Be emotional with me for a minute. DD says she hates homeschooling.

[johnandtinagilbert]

Darling, yet Diva was miserable today during her Language Arts lesson.

 

"What's the matter?"

"Nothing."

"Then why the frumpy face all morning?"

"Nevermind."

"What is it? Obviously, something is bothering you."

"I HATE HOME SCHOOL! I want to go to public school."

"To be with your friends?"

"Yes."

"Why do you attend school?"

"To learn" really ugly face right now.

"When do you think you'll have time to hang out with your friends. You won't get to sit and talk with them the way you do on weekends or with your sister."

"We can have lunch together."

"True, but that's 20 minutes. You want to give up all the advantages of home schooling for 20 minutes? Do you really think you're going to be allowed to talk all day? You'll get in trouble for disrupting class."

sigh --- moan---sigh

"Well, you're not going now and most likely ever, so deal with it. If I were in your shoes, I'd pray and ask God to change your heart and attitude. Your education is not your decision, in ours, and we choose home schooling. I'm sorry this displeases you."

I walked out of the room. I wasn't mean. I was rather monotone, actually. I was sincere, too.

 

UGH! I know she's very social, but ps is NOT an option. The one here is HORRID...beyond horrid.

 

She's in sports year round, but has no lasting friends b/c most of the kids are busy and in public school. She loves dance and cheering, but we can't afford either AND (to keep it real) we find both dance and cheering immodest and inappropriate. Everything (and there has been a lot) we've looked into was scarcely dressed or made up for the stage and we're not okay with either. There is one Christian troupe, but WOWZA they are super expensive.

 

We go to church and she does have a good friend there, but she's also ps. Even the neighbor who she spends considerable time with: ps. Besides her sister, all of her close friends are ps.

 

We are in a field trip co-op but b/c of vehicle issues, there's not much interaction there.

 

I am unable to offer her anything else.

 

I feel bad. and angry. and unappreciated. and frustrated.

[Jen500]

:grouphug:

Maybe she just needed to vent and have a hug. Sometimes we can't talk people out of how they are feeling.

[johnandtinagilbert]

:grouphug:

Maybe she just needed to vent and have a hug. Sometimes we can't talk people out of how they are feeling.

I've seen this growing on her. I've kind of watched and waited for minute it came out.

I could have been more supportive, though, you're right.

 

I guess I need to get my own emotions right before I deal with hers.

[Berta]

My daughter said to me this morning that she wants to go to school too. Unfortunately, in our town it's definitely not an option as they are horrible too. She asked why all the neighbor kids go to school if it's so horrible. I didn't have an answer for her.

 

We are leaving for vacation in two days and I reminded her that if she were in school, she wouldn't be able to go away for vacation. I also told her that she is VERY smart, and would be bored because they are learning things she already knows (which is true). That seemed to end the questions for now. Out of all my kids, she is the one that is VERY social and loves being around other kids. She went to summer camp and really enjoyed it. This morning I felt kind of like I was cheating her out of something by not letting her go to ps, although realistically I know that I am not. Parenting is not easy!

[johnandtinagilbert]

My daughter said to me this morning that she wants to go to school too. Unfortunately, in our town it's definitely not an option as they are horrible too. She asked why all the neighbor kids go to school if it's so horrible. I didn't have an answer for her.

 

We are leaving for vacation in two days and I reminded her that if she were in school, she wouldn't be able to go away for vacation. I also told her that she is VERY smart, and would be bored because they are learning things she already knows (which is true). That seemed to end the questions for now. Out of all my kids, she is the one that is VERY social and loves being around other kids. She went to summer camp and really enjoyed it. This morning I felt kind of like I was cheating her out of something by not letting her go to ps, although realistically I know that I am not. Parenting is not easy!

That's the case here, to. She's #4 of 5. Unfortunately, she's also very much a follower. She tends to pick up bad habits from others very easily. I imagine if she went to ps she'd change quickly and I would not be real happy about it.

 

Please pray for us. I don't ever want to hear her tell anyone how she hated home schooling growing up. It tears me up to read those sorts of things.

[jjins]

This may NOT be an option for your, but....

 

My oldest was boohooing homeschooling and I was able to talk to a VERY homeschool friendly principal at one of the local public school. She offered to put him in a classroom for ONE day only.... one very long boring day. She was going to put him with the most strict teacher in the grade, who would wait for dead silence before continuing to teach, who would be instructed to make sure that it was especially unpleasant in her class that day.

 

We ended up visiting the classroom for about 30 minutes rather than actually enrolling...we lined up with the class and followed them to the library after the math lesson we watched.

 

After getting to the library, DS said, "mom, I do not need to come to PS tomorrow, I would rather be homeschooled, is that okay"

 

This was 3 years ago, he was only 6. He still remember this feeling. The other day I was talking to someone about a part time job that I am interested in, over heard me on the phone with the person in charge of hiring... wrote me a note "please do not go back to work mom, I will give up anything to not have to give up homeschooling and go to public school". I immediately asked to call the woman back and quickly explained to my son that this job would not take away from my most important job of raising my children!

 

My children truly feel bad for those children who MUST homeschool.

[johnandtinagilbert]

This may NOT be an option for your, but....

 

My oldest was boohooing homeschooling and I was able to talk to a VERY homeschool friendly principal at one of the local public school. She offered to put him in a classroom for ONE day only.... one very long boring day. She was going to put him with the most strict teacher in the grade, who would wait for dead silence before continuing to teach, who would be instructed to make sure that it was especially unpleasant in her class that day.

 

We ended up visiting the classroom for about 30 minutes rather than actually enrolling...we lined up with the class and followed them to the library after the math lesson we watched.

 

After getting to the library, DS said, "mom, I do not need to come to PS tomorrow, I would rather be homeschooled, is that okay"

 

This was 3 years ago, he was only 6. He still remember this feeling. The other day I was talking to someone about a part time job that I am interested in, over heard me on the phone with the person in charge of hiring... wrote me a note "please do not go back to work mom, I will give up anything to not have to give up homeschooling and go to public school". I immediately asked to call the woman back and quickly explained to my son that this job would not take away from my most important job of raising my children!

 

My children truly feel bad for those children who MUST homeschool.

I wonder about this, only in truth, the school is not an option (gang violence, drugs...yes in middle school). I'll have to see what dh thinks of this idea.

[SailorMom]

My DS did go back to school - we do have decent schools here and he always planned on going for HS.

Anyway - in 8th grade last year - his first year back- he discovered the truth about how much time they got to "talk" - almost not at all. Even in the lunch room - they were extremely strict, you had to almost whisper, and cold not move around the room once you had sat down. Ug.

Anyway - he frequently wanted to go to school early to have time to talk with his friends, and he did occasionally hang out with them after school. Point being - there truly is very little time.

Do you know any PS kids her age that would confirm this for her?

[mama27]

i'm mean so my comment would be "too bad for you!"

how many kids whose parents don't homeschool get to choose what school they go to? or if they go to public school? it's not even an issue in most of their families. just because we homeschool, somehow that seems to be an invite for our kids and other people to ahve opinions about wether or not they SHOULD homeschool.

i have had people ask my kids if they WANT to go to real school. are they kidding?? do they ask their kids if they want to go to school?

imo, it's not up to my children to decide on their education anymore than it's their choice to go to church, eat vegetables, brush their teeth, have chores, obey my rules, etc.

especially with a big family, you can't cater to each child's whim. you are the parent, you get to decide how to raise them, they don't get to decide how they will be rasied.

[mama27]

That's the case here, to. She's #4 of 5. Unfortunately, she's also very much a follower. She tends to pick up bad habits from others very easily. I imagine if she went to ps she'd change quickly and I would not be real happy about it.

 

Please pray for us. I don't ever want to hear her tell anyone how she hated home schooling growing up. It tears me up to read those sorts of things.

 

she may not love homeschooling the way you do when she is grown. but how many kids who attended strict catholic schools loved them? how many ps kids loved that?

our kids won't always like our choices we make. that's doesnt mean we are wrong, it means we are parents.

[justamouse]

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

[lovemy9kids]

Darling, yet Diva was miserable today during her Language Arts lesson.

 

"What's the matter?"

"Nothing."

"Then why the frumpy face all morning?"

"Nevermind."

"What is it? Obviously, something is bothering you."

"I HATE HOME SCHOOL! I want to go to public school."

"To be with your friends?"

"Yes."

"Why do you attend school?"

"To learn" really ugly face right now.

"When do you think you'll have time to hang out with your friends. You won't get to sit and talk with them the way you do on weekends or with your sister."

"We can have lunch together."

"True, but that's 20 minutes. You want to give up all the advantages of home schooling for 20 minutes? Do you really think you're going to be allowed to talk all day? You'll get in trouble for disrupting class."

sigh --- moan---sigh

"Well, you're not going now and most likely ever, so deal with it. If I were in your shoes, I'd pray and ask God to change your heart and attitude. Your education is not your decision, in ours, and we choose home schooling. I'm sorry this displeases you."

I walked out of the room. I wasn't mean. I was rather monotone, actually. I was sincere, too.

 

UGH! I know she's very social, but ps is NOT an option. The one here is HORRID...beyond horrid.

 

She's in sports year round, but has no lasting friends b/c most of the kids are busy and in public school. She loves dance and cheering, but we can't afford either AND (to keep it real) we find both dance and cheering immodest and inappropriate. Everything (and there has been a lot) we've looked into was scarcely dressed or made up for the stage and we're not okay with either. There is one Christian troupe, but WOWZA they are super expensive.

 

We go to church and she does have a good friend there, but she's also ps. Even the neighbor who she spends considerable time with: ps. Besides her sister, all of her close friends are ps.

 

We are in a field trip co-op but b/c of vehicle issues, there's not much interaction there.

 

I am unable to offer her anything else.

I feel bad. and angry. and unappreciated. and frustrated.

 

 

I know EXACTLY how you are feeling. :grouphug:

This is the attitude I get from my 16yo. We did end up putting her into a Christian High school in 9th grade, and the truth is, it's better for her. She thrives on competition from the other students and does really well in this environment. This past year we moved in the middle of the school year and she had to be homeschooled. She was miserable. :glare:

It makes me feel like a failure because I really wanted to be able to homeschool my kids all the way through high school. Now, we are paying a lot of money for her to take 3 classes at a local University Model School. We can't afford to send her full time, but this will take care of Math, Science, and English. With so many other children that need my attention, deep down inside I know that I can't give her what this school can. That is hard for me to accept. :sad: I'm not saying this is your situation, I'm just sharing with you my experience. I know very well what it is to feel "bad, and angry, and unappreciated, and frustrated." My heart goes out to you.

[NanceXToo]

Well, treading gently because I'm NOT really religious, but I don't think I would answer something like this with "pray that your attitude is changed." She probably needs to be heard out, and some sort of understanding of her feelings, even if you have made this decision for her, as is your right of course.

 

But even though she doesn't get the final say, she's entitled to her feelings and opinions, and so I think you should hear them out, hear her reasons, reply to her reasons (as you already did), try to work together to figure out how you can help her get whatever she feels she is missing in a way that IS feasible (through homeschooling, which you've decided on) and try letting her be part of the decision making process to whatever extent you can.

 

But saying basically "Too bad, deal with it, you better pray God changes your attitude" is sort of... I don't know. I don't know if demeaning is the right word. But sort of like telling her that she isn't entitled to the feelings that she has when everyone is entitled to feel a certain way. And this kind of thing CAN be hard on kids. We as parents need to understand that and sympathize with it to some degree even if we aren't going to change our minds. My two cents, anyway. I hope it didn't come across as offensive!

[SonshineLearner]

 

But saying basically "Too bad, deal with it, you better pray God changes your attitude" is sort of... I don't know. I don't know if demeaning is the right word. But sort of like telling her that she isn't entitled to the feelings that she has when everyone is entitled to feel a certain way. And this kind of thing CAN be hard on kids. We as parents need to understand that and sympathize with it to some degree even if we aren't going to change our minds. My two cents, anyway. I hope it didn't come across as offensive!

 

This. This is something to think about. I mean, she'll have all kinds of decisions to make as an adult, and that would be an awful thing to hear back from her. When it's possible, compromise should be worked on... a "joint team" is better than a leader and a follower. (when the follower isn't able/willing to follow)

 

Just a thought...

[Dina in Oklahoma]

Tina ~

 

:grouphug: So sorry you are going through this. We experienced this with my only until we discovered the BEST co-op! It has been an answer to prayer for us. Maybe talking it out with her will help uncover an option. Ask her what would make the HS option work for her. Praying your situation will be resolved soon.

 

Dina :001_smile:

Edited August 23, 2011 by Dina in Oklahoma

[johnandtinagilbert]

I know EXACTLY how you are feeling. :grouphug:

This is the attitude I get from my 16yo. We did end up putting her into a Christian High school in 9th grade, and the truth is, it's better for her. She thrives on competition from the other students and does really well in this environment. This past year we moved in the middle of the school year and she had to be homeschooled. She was miserable. :glare:

It makes me feel like a failure because I really wanted to be able to homeschool my kids all the way through high school. Now, we are paying a lot of money for her to take 3 classes at a local University Model School. We can't afford to send her full time, but this will take care of Math, Science, and English. With so many other children that need my attention, deep down inside I know that I can't give her what this school can. That is hard for me to accept. :sad: I'm not saying this is your situation, I'm just sharing with you my experience. I know very well what it is to feel "bad, and angry, and unappreciated, and frustrated." My heart goes out to you.

Thank you. I keep hoping she'll hold on. We actually put our dc in college in 10th grade, so she's more than halfway there. I totally hear you, though. I wish I could find a suitable place, but I find too much "not for our family" anywhere but here.

 

Well, treading gently because I'm NOT really religious, but I don't think I would answer something like this with "pray that your attitude is changed." She probably needs to be heard out, and some sort of understanding of her feelings, even if you have made this decision for her, as is your right of course.

 

But even though she doesn't get the final say, she's entitled to her feelings and opinions, and so I think you should hear them out, hear her reasons, reply to her reasons (as you already did), try to work together to figure out how you can help her get whatever she feels she is missing in a way that IS feasible (through homeschooling, which you've decided on) and try letting her be part of the decision making process to whatever extent you can.

 

But saying basically "Too bad, deal with it, you better pray God changes your attitude" is sort of... I don't know. I don't know if demeaning is the right word. But sort of like telling her that she isn't entitled to the feelings that she has when everyone is entitled to feel a certain way. And this kind of thing CAN be hard on kids. We as parents need to understand that and sympathize with it to some degree even if we aren't going to change our minds. My two cents, anyway. I hope it didn't come across as offensive!

I'm not offended. Asking someone to pray for a change of heart is not uncommon in a Christian community and not something that would offend my daughter. It probably resonates with others differently than it does you. That's okay, and it certainly doesn't offend me.

 

Having said that, telling her to deal with it was not my finest moment. I can say, though, she came out of her room after spending about 20 min. in the bible and had a smile on her face and told me she knew I was right. She was just bored now that her friends were back in school (a whole 2 days).

 

Thanks for your input.

[ktgrok]

I'd work on doing more with homeschooled kids. Your description of your daughter was my son, but 10 times worse. As in, throwing fits, yelling, stomping, not speaking to me, etc. He did NOT want to be homeschooled again. But I formed my very own support group just for kids in middle school and he has made some GREAT friends. We meet once a week, and they chat on the phone, text, etc. It has made all the difference in the world. Now he feels sorry for the poor public schooled kids!!! I can't believe this is my son!

 

I'd figure out a way around the vehicle issues and make a group your biggest priority. Can you even have the group meet at your house, so you don't have to drive anywhere?

[johnandtinagilbert]

I'd work on doing more with homeschooled kids. Your description of your daughter was my son, but 10 times worse. As in, throwing fits, yelling, stomping, not speaking to me, etc. He did NOT want to be homeschooled again. But I formed my very own support group just for kids in middle school and he has made some GREAT friends. We meet once a week, and they chat on the phone, text, etc. It has made all the difference in the world. Now he feels sorry for the poor public schooled kids!!! I can't believe this is my son!

 

I'd figure out a way around the vehicle issues and make a group your biggest priority. Can you even have the group meet at your house, so you don't have to drive anywhere?

I'm hoping something like this will fall in front of me. I actually did start a TOG coop this year and we'll be working through a book club with the TOG books. Fingers crossed!

 

Oh, and there's a good chance we'll have a second vehicle in a handful of weeks. THANK GOD! That will surely help.

[PeterPan]

Tina, I do think (whatever age she is), this is the age for it. I've heard it too and have been hearing it in a growing way. But I also remember something a mom said at a homeschool support group meeting long ago: "Don't get in the way of God working in your child's heart."

 

In other words, we might not *want* them to go through this or might *want* to give them a quick fix, but sometimes there *isn't* a quick fix. Sometimes the answer is patience. Sometimes the answer is pray and wait and see what opens up. But that's not the answer they want. They want it NOW.

 

So I have no answer, except to say it's not a crime if it goes on a while. Though I would, in your position, do some bending over backwards to try to find her a HOMESCHOOLED friend. I'm sure her ps friends are fine, but a hs friend would be really helpful at this point. For that I'd bend over backwards.

[mazakaal]

:grouphug: I'm so sorry. We had a really hard time making other homeschool friends in our last home, so I can really sympathize with you.

 

One suggestion about dance, though. My dd enjoys dancing too, but I don't want her to be in a modern dance class for reasons similar to yours. I put her in gymnastics instead and she loves it. Another idea... I found a class for Scottish folk dancing nearby. I'm hoping that she and I can take it together starting in September, so she'll still get to dance, but nothing provocative. :001_smile:

[Mom22ns]

how many kids whose parents don't homeschool get to choose what school they go to? or if they go to public school? it's not even an issue in most of their families.

 

Every single one of dd's friends have asked their parents to homeschool :lol: They all come to me and say, "My dd want to homeschool like yours but we can't because... ." I apologize and tell them how much we all love it and if they ever decide they want to try to let me know and I'll help.

 

No ps students rarely have a choice and some of them do want one! That said, I would still be gentle with my child's emotions and I'm glad to hear the OP's dd was feeling better soon. I too hate hearing stories of kids who were forced to homeschool, hated it and have only horrible things to say about it.

[delaney]

That's the case here, to. She's #4 of 5. Unfortunately, she's also very much a follower. She tends to pick up bad habits from others very easily. I imagine if she went to ps she'd change quickly and I would not be real happy about it.

 

Please pray for us. I don't ever want to hear her tell anyone how she hated home schooling growing up. It tears me up to read those sorts of things.

I have a follower too. Sadly she would be led into everything bad if she went to middle school. Plus she has a real tender heart and middle school girls are .....we pretty awful. Sorry about your day. My 5 yr old was giving me heck today as well and said he wanted to go to school. :grouphug:

[PeterPan]

I have a follower too. Sadly she would be led into everything bad if she went to middle school. Plus she has a real tender heart and middle school girls are .....we pretty awful. Sorry about your day. My 5 yr old was giving me heck today as well and said he wanted to go to school. :grouphug:

 

Oh snort. Well you know, I think I'd use the "You're too young to have a qualified opinion" line. They told us that in undergrad, and I definitely think it applies to 5 yo's. And then, if that doesn't work, ban the offending word (school, whatever).

[kristinannie]

It sounds like she is old enough to be talked to like an adult. I think it is really necessary to understand her feelings and to let her know that you get it. I would have her sit down (and you do the same thing separately) and write out a pros and cons list for HSing and PS. Friends are important for kids that age, but I am sure she can come up with A LOT of great things about HSing. Writing the list may cause her to see that HSing is better. It is always going to be the adults' decision, but it would be great if she could come to the right decision on her own. Maybe you can brainstorm on ways to have her meet more kids her age. I am also worried about this. DS5 has lots of friends from pre-K, but I am wondering how long we will remain friends with them now that we are out of the system. Maybe she could get involved in a youth group or volunteer somewhere where other kids volunteer. I will pray for your situation. Just remember to be considerate of her feelings, but know that you have the final say because you truly do know what is best for her.

[Sue G in PA]

:grouphug: Tina, we are in the same situation with my ds13. After a year back at ps in 6th grade, he was "addicted" to the social aspect of it. He was miserable at home last year for 7th and is super-angry that we are not sending him back to ps for 8th. We did join a co-op and I am hoping it will be good for him. He is also taking a homeschool martial arts class with his best church friend who is also homeschooled. We have promised him he could go back to ps in high school if he wants. But I am sooooo not happy about that. Dh thinks it will be best for him and honestly...I sort of do, too. I am just having a hard time not thinking of myself as a failure b/c of it. Make sense? If our ps was "horrid" like yours, that would be a different story. He would be staying home. Our ps is "bad" but not "horrid". Anyway, I will pray for you and your dd. And fwiw, I think you handled it fine.

[Roxy Roller]

:grouphug:

[suzziesnowflake]

:grouphug:Ugh! This age is driving me crazy as well! My ds doesn't want to go back to school but he doesn't want to do any school work at home:glare:! Does the church cheer team offer scholarships? Do you have a YMCA near by that does homeschool classes? I know about the transportation issues! I have a car but we live so rotton far away from anything it is hard to join anything. There is nothing offered here for older hs students. How about starting a book club for other hs? What other intrests does she have? Maybe start a club in that and get her involved in setting it up. Could she volunteer during school hours at a animal shelter, library.ect? My ds is excited about starting a Lego group for his younger brother. We have had to suck it up and take one day a week and drive an hour to the Y, and it has made a big difference in him-as long as he doesn't have to do any work! :lol: Oh, I think you handled it wayyy better then I would have!

[swellmomma]

:grouphug: hang in there. My dd complained for the first 5 years of us homeschooling about wanting to go back to ps to be with friends. She had been in before and was always in trouble but she still thought being there with her friends would be worth all the trouble. I of course disagreed. Right up until we started school this year she was still grumbling about wanting to go to ps.

 

All of a sudden this week she has done a 180. She announced today she wants to homeschool for 2 more years and then think about it. She is not fully commited to sticking with it like I am , but she is starting to see the benefits out of homeschooling. Some of them are things that never mattered before, but now do (like her dad finally starting visitation after 10 years out of the picture, no worries about a school schedule to see him when you homeschool), and some of it is a realization that unlike her ps counterparts she has a lot of freedom hsing, and has more down time, can sleep in etc. As much as she loves meeting people and making friends she is starting to see the benefits of homeschooling from that angle (she doesn't see the same benefits as me, but she is only 12 so I don't expect her to)

 

She has also realized that if she finishes her work at home in a timely manner she has the chance to do extra projects etc that her friends don't have time for.

 

Of course the fact that we are supposed to spend a week in Vancouver next september might have a bit to do with it. We could not take over my brother's apt and explore the beach/ocean for a week during the start of the school year if she went to ps and for that chance she is more than willing to commit to 2 more years ;) She doesn't yet realize I plan to hs her right through graduation, I am willing to let her think we will discuss it in 2 years if it mean the sour attitude stops.

[Hedgehog]

:grouphug: I am dreading the day when one of my dc tells me they'd rather go to PS. Because I'm sure it will happen! So I'm all :bigear: for ideas how to deal with it...

[Sebastian (a lady)]

That's the case here, to. She's #4 of 5. Unfortunately, she's also very much a follower. She tends to pick up bad habits from others very easily. I imagine if she went to ps she'd change quickly and I would not be real happy about it.

 

Please pray for us. I don't ever want to hear her tell anyone how she hated home schooling growing up. It tears me up to read those sorts of things.

 

Well to be honest, she may say that at some point.

 

I think that it is part and parcel of growing up to long for close friendships and find those around you frustrating or lacking. When I was in PS, I had to navigate shifting friendships, suddenly being not a cool person to hang out with, resentment for getting good grades and all sorts of other issues. I imagine that even those on the tope of the social heap had problems with self image, being treated superficially, and having difficult expectations thrust on them.

 

It's a wonder any of us survive adolescence.

 

It is ok to say that you are lonely and feel left out of the experiences of your friends and peers. Your job (which it sounds to me like you're doing) is to help her see that what she thinks it might be like isn't the whole story. And that attending PS isn't a magic pill for feeling left out or lonely.

[Kathie in VA]

I haven't read all the replies but I can relate. My oldest always hated homeschooling also. Her answer was the same, she wanted to be with friends more, she is very social. Luckily some of our church friends also homeschool so that has helped. Thus, for her, connecting with other homeschool kids has been a lifesaver.

 

If other homeschool kids aren't around then maybe she can connect with some online. What about taking an online course or two? There are many courses being offered to homeschoolers now. These tend to also have ways for the students to connect to discuss class work and/or just to chat. We did on with Classical Writing that had these features and others that I've looked into also have these features.

 

hmm, might be good if we could get a student board going here on the WTM site for our kids to connect.??!!?? At least they'd be talking to other homeschoolers that have similar work loads! :lol:

 

Funniest part is that my dd is now 16 and says that she is glad she is a homeschooler, doesn't want to go to public school "..because they are all so immature!" Oh, I found that soo funny to hear. She is still the one we have the most issues with, but we don't fight this issue anymore.

 

hth

[Tammyla]

:grouphug: It seems to get harder and harder to find friends and appropriate / affordable activities as they get older. The beginning of each year can be really tough on them. Everyone else seems to be going off to new and exciting places and challenges while they continue on with the same teacher/mom and home time. The grass is so much greener...kwim?

 

Think about trying your library for volunteer opportunities and clubs, 4-H, or Juliet GS for free to no expense social outlets.

[wy_kid_wrangler04]

No advice but :grouphug: and I will be praying for your dd for sure!!

[Chez J]

My dd is an only child. She started asking to go to school last year. We have had a hard time connecting in her homeschooling journey.

 

We had two great years when she was in 1nd and 2nd grades. Then the two groups fell apart.

 

We relocated and then floundered for 3rd and 4th grades with finding our niche. We found an enrichment program once a week. But, 4th grade is when she started asking to go to school.

 

5th grade we floundered again in the fall, but spring was better. She started making friends through church and her sports team. The cries for school got louder. Not enough.

 

So, this year I added a university-model school two days a week. I think this will be the perfect solution. She is loving the school environment, the organizing required, eating lunch with friends. But, she also loves being home with the dog in her lap doing work while playing the radio in the background, or coming out to get a snack when she wants.

 

I think she would love going to school full time. But she is so innocent and generous, she would be minced meat at school. Talk about an easy target. :(

[Boxing Hare]

:grouphug: Last year my ds (then 11) started complaining whenever he had to, gasp, work. He would say that he wanted to ps. Finally, I told him ok. We were fighting all the time and I didn't think it was good for our relationship. Well, it turns out he was bluffing. He quickly said that he didn't want to go to ps, that he wanted to hs, and he was sorry for complaining!

 

Of course, he still complains. But now he knows that I will send him and can't play that card anymore.

 

I would start praying for a hs friend or co-op to join. It might seem impossible, but our God is a mighty God!

[johnandtinagilbert]

Thank you all so much. It means a lot to come here and vent, then receive some hugs from trusted friends. THANK YOU. I'll be sure to update you all ;)

[nikkid]

When I was in PS, I had to navigate shifting friendships, suddenly being not a cool person to hang out with, resentment for getting good grades and all sorts of other issues. I imagine that even those on the tope of the social heap had problems with self image, being treated superficially, and having difficult expectations thrust on them.

 

It's a wonder any of us survive adolescence.

 

It is ok to say that you are lonely and feel left out of the experiences of your friends and peers. Your job (which it sounds to me like you're doing) is to help her see that what she thinks it might be like isn't the whole story. And that attending PS isn't a magic pill for feeling left out or lonely.

 

I love this. Thanks for these words. Jr. High was especially this way for me.

 

FWIW, last year was our 1st yr hsing and by February I was hearing the yelling and slamming doors of "You're ruining my life because you make me be homeschooled!" This was sweet although dramatic 7yo. Thrives off social just like some mentioned here, and had heard one bully-type girl from first grade told her other friend that she couldn't be my dd friend anymore because she's homeschooled. Broke my dd's heart--thought she was losing all her friends. We discussed "do you really want someone like that to be your friend?" We've found a much better co-op this year and found the funds to put her in a hs'ed swim lesson with one other girl who has become her best friend. My dh is in a PhD program right now, working pt, so things are very tight, only one car right now. But somehow God has worked it out so we could find the money since He knew she needed these few extra things to fulfill her social needs. Things are getting better.

 

Hang in there.:grouphug:

[mom2maddie]

As a child you can't expect her to understand and appreciate the sacrifice you are making for her in choosing homeschooling. Also, the grass is always greener on the other side...we always want what we don't have. Satan deceives us to make us believe that we would be happier if we only had___________. I think you responded wonderfully to her. You are the parent and are making decsions based on what you know are best for her. Pray for her heart to accept your decsions and to be content. I bet when she is an adult and has a mature perspective she will thank you!

[RootAnn]

I know it is hard to do when you are already so busy & pulled thin, but other than social-type activities, what would Darling Yet Diva like to do that you can encourage/allow her to do in her free time (at home) that she might not otherwise get to do if she was in PS?

 

I have sometimes wished for that "public-school-for-a-day" program for my always-homeschooled children. My dd#3 asked to go to K last year with her best friend across the street. (They wouldn't have taken her because she didn't make the age cut off.) She doesn't like that her best friend can't play with her during the day like she used to.

 

A couple of years ago, it was dh's threat that he was going to send them to PS. DD#1 knew she'd be in tears with the amount of writing (busy-work) they have them do, but bored in math. DD#2 took an art class in 2010 and hated how she had to wait for others to get done & couldn't do what she wanted. She relies on her free time to draw & listen to books on tape.

[jewel7123]

I was homeschooled from the 4th-12th grades, and I must confess, I was your daughter. We weren't involved in many extra-curricular activities when I was a teenager (probably money was an issue; I'm the oldest of 7 kids) and I always felt as if I had no friends. I HATED being homeschooled and being different from everyone else around me. I tell you this to let you know that now, I am a 33 year old Mom of three girls who, you guessed it, HOMESCHOOLS!! :D I thank God that my parents raised me the way they did, even though I was too young and ignorant to appreciate it back then. Stay strong. You are doing what's best for her, and hopefully one day, with God's help, she'll be able to look back on these days and thank you as I do my own parents.

[regentrude]

My DD is extremely social and would much prefer to attend a school. However, she is also ambitious and realizes that she would not be challenged and would be bored -that's the only reason homeschooling works for us. She compensates by having a hobby where she can be with friends every afternoon for several hours, and I am happy with the group and activity.

 

I can imagine that for an extraverted and social child, homeschooling can be very lonely and sometimes miserable. That is not a reflection on you as a parent - it is an expression of her personality. And it is not true that all social contact in school is only at lunch - I, for instance, and my DD as well, thrive on classroom discussions and academic competition in the classroom and learn easier and with more motivation this way. THat is just the way we function.

 

I would find it important to acknowledge her feelings, instead of wishing them away. She is telling you something that you do not wish to hear, but she actually may be really unhappy. She does not say this to spite you, but because she has needs that are not met.

If it was my DD, I would make an extra effort to find activities and peers for her. One child may satisfy her social cravings by two hours of weekly playgroup (my DS, who is like his dad), another NEEDS people every day (my DD and I, too). Not wants, needs. (I developed clinical depression while I was a SAHM, because this need was not met)

[johnandtinagilbert]

I have wonderful friends here :) Thank you all for your kind words.

 

DyD seems to be improving. I guess she was just over the summer time nothings of life. We started back to our sports league (a recreational/fundamental league we enjoy very much) and to her joy, one of the families we are closet to joined this year. I am so grateful. I have prayed that the relationships between our girls would really blossom.

 

She is also finding some joy in our latest addition...now affectionately dubbed Bunny. I had to demand (smiling as I did such) that I actually get to hold him yesterday. If it were up to DyD and her sister (aptly, Lil' Mother), I'd never even snuggle with our Bunny. He is, btw, not a bunny, but an 8-week old newborn we will babysit several times a week.

 

Thank you all for your support and encouragement. I am making efforts to simply enjoy her. She is my twin in so many ways, I think I fret most about her b/c I want to correct all those mistakes....that's another thread, huh?!

:grouphug: