freetobeme Posted September 17, 2011 Share Posted September 17, 2011 i am trying to convince my college freshman that her college experience is hers alone and that is okay. i think her friends are trying to convince her otherwise. i'm okay that she lives her life, but i keep being drawn into it. . .your thoughts are appreciated! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mrs Mungo Posted September 17, 2011 Share Posted September 17, 2011 I attended a big university, but commuted. I started when I was 17, so I didn't drink or go to parties much (even later). I worked my way through college, paying for it myself. I frequently held two jobs and worked greater than 50 hours/week to do so. I had friends in various age groups. Some of my study groups were partially made up of people old enough to be my grandparents. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
beaners Posted September 17, 2011 Share Posted September 17, 2011 Most of the statistics I've found state that nearly half of people who enter college will drop out before graduation. Is that the typical college experience, then? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ria Posted September 17, 2011 Share Posted September 17, 2011 i am trying to convince my college freshman that her college experience is hers alone and that is okay. i think her friends are trying to convince her otherwise. i'm okay that she lives her life, but i keep being drawn into it. . .your thoughts are appreciated! I'm not sure I understand what you are trying to ask. Is she unhappy? If so, why? Or are you unhappy? And how are you drawn into it? What about her circumstances give her (or you) concern? I don't mean to sound snarky, believe me. I've had 3 in college...just trying to understand your question so I can answer you better. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
freetobeme Posted September 17, 2011 Author Share Posted September 17, 2011 I'm not sure I understand what you are trying to ask. Is she unhappy? If so, why? Or are you unhappy? And how are you drawn into it? What about her circumstances give her (or you) concern? I don't mean to sound snarky, believe me. I've had 3 in college...just trying to understand your question so I can answer you better. :) maybe a better question is "is there a typical college experience?" she is having trouble adjusting but i firmly believe she will. she just needs to take her own time. she is out of town but close enough to come home weekends whenever. and i have given her the freedom to choose "whenever". i am only trying to advise her and i wanted some input from others. does that help? thanks! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tracy Posted September 17, 2011 Share Posted September 17, 2011 When I was a senior in high school, I thought that the "typical college experience" entailed Living away from home Being somewhat self-reliant (my mom co-signed on my first year loan and sometimes gave me money for books and traveling home--everything else I paid for) Choosing my own course of study Partying (Now, I did not like the partying, so I chose a college in a town where fraternities and sororities were banned.) I can't say whether this is necessarily a typical experience, but that is what was in my head. I can say that I did get these things out of college. But I don't think that one absolutely needs college to do this. I have come to think now that college is a very expensive way to grow up. (Not that I am against college--I just think that I chose a very expensive college and that colleges, in general are too expensive.) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ria Posted September 17, 2011 Share Posted September 17, 2011 maybe a better question is "is there a typical college experience?" she is having trouble adjusting but i firmly believe she will. she just needs to take her own time. she is out of town but close enough to come home weekends whenever. and i have given her the freedom to choose "whenever". i am only trying to advise her and i wanted some input from others. does that help? thanks! Oh, yes, that certainly helps! I went to a private school and lived on campus. I was totally shocked by the behavior of girls on my hall...the first time I went to take a shower I found a couple having sex in the shower. While I wasn't unaware that people had sex in college, I was not sexually active and did NOT expect to run into this scenario. Then there was the drinking...I didn't go out and party to excess. Most did. I was uncomfortable. I felt like I didn't fit in at all. I did eventually make some good friends...the best friend being dh, whom I met on the 2nd day and who was my good friend for a long time before we started dating. It took a while to find a niche, though... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tracy Posted September 17, 2011 Share Posted September 17, 2011 maybe a better question is "is there a typical college experience?" she is having trouble adjusting but i firmly believe she will. she just needs to take her own time. she is out of town but close enough to come home weekends whenever. and i have given her the freedom to choose "whenever". i am only trying to advise her and i wanted some input from others. does that help? thanks! So what exactly are her friends saying is a typical college experience, and what about that makes your dd feel uncomfortable? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
In The Great White North Posted September 17, 2011 Share Posted September 17, 2011 i think her friends are trying to convince her otherwise. Exactly what are her friends trying to convince her? Do they think they have a say in her college experience? Are they using this to try to pressure her into doing something she doesn't want to/knows she shouldn't? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
freetobeme Posted September 17, 2011 Author Share Posted September 17, 2011 It took a while to find a niche, though... this is my advice to her. and i believe she will find hers. in time. meanwhile, her family is here and close enough by until she does. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
freetobeme Posted September 17, 2011 Author Share Posted September 17, 2011 Exactly what are her friends trying to convince her? Do they think they have a say in her college experience? Are they using this to try to pressure her into doing something she doesn't want to/knows she shouldn't? see, that is what i keep telling her. it is HER experience. not mine. not theirs. it can be what she wants it to be. she is NOT succumbing to peer pressure. i think she is just trying to be independent which she should be. i just needed a little affirmation that i am leading her in a good direction. or not. thanks! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
YLVD Posted September 17, 2011 Share Posted September 17, 2011 i am trying to convince my college freshman that her college experience is hers alone and that is okay. i think her friends are trying to convince her otherwise. i'm okay that she lives her life, but i keep being drawn into it. . .your thoughts are appreciated! Well, I know that mine was not typical! I started at age 23 or so, as a single mom with a toddler! I graduated from the University of Washington when she was about 6. We lived right near campus, but just off of it, at the university's family housing (townhouses). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Night Elf Posted September 18, 2011 Share Posted September 18, 2011 (edited) When I hear those words, I envision a young adult living on campus, learning to be responsible for getting to class and doing work, and being extremely social, i.e. hanging out with friends a great deal of the time which does include parties. It's a stereotype I guess, but it is reality for many people. But then again, I attended a university with a reputation of being a party school. I was very close in age to my classmates but I was married and our lifestyle just wasn't the same as theirs. I definitely felt atypical in that environment. ETA: my dd19 has friends in college. They are living the lifestyle I mentioned above and a couple of them are constantly hounding my dd to hurry and finish her high school classes so she can move in with them and do the things that people their age are supposed to do. They hated that she chose to work full-time instead of making high school a priority and choosing to go away to college. One supposedly good friend told her she was wasting her life and that she had plenty of time to be an adult, so why start too soon? No really. She is still saying it! Dd19 is 2 classes away from her graduation and this friend is pushing her to apply to the college. Ugh. Edited September 18, 2011 by Night Elf Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Trish Posted September 18, 2011 Share Posted September 18, 2011 maybe a better question is "is there a typical college experience?" she is having trouble adjusting but i firmly believe she will. she just needs to take her own time. she is out of town but close enough to come home weekends whenever. and i have given her the freedom to choose "whenever". i am only trying to advise her and i wanted some input from others. does that help? thanks! It's way too early for her to feel totally comfortable. Give it another month. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Danestress Posted September 18, 2011 Share Posted September 18, 2011 When I went to college, I was 18 and everyone in the Freshman class seemed to be in the 17 - 19 crowd. College no longer is all about that age group. Married Moms go to college, retired people go to college, working people go to college. I am not sure that the matriculation rate for 17 - 19 year olds with parental support is really low, but I bet it's on the low side for people who are juggling kids, aging parents, jobs and health problems. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gardenmom5 Posted September 18, 2011 Share Posted September 18, 2011 No one has a "typical" college experience. Same as no one matches the "statistics"--because "stats" and "typical" are by definition group-words. . :iagree:I was chatting with a labor nurse, and she mentioned how many first time moms ask how long things will last. then they quote the books and think that's what they should expect. her reply was "the baby didn't read the book." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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