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"You are not a teacher..."


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I am very frustated with my 5yo. Every time I try to teach him something he shoots back a "You are not a teacher. You are just a mummy". The other day we were doing parts of the human body and when I corrected him he stared at me and said "You are not a doctor. You are a mummy".

 

Is he being cheeky? What should I do? I told him mums knows a lot and I can teach him just fine but I wonder if there is a better way to handle this. Any ideas? :glare:

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I am very frustated with my 5yo. Every time I try to teach him something he shoots back a "You are not a teacher. You are just a mummy". The other day we were doing parts of the human body and when I corrected him he stared at me and said "You are not a doctor. You are a mummy".

 

Is he being cheeky? What should I do? I told him mums knows a lot and I can teach him just fine but I wonder if there is a better way to handle this. Any ideas? :glare:

 

Do you think he's being rude? If so, I would discipline it as such. Also, if it was me, I'd be interested to know where he's gotten the idea from.

 

You could try saying, "Sometimes mummies can be teachers, doctors, [you fill the gap]. You can be more than one thing in life." or "I am teaching you, therefore I am a teacher."

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Do you think he's being rude? If so, I would discipline it as such. Also, if it was me, I'd be interested to know where he's gotten the idea from.

 

You could try saying, "Sometimes mummies can be teachers, doctors, [you fill the gap]. You can be more than one thing in life." or "I am teaching you, therefore I am a teacher."

 

I said "cheeky" but I can't tell if he is being rude or not. People in the street keeps asking us if is going to school. I always answered "Not yet." After all it is the school summer holidays and ds just turned 5yo two weeks ago. Regular school hasn't started around here. I am sure people are well intentioned but further comments of "What a big boy you are now. You will be going to school really soon!" and "Are you ready for school?" -don't help much. It makes it sound like school is something you have to leave the house to "get to".

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If my 5 year old said I'd presume he was being rude AND cheeky, but I also know full well he'd have outside influence to giving me such a remark.

 

How does your child know that only a teacher can teach him? Where did he hear it/get the impression?

 

Do you know a Mum who is also a teacher? My sil is a teacher and a Mum to four. Our dentist is a Mum to 3. If you know anyone personally who does both it might help to point them out.

 

However, i view it, all though i'm not there to hear the tone, etc, as "I don't like what you are telling me and I don't believe you could possibly be right." My child has only pulled that once, and then promptly asked me to do something. I smiled kindly and said, "Oh I don't think so. I probably wouldn't know how." ;)

 

Let's just say not getting his morning tea on time made him think twice about his remarks. :lol:

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I've heard a couple of the same complaints before.

 

Me: "I'm YOUR teacher, so you'd better get used to it." :tongue_smilie:

 

or

 

"ALL moms are teachers. I taught you how to eat/tie your shoes/go potty/etc. I'm going to continue to teach you many things."

 

or

 

"You don't need to be a doctor to know parts of the body. Everyone either knows or should learn about body parts."

 

"People can be more than one thing." Then list examples.

 

and

 

"Mommies know many, many things."

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"You don't need to be a doctor to know parts of the body. Everyone either knows or should learn about body parts."

 

"People can be more than one thing." Then list examples.

 

and

 

"Mommies know many, many things."

 

This is what I said.

 

However, I hear the comments and I think ds was being rude. He will not be getting away with it again! :gnorsi:

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It struck me as funny then because he had never been to preschool, and other than Sunday School and a few other things, had never been in class.

 

I was more relaxed than some on academics for K-2, but I did demand respect and good work habits. Sometimes that sort of thing was the "lesson," and we didn't get much done academically.

Edited by GVA
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My response when my DD questions me (although she's more subtle about it) is to refer to the book or whatever materials we're using. She accepts that the BOOK says to do 10 math problems, even if she questions whether mommy knows what she's doing. It's hardest in the areas, like recorder, where I AM the expert-and I'm currently doing her formal lessons in my studio simply to outline that fact. She's much more accepting there than at home.

 

 

5 yr olds tend to put people on pedestals based on roles, and to assign people to only one role, so I think homeschooling kind of messes with their little minds a bit :). My DD has a very hard time with the concept that her dentist has a daughter about her age, for example.

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I have the opportunity to talk to lots and lots of new homeschool moms (the idea is really catching on where I live!) and one of the things I always share is that developing that relationship of Mommy as Teacher can be a challenge, especially if your child has been in school - ps or even preschool. I think some kids' personalities are more prone to challenging than others, too.

 

When non-homeschool moms say, " I could never teach my child. They won't listen to me," (or one of a million variations of that) I always say that developing that relationship with your child can take time but it is oh so rewarding. I think that even if he is being cheeky there is something behind his words (even if he is expressing it inappropriately) that needs to be addressed. You are Mommy. You are Teacher. You have authority. Period. He needs to trust you as such and for some kids (for whatever reason) that can take time. I guess what I am saying is that you are not alone and I would address the heart behind the words, not just the words alone.

 

Best wishes and happy homeschooling!!

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I said "cheeky" but I can't tell if he is being rude or not. People in the street keeps asking us if is going to school. I always answered "Not yet." After all it is the school summer holidays and ds just turned 5yo two weeks ago. Regular school hasn't started around here. I am sure people are well intentioned but further comments of "What a big boy you are now. You will be going to school really soon!" and "Are you ready for school?" -don't help much. It makes it sound like school is something you have to leave the house to "get to".

 

Maybe you could show him photos on the Internet of homeschool families - children "going to school" at home - from homeschoolers blogs. Some families have a "schoolroom" - my kids drool over those photos because we just have a multi-purpose room!

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My response when my DD questions me (although she's more subtle about it) is to refer to the book or whatever materials we're using. She accepts that the BOOK says to do 10 math problems, even if she questions whether mommy knows what she's doing. It's hardest in the areas, like recorder, where I AM the expert-and I'm currently doing her formal lessons in my studio simply to outline that fact. She's much more accepting there than at home.

 

 

5 yr olds tend to put people on pedestals based on roles, and to assign people to only one role, so I think homeschooling kind of messes with their little minds a bit :). My DD has a very hard time with the concept that her dentist has a daughter about her age, for example.

 

:iagree: If dh gets cut shaving he immediately goes to him and says "Don't worry daddy. Mummy will put a plaster on for you." He thinks I'm the one who takes care of cuts and bumps, etc. You get the idea. I know he is being cheeky but he also needs to learn mothers are not just "mums". Also I think I will "teach" in the living room from now on, using the dining table as a desk (I don't have a studio). Maybe this will provide a more school-ish setting.

 

Maybe you could show him photos on the Internet of homeschool families - children "going to school" at home - from homeschoolers blogs. Some families have a "schoolroom" - my kids drool over those photos because we just have a multi-purpose room!

 

Great idea? Why didn't I think of that?

 

Also thanks for the responses. As a newbie I am still finding my feet and feeling a bit overwhelmed. :tongue_smilie:

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Maybe he's just trying to figure things out.

 

Have a friendly conversation about it with him sometime when you're NOT in the middle of that "argument" with him, and just casually talk about how people have more than one role in life.

 

To the teacher thing, I'd have said, "Well, I teach YOU, so I'm YOUR teacher." To the doctor thing, I'd have said, "You're right. I don't know as much about this kind of thing as a doctor does, but I have learned a lot in my life!" or some such.

 

I wouldn't turn it into a battle or want to let him see it gets to me much as that might just make it a bigger deal in his head.

 

I think he'll outgrow that "phase" if you don't make a big deal out of it.

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I don't know your religious views but if DD tried something like that we'd be going straight back to our beliefs about learning, mainly that all learning is to glorify God and help us love and serve him better. That being said we'd go to Deut. 6 and talk about how God instructs PARENTS (ie mommy and daddy) to constantly teach the children, and how that includes school time for us. :)

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I've heard a couple of the same complaints before.

 

Me: "I'm YOUR teacher, so you'd better get used to it." :tongue_smilie:

 

or

 

"ALL moms are teachers. I taught you how to eat/tie your shoes/go potty/etc. I'm going to continue to teach you many things."

 

or

 

"You don't need to be a doctor to know parts of the body. Everyone either knows or should learn about body parts."

 

"People can be more than one thing." Then list examples.

 

and

 

"Mommies know many, many things."

:iagree:

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You already have so many wonderful replies, that I hesitate to add this thought, but here goes...

 

What about making a game out of this? For a day or two? You could create several different scenarios and act them out during your school time. In one, you can be "Mrs. [insert silly name of fictional teacher here, or one from a book or show your kiddo enjoys] and your son can be a fictional character. In another, you could be ... depending on your son's interests ... a karate instructor, a doctor (imagine yourself saying, "Scapel, please" only asking for chalk, dry erase markers, pencils, etc), a superhero with a sidekick, and the list goes on according to your son's interests.

 

Only you know if your son is simply trying to make sense of this new shift in your roles or if he's being rude. If this is just a discipline issue, the above might not work. :)

 

Another thing that helped my son transition to seeing me as "teacher" ... DH would tease us both a lot, and when DS knew something really interesting, DH would say, "Wow, you must have a great teacher!" Now, I find DS says that on his own quite often, "Well, Mom, you know I have a great teacher!" (wink, wink).

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If none of the above works, you could try something along the lines of this:

 

At dinner time, when you have NOT fixed anything to eat, and he asks about food, say, "oh - I'm not a chef".

When he needs driven somewhere, say, "I don't know if I can, I'm not a chauffeur."

etc.

After each instance, explain why you said it. Enough of these might make it clear to him that we all play many roles in our lives and most of them only take common sense.

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I have the opportunity to talk to lots and lots of new homeschool moms (the idea is really catching on where I live!) and one of the things I always share is that developing that relationship of Mommy as Teacher can be a challenge, especially if your child has been in school - ps or even preschool. I think some kids' personalities are more prone to challenging than others, too.

 

When non-homeschool moms say, " I could never teach my child. They won't listen to me," (or one of a million variations of that) I always say that developing that relationship with your child can take time but it is oh so rewarding. I think that even if he is being cheeky there is something behind his words (even if he is expressing it inappropriately) that needs to be addressed. You are Mommy. You are Teacher. You have authority. Period. He needs to trust you as such and for some kids (for whatever reason) that can take time. I guess what I am saying is that you are not alone and I would address the heart behind the words, not just the words alone.

 

Best wishes and happy homeschooling!!

 

:iagree:Everyone has a 'role' at his age and you are jumping all over his ideas of what those roles should be! He'll move through it.

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hmmm, that's a tough one. I would likely treat it as rudeness and discipline as such. When I am working with them I expect them to do their part and not interrupt to make sassy comments. At that age my kids still believed I knew everything, that was true up until they were about a month into ps. (then I got the comments of "teacher said xyz" and often it was something the complete opposite of what I was telling them, particularily when it came to our spiritual beliefs).

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Yes, he's being cheeky. Yes, he should be corrected. In my house, that would mean fixing the child with the steely-schoolteacher-eyeball stare and saying something like, "I am your teacher. You will be respectful."

 

If he had just made the one comment to you, I wouldn't have been quite so concerned. It was the other comment about your not being a doctor that caused me to advise the use of the steely-schoolteacher-eyeball stare.

 

I believe our children need to respect our position as mother and teacher, and that we don't need to differentiate between them. To be the mother is to be the teacher.

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I have the opportunity to talk to lots and lots of new homeschool moms (the idea is really catching on where I live!) and one of the things I always share is that developing that relationship of Mommy as Teacher can be a challenge, especially if your child has been in school - ps or even preschool. I think some kids' personalities are more prone to challenging than others, too.

 

When non-homeschool moms say, " I could never teach my child. They won't listen to me," (or one of a million variations of that) I always say that developing that relationship with your child can take time but it is oh so rewarding. I think that even if he is being cheeky there is something behind his words (even if he is expressing it inappropriately) that needs to be addressed. You are Mommy. You are Teacher. You have authority. Period. He needs to trust you as such and for some kids (for whatever reason) that can take time. I guess what I am saying is that you are not alone and I would address the heart behind the words, not just the words alone.

 

Best wishes and happy homeschooling!!

 

Love this reply! I too feel like he's expressing some concerns or feelings inappropriately. while it's not okay to be rude and that should be addressed (if you feel he IS being rude), it's important to figure out what's behind all this. I think you've gotten a few great suggestions here.

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I heard a good response to kids having difficulty with parents correcting them would be to instead ask them: How did you come up with this answer, or what made you put it there, or tell me your thoughts about this...etc.

 

I think when we correct kids like teachers do they take it way more personally because we are their Mom's and it's a much harder blow for them.

 

Try to let him self-correct by going over a "wrong" problem or "wrong" placement w/o telling him it's wrong.

 

Hope that helps.

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I think I would feel compelled to break into song, from the old album Free to Be... You and Me.

 

"...There are a lot of things a lot of Mommies can do.

 

Some Mommies are ranchers, or poetry makers

Or doctors or teachers, or cleaners or bakers

Some Mommies drive taxis, or sing on TV

Yeah, Mommies can be almost anything they want to be."

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I think I would feel compelled to break into song, from the old album Free to Be... You and Me.

 

"...There are a lot of things a lot of Mommies can do.

 

Some Mommies are ranchers, or poetry makers

Or doctors or teachers, or cleaners or bakers

Some Mommies drive taxis, or sing on TV

Yeah, Mommies can be almost anything they want to be."

 

:lol::lol::lol:

 

Yes, he's being cheeky. Yes, he should be corrected. In my house, that would mean fixing the child with the steely-schoolteacher-eyeball stare and saying something like, "I am your teacher. You will be respectful."

 

If he had just made the one comment to you, I wouldn't have been quite so concerned. It was the other comment about your not being a doctor that caused me to advise the use of the steely-schoolteacher-eyeball stare.

 

I believe our children need to respect our position as mother and teacher, and that we don't need to differentiate between them. To be the mother is to be the teacher.

 

:iagree: I gave ds "the eye". Will see if he tries getting sassy with me tomorrow! :gnorsi:

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I am very frustated with my 5yo. Every time I try to teach him something he shoots back a "You are not a teacher. You are just a mummy". The other day we were doing parts of the human body and when I corrected him he stared at me and said "You are not a doctor. You are a mummy".

 

Is he being cheeky? What should I do? I told him mums knows a lot and I can teach him just fine but I wonder if there is a better way to handle this. Any ideas? :glare:

 

We would probably handle this as disobedience/rudeness at our house and the appropriate punishment/consequence would follow.

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Yes, he's being cheeky. Yes, he should be corrected. In my house, that would mean fixing the child with the steely-schoolteacher-eyeball stare and saying something like, "I am your teacher. You will be respectful."

 

:iagree:

 

I feel that trying to validate your position as teacher only proves to your dc that you NEED to be validated. You are his teacher whether he agrees or not. No need to prove yourself.

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I am having similar issues with DS5 although he did go to preschool and pre-K. I asked him if he would have treated his teacher last year that way and he said that he wouldn't have. I told him that I am his teacher now. I think there is an adjustment period. I think that K is a great year to teach good learning skills and obedience. You don't have to struggle too much with the curriculum, but you can teach a lot about how to be a good student for future years. I have been doing this for a few months now and I have found that this issue has mostly resolved itself. Best of luck!

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They outgrow that phase, although it comes back at puberty. My son didn't believe me at all at that age. If it helps you can tell him that you taught him to walk and talk and eat with a fork, even without being a teacher.

 

or print up a fake teacher certificate lol!

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I have a little one that very much objects to direct instruction. I have to stealth teach with him. I wonder if what your ds really means is that he doesn't want the instruction that you are giving him at the time, for whatever reason. It may help if you can delve into what his precise concern is. Maybe he wants to figure it out himself. Maybe he is not interested in the topic. There are lots of possibilities.

 

Nevertheless, I do not think it matters whether he is intending to be rude or not. Most of the time when children are rude, they do not intend it. Yet they still have to learn not to be rude. I do think that before you deal with the rudeness issue, you need to investigate the underlying concern. But at some point, he needs to be informed that this is rude and unacceptable and provided with consequences for its continuation.

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Nevertheless, I do not think it matters whether he is intending to be rude or not. Most of the time when children are rude, they do not intend it. Yet they still have to learn not to be rude. I do think that before you deal with the rudeness issue, you need to investigate the underlying concern. But at some point, he needs to be informed that this is rude and unacceptable and provided with consequences for its continuation.

 

:iagree: Well said. It is a hard thing to teach, but it is essential.

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