard for not to share with my kids. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sandellie4 Posted October 6, 2011 Share Posted October 6, 2011 :grouphug::grouphug: to both of you. Sandy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jennsmile Posted October 6, 2011 Share Posted October 6, 2011 :grouphug: One day at a time. With prayer and faith. We believe families are forever and we will be with our loved ones again. So while I was sad at the loss of my brother it was more like he was on an extended trip and I would see him again someday. Sometimes I go talk to him at the cemetery. You could perhaps write a message to your mom and sail a balloon to heaven. Make a memory jar of things you remember doing with your mom and share it with your son. Remember the good she brought to your life. Make a book of the dead ala Enders game. :grouphug: I hope I don't offend you I have no way of knowing your beliefs or faith. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crissy Posted October 6, 2011 Author Share Posted October 6, 2011 Awwwww. Hugs all around. The only advice I have is to not "should" on yourself. I have great confidence in your wisdom and think you will slowly find your way. I know you will apologize to your son. I know you will figure out how to be kind to yourself, including grieving in your own way and your own time. Blessings to you this evening. Thank you, my friend. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JudoMom Posted October 6, 2011 Share Posted October 6, 2011 Oh, Crissy :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crissy Posted October 6, 2011 Author Share Posted October 6, 2011 :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: You know, I think it's no bad thing for our children to see us going through, and dealing with, difficult stuff in life. I'm not saying that you should talk his ear off about everything, but seeing you working through your problems will surely be a good example to him. It may help him to learn to be empathetic towards people who are going through tough times, in the future. This is really what I wonder about. I haven't been confiding in him in any way, but when he says, "I sure miss Nana," and I begin to cry when I say, "Me too," he just knows. Thank you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crissy Posted October 6, 2011 Author Share Posted October 6, 2011 I read something wise long ago about ACTING like the person you want to be as a way to becoming it. Want to be brave? Act brave. Anyway, I'm never averse to extra cuddles from my kiddo, and I do try to put on a happy face. When I'm alone, usually as I'm falling asleep, I talk to my parents, and I also write my mother a long chatty letter every month (I know it is monthly because I do it in the back of the monthly staff meeting, so it is a 90 minute letter.) :grouphug: You know, Kay, I hadn't even thought about writing to her. I will do that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crissy Posted October 6, 2011 Author Share Posted October 6, 2011 Are you talking to anyone or getting some treatment? i completely understand. I am a really vocal person and it is so hard for not to share with my kids. I haven't talked with anyone. I have some issues with frustration over the choices she made, and it hurts my sisters and my dad when I've expressed those feelings. So we just don't talk about it. I know my husband hates to see me cry, so I avoid the topic with him as well. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crissy Posted October 6, 2011 Author Share Posted October 6, 2011 :grouphug: One day at a time. With prayer and faith. We believe families are forever and we will be with our loved ones again. So while I was sad at the loss of my brother it was more like he was on an extended trip and I would see him again someday. Sometimes I go talk to him at the cemetery. You could perhaps write a message to your mom and sail a balloon to heaven. Make a memory jar of things you remember doing with your mom and share it with your son. Remember the good she brought to your life. Make a book of the dead ala Enders game. :grouphug: I hope I don't offend you I have no way of knowing your beliefs or faith. Thank you, Jenn. You certainly haven't cause any offense. I do like the idea of a memory jar. If not for now, to share memories of her with them when they are older. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crissy Posted October 6, 2011 Author Share Posted October 6, 2011 Oh, Crissy :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:. Thank you, C. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MSNative Posted October 6, 2011 Share Posted October 6, 2011 :grouphug: I don't have much to add. You are going through a ton now. I haven't dealt with anything like that so my advice may be worthless. However, I have let my emotions overflow and affect my family. Continue to be honest with your son. It's ok for him to see how much you loved her and how much you are hurting. It may even allow him to be more open with you about how he's feeling. You can also talk to him about how you are trying to deal with it. Maybe you could even try to plan some sort of fun outing to make some happier memories. When I am struggling, I tend to plan a hike or field trip or something else where we can get away and enjoy life. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sparrow Posted October 6, 2011 Share Posted October 6, 2011 :grouphug: I've got a sensitive 11 yo. I felt terrible a few weeks ago when I broke down in a restaurant because he asked how I could miss grandma when she's still here (she has dementia). He felt SO bad and I felt SO bad that I made him feel that way :(. I'm just listening in on all of the sage advice you're receiving and wanted to offer some hugs. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MBM Posted October 6, 2011 Share Posted October 6, 2011 Have you tried journaling about the issues that frustrate you? I've found that be helpful at times. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FiveOaksAcademy Posted October 6, 2011 Share Posted October 6, 2011 :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: to you and your son!!!! I'm so sorry. Praying for your peace and joy to return and for your sweet son!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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