Advice/help re: weight and children

[LAmom]

I will try to keep this short. Background: My husband and I are both overweight. My husband has always been (fat kid) and I gained 70 lbs+ in college and post babies. I am considered a larger boned woman but am tall. My birth mom is thin. Don't know about birth dad...assuming he is built larger. My husband's family has what I call the "fat gene." Just fatties. :001_smile:

 

I have one son, 6yo, that is built quite largely. My daughter thankfully is thin and looks like my 4yo will be that way also. The 2yo may have the same issues as the 6yo. Can you follow that?

 

Anyways, my point is, my husband and I actually eat fairly healthy, feed the kids healthy, etc. We have to sit back and watch while friends (all good, normal if not skinny sizes) feed their kids goldfish, graham crackers, carbs and more carbs along with constantly having juice. My kids are not given juice, never were, although do have it once in awhile as to not make forbidden foods. But, they snack on veggies, fruit, peanuts, etc.

 

I didn't actually get to my point yet...I knew this would be long, sorry. Hard to explain. Well, my son looks large and overweight to me. He has stomach rolls, etc. We limit tv, they play outside, etc. None of that is the problem. Yes, he definitely could get more exercise. He can eat more than me! He always wants seconds and thirds, etc. He scares my husband and I.

 

So many people say don't worry about it. Well, we do. I won't make him "diet" but I want him to maintain a healthy diet and learn self-control. He is like my husband and I, hard to say no to that 2nd cookie, where my daughter just isn't interested in another cookie. I am told boys eat a lot, etc. The people I talk to have had chunky little kids that grow up to be tall skinny teens. Or, there are chunky kids with really skinny parents and you know that these kids will grow up and be thin.

 

So I am looking for input on how to best monitor my son's eating without making him more obsessive or wanting to steal food or having him worry about his weight. Any advice? I am sorry this was so long-winded. I have talked to a nutritionist who basically is like, let him eat what he wants (of normal foods, not junk food) and don't control his portions, etc. Well, he would just majorly overeat every time!! And generally it would be on the carb portion, like the rice or whole wheat pasta, etc.

 

Thanks for listening.. :)

[duckens]

:bigear:

[Jean in Newcastle]

In my experience, 6 year olds often still have their "baby fat". Kids also look chunky often before they have a big growth spurt and shoot up. I think that having a focus on healthy foods and esp. healthy activity is the best way to go.

[SKL]

I have a daughter who used to be like that. I adopted her and took custody when she was 9mos. She is by nature sedentary, loves food, and gains weight easily.

 

Whenever I asked for advice, I was blown off or criticized. The thing is, my daughter is not built like other kids. She can't just eat what she wants and run it off. I had to be proactive, and the sooner the better. I didn't want to set her up for teasing, health problems, and worse.

 

Rather than limit the amount she ate, I let her eat as much as she wanted of selected kinds of food, like fat free milk and fresh fruits and vegetables; and I made sure these were available in quantity at every meal. I would serve other foods of course, but in limited quantities. There were no "seconds" available of fatty/sugary/high-carb foods. As she grew, I talked a lot about how certain foods are healthy and that certain stuff should be reserved for "special treats" (and why).

 

I also arranged our days so that she had no choice but to move her butt. We would go on walks of a mile or more from the time she was 1.5. I had kiddy yoga/dance videos for when the weather outdoors was not amenable. I put her in gymnastics, dance, etc. when they became reasonably available. I found that she really loves swimming, so we do that 1-2x per week.

 

Gradually, my dd grew up more than out and now she is fairly proportional. Some would argue that she would have done that either way, but I don't buy it. There are plenty of kids who are heavy all their lives. It's not automatically "baby fat" just because they are young.

 

One thing I have noticed is that chubby kids who have a relatively flat stomach generally thin out, while those who are fatter around the middle are more likely to keep the extra weight, all other things remaining equal. Just my lay observation, for what it ain't worth.

 

Another outcome here is that dd has an appetite for heathy foods, and does not crave sweets or fatty foods. Sure, she enjoys treats when offered, but she doesn't obsess or ask for excessive quantities.

 

I wouldn't worry about the other parents and their goldfish. Your child's comfort food will be whatever he's used to getting from you. Also, there are healthier alternatives to "goldfish" which are just as much fun. And you can dispense them one at a time vs. by the handful. If that is a problem, just don't have the stuff in the house.

 

Good luck!

[LAmom]

Thank you, SKL! Finally someone who has BTDT. Your post was helpful. I know I am not crazy and that there is a serious issue here and he will have to deal with it his whole life. Three stomach rolls is not baby fat. :glare: I will work on allowing seconds of only the healthier items, be more encouraging. It would help if my husband or I would encourage walks, etc. I am physically LAZY lately.... I know I need to be a better example.

 

Thank you again.

[thescrappyhomeschooler]

Is he proportional on the height/weight charts? Has the pediatrician said that he is overweight?

 

I agree with SKL that I would let him eat as much as he wants of fresh fruit and veggies and possibly milk. Boys do need to eat more than girls, it seems. My eight year old can pack in the food. I've been keeping stacks of apples, grapes, pears, carrot sticks, etc. that he can feel free to eat.

 

Encouraging him to be more active will probably help. And, coming from a family that is all grossly overweight (on my mom's side), I truly believe there is a genetic component to overweight that is very difficult to overcome. I have been eating extremely healthily and exercising moderately for quite a while. I recently even started counting my calories. I just had blood work done, and while I'm overweight, I don't have high blood pressure, don't have high cholesterol, don't have high blood sugar. I'm extremely healthy- just pudgy. I could increase my exercise if I wanted to give up some other activity, like laundry or computer time. I think it would help, but only a little. Your son may just have inherited the genes that will make it difficult for him to be "skinny".

[Kate CA]

We do many meals where there are no carbs at all; just protein and veggies (cooked or fresh in salad, or bowls of raw veggies, etc.) Carbs (rice, pasta, potatoes, breads) do not have to be a part of every meal. All-you-can-eat salad and veggies and a healthy protein are the best choices for someone struggling with weight. This is good for you as well as for your children.

 

I went off sugar for 40 days and at the end of it, I didn't crave it at all. What you train them to love, they will love. There are many great recipes and resources out there for eating this way.

 

You are right to question fat rolls around the stomach - that isn't chunking up before a growth spurt. All mine have done that so I know what it looks like and they never had rolls.

[Sara in AZ]

Hi, I just want to say that I understand how you are feeling and the worries you shared. I have a 6 year old son that weighs 90 pounds. He has always been large (8 lbs at birth 4 weeks early...30 pounds at a year.) He pretty much exclusively nursed that first year, so I didn't worry a lot. But every year he just gets bigger and bigger.

 

We aren't big people on either side of the family, so I don't know where his genes are coming from. He is clearly big boned and just has a different body type than my daughters. He is also tall, as tall as my 8 year old daughter. But you are right...3 fat rolls isn't baby fat! He notices that he's bigger than other kids (and virtually every adult he meets points it out to us as if we weren't aware that our 6 year old is the size of an 8 year old.) Just today he told me he thought his cheeks were too chubby.

 

But I don't want to give him a complex about it this young in life. We eat fairly healthy, but could definitely cut back on the sweets. We try to keep him active in sports, etc. and model an active lifestyle.

 

It sounds like you are trying to do all the right things, so I wouldn't beat yourself up about it. I don't have good advice, just wanted to offer my empathy.

 

:grouphug:

Sara

[abacus2]

So I am looking for input on how to best monitor my son's eating without making him more obsessive or wanting to steal food or having him worry about his weight. Any advice?

 

Allow your son to be himself. Don't let yourself or him be ashamed of his tendency to be a large person. People naturally and healthily come in many shapes and sizes. Teach all your children to eat and play in a healthy way and try your hardest as a mother to worry equally about all your children's good health rather than over stressing about the child/children who don't naturally tend toward the most socially acceptable shape. The healthiest people are the ones who exercise regularly and consume nutritious food, not the ones who have the easiest time finding beautiful clothing in their size.

Edited September 27, 2011 by abacus2