Military Moms and others with travelling dh: How do YOU prepare for a 4 month trip?

[ThatCyndiGirl]

DH is deploying soon and we are gearing up for it. How do all of you prep for a deployment/travel?

 

I'm making his favourite foods.

 

We will have Thanksgiving before he leaves.

 

Financial stuff taken care of. (He usually pays the bills.)

 

I'm looking for a babysitter so that I can have some time to myself here and there.

 

Any tips? I'm :bigear:.

[TravelingChris]

Get specific POA's dealing with cars, if they are titled in his name or jointly. You never know when someone will smash into your car and even pretty minor damage can result in a total loss. You want to be able to do anything you need to like sign the title to the insurance company so you can get a check for a new car.

 

Plan to have some more carry-out, dine out, or very easy meals. I know that when dh was tdy for 4 months in 2001, I had a almost 5, 8, and 12 year olds. I didn't really realize until he was gone for so long how much he did around the house. The fact that I was now doing both my normal jobs and his (like he would cook about once or twice a week, he would wash dishes at times, do some vacuuming, etc.), plus the kids were under stress and their behaviors became more problematic, made me much more tired. With us, not only did we have 9/11 but then came some maniac who was putting bombs into mailboxes, and of course the Anthrax scare). You will have other issues maybe. But they will be stressful and the extra work may get to you. If you are at a base, take advantage of kids night out. That gave them fun times and gave me a break to see an adult movie or even just to go shopping. (Like your time, ours was in the same period and I needed to do all Christmas shopping and one birthday shopping myself).

 

Anyway, Cyndi, I will be thinking of you (I am not a former Christian-so if it is okay, I will pray for your husband's safety and for your familiy's wellbeing).

[*Lulu*]

:grouphug: Make sure to give yourself some down time while he's away!

Edited August 31, 2011 by BLA5

[blondeviolin]

A POA. Can come in handy or you can never use the thing. LOL Check and make sure your MIL ID isn't set to expire any time near because that requires a specialized POA.

[SailorMom]

DH is deploying soon and we are gearing up for it. How do all of you prep for a deployment/travel?

 

I'm making his favourite foods.

 

We will have Thanksgiving before he leaves.

 

Financial stuff taken care of. (He usually pays the bills.)

 

I'm looking for a babysitter so that I can have some time to myself here and there.

 

Any tips? I'm :bigear:.

 

Sadly, other than the above there isn't much you can do :)

The best prep is mental prep. A good sense of humor helps as well.

Every time my DH deploys (he's gone 11 or 12 times now - I'm losing count) "what can go wrong will go wrong". Cars, washing machines, dish washers, they all seem to know when my DH deploys :)

 

One other thing, though - do you have a web cam? Might want to both have one of those and get Skype accounts. In some places they work well, in others they don't.

[ThatCyndiGirl]

Thanks! I hadn't thought of POA. We winged it the past few times without one and it was a little nerve-wracking.

 

transientchris, I appreciate your kindness! Praying is not a problem!

 

I'm planning on building a banquette while he is gone. That should be fun since I've never operated a saw before. Hopefully I will get to keep all of my fingers! I'm learning to play the sax and I'd like to be able to play Pink Panther by the time he gets back. :001_smile: That is my 'me-time'.

 

I'm glad that someone mentioned the webcam! Negin and I have talked about it before. (Yes, the Negin in Grenada!) We've talked about Skyp'ing, so I shall check into that!

[TXMomof4]

Find that babysitter now. I had someone come every Tuesday night. I'd go to the grocery store, book store, Starbucks....whatever. But it was scheduled and untouchable.

 

Also, plan things you wouldn't/couldn't do with dh at home. We were able to travel more. Going to spend a week with family, going to the aquarium out of town, the Heritage Museum that dh was NOT interested in. Make sure you have a bedtime routine of some sort in place and stick to it. We always do well the first few months, but then it starts creeping later and later and by the end of the deployment I never get enough sleep because I'm dealing with non-sleeping kids.

 

Make sure all banking/insurance/legal documents are up to date and readily available with appropriate POAs.

 

Plan projects that you wouldn't normally do - home improvement, decorating, etc. It irritates dh when I sew curtains and such when he's around so I did a mad dash of decorating while he was gone. My mess doesn't bother me like it does him.

 

Have fun with the kids! It's so easy to get sucked into making it through one more day that I would forget to enjoy the freedom of ice cream for dinner if that's what we felt like! Blowing off school for a day to go to the park is good for you and for the kids. Things aren't normal so don't try to make them all normal, kwim?

 

Good luck and good thoughts! Dh has been home 2 full years and we're dreading his next duty because I'm relatively certain it will mean another deployment. Ack!

[HLDoll]

My kids were pretty young for my husband's last 2 Guard deployments, so he recorded himself (video and audio) reading some of their favorite books. He also recorded himself saying 31 different dinner prayers, which we played every evening from a recorder underneath his dinner chair. His civilian employer made us a life size "flat daddy" mounted on foam board (from the waist up) which sat at the dinner table with us, and went to the beach with us and on various other trips. Those kinds of things were fun for the kids. I also definitely recommend getting a laptop with a video camera so you can skype. That worked wonderfully for us on one of his deployments (and less so on another). But you'll want to have it in case it ends up being an option for you. I'd type up texts of some of the kids books which he hadn't recorded beforehand, and he would read to them live over the computer while they held the books in their laps. These are all things that will help you feel connected. Other than that, it looks like other people have the legal recommendations covered.

 

My only other piece of advice is to say "Yes, Thank You," when people offer help. It was hard and humbling at first for me to accept all the kind offers I received. But I learned that it made others feel good to be helpful, and I really did appreciate the little things I never would have asked for. I had friends that would babysit, have us over for dinner and give my kids a bath for me while I relaxed, bring over meals every once in a while. I was reluctant to accept the help at first, but graciously accepting made us all happier. I have a new friend whose husband left recently, and whenever I offer to have them over for dinner or take her kids, she tries to tell me "Oh, I know you're busy, you don't need to do that or go out of your way." I just tell her to smile and say yes, which she then usually does. Let other folks do what they can to help you out.

[ThatCyndiGirl]

I love the idea of the Flat Daddy!! Our little kids got the Teddy Ruxpin-type bears last year. (Deployment Bears? Can't remember what they are called.) He can record his voice in the bear. The base hasa the KUDOS program. (Kids Understanding Deployment and then two words that start with "O'' then ''S''. lol)

 

I have a whole list of decorating items to complete. (mostly painting and making that banquette.) :001_smile:

[RoundAbout]

In addition to the POA its important to have a family care plan. If you're in a car crash you need someone who is going to take your kids until you get out of the hospital or until your DH can get back. In our case we have someone who can take my son for a few days until my MIL can fly out for any long term care. Not fun to think about very necessary.

[Mrs.MacGyver]

In addition to the POA its important to have a family care plan. If you're in a car crash you need someone who is going to take your kids until you get out of the hospital or until your DH can get back. In our case we have someone who can take my son for a few days until my MIL can fly out for any long term care. Not fun to think about very necessary.

 

Yes, this is essential! And don't forget to add a plan for the pets. This actually happened to one of the wives in our troop. Once she went into the hospital, we all knew the plan... kids were picked up from school by someone, dogs were picked up by someone else, appropriate relatives were called and picked up from the airport, and Red Crossed was called. Husband was home from A-stan within 3 days... The plan worked like clockwork, and thankfully everything turned out alright. Yeah, not something anyone wants to think about, but we are all so glad they planned! It was a big wake-up call for the rest of us!

 

The only other thing I can think of is to really talk with your Dh about what your communication expectations are for the deployment. Some of the couples we know are having a really hard time because wife expected him to call/Skype every waking/non-working moment, and he thought calling once every few days was sufficient. Feelings get hurt, but really it all could have been avoided had they talked about it beforehand.

 

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: And definitely take time for yourself!

[ThatCyndiGirl]

Yeah, when he was gone last year I was worried sick when he didn't call for the FIRST THREE DAYS!!! By the time I actually heard his voice I had pretty much planned his funeral and was darn near waiting for the knock on the door.

 

and I'm not typically a pessimist! :001_huh:

 

Speaking of not being a pessimist....I've been watching the news for the past three hours and it looks like we are evacuating due to a fire. They've been fighting it for the past 24 hours and it's not getting better. I'm getting REALLY sick of hearing about how tragic it is that "such nice, expensive million dollar homes" are at risk. You know what? It's sad when regular houses burn down, too!!!!!!!

Edited August 31, 2011 by ThatCyndiGirl

[Misty]

Make sure you have ALL account numbers and passwords to every utility company, on-line banking, etc. etc. etc... Especially those that draft automatically from your husband's debit card. One month after my dh deployed, his debit/Mastercard number was stolen overseas and sold back to someone in the U.S. We had about $500 charged to a Target somewhere in Ohio. USAA canceled his card and sent me a new one (which I had to send to his sub overseas) BUT I had to call every single bill that was attached to his card (cell phones, storage place, DirecTV, Netflix, and God knows what else).. I didn't have all the passwords that he had set up.. It was a nightmare!!!!!!!!!!!

 

I think maybe the officers are targeted overseas more because they know they make more money than enlisted. He used his card somewhere when they pulled into port and someone got his number.. He never lost possession of his card.. They just got his number somehow. And he's usually extremely careful about this sort of thing so we are still baffled about how it happened!:confused: