Ria Posted September 10, 2011 Share Posted September 10, 2011 Ds 15 was at the store with some friends. Got pulled into something really dumb. Yes, he could have said no but he did not. Long story short, police were involved. Ds will not have a record but is going to do some community service. The police asked how we wanted them to handle it and we chose the most involved option. This boy is NOT getting off easy. The police even thanked us for being so supportive of them and for caring enough to be firm. He's a basket case at the moment. I know he's ashamed, embarrassed, mortified, etc. He got very upset when we got back home and seems to think I don't like him and that now I'll have zero respect for him. I am worried. I think my distress over the son in Afghanistan has made me pay less attention to someone who really needs it right now...someone who needed my attention more than I realized. Those teen years are so tough and I've been more than a little absorbed in circumstances across the globe. I had a long talk with ds. Then I had a good cry. Then I took a Xanax. Yes I did. I have good kids. He is a fantastic kid...smart, hysterically funny, great to be around. I just wonder where on earth his mind went. I hurt because he's so upset. And yeah, I'm disappointed, but that seems minor compared to his heart hurting. :( Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GWOB Posted September 10, 2011 Share Posted September 10, 2011 :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Molly Posted September 10, 2011 Share Posted September 10, 2011 Don't beat yourself up about being disappointed. His actions and choices disappointed you. Just keep talking to him. Keep loving on him. Keep loving on yourself. Hang in there, I can only imagine how difficult it must be. Know that although I don't know you I am praying for you. Take care. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Julie in CA Posted September 10, 2011 Share Posted September 10, 2011 I'm sorry. :grouphug: Even the best teens are still--teens. :001_huh: I'll be praying that both you and he can heal quickly and move on. Lord willing, this will become something you can both look back on and laugh about in the years to come. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Food4Thought Posted September 10, 2011 Share Posted September 10, 2011 You sound like a great mom. :grouphug::grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elegantlion Posted September 10, 2011 Share Posted September 10, 2011 :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
higginszoo Posted September 10, 2011 Share Posted September 10, 2011 Ugh. It's so hard when they make those decisions and you and they KNOW that they know better. :grouphug: You'll get through it, he'll get through it, and hopefully learn something in the process. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
meggie Posted September 10, 2011 Share Posted September 10, 2011 I'm sorry. :grouphug:Even the best teens are still--teens. :001_huh: I'll be praying that both you and he can heal quickly and move on. Lord willing, this will become something you can both look back on and laugh about in the years to come. :grouphug: :iagree: I was a pretty good teen, never drank, smoked or had sex. And even I did stupid things that I shouldn't have. The fact that he was crying and remorseful shows that he's a good kid. I'd be more worried if he didn't care or feel sorry or just got angry. I'm pretty sure he learned his lesson and won't easily succumb to peer pressure anymore. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kathleen in VA Posted September 10, 2011 Share Posted September 10, 2011 You sound like a great mom. :grouphug::grouphug: :iagree:and here are some more :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gingersmom Posted September 10, 2011 Share Posted September 10, 2011 :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
8circles Posted September 10, 2011 Share Posted September 10, 2011 :grouphug: Mothering sucks sometimes. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tammyla Posted September 10, 2011 Share Posted September 10, 2011 :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ria Posted September 10, 2011 Author Share Posted September 10, 2011 :grouphug: Mothering sucks sometimes. Yes it does. Really. There are days, eh? :) You guys are great. I feel better already. I know this will be ok. I think I really need to focus on my sons here at home. I have been so preoccupied with the eldest son, but he's an adult, chose to be a Marine, etc. I think I got a good wake-up call today about who really needs Mom right now. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sputterduck Posted September 10, 2011 Share Posted September 10, 2011 Honestly, his heart hurting is a huge blessing. I bet you he won't ever get involved in something of that nature ever again. Imagine where you would be *without* his repentance. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TN Mama Posted September 10, 2011 Share Posted September 10, 2011 Don't beat yourself up about being disappointed. His actions and choices disappointed you. Just keep talking to him. Keep loving on him. Keep loving on yourself. Hang in there, I can only imagine how difficult it must be. Know that although I don't know you I am praying for you. Take care. :iagree: This. And :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Random Posted September 10, 2011 Share Posted September 10, 2011 :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rose in BC Posted September 10, 2011 Share Posted September 10, 2011 :grouphug: Parenting is not for the faint hearted, that's for sure. I've got two 15 yr old and one soon to be 14 yr old. It seems every day I pray that God gives me the strength to make it through the day :). And I know we could have it worse than we do but just normal parenting is challenging! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
amyrjoy Posted September 10, 2011 Share Posted September 10, 2011 Ds 15 was at the store with some friends. Got pulled into something really dumb. Yes, he could have said no but he did not. Long story short, police were involved. Ds will not have a record but is going to do some community service. The police asked how we wanted them to handle it and we chose the most involved option. This boy is NOT getting off easy. The police even thanked us for being so supportive of them and for caring enough to be firm. He's a basket case at the moment. I know he's ashamed, embarrassed, mortified, etc. He got very upset when we got back home and seems to think I don't like him and that now I'll have zero respect for him. I am worried. I think my distress over the son in Afghanistan has made me pay less attention to someone who really needs it right now...someone who needed my attention more than I realized. Those teen years are so tough and I've been more than a little absorbed in circumstances across the globe. I had a long talk with ds. Then I had a good cry. Then I took a Xanax. Yes I did. I have good kids. He is a fantastic kid...smart, hysterically funny, great to be around. I just wonder where on earth his mind went. I hurt because he's so upset. And yeah, I'm disappointed, but that seems minor compared to his heart hurting. :( My brother got into trouble because he was hanging with the wrong crowd. He is a few years older than me, and he was your son's age i think at the time. I had to go with my mother to the police station, so I guess this is why I remember it so well. Anyways, my brother was top of his class all the way through, extrmely good and smart, just poor judgement at this certain time. Yeah, he had to do community service. He got through it, so did my parents. I think it was a big learning experience and hopefully, like with my brother, he won't find himself in that situation again! :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WIS0320 Posted September 10, 2011 Share Posted September 10, 2011 :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Annie Laurie Posted September 10, 2011 Share Posted September 10, 2011 I'm sorry. :grouphug:Even the best teens are still--teens. :001_huh: I'll be praying that both you and he can heal quickly and move on. Lord willing, this will become something you can both look back on and laugh about in the years to come. :grouphug: :iagree: It hurts seeing them make mistakes, and seeing them hurting. It's part of growing up but I never knew until I had a teen how hard that is as a parent. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mommyfaithe Posted September 10, 2011 Share Posted September 10, 2011 kids do dumb things. Even good, smart ones. You are a great mom....he blew it...you are helping him make reparations. This too shall pass. It is good he is so upset. Maybe...hopefully next time...there won't be a next time. :grouphug::grouphug: Faithe (whose teens can be dumb sometimes too....even when they are in their 20's!) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TravelingChris Posted September 11, 2011 Share Posted September 11, 2011 :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kalanamak Posted September 11, 2011 Share Posted September 11, 2011 kids do dumb things. Even good, smart ones. You are a great mom....he blew it...you are helping him make reparations. This too shall pass. It is good he is so upset. Maybe...hopefully next time...there won't be a next time. :iagree::grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Denisemomof4 Posted September 11, 2011 Share Posted September 11, 2011 here are some :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:from one understanding mom of a teen that did something stupid to another.:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Barb_ Posted September 11, 2011 Share Posted September 11, 2011 here are some :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:from one understanding mom of a teen that did something stupid to another.:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: :iagree: Yeah, me too. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catz Posted September 11, 2011 Share Posted September 11, 2011 Honestly, his heart hurting is a huge blessing. I bet you he won't ever get involved in something of that nature ever again. Imagine where you would be *without* his repentance. :iagree: It's the kids that don't agonize over something like this after the fact that a person really needs to worry about! You are doing all the right things. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
livingnlearning Posted September 11, 2011 Share Posted September 11, 2011 My teen hasn't had a chance to do many stupid things yet but my day is coming. According to my mom, I'm due some headaches. :D He sounds like a great kid and you sound like a great mom. He took a walk on the wild side and found out it's not much fun. Support each other, everyone makes mistakes and teenagers don't always think past what's in front of their faces. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Melissa in Australia Posted September 11, 2011 Share Posted September 11, 2011 :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
unsinkable Posted September 11, 2011 Share Posted September 11, 2011 Ria, I'm sorry, dear. :grouphug: You are an awesome mom! We have a joke in our house that if there is a group of boys you take the lowest IQ amoung them and divide by the number of boys. That is the potential functioning IQ of the group. Kids do stupid things. He'll grow out of it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crissy Posted September 11, 2011 Share Posted September 11, 2011 He is a fantastic kid...smart, hysterically funny, great to be around. I just wonder where on earth his mind went. :( He's 15. Sometimes there is just no reasonable explanation for a poor choice. :grouphug: I am sorry you are both hurting today. Just remind him that this singular event does not define him -- he is still fantastic kid! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WishboneDawn Posted September 11, 2011 Share Posted September 11, 2011 I have good kids. He is a fantastic kid...smart, hysterically funny, great to be around. I just wonder where on earth his mind went. I hurt because he's so upset. And yeah, I'm disappointed, but that seems minor compared to his heart hurting. :( He's a teenager, who knows where his mind went? I'd just thank goodness that he went while he was still young and under your roof so that you could handle it properly. Great parents aren't the ones with all perfect children. Great parents are the ones who know how to properly handle the messy kids. Sounds like you did really well with him. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LauraGB Posted September 11, 2011 Share Posted September 11, 2011 Kids do stupid things - it's how they learn to do the right thing. You sound like a great mom and he sounds like a good kid who just learned something. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
melissel Posted September 11, 2011 Share Posted September 11, 2011 Ds 15 was at the store with some friends. Got pulled into something really dumb. Yes, he could have said no but he did not. Long story short, police were involved. Ds will not have a record but is going to do some community service. The police asked how we wanted them to handle it and we chose the most involved option. This boy is NOT getting off easy. The police even thanked us for being so supportive of them and for caring enough to be firm. He's a basket case at the moment. I know he's ashamed, embarrassed, mortified, etc. He got very upset when we got back home and seems to think I don't like him and that now I'll have zero respect for him. I am worried. I think my distress over the son in Afghanistan has made me pay less attention to someone who really needs it right now...someone who needed my attention more than I realized. Those teen years are so tough and I've been more than a little absorbed in circumstances across the globe. I had a long talk with ds. Then I had a good cry. Then I took a Xanax. Yes I did. I have good kids. He is a fantastic kid...smart, hysterically funny, great to be around. I just wonder where on earth his mind went. I hurt because he's so upset. And yeah, I'm disappointed, but that seems minor compared to his heart hurting. :( :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: I was a very good kid, a very smart kid, a kid who followed the rules...and yet, I allowed myself to be pulled into something moderately criminal as a teen. Why it seemed like a good idea at the time? I have absolutely no idea. It didn't seem wrong to me until it was far too late. I'm sure your DS had the same momentarily empty-headed experience I did. He'll be OK. You did the right thing by handling it the way you did and by viewing him the way you are now--as someone who needs your reassurance and love alongside the tough love the police will be administering. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NicAnn Posted September 11, 2011 Share Posted September 11, 2011 How hard for you all! I'm sorry you're having to go through this, but it will pass and you will all be better for it. It is so easy to get caught up in things, even if you know they are wrong. I'm an adult and regularly do things I know I should not. Hugs to you! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
swellmomma Posted September 11, 2011 Share Posted September 11, 2011 :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pamela H in Texas Posted September 11, 2011 Share Posted September 11, 2011 :grouphug: My ds did something we considered incredibly awful also. We also were in a stressful situation so bumping heads more than usual otherwise. Stuff happens. We regroup and keep plugging along. It is a really good lesson for kids to learn :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Impish Posted September 11, 2011 Share Posted September 11, 2011 :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Harriet Vane Posted September 11, 2011 Share Posted September 11, 2011 :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
QuirkyKapers Posted September 11, 2011 Share Posted September 11, 2011 :iagree:and here are some more :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: :iagree: Good kids can still make choices that have us shaking our heads. Unfortuntely, this is one of those moments where the reprecussions have a high price. Sounds like you handled it great! :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Danestress Posted September 11, 2011 Share Posted September 11, 2011 Raising kids is not for the faint of heart. Thank you for sharing your story and your distress. Hugs to your and your boy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sparrow Posted September 11, 2011 Share Posted September 11, 2011 Kids do stupid things - it's how they learn to do the right thing. You sound like a great mom and he sounds like a good kid who just learned something. :grouphug: :iagree: :grouphug: Your son sounds a lot like mine. He always takes things hard and worries that I'm disappointed in him. You're a good mom. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joanne Posted September 11, 2011 Share Posted September 11, 2011 (((((Many hugs))))) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hannah C. Posted September 11, 2011 Share Posted September 11, 2011 :grouphug::grouphug: I was a really smart kid and I had a stupid moment. I ended up with community service - it could have been worse. This is your DS's stupid moment, and I bet he's learned his lesson. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
msjones Posted September 11, 2011 Share Posted September 11, 2011 You sound like a great mom. :grouphug::grouphug: :iagree: I did some astronomically stupid things when I was a teen. I remember wishing my parents had even noticed. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Barb_ Posted September 11, 2011 Share Posted September 11, 2011 :iagree: I did some astronomically stupid things when I was a teen. I remember wishing my parents had even noticed. You know, msjones raises a thought. You've been worried to distraction about your older son, and I'm sure your younger son has been too. Since this was so out of character, maybe this was his way, probably subconsciously, to break the tension. The fact that you snapped to and reacted exactly the way he'd expect you to react is probably a great relief and comfort to him. To know that even now, you are still in charge and capable of saving him from himself. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Laura in CA Posted September 11, 2011 Share Posted September 11, 2011 Honestly, his heart hurting is a huge blessing. I bet you he won't ever get involved in something of that nature ever again. Imagine where you would be *without* his repentance. :iagree: and :grouphug: I have a friend who prays that if her children do stray, they will get caught. At least your son was caught in the act ... that, and his repentance, are blessings. I had two brothers - good kids, from a stable, loving home - who still made dumb choices sometimes. That gives me some perspective as my sons navigate their teen years. As a PP said, it's much more challenging than I'd anticipated. Thanks, Ria, for sharing. I've admired your posts over the years, most recently your sons' summer adventures. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aggie Posted September 11, 2011 Share Posted September 11, 2011 :grouphug: Mothering sucks sometimes. This was not in the manual at the birthing classes, either. We have a joke in our house that if there is a group of boys you take the lowest IQ amoung them and divide by the number of boys. That is the potential functioning IQ of the group. This would be hysterical if it weren't true! :lol: You know, msjones raises a thought. You've been worried to distraction about your older son, and I'm sure your younger son has been too. Since this was so out of character, maybe this was his way, probably subconsciously, to break the tension. The fact that you snapped to and reacted exactly the way he'd expect you to react is probably a great relief and comfort to him. To know that even now, you are still in charge and capable of saving him from himself. I was thinking something along this line, also. And the firm but loving way you reacted will stay with him the rest of his life.:grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
angel marie Posted September 11, 2011 Share Posted September 11, 2011 i'm sorry you had such a bad day too. him being remorseful is such a great sign. glad u took the xanax. you deserve it. in the morning things will look better:grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Beauty From Ashes Posted September 11, 2011 Share Posted September 11, 2011 :grouphug: and an extra one just because I think you need it. :grouphug: The good thing is he saw Mom loves him enough to help. He feels those feelings of shame about it. He acted, probably impulsively, and he realizes it was wrong. That's a good thing. I am so sorry he had to go through this. Hopefully everyone has learned from it and all will be better and grow. Hugs to you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
speedmom4 Posted September 11, 2011 Share Posted September 11, 2011 Sounds to me like you had the right response to the situation. ALL teens make stupid mistakes at times. I think how you handled the situation will stay with your son. Having a tough consequence combined with love and concern seems like the best solution. Great job, Mom! Elise in NC Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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